Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 23

I rub my hands together and blow on them while waiting for Xi’s car to show up in the parking lot. I’m in front of the diner I now work at. I changed back into my jeans and a black hoodie, but I still smell of frying oil. It’s okay, I usually take a shower at Xi’s anyway.

I’ve not slept at my house much lately. Despite turning him down, Xi’s been here as my friend and stepbrother. He has been my lifeline since my dream was crushed. He takes me to work every morning and back every night, so I don’t have to spend any money on gas. He lets me stay at his place and keeps my mind busy. He never mentions the growing war between NSC and the Kings because he knows I don’t want to hear about anything that will remind me of Caden. He’s also been trying to get me back into the gym, but I’m not ready. He takes my phone when Dickie calls and updates my coach on my state of mind. Often, it’s not a good state. But he’s here to hug me and soothe the nightmare away.

Dad was fuming when I told him I was dropping out of community college, but I couldn’t do it anymore. My brain will never take me out of the North Shore, and I don’t want to waste my time trying. The only thing that was going to help was MMA, and that’s over now.

So, I took a job as a waitress in Silver Falls. It’s at the diner just before the bridge that separates the south bank from the North Shore.

I grab my phone from the jacket I’m wearing on top of my hoodie and look for Xi’s number with my fingers trembling from the cold. They feel numb and I can barely move them.

What the hell is he doing? His last text said he was on his way. I call, only he doesn’t pick up.

I read his text again, and an ominous feeling wraps like a heavy cloak around me. My heart accelerates, and I text my sister, asking her if she knows where Xi is. She texts back quickly, telling me she hasn’t seen him today.

Maybe Lik and Sam needed him and asked him to hide a body or something. I call my other stepbrother, who picks up on the first ring. He goes to talk about something, but I cut him off. Once Lik starts talking, he’s unstoppable, and it’s better to stop him from the beginning.

“Is Xi with you?” I ask.

“Last time I spoke to him, he was leaving his house to come pick you up,” he answers me casually.

“He never showed up,” I say knowing for sure something is wrong.

“Did you try calling him?”

“Of course I did. I’m not an idiot,” I snap.

“Are you at the diner?” His voice is more worried now, it’s lost the casualness he always has.

“Yes.” I lick my lips and let out a short breath that steams around me before adding, “What…what if something happened to him?”

“I’ll come pick you up. Don’t worry, he wouldn’t let anyone hurt him. You know he’s a tough little shit.”

Except I hear the slight trembling in his usually honeyed voice.

He’s here less than half an hour later. My body is numb from the freezing air, yet I’m not feeling the cold. I’m too worried about Xi to even notice I’m shaking.

“You should have waited inside,” Lik says as I get in the car. He’s taken Sam’s. The white Range Rover everyone on the North Shore recognizes as his boyfriend’s car.

The hot air blowing in the car doesn’t relax me in the slightest. “Have you had any news from him?” I ask. The anxiety quietens my voice.

Lik shakes his head, and we look at each other for a beat before he drives us to my dad’s house.

He’s clearly already mentioned it to Emma, because she’s on me as soon as we get inside the house.

“What’s the exact last thing he texted you?” she asks as I take my coat off.

“He just said he was on his way to pick me up. That he’d be there in five.”

“It’s been more than an hour,” Lik adds.

Emma rakes her pink pointy nails through bleached blonde hair, pulling slightly at the extensions that run all the way to the small of her back.

My dad walks in from the kitchen with Aisha behind him. She’s been crying, and I glare at my dad.

“You told her?” I whisper angrily as he gets to me. We both look in her direction again. Lik is holding her tightly, saying it’ll be okay.

“I didn’t have to say anything,” he says low. “A mother knows.”

Lik and I help Aisha sit on the sofa, and I get her a tea, putting it in her trembling hand.

“Malik,” she cries loudly, as she changes her mind and puts the tea on the table. “Take me to the room. I want to pray.” Lik looks around the room and nods to his mom, helping her to her feet again and taking her to the bedroom she shares with my dad.

This woman has already lost a husband; she can’t lose a son too.

I run my hands over my cheeks and feel my throat tightening. “I told you you were starting a war we couldn’t fight,” I say to Emma and my dad. “I fucking warned you.”

“Shut up, Billie,” my sister snaps in return. “You don’t get to say anything. Not when you have been fooling around with Caden King for god knows how long. We didn’t start anything. You did by choosing to betray us.”

A knife to my chest would have been less painful.

“I didn’t…I…” I’m not sure what hurts more, the fact that none of them ever noticed he had damaged me beyond sanity—that if I’m broken enough to want him now, it’s because of the things he has done to me—or the fact that they are putting this on me when I have been trying to stop them from going against the Kings.

“Why don’t you call your boyfriend now and ask him where the fuck our stepbrother is,” she twists the knife.

“Dad,” I gasp as I step away from her, seeking comfort by asking him to defend me. My sister and I have a strong bond, but she is a cruel gang leader and I tend to always forget about it.

“You think you’re so much better than us because you’re trying to leave.”

I pull at my roots, going completely insane at her stupidity. “What is so wrong about wanting to leave this shithole? God, you got your head so far up your ass you don’t see there’s a life outside of being in a fucking gang!”

“That’s right, Billie. Everywhere,” she spreads her arms wide to accompany her sarcastic words, “is better than here. You’re in a town that raised you, where you learned to defend yourself and be independent. We’ve protected you from everything like a fucking princess. But no, she wants to leave. The North Shore isn’t good enough for little miss professional fighting. NSC isn’t good enough anymore, so she fucks Kings men behind our backs—”

“Emma, enough,” my dad jumps in.

“What?” she practically shouts. “She admitted it to us. We wanted to get back at them because we thought they hurt her. Turns out she wanted it all along.”

“What the fuck do you know?” I scream back at her. I push her, and she stumbles back.

“Bitch, don’t,” my sister warns me.

“You don’t know if they hurt me. You don’t know shit. Take care of your useless crew and leave me the fuck alone.”

She comes at me, chest to chest. She’s a lot taller than me. She gets her eyes from our dad. The beautiful blue that shows their shared DNA. I get everything from Mom: the wide brown eyes, the brown hair, the petite body, and the small height.

“Don’t push me, Billie,” she seethes.

“Don’t make me beat the shit out of you for being so blind to what happened to me.”

Her eyes widen, staring down into mine and searching for the truth in them. I can see the exact moment she understands. The moment she flashes into the past and remembers that fateful night.

“You said…”

“I know what I said,” I tell her sternly.

“But—”

A loud knock on our door cuts off our stare down. She hurries to the door and opens it quickly. Racer comes in first. He’s one of Xi’s dealers. My stomach tenses, and my dad and I remain completely silent while we wait for someone else to come in.

My sister’s hard eyes cross with mine after she sees what’s on the other side of the door. I can’t decipher any emotion in them.

Logan follows and is holding Xi, a hand wrapped around his waist. There’s blood. So much blood.

“Oh my god,” I gasp as I hurry to them.

“Dad, go make sure Aisha stays in her room,” Emma says in a commanding voice. She’s the leader of her gang right now, and emotions have no place in her role.

I help Logan bring Xi in. His t-shirt is soaked in blood and his head hangs in front of him, chin to chest. I’m not even sure he’s conscious. His feet are dragging, his legs not holding him as we bring him to the sofa. His face is the palest I’ve ever seen; the usual North-African olive skin has lost its complexion.

Emma leaves the room and comes back just as we lay him down. She’s got a huge pouch in her hands and talks quickly to Logan.

“Where are the wounds?”

“Three stabs to the stomach,” Logan replies quickly.

The words only make me stumble back into Racer’s arms.

I put a hand on my mouth as a sob tries to escape. I must keep calm, or they’ll kick me out of the living room. This is not the time to panic; it won’t help Emma if I do.

My sister cuts Xi’s t-shirt open with scissors, and there is so much blood that it permeates the air with a coppery scent. Emma never went to college, she has no degree in anything, but she is the epitome of street-smart. She has fixed enough broken bodies in her lifetime that she could probably work at the hospital.

My sister gets to work quickly, disinfecting the three wounds. She leads a whole operation independently as if she were the head surgeon.

When Xi groans, I exhale a breath. At least he’s alive.

I go to the end of the sofa and kneel by his head, putting a hand on his sweaty forehead before dropping a kiss on it. “You’re going to be okay,” I whisper. “Just hold on, please.” A sob tightens my throat, and I repeat, “Please, just hold on for me.”

I keep my cheek against his forehead the whole time Emma works on him. Blood has dripped on the sofa, and Emma’s hands are covered in it. Lik joins us and I hold his hand as he settles next to me, his head falling on my shoulder.

“Xi, WAllah, if you die, I’m coming to hell and bringing you right back just to kick your ass,” he says through gritted teeth.

I let out a short chuckle and sniffle. That’s when I realize I have been crying silently for who knows how long.

Xi’s eyes have been opening and closing, pain twisting his features as Emma works on him. I’ve lost track of time, but I do notice the second they don’t open back up.

“Emma,” I panic, straightening up and forcing Lik off my shoulder.

Her eyes snap to Xi’s face and her lips part in shock. “No, no,” she murmurs. “Xi…”

My heart kicks at my chest and my stomach twists painfully.

“Xi,” I repeat after her. The panic in my voice is palpable. His eyes remain closed and Emma puts bloody fingers to his neck, checking his pulse.

“Ziad,” she snaps. “Don’t fucking do this to me.”

Lik falls back on his ass, his gaze lost. I can see him refusing to connect with reality.

“No, please.” A wail explodes out of my chest. I crawl in front of the sofa and grab his head, shaking him. “Don’t leave us. Xi, don’t leave us.” My cries bubble out of my mouth, and I can barely breathe.

His head feels completely loose, and his body pliable. I drop my lips to his cheek, crying against him. “Please…”

I pull back, my heart shattering into pieces and that’s when I notice it, one corner of his mouth tipping up slightly. His eyes stay closed, but he lets out a ragged whisper. “Are you in love with me or something?”

“Fucking…bastard,” I huff a relieved laugh. Tears are still streaming down my face as I drop another kiss to his cheek. His eyes open slowly and he’s clearly in a bad state, but he’s alive.

Emma and Lik crowd us, and my sister blows out a long breath. “You fucking scared us, asshole.”

“I’m going to kick your fucking ass when you’re better,” Lik adds.

Xi smiles at all of us, but he looks at me when he talks. “I just wanted to check how much you guys love me.”

A few hours later, Xi is sleeping in our parents’ bedroom. Lik called Sam to help us move him. He also brought drips of antibiotics to keep him from developing an infection. None of us asked where he got those; he wouldn’t answer anyway.

My dad and Aisha went to sleep at Xi’s house so we wouldn’t have to move him there in his current condition.

Sam spent a long hour convincing Lik to go back to their house. They live in a cabin in the woods that separate the North Shore from the next town over. Not too far, yet far enough for it not to belong to NSC nor the Kings. Lik promises us he’ll be back in the morning.

It’s two a.m., and I’m lying in bed beside Xi. I can’t fall asleep, needing to keep hearing his now steady breathing.

Three stab wounds.

He could have died.

Logan and Racer told us it was Caden. That he and his friends kidnapped them then forced Xi to come unarmed.

I turn to my side and nestle against my stepbrother. I’m keeping my phone in my hand in case I have to call someone urgently. We never know what might happen during the night. Xi is asleep, but his arm unconsciously wraps around me, turning his bicep into my pillow. Just as I’m about to fall asleep, I feel my phone vibrating in my hand. I pull away from my stepbrother and look at it.

It’s a call from Caden.

I decline it, pressing my phone softly. I never want to talk to him again. He’s taken this a step too far. I’m not in love with Xi, and I don’t want to be with him. But I almost lost someone I love tonight because of Caden. I can’t forgive that.

My phone vibrates again. I decline it again.

I huff and type a quick response.

He tries calling me again, and I decline.

I look at the text, surprised, but don’t reply anything.

My mouth drops open just as my lower stomach tightens to the point I let out a short breath.

He calls again and of course, this time, I pick up.

“What is wrong with you?” I whisper angrily. I get up from the bed and walk to my room so I don’t wake Xi up.

“I don’t think we want to start that list right now. But we can tomorrow on our date, if you want.”

“Our date?”

“Yeah. I’m taking you out. I’ll pick you up from work at eight p.m.”

“No,” I shake my head as if he can see me. “Stay away from me and my family, Caden. I mean it.”

“Huh,” he pauses. “It’s funny because you’re answering as if I made a suggestion.”

The mix of humor and threat in his voice is what always keeps me on edge, and tonight is no different despite everything that’s happened.

I wish I could control it. Wish I could just hang up and it would be over.

But it’s not only the blackmailing and the threats that keep me close to Caden anymore. It’s the fact that I desperately want him.

He tried to kill Xi.

“I’m being serious,” I say weakly. God, this is hard, but I have to. “You can’t kidnap me to go on a date with you. I don’t want to take this any further. I’m asking you to respect that.”

“You know, Billie.” He must be smoking because there’s a short pause and a loud exhale. “I’ve come to understand there are a few things I’m willing to respect for you. Like not making you suck my cock since it reminds you of that night. Or the fact that I could have killed Xi tonight, yet I let him off with a warning because I know he’s your family. But if there’s one thing you won’t get out of me, it’s to leave you alone. So why don’t you be a good girl for me and tell me if you prefer Italian or Japanese food?”

I shake my head. “Three stab wounds. Is that what you call a warning?” I hiss with fury. “He almost died.”

“But he didn’t. I can change that.”

“Caden…please,” I huff. “We need to stop this.”

“Fine,” he drawls, and I can almost hear his wicked smile through the phone. “Play hard to get. I will get you anyway. Tomorrow, eight p.m., after you finish your shift.I’ll choose the food. You choose if I drag you there or you come willingly.”

He hangs up on me, and my mouth falls open.

How can he be fine with forcing a girl on a date with him?

My phone pings and I glance down to find a text from him.

Rolling my eyes, I still can’t help but check what he means. I open the Good Charlotte album and tap on the song with my thumb. My throat tightens, and I gulp painfully. It’s not because the song is about a psycho who killed the girl’s lover so he could be with her. No, it’s because he chose the bits of the lyrics that clearly say I love you.

Surely he didn’t mean it because Caden can’t possibly love.

Especially not me.