Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 15

By the evening, I officially hate myself for staying over at Caden’s last night. The short moments of bliss didn’t outweigh the burden of reality.

Training was the worst it’s ever been. Now that my finger and face are better, I was unfit from the lack of sleep, the fact that I didn’t run before exercising, and the greasy food from the night before. My heart was beating fast from the memories of what I did with Caden and my stomach fluttered at the idea of seeing him again.

I didn’t have the right clothes, no sports bra, and everything was a struggle. Dickie picked up on it, obviously, and made me work twice as hard for it. By the end, we had a talk about starting to take this seriously, or he would pull me out of the amateur tournament. The fear was enough to promise myself to stay away from Caden.

I wish my heart would just listen. I keep trying to rationalize this. Caden and I have never been close, we barely know each other, and yet he’s the person I’ve opened up the most to in my life. I feel like he told me things he doesn’t express to others too. I have seen a tamed side of him and know he’s putting in an effort for me.

I keep having to remind myself that he is not a good person. That he’s the same man who broke me two years ago, although my mind seems set on separating the two. How am I meant to hate him if I don’t see him as the person who did me wrong anymore?

I’m coming out of the shower when I smell Aisha’s Maghrebi food. At least one good thing tonight is that it’s our family dinner. This week she felt extra motherly and wanted to do it on Monday and Friday. I guess it’s a nice start to the week. We’re all going to get to enjoy my stepmom’s food and have a little chill time.

I change into jeans and a hoodie and walk into the living room.

“Ah, she’s alive,” Emma says as soon as she sees me. She and Dad are watching the football game as I walk over to where they’re sitting. I squeeze myself between her and the armrest.

“Where were you yesterday?” she whispers in my ear so Dad can’t hear.

“I see Xi snitched like a little bitch,” I say.

Her pale eyes cross my brown ones, and I can see the annoyance in them.

“I’m joking,” I ultimately add.

Her jaw tightens, and she looks at the TV again, not looking at me when she finally says, “I don’t like how you’ve been behaving recently. And I told Dad about it.”

“What?” I choke.

Someone knocks on the door, and a minute later, our conversation is put to rest by Lik and his boyfriend walking in. Aisha is over the moon and I force a smile on my face. Lik hugs all of us, being his natural social self, while his giant of a boyfriend settles on the armchair and nods at all of us.

He’s not exactly a talker. Sam is a big guy with dark eyes and dark hair, full of tattoos, and always silent. Not exactly the fun type. Lik and he balance each other perfectly since my stepbrother can hold a conversation with himself for hours on end.

Aisha asks where Xi is, and that’s when I realize he’s not here yet. My chest tightens and my heart accelerates. I hope he’s not in trouble. I hate myself a little more for yesterday because that’s probably how he felt all night waiting for my call.

Fuck, Emma’s right. I’ve been a shit person lately.

We’re already eating when Xi shows up.

“Ziad!” Aisha snaps his full name when she sees him. “Is this a decent time to show up? And covered in blood?”

My heart drops as I turn around and see he’s got a bleeding nose. My eyes automatically go to his bloody knuckles.

He’s talking to his mom and not looking at me, so he can’t see my worried look and inquiring gaze.

He goes to the kitchen sink and washes his hands before taking his seat next to mine. He crosses his gaze with Sam, and the latter nods to him. A thankful nod. Maybe he was moving a body for him.

Sam is a hitman, after all. He used to be the enforcer of the Bianco family, but then the Bianco empire fell apart. Sam had already started seeing Lik by then. So he stayed around because they fell in love, and he became a hitman so he could work for himself rather than join another criminal family. When Sam has a body to hide, he calls Xi for it. He pays him a hefty amount, and my stepbrother loves money.

“Are you okay?” I ask Xi. Instead of answering, he takes a violent bite of his food. Though under the table, he puts his hand on my thigh. I’m pretty sure I never minded him doing that before. I used to really like it, actually. When we overstepped what was appropriate for stepsiblings in public, it started naturally, and I thought it was fun. I never took it too seriously.

Now I feel strange about it as I shift in my seat. He realizes this right away and gives me a look. Under the table, I grab his hand and move it off me.

He practically chokes on his food and everyone turns to him.

“Sorry,” he mumbles.

The conversation flows as we all eat together, and it’s only after dinner that Xi corners me in the hallway as I exit the bathroom.

“What is wrong with you?” he asks me low.

“Are you okay? What happened to you?”

“I did a job for Sam,” he says as if it was that simple.

“Yeah?” I reply as I cross my arms. “And did the body come back to life and punch you in the face?”

“It’s worrying when you don’t know what someone you care about has been up to, huh?” he snarls.

“You’re a dick,” I huff. I take a step to go past him, but he pushes me back and pins me against the wall with a hand just above my chest. His other one goes above my head and against the wall.

“Don’t do this to me, Bil’s. You’ve been in trouble and don’t want us to know about it. Just admit it.”

I shake my head. “That’s not—”

“Caden King cornered me and started a fight out of nowhere. I was on NSC grounds. I was no threat, and he had no reason to do this.”

“What?” I choke. “Are you for real? Are you okay?”

“Do I look okay? I’m fucking pissed,” he seethes. The anger in his voice makes me tremble.

“Y-yeah, but did he hurt you?”

“No, of course not. He might be good, but I don’t go down easy. Plus, I don’t think he wanted to hurt me. No, he wanted to warn me.”

“Warn you?”

“Yeah, to stay away from you. So, wanna explain?”

I am going to kill Caden King with my bare hands.

“I-I don’t know!” Lies on lies on lies. That’s all I’m capable of lately. “The guy is unhinged, what do you want me to say?”

“You’ve been disappearing a lot lately. Everyone notices that you look skittish and out of your depth. Your dad got you a fucking guard dog, for fuck’s sake. You’re in trouble, Billie. We can see it. Just admit it’s him, and we can deal with it.”

“There’s nothing to admit.”

“You’re scared of him,” he finally says. “You can tell me that.”

“I’m not scared of anything,” my pride snaps back.

“Okay,” he nods. “Fine.”

We look at each other for long seconds, and I feel him softening. “I’m just worried for you. You know I care about you.” I nod, and he adds, “A lot.”

“I know. I care about you too.”

His head drops into my neck, and I barely restrain a gasp. “What are you doing?” I whisper in panic.

I go to push him away, but he keeps me flat against the wall. He kisses me from my shoulder all the way to my earlobe and whispers in my ear, “I care beyond friendship, Billie. You know that. How long do you intend on making me wait before you reciprocate those feelings?”

I gulp and push at his chest. “I can’t give you a timeline on feelings,” I say softly. “I love you deeply. And I know we’ve been walking a fine line between friendship and more. But I don’t think it will ever go beyond that.”

He takes a step back, clearly dejected. “You’ve not been yourself lately.”

“Or maybe it’s the opposite.”

‘Right,” he snorts. “You keep lying to yourself.”

He finally leaves me alone, walking back into the living room, and I follow.

We’re mid-Monopoly, everyone shouting at each other, when I notice my dad slipping away discreetly to the back porch. I know Sam is out there smoking, and I doubt he’s going there to have a friendly conversation with him.

“Is it true, Rose White is back?” Xi asks his brother out of the blue as the arguing dies down.

Lik plays with his nose ring before nodding. “Yeah. Sam’s been going a bit insane from it.” He turns to me next. “Happy your bestie is back in town?”

“Fuck off,” I grunt low.

She doesn’t belong to any crew; she’s just a pathetic foster kid who ended up in Stoneview and yet somehow always found her way to North Shore parties. We had a huge argument at a party one day and then again at a lacrosse tournament. Neither of us seems to get over it, so we simply keep hating each other. I heard she was getting mixed up with Lik and his boyfriend, and if she ends up in my business because of that, I will probably lose my shit. I don’t need any more drama in my life right now.

My eyes dart to the door my dad just walked through.

Lik notices because he attempts to bring me back into the game by pointing out I was cheating. I struggle to stay still, knowing he’s up to something.

I get up, except he’s quicker than me. He walks to the back door, and a few seconds later, he and Sam are walking back in. Sam’s eyes dart to me, and he quickly says goodbye to Aisha before heading out. Lik hugs us all goodbye, and I don’t even get to ask anything.

I walk to the back porch to talk to my dad. He’s facing away from me but raises a hand before I can open my mouth. “Not now, Billie,” he says sternly.

I let out a loud huff and hurry to the front door. I’m fucking fuming. I know they’ve all been talking about me. Sam and Lik’s car is just leaving when I slam my hand against the window. My eyes widen when Sam takes his gun out, not even looking at who it is. Lik is the one grabbing his wrist and pointing at me.

As soon as he lowers the window, I talk. “What did he say?” He doesn’t reply because he doesn’t like talking and even less about stupid shit like this. “Sam. What did my dad ask you to do?” Ignoring me completely, Sam looks at Lik, expecting him to sort this out.

“Lik, what did my dad tell you? I’m fine,” I insist, having a feeling I know what they’re doing. They think they can protect me and go against the Kings, especially against Caden.

They can’t. Our crew doesn’t have that kind of power anymore, and if they try to threaten Caden King, it will start a war.

I will not be the reason people start dying on the North Shore. We have it hard enough without needing a motherfucking gang war on our hands.

“Bil’s—” He tries to sound reassuring, but I don’t let him.

“I’m fine!” I nearly shout, sounding way too defensive to be genuine. My trembling hands come to rest on the windowsill.

“We’re just trying to help,” Lik responds.

“I don’t need anyone’s help,” I snap violently.

“What’s wrong with you girls and being too proud to get the help you need?” Sam finally joins in.

I rear back my head in surprise, not only because he’s talking, but he’s also angry. Someone is having a negative effect on him, putting him on edge, and I know precisely which bitch has that power.

“Damn, Sam,” I jeer. “Rose White has been back for how long? And look at you, losing your patience and all.” I let him swallow my words before I add. “Speaking of her, I want the bitch out of my town. There’s something you can help with.” Maybe if he keeps busy with her, they’ll both leave me the fuck alone.

“Stay away from Rose,” he orders calmly. “Let me handle her.”

I shake my head. He’s in love with the girl. He’s always been, and she will cause absolute chaos in his settled relationship. But the true reason I know they’re heading for failure? Her brother is Sam’s best friend and he would never allow this. Lucky for Sam, the fucker is currently serving time for shooting someone. We all know Kayla King is the one who put him there, and she will suffer when he comes out. In the meantime, Sam is free to do whatever with Rose White. So I taunt him some more.

“Does he know she’s back?” Meaning her brother, of course. If he wants to get in my business, I can get into his too.

Instead of falling for it, he rolls up his window.

“Hey!” I shout. “Stay the fuck out of my shit!” He probably can’t hear me since he’s already driving away.

I walk back inside, only to catch my dad, Xi, and Emma talking to each other in the living room. Hushed words and scheming whispers.

“Are you all for real?” I rage. “What the fuck is wrong with this family!” I stride to them, but they don’t even look sorry. “I didn’t do anything wrong. I don’t deserve all of you going behind my back like this.”

“You’re in trouble,” Emma says firmly. “We know it’s Caden we—”

“Oh my fucking god, just stop talking about him,” I practically shriek. “He doesn’t. Scare. Me. Nothing is going on!”

“Look at the way you’re reacting,” Xi jumps in, shaking his head. “If the Kings want to threaten our family thinking they can come out on top, I can tell you right now that they’re fucking wrong. We can stoop to their level. We can play with their families too.”

“Lowering to their level is not the way to go,” I fight back.

“So you do admit something has been going on,” my dad says softly.

Fuck.

“No-I…No!”

The silence that follows makes me uncomfortable.

I shift awkwardly.

I feel uneasy in my own home, and I hate it.

“Go to your room,” my dad finally says. “You’re just a kid who’s out of their depth. Let us handle it.”

“I’m almost twenty,” I snort. “Emma was involved up to her neck at my age.” The quietness of the room is only broken by the sound of Aisha washing dishes in the kitchen.

“Dad—”

“Go to your room, Billie.”

“Un-fucking-believable,” I mumble as I head to my room.

I hear one last thing my dad says to the rest of them, and my heart drops. “We should deal with it tonight.”

I grab my phone to see a message from Caden. He sent me a picture of his lower lip. It’s split and there’s dry blood on it.

So he really had a fight with Xi. Threatened him to stay away from me. My stomach flutters at the idea, but my heart tightens. This is wrong; he can’t just threaten my family. I put my phone back on my desk and grab the split ends of my hair, pulling and breaking them. Anxiety has had such a strong hold on me lately that I forget what I feel like when it’s not here.

I’m cuddling Murder in bed when someone knocks on my door.

“Come in,” I mumble.

“Hey, Pumpkin.”

I stare daggers at my dad, not over our discussion from earlier.

“I know you’re mad at me, but I’m only doing this to protect you,” he explains like I’m a five-year-old.

“I don’t need to be protected, Dad,” I huff desperately. “Please, you have to believe me.”

He scratches his beard for long seconds before his apologetic eyes meet mine. “I want you to go sleep at your mom’s tonight.”

I sit up so quickly, Murder jumps off the bed. “Why?”

“Because I’m asking you to.”

“What are you guys doing? What’s your plan?”

“That’s not for you to worry about.”

“Are you seriously sending Sam after Caden?” Panic grips my chest, its claws ripping my lungs. “You…you’re sending a professional hitman after him because you think he did me wrong? He didn’t!”

“We’re sending them a message. No one is getting killed. As much as I love you, this goes beyond you. The Kings have been walking all over us for two years. It’s time to fight back.”

“But—”

“I’ve called your mom. She’s expecting you.”

He grabs my gym bag from the floor and passes it to me. “Pack for a couple of nights. I don’t want you here should things go south. She’s in pretty neutral territory. No one ever goes and causes trouble in the trailer park.”

I gulp as I stand up and grab my bag from him. “Please, don’t do anything stupid.”

“Emma has made a decision as the head of our gang. I think she should stick to it now.”

“Then, at least let me be here. I’m part of this! You can’t just keep me out. I’ve always had your back.”

“You said it yourself, you want to become a professional fighter and can’t be involved in this anymore. I agree.”

I walk past him, “I need to speak to Emma.”

“She’s gone, Pumpkin. Now please pack your bag and go to your mom’s.”

I swallow the dread that keeps making its way up my throat and look at my dad, dejected. I don’t say anything as I pack my bag. I’m too disappointed in all of them.

Just as I finish packing, he says, “Bil’s.”

I peer up at him, ready to hear he’s changed his mind about this whole thing.

“Leave Murder with us, will you? We could do with the extra help.”

I hate this. NSC is not strong enough to take on the Kings, and involving Sam is a stupid idea.

As soon as I walk into my mom’s house, I know it’s not a good day for her.

“I’m on a new medication,” she slurs as soon as she opens the door. “It makes me sleepy.”

She hugs me as I walk in, practically falling asleep on my shoulder. I love my dad for paying for treatment for her, but the truth is, doctors put her on meds and never look further than that.

“Aw, Mom,” I say as I help her to the couch. I drop my bag next to it as she lies down.

“I left you the room,” she yawns.

“You didn’t have to. I can take the couch.”

She waves a hand dismissively. ‘How’s your dad?”

“I don’t want to talk about Dad tonight.” I grab the bottle of pills from the small coffee table in front of her and read the label. “Are you sure you didn’t take too many of these?”

“Just one as indicated,” she tells me as her eyelids start to drop.

‘“Okay,” I nod. “Get some rest.” I draw the covers over her frail body and caress her hair until she’s fully asleep. I turn the TV off and tidy the living room.

There are dirty dishes everywhere and piles of clothes on the floor next to the sofa. I wash them up, and that doesn’t wake her up. These meds are strong. It upsets me that instead of giving her proper help, she’s just given something that will make her sleepy and forget how she feels when awake.

I make sure I’ve cleared the floor around the sofa so she doesn’t trip if she wants to use the bathroom during the night. I fill a glass of water and leave it on the coffee table before heading to her room.

It’s not really her room. She says she only sleeps on the sofa when I’m here, but the space is pristine. It’s exactly how I left it last week and the week before. There’s no bed, only a mattress on the floor. The sheets are clean, the shelves empty, and the closet only has two dresses she never wears. Everything else is piled up in the living room. All her stuff is close to her on that sofa so she doesn’t have to move to grab anything.

I turn on the small lamp on the floor by the mattress and throw on a hoodie and clean panties before getting into bed. It’s only a thin sheet since my mom uses the thicker cover. I regret not having grabbed proper pajamas.

I look at my phone and realize I never answered Caden’s text earlier. I was too mad at him for attacking Xi. Now I don’t know how I’m feeling anymore. Should I warn him that danger is coming? But then that would be betraying my family, my crew.

I find his contact in my phone and my thumb hovers over his name.

A small voice at the back of my head tells me he would do something if the roles were reversed.

No.

I can’t do this. Not for him.

I go to Instagram and click on his account. The telltale colored circle around his profile picture tells me he’s posted a story recently and I’m dying to know what he’s up to. Just to make sure he’s safe.

I click, not giving a fuck that he’ll see I spied on him. He’s at an illegal car race in Silver Falls. He’s filming Jade in a tuned-up car. She’s doing some sort of hand signs I don’t get and then points her tongue at the camera. In the next story, her car is speeding down a long road, followed by another. It was posted ten minutes ago.

He’s fine. There’s no need to worry because he’s not even on the North Shore right now.

I sigh in relief and put my phone beside the lamp before turning it off. It’s late, and I just want today to be over. I close my eyes but can’t find sleep for a while. Eventually, my body gives up on worrying about Caden, my family, and the feud that will forever separate the Kings from NSC.