Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 20

Nolan giving me a bottle of Gatorade and an Angel of Death covered in blood.

That is all I remember from last night.

I wake up with a sticky sickness seizing my body from the inside out. I feel like I’m on a boat, and the nausea only worsens when I try to move and can’t.

Arms are wrapped around my body. A soft voice comes to my ears and makes my pounding headache heighten.

I groan, trying to escape the hold the arms have on me, and a panic overcomes me.

Is it Nolan?

“Let me go,” I pant with difficulty.

“Calm down, little bee. It’s me.”

The arms let go, and I sit up, so dizzy I feel like I’m falling backward despite my back being against the wall.

“Caden?” I rasp.

“How are you feeling?” he asks as he sits up. I can’t answer because his state shocks me into silence.

“Your clothes,” I say, pointing a trembling finger at his chest, covered with blood. I can’t control it; my entire body is aching and shaking.

He looks down at himself and back up. “He won’t touch you ever again.”

My stomach rolls, and I put a hand in front of my mouth, feeling the sickness coming. He immediately gets the message and grabs my other hand before dragging me to the bathroom. The second we’re in, I fall to my knees and throw up in the toilet.

Everything is spinning. Still, I quickly put two and two together. The Gatorade. The memory loss. Caden covered in blood.

How far did Nolan go?

As soon as I can, I lean back against the wall, and Caden gives me tissues. I’m suddenly hyper-aware of the way my body is feeling. My breasts are sore, and my lower stomach is tight. The tightness is probably from fear and sickness. I don’t hurt down there. Not at all. I could barely walk after Caden paid me a visit and I was fully into it. Whereas right now, it feels…normal.

I’m not entirely reassured. He obviously touched me without my consent in other places, and who knows if I can trust my own body right now. I can’t even trust my mind and memories.

I look up at Caden. His apologetic eyes bring dread to my chest.

“Am I okay?” I whisper in a complete panic.

He squats in front of me and puts strands of my messy hair behind my ears. He wipes my sweaty forehead with his hand and kisses it. “You will be,” he answers with his lips against my skin.

It shouldn’t help, except it does. My heartbeat slows and the trembling calms. Then reality hits me all at once.

“My fight!” I gasp. I push Caden away and stand up. I have to put a hand on the wall to not fall back down. The room is still spinning, and my stomach threatens to puke up again.

“Billie, you can’t fight,” Caden says calmly, following me into a standing position.

“What time is it? I just need to shower, and I’ll feel better.” My heart is kicking against my chest. I cannot miss that fight. It’s my only chance. It’s everything. I turn on the shower, but he grabs my arm and turns it off.

“I didn’t shower you last night because it’s not advised when someone is assaulted. You need to go to the hospital and get checked.” There is no hesitation in his sharp tone. He doesn’t shy away from what happens. All he cares about is my safety.

I bark a sarcastic laugh and pull at my arm. “We live on the North Shore. Have you forgotten what it means? Even if I go to the hospital and bring them hard proof. Even if Nolan goes to them and admits he did me wrong in front of their faces, they’ll put it on the gang-on-gang crime and push it to the side.”

He lets go of my arm and bites his fist, clearly trying to keep calm under the circumstances. He brings his hand down by his side when he looks like he won’t explode anymore.

“That’s not why I want you to go to the hospital. Nolan already received justice.” My eyes dart down to his bloody clothes as he says the words. “I want them to check that you’re okay and if he dared violate you.”

I rip the t-shirt off me. “He did, Caden.” My sore nipples are proof of that, and as I look down, I feel like I’m going to throw up again. There are bite marks around them.

I swallow the sickness and shake my head, trying not to let any tears fall. “He did,” I rasp again. “It doesn’t matter in what way.” I turn the shower on again and take off the boxers.

A small whimper escapes me this time. The higher half of my inner thighs are riddled with hickeys and bite marks.

Get a hold of yourself, I order.

My fight. It’s the most important thing right now. It’s the only thing that can get me out of this town and away from this nightmare. I need to win.

I take a deep breath to ground myself and get into the bathtub, letting the jet fall onto my cold skin.

“I have to get to my fight.”

“Fuck,” Caden whispers to himself.

He gets rid of his clothes and gets in the tub with me.

“What are you doing?” I shriek.

He doesn’t say anything. With gentle movements, he grabs a bottle of shampoo and pours some into his hand. I notice the cuts on his palms. They’re crusted with blood.

“What happened to your hands?”

“I used Nolan’s head to break a mirror then grabbed the pieces to stab him,” he says with a steady voice, as if describing his morning routine. “Turn around,” he adds softly.

I do, and he lathers my scalp with shampoo. His fingers are light, relaxing me instantly. He spends a long time running his hands through my hair, ensuring it’s clean. I think this is to calm himself too. I noticed his slight obsession with my hair though I never mentioned it.

I feel the reluctance when he rinses it and grabs the shower gel. His scent invades the bathroom as he massages my entire body in that marine smell. I can’t help but bring my back closer to him. I feel the hard-on against my skin, but he doesn’t say anything, so I don’t either.

I want to bathe in his scent and warmth forever. I want to clean myself of Nolan and wrap myself in Caden.

“Harder,” I say as he washes around my breasts. I grab his hands and place them both on my tits.

He stalls to only slowly move in circular motions. “Harder, Caden. Wash him off me,” I force through gritted teeth.

He rubs harder, but not nearly as much as I need him to. “Just fucking wash him off!” I shout at him.

And he does. He grabs a clean cloth and scrubs my entire body with it. My skin is red all over and stings, but I feel less and less like I want to rip it off my own body.

I grab his hand and bring his fingers to my pussy. “Does it feel different to you?” I ask tightly as I rub one of his fingers against my entrance.

He grunts behind me before rigidly saying, “It doesn’t.”

“It doesn’t feel different to me either,” I finally say. A wave of pleasure fills me as I bring his finger to my clit.

“Little bee…” His tone is a warning.

A warning that Caden isn’t a good man and won’t hold himself back for my sake.

Which is precisely what I need right now.

“Just let me do what I need to,” I tell him. Using his fingers, I rub myself slowly for a minute before accelerating and bucking my hips against his hand.

It takes time to come, my mind protesting and my body clearly in pain. Caden doesn’t move, doesn’t fight me. Eventually, I let the orgasm supersede any other emotion I feel and the entire reality I want to avoid for less than a minute at least. I scream loudly, forcing feelings I don’t want out of my throat before falling back against Caden’s naked body.

I turn around, and in a moment of utter weakness, I wrap my arms around his neck and bury my head against his chest.

“Tell me he suffered,” I say against him.

“He suffered,” he replies firmly as his arms encircle my waist.

“How?”

“I pushed a sheet down his throat. Then, I stabbed his throat with a piece of broken mirror, and he choked on his own blood. He wasn’t fully dead when we left because I didn’t stab him in an artery. He must have suffered for a long hour or so before dying.” He is utterly void of emotion when discussing murdering a man for me. There isn’t an ounce of regret in his voice. Not even pride. He did what he did, and that’s it. I can take it or leave it.

Taking it all in brings me whatever satisfaction I can take from it. That is to say, not much, though still enough to keep me going.

I look up at him and push on my toes to leave a light kiss on his lips. “Thank you,” I say.

He stays longer in the shower after I get out, so he can get rid of all the blood. Finding a new toothbrush below the sink, I brush my teeth hard enough my gums hurt.

I’m in his bedroom, dressed in a pair of his gym shorts and a t-shirt, when he joins me. He’s dressed and holding a bottle of water.

“I need you to—”

“Sit down,” he cuts me off.

“Let me talk,” I fight back with a stern voice. I need to get to my fight.

“Sit down, Billie.”

His muscular body is blocking his bedroom door, and I already know I’m not getting out until he decides. I sit down and look up at him.

“Don’t you know North Shore rules about sharing drinks?” he asks so calmly I know he’s fuming.

“Of course I do,” I seethe, hating the way he makes me feel like a scolded child. “I saw him open the bottle in front of me.”

“Did you?” He turns to his desk, grabs a packet of sugar he had there, and empties it into the bottle before screwing the cap back on.

He wraps his hand around the bottle he’s holding, hiding the cap with his palm, and extends his arms toward me as he opens it in front of my eyes.

This is the exact same way Nolan did it. He walked back into the room, already hiding the cap within his hold, and like a rookie… I thought he was opening a new bottle in front of me.

How could I be so naïve?

“That was a sealed bottle. Drink.”

“I get the message. I’m a fucking idiot, and you’re a hero. Can I leave now?” I stand up from his bed and shoulder past him.

He grabs my arm and tugs me back, dropping the bottle and wrapping a mighty hand around my jaw. “I’m no fucking hero, Billie,” he grits out with fury. “Don’t you know that yet? I’m your worst nightmare. I’m the villain who will save you only to use and abuse you for his own pleasure.”

I try to shake my head away to no avail.

“How do you know I didn’t take my turn after I rescued you from Nolan, huh? You know I’m no good, little bee. How do you know none of these marks are from me? Stop being such a naïve little girl, and remember you live on the North Shore. No one saves you. You can only save yourself.”

My heart sinks with disappointment and tears spring to my eyes.

“Did you?” I force past my pouted lips. “Did you assault me last night?”

He chuckles and shakes his head, his smile freezing every single atom around us. “Of course not, baby. I plan on doing much worse to you. And when I do, I want to feel you fight and hear you scream.”

He releases me and I take multiple steps back. My head is still spinning from the drugs, and I’m sweating despite not feeling warm.

How could I think for one millisecond that Caden was the good guy? What went through my gullible mind to believe that?

Doing my best to feel even slightly alright, I take a deep breath. Rolling my shoulders back and crossing my arms in my own way to strengthen myself, I jut my chin.

“I’ll save myself, don’t worry. I always have. And I have my ticket out of this hell hole.”

“Good. I like seeing you toughen up.” He stretches his arms above his head before leaning back against his desk. “What’s your plan now?”

“I need you to drive me to my house so I can pick up my gym bag and then to Silver Falls. I…I still feel too dizzy to drive.”

He shakes his head. “When I said save yourself, I didn’t mean by being outright stupid. If you can’t drive, you shouldn’t be fighting.”

“I’m fighting. Period.”

He licks his lips and tilts his head to the side. “Look, I’ve never seen any of your fights and don’t know the exact level you’re on, but if you get hurt—”

“I won’t,” I say firmly. “They don’t call me unbeatable for no reason.”

“A lot happened to you, little bee. It’s okay to forfeit.”

I almost choke on my own breath. “Forfeit? Do you know what I’d be forfeiting? My agent. My chance to leave the North Shore. My dreams. No. I am fighting with your help or not. So make up your mind. Want me to toughen up, or want me to be rescued? I’ve already missed pre-fight training, so I need you now or never.”

He presses his lips together, clearly unhappy I’m using his own logic against him. His jaw tightens and the disagreement is apparent on his face, but then he finally nods. “Alright, get in the car.”

I push the doors to the Silver Falls gym without much strength. I was sick again during the drive, right after I forced myself to eat a banana for energy.

I can hear the crowd in the main area and run through the hallways to make it to the locker room. Caden is right behind me. I turn to him just before going into the changing room.

“Don’t come in.” I shake my head. “Dickie doesn’t want anyone in there.”

“Little bee,” he huffs. “I think you’re making a big mistake.”

“I don’t care what you think right now.” I take a bite of an energy bar and force myself to swallow it before hydrating some more.

“Okay.” He nods, taking a second to calm himself. “Here, I got you these.”

My eyes widen as he gives me a wrapped box. “It’s a present for your fight.”

Holding on to the energy bar with my teeth, time stops as I unwrap the box. My mouth falls open, shock turning my muscles weak. The bar falls to the floor in front of me.

“Caden,” I whisper in disbelief. “These gloves are almost a hundred dollars. That’s too much. I can’t accept them.”

He smiles softly. “Don’t make me force you to accept a present.”

“But…how?”

He shrugs and runs a hand through his hair. “I have a bit of money saved. I wanted to do something nice for you.”

I gulp. “Thank you. I…wow. Thank you.”

“I’ll be in the crowd,” he says.

I grab his arm before he can leave and go on my toes to give him a peck on the lips. “Come see me after the fight.”

I hurry into the locker room.

“Billie!” Dickie rages as soon as he sees me. Taylor is with him. “I’ve been calling you all morning.”

“I don’t have my phone.”

Taylor walks to me slowly, his hand in his suit pockets. His brows furrow as he observes the state I’m in. I feel sick and icky, sweat coating my entire body. Probably from the drugs that are still in my system.

“Are you hungover?” Taylor asks.

“No. I’m not. How late am I?”

“Too late for any warm-up,” Dickie tells me sternly. “Get your hands wrapped right this second.”

I sit on the bench and let him wrap my hands. My heart is beating crazily in my chest, and I keep getting moments of dizziness. Thank god I’m already dressed because all I can do right now is go into that cage and beat the shit out of that girl. I hope adrenaline will carry me through this fight.

“What’s wrong?” Dickie asks worriedly. “Where were you?”

“No time for chit-chat. Just get me in that cage,” I say as I stand up. I see black for a second and throw a hand out to catch myself.

“Whoa,” Taylor catches me instead. “Are you sure you’re fit to fight?”

“Will you represent me if I forfeit?” I ask seriously, feeling my strength is quasi-zero.

His eyes dart to Dickie and back to me. “I can’t. The contract states—’

“I know what the contract states,” I snap. “I’m not forfeiting.”

Dickie puts the gloves on my hands and I’m in the cage before I can even blink. This fight won’t wait for me, and I know what I’m capable of. I’m Billie Unbeatable Scott. And this bitch doesn’t stand a chance.

The crowd is bigger than I anticipated. Dickie is in my corner and gives me a pep talk just before the ref calls for us.

He offers us to tap gloves, but I don’t, ignoring the girl’s gloves in front of me. I never do. I am not a kind woman in the ring. I am here for one thing and one thing only: the win.

The girl doesn’t even appear like the sort of bitch I normally fight. She’s even smiling at me. She looks humble, kind, yet still a fighter. She’s bare of any tattoos or any other gang-affiliated marks. Her shorts and bra look expensive, and I understand she’s not from the same place I am.

She’s fighting as a hobby. I’m fighting for my life.

The bell rings, and her smile drops to make space for focus. A chill crosses my entire body as dizziness engulfs me before I make a move. I swallow thickly and force myself to jump on my feet as she comes for me.

I manage to avoid her first hits out of pure luck. Despite feeling unwell, I’m quick on my feet and it’s not uncommon in our low-weight class to move rapidly. But fuck, I can’t find the strength to throw anything.

I hear Dickie shouting at me to wake the fuck up, but my muscles refuse to obey me. I can barely keep my guard up, let alone hit her. Sweat is dripping down my forehead despite putting the minimum effort into this fight.

I make it through the first round only taking a few hits and punching her once or twice. As soon as I’m in my corner, Dickie gives me water and a towel before putting gel on my eyebrow to stop the bleeding.

“Billie,” he says desperately. “What is wrong? If you can’t fight, I can’t put you at risk by leaving you in this cage.”

“I’m fine,” I mumble as I pull the bottle away from my lips. But I’m not finished with my sentence that I’m hunching over to the side and vomiting. It’s off the ring, and the ref is too busy with something else to notice, but Dickie is on me right away.

“What’s going on?” he insists. “You need to talk to me.”

Everything is happening too fast, and there’s only one thing on my mind.

“Is Taylor watching?” Panic takes hold of me as I force more water down my throat. My body is exhausted, and any strength I have is leaving me quicker than I anticipated.

“Y-yeah, of course,” Dickie hesitates. “Billie, kiddo, I know you want to win, but you’re extremely unwell right now. I’m calling it—”

“No!” I shout before I can stop myself. “You are not doing this to me, Dickie.”

The bell rings to get back in the middle of the cage and I force myself to straighten up. It feels like I sat down for ten seconds.

I manage a couple of punches, but the other girl stops them easily. There’s no strength behind my hits and she doesn’t need to put much effort into fighting back.

I see black again. For a few seconds, the world disappears, and I feel myself lose my footing.

It’s a real shock when her punch gets me right in the nose. I grunt as I stumble backward, and my vision finally returns. My arms are down, and I realize I’m not guarding myself anymore. I’m too slow to put my fists back up.

Her next punch gets me in the temple. I try to open my eyes and move, but I get a high kick in the head and fall back to the floor.

I don’t feel physical pain as she rains punches on me. No, only the horror of my dreams shattering into pieces.

Only the understanding that I will never leave this shit town. That everything I held onto, my reason to live and keep going, is burning to ashes.

My one and only dream is slowly disappearing and instead leaving space for the true nightmare that is my life.

Blood tastes like copper in my mouth.

And defeat tastes bitter.

The ref calls the end of the fight before I pass out, and I hear it all. The cheers for that other girl. Her crystal-clear shriek of happiness. The way she asks me if I’m okay, because she’s a nice girl like that. I roll onto my side, curling into a ball as I put my gloves over my ears.

I can’t fucking listen to this; the sound of her victory. The concerned tone in Dickie’s voice.

My coach helps me up, grabbing me by the waist and keeping me standing up while they announce that the other girl is the winner by TKO and will go on to fight Killer Clover next month.

Really, all I hear is that Billie Scott wasn’t so unbeatable, after all.