Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 14

“Be careful,” Caden says low on the other end of the line. “As much as I like your smart mouth, I would hate for it to get you in trouble.”

I roll my eyes but can’t stop my thighs from tightening and the smile that tips at the corner of my mouth. “I don’t have a smart mouth. I’m just telling you I don’t need you to protect me.”

“I’m worried for you.”

If he’s so worried for me, maybe he shouldn’t have started this whole thing. Maybe he shouldn’t have humiliated me at his house, and I might have had a little respect from his crew instead of being called their pet.

“Please,” I scoff. “You’re worried Jade is going to kill me before you get to fuck me. If there’s a risk of Kings girls jumping me when I come to drop off your cash, just do the jobs yourself instead of warning me.”

“So we agree that I will fuck you.”

Yes, please! a voice screams in my head.

“There are more chances of me running away with the Wolves when they come drop your merchandise than my allowing you to have sex with me.”

“I don’t really need you to allow me. You know that, right?”

Lead drops in my stomach. Does he always have to go from easygoing to absolute asshole?

“Anything else you want from me? If not, I have to get your shit.”

“Don’t hang up on me, Billie.” The warning in his voice is sharp, but I don’t care.

So I hang up.

I start my car, and it rumbles into the night before the engine finally decides to come to life. It always sounds like it’s going to explode when I try to drive during cold nights.

I did four drop-offs for Caden in the last week and a half, and every time instead of just grabbing the bag of cash, he settled into my passenger seat, and we talked for hours. The first time, I was shocked. I was terrified of parking in front of his house and him asking me inside like the last time.

Instead, he came to my car. He opened the door and just sat there for ages in silence. I didn’t know what to do. For long minutes he was talking to himself. Then, weirdly enough, everything flowed effortlessly, talking about anything and everything except our gangs.

Something must have shifted when he admitted he wanted to leave this town too. Because the moment he mentioned it again, I felt safe next to him. Like I finally had someone who understood me.

Rather than talking about our rivalries, I learned that he has two one-and-a-half-year-old twin nieces who live with him and his family and who he spoils to death. I learned that his favorite meal of the day is breakfast and that he’ll sometimes have two, just for the sake of it. I told him about how Dickie got me off the streets and that I now have an agent, that MMA means the world to me. More than staying here with my family. I told him that my favorite thing to watch is animes, and we bonded over Fullmetal Alchemists.

The worst thing of all…we laughed. He made me laugh until I felt like I was choking, and tears were running down my face. He did, too, until his voice was raw and his eyes shone with happiness.

How can I do this to myself? Talk and laugh with someone who I know without a doubt is a merciless man? Who is still blackmailing me into doing a job for him that could send me to prison for the rest of my life. And who, when he loses patience with me, might make me do things I’m not ready to do.

The pickup is the same as usual. I put the bag on my head, wait until they’re gone, and then bring my car to the other meeting point. I leave with the bag of cash, drive to Caden’s house and let him know I’m parked on the street. Instead of coming to the car like usual, he texts me asking me to come to the door.

My heart drops, and my breathing halts.

No.

Everything was going fine. He didn’t bother me for two weeks, didn’t hurt me, didn’t humiliate me.

Fear gripping my chest, I text back.

I take a deep breath when I see him type.

Fuck this shit. Another deep breath and I open my door. If I die tonight, it’ll be because of my poor decision-making and nothing else.

I drag the heavy bag of cash with me and knock on his front door. My jaw almost drops open when he answers. He was clearly sleeping and I woke him up when I texted him. His dark hair is messier than usual, and his green eyes are heavy and slightly swollen from sleep. He’s wearing a The Offspring black hoodie and gray sweats that leave absolutely nothing to the imagination.

The outline of his dick sends a shiver through my spine. Is that thing asleep right now? Caden’s tall but not bulky, and his dick doesn’t seem to fit the rest of his appearance. My stomach tightens and I kind of want to push him to the floor and mount him.

“H-hey,” I manage to say before swallowing thickly.

“Is that how you girls feel every time we look at your boobs instead of your eyes when we talk to you?”

My eyes snap up to his, and I have to scratch my throat before I can talk. “Sorry. Here’s your cash.” I drop it at his feet.

“Please,” he smiles, “don’t be sorry. I love when you look at my dick.”

“I wasn’t—” I stop myself before I get further into my lie. “Anyway, you’ve got your cash. Have a good evening.”

“Hey, hey. Wait.” He grabs my arm just as I turn and brings me toward him across the threshold of the house. “No one’s staying here tonight. Kay is on a trip, and my dad is sleeping at his girlfriend’s house. Wanna come in?”

My eyes dart to where I am now, which is inside the house. “A bit late to ask. As usual.”

He chuckles yet doesn’t lose his focus. “I mean, wanna hang out here? Better than your car, don’t you think?”

“Not as safe, though,” I say instinctively. The last time I was here didn’t exactly feel like a fun place to hang out.

“More comfortable.”

I bite my inner cheek because I don’t want to smile at him. It’s a dangerous thing to smile at Caden King. He might take it as a green light to do whatever the hell he wants.

“I’m meeting Xi for game night. I had to cancel the last two Thursdays because of you, and I told him we could move it to Sunday. Told him I’d be there tonight no matter what.”

He raises an eyebrow and loses some of the sweetness that was present only because I’m here.

“You spend every Thursday night at Xi’s?”

I shrug. “Yeah, we play PS4 and have some dinner.”

“Do you sleep over?”

“Sometimes. If I’m too tired to go home.”

His grip intensifies slowly but firmly. “That stops now. From tonight on, you’re not spending time alone with him.”

“What?” I scoff. “Have you lost your mind?” I shake my head, realizing what I just said. “No. Don’t answer that question. I fucking know you have,” I say more seriously.

He releases me and smiles. I can see he’s trying to make it sickly sweet, but the fury is apparent. “I don’t want to hurt him, Billie. I think it’d be better if you just do as I say.”

“I think it’d be better if you lose the obsession over me. Or whatever it is you’ve got going on. I’m not the kind of person who waits around for a man to come and tell them how to act. I’ve got my own shit going on, and you can shove your order up your a—”

My rant is cut short when his lips slam against mine, and his hand comes to the back of my neck to press me closer. I’m pretty sure I order my hands to shove at his chest. Not for my arms to wrap around his neck and for my toes to push me up so I am closer to him. Not for my lips to part so I can deepen the violent kiss.

We carry on kissing as he drags me further inside the house and slams the door behind us. He keeps walking back, leading me with him until he falls back and sits on the sofa. He grabs my legs and straddles me on his lap. My hips roll against him and my head is above his now, so I grasp the sides of his face and tilt his head up so we can keep kissing.

He only pulls away to chase a greater high. His lips kiss my jaw before they follow the line of my throat and down to my collarbone. He bites my skin and sucks, putting new bruises where the old ones had faded from when he had come to my house.

I grunt in pain when he bites so hard I feel my skin tear.

“Caden,” I cry out in a half moan.

He lifts his hips, pushing his hard-on into my core and making me groan in pleasure. But as he lowers his sweatpants and boxers, I freeze.

“No.” It comes out in a panicked whisper. I push myself off him by putting my hands on his shoulders, but he grabs my hips tightly, raising my heartbeat in alarm.

“I won’t fuck you,” he says softly before kissing my jaw. “Just touch me.” He grabs my hand off his shoulder and lowers it to his dick. It’s so hard it could break me.

My fingers wrap around his girth as he keeps his hand on mine before we both start moving. He lets out a heavy breath and keeps up the movement until my fear dissipates, and we move in tandem, our breaths becoming one. Lust is running heavily through my body, causing my stomach to twist as I feel myself clench inside.

He lets go of my hand, bringing his thumb to my lips and pulling at the bottom one.

“Take me in your mouth,” he whispers.

I go to talk, but my words don’t come out. Instead, I struggle to take a breath as my chest freezes. My lungs are full of cement, and I have to push myself off him again. This time I throw my leg off and sit next to him. My back against the armrest, I bring my knees to my chest, my heart beating quickly and my body wrapped with terror.

“I can’t,” I heave. “Don’t…don’t make me.”

From the corner of my eyes, I see his jaw clenching. Is that guilt? Or is it frustration for not being able to fuck me yet again? I’m about to put my feet on the floor so I can leave. I need to be away from him. Every time we get close to doing anything, that night comes back to the forefront of my mind. I hear his callous orders, his mocking voice. I see the flash of his phone in front of my eyes. How my knees hurt and how tight my jaw was. I remember the fear of dying and knowing that despite leaving without being physically hurt, a part of me stayed with Caden that night.

His hand locks around my ankle before I can move my legs properly, almost like he felt I was about to flee.

“Please, don’t go,” he says quietly.

I take a deep breath, doing my best to keep the tears at bay. “I can’t do this, Caden.” My voice is wobbly, but I do my best to make it clear. He’s looking ahead of him, at his TV displaying a black screen.

“I know. I understand. Just…forget about what I just asked.” He finally turns to me, and his hand slides up to my knee. “Let me make you feel good. You don’t have to touch me.”

I shake my head, hesitant. “I-I don’t know if this is a good idea.”

His hand slides higher, to my inner thigh. “I’ll stop if you ask me to.” He licks his lips, nearly uncertain. His green eyes come to mine as he adds, “Trust me.”

I want to burst into laughter. How could I possibly trust a King? And not any. Caden.

Never.

But I don’t need to trust him to spread my legs slowly. To let him unbutton my jeans and get rid of them along with my panties. To lay back as he settles between my legs and kisses his way up my inner thigh.

“Do you want this, Billie?” he asks low, his warm breath caressing my pussy.

“Yes,” I breathe out.

When his lips meet my pussy, and he pushes his tongue inside me, I moan so loudly I’m afraid the neighbors will hear.

His hands slide under me, and he grabs my ass, tugging me closer to his face.

“Holy shit,” I gasp as he eats me out like a starved man. This is nothing like two years ago. Nothing.

He had been violent, intent on humiliating me and doing it with sadistic, selfish pleasure. Tonight is all about me. About making me enjoy the ride for as long as possible.

My hands pull at his hair as I throw my head back, crying out from the pleasure. His tongue plays with my clit and my eyes roll to the back of my head. I gasp, having just realized I’ve not been breathing.

His tongue is merciless as he keeps going. One of his hands glides to my pussy and he pushes two thick fingers in, forcing me to realize how wet I am.

“Fuck,” I pant. “I’m gonna come…” A shocking current travels through my entire body, the voltage too high to survive as I explode on his tongue and fingers. He tries to pull away, but my grip on his hair tightens as I buck my hips and ride the wave until I’ve got nothing left.

I fall back on the sofa, letting him go as my whole body relaxes. I barely have time to breathe when suddenly his lips are on mine. I gasp with shock when I taste myself on his tongue. He tears another moan out of me before pulling away.

“Was that alright?” he smirks.

I burst into a relaxing laugh that eases up the tension in the air around us. “Did you not just hear me come? Cause I’m pretty sure your neighbors did.”

He chuckles then says, “I meant, are you okay? That I did that?”

Understanding he’s checking if he didn’t overstep my boundaries, I bite my lip and nod, unable to stop the smile that forces its way on my face. “I’m good.”

He drops a kiss on my forehead and lets himself relax on top of me. Still between my legs, His head rests on my chest and I wonder if he hears my heart skipping a beat.

“Let’s watch something,” he says.

“Really?” I ask, surprised. “Don’t you…want me to give something back? That boner looks painful.” I don’t know if I truly want to.

I feel him shrug against me. “Nah. It’ll go away.” He presses his hand on top of it before grabbing a pillow and covering his crotch. Then he grabs the remote and turns on the TV. “How about some Fullmetal Alchemist?”

“Oh, now you’re just trying to turn me on all over again.”

He laughs as he goes through the animes on Netflix. “Which of the brothers gets you all wet?”

“Edward. Of course.”

“You sure?” he teases. “Cause Alphonse looks like your style.”

I slap his chest as I giggle. “No, stop!”

He takes a deep, serious breath and peers up at me from where he’s resting. “That giggle…It does something to me, woman.”

“Are you making fun of me?” I snort.

“I wish I was.”

Time stops, and I run a hand through his hair. “Stop it,” I let out in a whisper. “You’re going to hope for things that are impossible.”

“Impossible doesn’t exist in my world. I get anything I want. And believe me, I want you.”

Now that he’s made me speechless, he puts our anime on to fill the silence. We watch quietly, my hand caressing his hair all along. His head on my chest and his arm wrapped around my leg.

After three or four episodes, he stops it and looks up at me. “Do you wanna eat?”

I can see that he’s scared I will say no and leave. Only the simple truth is…I don’t want to. He would never admit it, but I think Caden was lonely tonight. I’m enjoying his company, and who knows when I’ll ever be able to be this way again with him. So I smile and nod.

“I would like a burger.”

He sits up and raises an eyebrow at me. “Oh, she wants a burger, does she? And who made you queen of our food?”

“Me,” I say proudly, poking his chest playfully.

“Alright, then, if you want a burger. A burger you’re getting. Do you have a favorite place?” He gets his phone out and my eyes widen.

“Delivery services don’t come to the North Shore,” I say as if he hasn’t lived here his entire life.

“Thanks,” he laughs without looking up from his phone. “I know. I’ll just ask one of my guys to pick something up for us and bring it here.”

My mouth falls open. Because I stay silent, he looks back at me.

“What?” he asks, confused.

“How important are you in the Kings’ hierarchy?” His name means a lot, of course. But Caden is not his dad, Sawyer, or even Kay. At the end of the day, no one has any obligation to listen to his orders. I guess everyone just does because they’re terrified of him.

“No talks of that, Billie,” he says sternly as his eyes darken. “I’m making it a rule from now on.”

I swallow the ball of stress that has started forming in my mouth. “Okay,” I nod. Not because I like when he tells me what to do, but because I wholeheartedly agree.

Less than an hour later, we’re eating burgers on the sofa. We’re facing each other, cross-legged, and sharing a massive bag of fries in the middle.

“No!” I shriek with a mouth full. “’On’t mish!”

“What?” he cackles. “Try again with an empty mouth.”

I gulp my bite. “Don’t mix! The ketchup and mayo.”

“Oh my god.” He stops with the bottle of ketchup half titled and only a drop mixed with the mayo. “How…how can you not like mayo and ketchup mix?”

“Ketchup is too sweet,” I say with iron conviction. “Mayo tastes good enough on its own.”

He shakes his head at me, mouth agape. “I don’t think I like you anymore.”

“Good,” I smile. “I’ll finish my burger and leave.”

“You’ll finish your burger first, huh?”

“Can’t leave here on an empty stomach. I had an exhausting orgasm, Caden,” I say as seriously as I can muster.

The corner of his mouth tips before he says, “You’re not leaving.”

“No?” I ask.

“Nah. Not until I give you an orgasm so exhausting, you’ll fall asleep on me.”

“But once I’m asleep on you, I can’t leave.”

“Maybe that’s the whole point.”

“What is? Sequestering me?”

He throws a couple of fries at me. “Stop fighting this. Right now.”

“Why?” I grin. “It’s fun.”

“Because I’m doing my best to be nice and not just take what I want. And if you start fighting me on everything, I will lose it and just do it.”

My heart accelerates. I’m not sure anymore if I want him to respect my wishes or just take without asking. Maybe I need that push. I could just give him control and enjoy the ride. Perhaps that’s what I need to get over the fear.

The tightness in my stomach and the way my pussy sends a zap of electricity up to my heart tells me this might just be it.

I put my burger down and put my hands on my knees. “What would it be like? You just taking what you want.”

There’s a way his piercing eyes darken when his thoughts turn dangerous. A way his smirk becomes like one of a creature from the deepest depths of hell.

“You really wanna know?”

I nod sternly.

He shrugs. “Remember you asked.” He wipes his mouth before talking again. “First, I’d make sure to get you alone and in a position where you’re relaxed and let your guard down.”

Time stops as I realize this is the exact situation he’s put me in tonight. My heart is beginning to quicken, my hands clenching on my knees.

“Then I’d kiss you gently, run my hands from your hips all the way to your hair. Did you know I love your hair, Billie? It’s so thick, so easy to grab.” He leans toward me, above our food, as if he really is going to kiss me. I do the same, and we stop only a couple of inches from each other.

His voice is a low rasp now. “And when you’re soft and pliable, I’d push you to the floor, flat on your stomach. I’d put a hand on your back to keep you there as I spread your legs with my knees. I’d ripped your jeans and underwear off and then slap your ass before spreading it. The thing is, you think you’d hate it, except I understand how your body works now. I’ve played with you enough to know. And when I push my hard cock against your entrance, you’d be so wet I’d slap your ass again for being such a dirty slut. Unfortunately for you, I’m big, and you’re not wet enough for that. And since you’re fighting me, it’s even more painful when I shove myself into you. But don’t worry. Your tears turn me on, and really, who cares if you’re enjoying yourself, right? And as I thrust into you harder and harder, you will feel the pleasure spreading into your entire body. And, my god, will you hate yourself for loving what I’m doing to you. And when you come all over my dick, and I come too, when I pull out and you’re nothing but a trembling mess on the floor, I’ll make it worse for you and ask, ‘Are you mine now?’. You won’t be able to answer through the tears and the pain in your body, but I don’t need you to. I know the truth. That you are. Because trust me, Billie, after that outrageously good fuck, no one, and I mean no one, will ever compare. You’ll just be mine and mine alone. Good thing since I’ll do it again, and again, as many times as I fucking want to until you know that there’s no point fighting me anymore. Until you understand that what I want, I get. Always.”

Our faces are so close, I’m sure he’s going to grab me, kiss me, and throw me to the floor. He’s going to do every single thing he just said. And I want him to so badly. Fuck, I don’t know why I’m so broken, but I want him to fuck me and make it hurt. To make me cry from pleasure and pain. To make it so that I can never move on from him. To make me his.

I shift. I’m wearing my panties and his hoodie now, but I’m scared my wetness is showing. His eyes go down as I move away slightly.

There’s no doubt anymore when he smiles widely and says, “You’ve got a spot there.” He presses three fingers against my crotch, and I let out a strangled moan.

Then he pulls away and shrugs. “But, like I said. I’m trying to be sweet so you can see I like you. I’m making a real effort here, so don’t tempt me to throw it all away.”

I’m practically panting when I’m forced to come back to reality. “O-okay,” I say before grabbing my burger again and forcing food into my mouth just to have something to do.

He changes the topic, and his explanation of how he would force himself on me, of how I would love it, becomes a dense fog at the back of my mind.

“So,” he says casually as he dips more fries in the sauces. I can’t help but notice he dips in the ketchup after the mayo now that he knows I don’t like the former. Like he wants to make sure it doesn’t mix. “How long until you leave the North Shore, you think?”

“Hopefully by the end of the year. If I win against Killer Clover, I’m off to fight small promotions on the East Coast.” A thrill runs through my stomach as I explain this.

“Wow, that’s soon.”

I nod, my mouth now too full to add anything.

“I’m kinda jealous,” he snorts. “I want to leave next year.”

I swallow. “Do it,” I say excitedly.

“I can’t.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Everyone knows I want to leave, but I just don’t have the money yet. I need something to sustain me. I don’t want to fail and have to return here.”

I crumble my wrapper as I swallow the last bite of my burger. “I understand.” I grab the cup of Coke Zero on the table and take a sip.

“Maybe when you’re a rich UFC fighter, you can send me money to get me out of here?”

I chuckle as I put the cup back. He relaxes into the arm of the sofa behind him and crosses his arms. “What’s so funny?”

“I might become a UFC fighter, but I’ll still be a woman. I’m pretty sure the current highest-paid female fighter earns five-hundred grand per fight.”

“Sounds like enough to get me outta here.”

“I won’t make that kind of money. Not until a very long time. I have dreams, but I also need to be realistic. My living conditions will be shit until I can make a name for myself. That’s okay with me. I can live in a shed in someone’s yard as long as I’m far from here. If you want a nice life, yeah, you’re gonna have to wait longer.”

He gathers everything on the sofa and throws it all in the trash before returning. “Come to my room.”

“Now?”

“Yeah, now,” he says. “I had a super long day of work and I want to rest with you.”

“Okay,” I nod.

I follow him to his room. His house looks the same as mine and most houses around him. Only one level, magnolia walls and rundown carpet. One bathroom, three bedrooms. All in the same hallway.

He opens his door and I’m surprised to find a double bed. It’s dumb. Most people have double beds, even though I still have my old childhood twin bed.

I walk in first as I look around, but there’s not much to see. The walls are the same as the rest of the house, with minimal furniture. There’s a The Offspring poster on a wall and I smile.

“Weren’t you the guy who made fun of me for listening to Good Charlotte? You weren’t even born when these guys,” I point at his poster, “dropped their first album.” I look down at his hoodie I’m wearing. It’s also The Offspring. “You get obsessed easily, don’t you?”

Leaning against the doorframe, arms and ankles crossed, his lips are tipped. “You have no idea.”

There’s a desk with math textbooks and homework. “Is that what you study? Math?”

“Uh-uh,” he yawns. I keep looking around, tracing my finger on the furniture.

“I see you sometimes at college. You don’t really talk to anyone, do you?” I ask. “Always absorbed in your work.”

“Yeah, I actually like college.” His head comes to rest against the door frame, and I notice the eyebags. What does he even do all day to be so tired?

“What do you want to do when you leave?” I ask as I lean against his desk.

When you leave. We keep asking each other that, as if our lives are on pause right now and that nothing here counts.

He gives up on standing and goes to lie on his bed.

“I wanna be a math teacher. But it pays shit. Hence why I need as much money as I can get now.”

I almost choke on a snort. “A teacher? You? I really can’t see it.”

“Hey. I tutor in Stoneview multiple times a week. They fucking love me.”

“No way,” I gasp. “Do you like it?” I come over to his bed and straddle him. “Do you see many of their mansions?”

He shifts, slightly uncomfortable. “Yeah, they’re all unnecessarily big. Have you ever been?”

“A guy I dated super briefly two years ago lived in Stoneview. He was a foster kid who luckily ended up there. Man, his mansion. Could have fit my house about five times in there.”

He laughs softly and runs his hands against my hips and to my waist, holding me tightly. His gaze goes to my chest, covered by his hoodie, and then to my eyes. “Was that the last guy you had sex with?”

It’s my turn to feel uncomfortable. “Yeah,” I say. “Erm, so does tutoring make good money?” I change the topic as quickly as possible. I’ve been feeling safe with him tonight, and I don’t want to bring up something that will change that.

His gaze goes to a spot behind me, avoiding my eyes now. “Yeah.” I feel him shift uncomfortably again.

Why does he feel so awkward about Stoneview? Probably the reason we all do. Most families there have more money than all of us here combined. The unfairness makes us jealous and vindictive.

“It pays well, though I would never want to have their kind of money. Never want to live there. They’re fucked up.” His eyes come back to mine, haunted. “Truly fucked up. We might not have a dime to our names, but at least we have our souls.”

I titter at the statement. “Sounds a bit dramatic.”

“Shh,” he smiles. “You know nothing, you’re just a little baby.” He pulls me down with his hands still on my hips until I’m lying on top of him, my head against his beating heart. The rhythm is uneven, and I can’t help wondering if that’s the effect I have on him. He’s topless, his chest hard and his body warm. My stomach flutters before I can speak again.

“I could kick your ass,” I mutter against him. “I’m no fucking baby.”

“When you talk to me, it’s like a little bee trying to shout at a giant. All I hear is bzz bzz.”

I burst into a laugh, and he’s close behind. “I hate you,” I grin in the dark.

“I hate you too, little bee.” His hand comes to the back of my head, and he undoes my ponytail.

“So soft,” he comments absently as his fingers untangle my hair gently, one strand at a time. “What will your new life be like?” he asks quietly. “There.”

“Simple,” I say, listening to his heartbeat. “No drama. No crime. I might even garden or something. I’m gonna have the white picket fence kind of shit. A nice husband, even.”

“Kids?” The interest in his tone is intense.

I have to think of that answer for a moment. We’re in the dark again. Like every time we start sharing stuff about each other.

“I’m not sure. I only want kids if I know I’ll be a great mom. It’s complicated. Generational trauma and all. Who knows what kind of shit I can pass on to them. That’d be selfish.”

He runs a hand along my back languidly and lovingly. “Is that how you feel about your mom?”

I shrug. “My mom could have been the best mom. It’s not her fault that she isn’t.”

“What’s wrong with her, then?”

Fuck, he’s really going for my feelings tonight. How am I meant to resist him if he keeps asking questions like he truly cares?

“She’s…ill.” He stays silent, and I don’t wait for him to ask the question I know he’s thinking. “She has severe depression. She’s on meds but always stops them, making her worse. Every time I see her, it’s a gamble. Is she going to be herself today? Will she be so depressed she doesn’t want to see her own kid? Emma doesn’t even bother. She says it hurts her too much. I just…I can’t leave her alone, you know? What if something happens one day, and no one has been to see her? What if I go just to find her…I don’t know. Dead. What she really needs is to be in a psychiatric hospital so they can help her. But we can’t afford that shit.”

He wordlessly takes it all in, his hand on my back becoming more and more reassuring.

“What does it feel like? To have a mom with depression?”

Tears build at the back of my eyes. I can feel them trying to force their way through. I scratch my throat, swallow them, and admit the truth no one ever bothered asking for.

“It feels like I’m deeply hurt, and yet, no one hurt me. Like there’s no one to blame for your trauma, and you just keep going around in circles wondering how to heal yourself. I know my mom did her best. I know it’s a sickness. A black poison that infected her mind. Sometimes I want to hate her. Sometimes I wonder if I love her out of guilt for wanting to hate her.”

After a beat, he drops a kiss to my hairline. “That’s very sad, Billie.”

“We live on the North Shore. We all have sad stories.”

“I guess, yeah,” he confirms.

“What about you? Where’s your mom? I’ve never seen or heard of her.” I remember clearly what he said to his dad when he was drunk. That he abuses his women because that’s what his dad did.

He shrugs as if he’s about to say something he doesn’t care about. “My mom escaped my dad as soon as she could. He was an abusive fuck, so good for her that she left.”

I raise my head, trying to gaze into his eyes despite the darkness around us. “Do you ever hear from her?”

He shakes his head, his stare on mine. “She left in the middle of the night so he wouldn’t catch her.”

My heart breaks, my brain trying to understand how she could leave them behind, knowing his dad was dangerous. “But…didn’t she want to take you and Kay with her?”

He looks away and presses the back of my head so I lay down on him again. It’s like he can’t even say it to my face. “She didn’t want kids.”

“A lot of women end up with kids accidentally. It doesn’t mean she didn’t love you.”

“That’s not what I meant. She didn’t want the process of having kids. My dad just forced her.”

“You mean, he…” Realizing what he’s saying chills me to the bone. He doesn’t stutter, either. Doesn’t hesitate. It’s just a fact to him.

“I’m not sure about Kay. Maybe my mom hadn’t realized he was abusive back then. I don’t know. But I do know she was deep into the abuse when he wanted another kid. I know he raped her to have me.”

His entire body has stilled. I wrap my arms around him, my forearms crushed between him and the mattress. This doesn’t excuse or explain anything he has done to me.

So why do I suddenly feel like it explains everything about him?

What must it be like to grow up knowing your existence happened only because your mother was raped?

“I’m sorry, Caden,” I murmur against his chest.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about,” he says with a chilling voice. “I feel fine.”

Of course he does. Because he has been made utterly emotionless about sexual assault. When he thinks about it, there is nothing but a cold, calm feeling.

We stay silent for a while. I don’t even know how long passes, but I feel his breathing becoming even.

At some point, he startles, as if waking up from a dream.

“Are you scared of me?” he asks with a groggy voice. I can feel his heart kicking against his chest.

“Yes.”

I don’t need to hide the truth. I know how I feel about him.

“Don’t be scared, okay? You won’t end up like my mom. You’ll fall in love with me, and you’ll want everything I have to give you.”

And isn’t that the most terrifying thing I’ve ever heard?

I thought he’d fall back asleep, but he grabs my hips and flips us around so I’m crushed under him. “I promise it’ll be nothing like that.”

“You can’t say that when you’ve already forced me in the past,” I whisper against my own will. I shouldn’t provoke him. I shouldn’t even be here in the first place. So close to the man who fears nothing and no one.

He shakes his head before burying it in my neck, inhaling my scent. He then talks in my ear. “I make you feel good, Billie. You know I do.”

One of his hands keeps a tight hold on my hip, but the other one slides under his hoodie and pushes my panties to the side.

“Caden,” I hesitate. “You—”

“I promised you another orgasm so you could fall asleep.”

“It’s weird,” I squeak as his thumb comes to brush my clit, sending a jolt of electricity through my body. “You just talked about…about…”

“Rape?”

“Stop saying that.” I shift uncomfortably and try to pull away. But he comes up, his hard eyes on me. “Why do you insist on me hurting you?”

I just wish I could hear even the slightest bit of emotion in his tone. There’s nothing.

“You’re so wet,” he notices while rubbing his index and middle fingers against my clit. I shiver under him, choking back my pleasure. “Why don’t you just enjoy yourself?”

“Because everything you do is wrong.” I try not to accuse him or push him further into his anger, though it’s hard not to when he has no morals. My heart is beating fast, and my brain is confusing the rhythm of fear with the melody of arousal. Something is wrong with my reactions.

“Who says it’s wrong?” His lips break into a smirk before his head falls to my neck. He kisses me, featherlight touches bringing goosebumps to my skin. He makes his way to my jaw and then the corner of my mouth.

“Me,” I moan as his thumb keeps playing with my clit. “I say it’s wrong.”

He smiles against my cheek before biting it. “I disagree.”

“Y-you can’t di…aah…” My complaint turns into a moan as he pushes inside me with one thick finger.

“Do me a favor, Billie,” he murmurs against my ear. “Shut the fuck up and enjoy how I put you to sleep.”

He puts a hand over my mouth and, without warning, pushes another finger inside me as he keeps stroking my clit. He thrusts into me slowly with a patience I could never have. I push against his hand as my eyes flutter close.

“Open.”

He stops and only starts again when my eyes open wide, silently begging him to accelerate.

“Look at me, baby,” he taunts with a chilling smile. “I want to see what no other man will ever see again; that glint in your eyes when you come apart.”

He still takes his time, slowly coaxing me into a soul-shattering orgasm. The whole time, he keeps his eyes on me, drinking my entire being and forcing me to accept the truth: Caden King does whatever he wants to my body, and I don’t have a say in the pleasure he forces on me.

He lies back next to me and wraps his arms around my body, bringing me close. Silence stretches as I try to catch my breath again. I’m not even sure he’s awake when I ask,

“Why me?”

He shifts, tightening his hold on me.

“Billie.” He says in my ear with a serious voice that sends a chill down my spine. “I just want to make sure you understand something. I don’t need a reason. Everything will be easier for you once you accept that I want you, and I will do absolutely anything I have to do to keep you. I can give you a reason if you wish, but reason or not, you’re mine, and that’s a fact.”

“I just want to understand…” I whisper back.

“I’ve been thinking about it. I always think about you, so of course I’ve been thinking of why. And one of the conclusions I’ve come up with is… everyone says I’m certified crazy, and they don’t understand why. They don’t know how to control me.”

He pauses, and I wonder if he expects me to say anything. I’m this close to agreeing that he is, in fact, completely insane, but then he keeps going.

“Maybe I am. And when I’m with you? I feel like I have a reason to be. It’s you. You make me feel crazy in the best way. You’ve already seen the worst in me. You’ve seen the length I’m capable of going to to get what I want. There’s nothing to hide now. Isn’t that amazing? Isn’t that so…simple?”

I can’t find anything to say. My heart is pounding, and I wonder if he can feel it. I don’t know if I want him to. Nothing about this is simple.

I shouldn’t want to be the reason someone feels crazy. I shouldn’t want to enjoy the fact that he is giving himself excuses so he can act any way he wants toward me.

But there’s a certain power in that, isn’t there? To know that I make Caden King lose his mind.

I startle as the sound of my phone ringing feels like a fire alarm in my head. “Holy fuck,” I gasp. That scared the shit out of me.

I go to grab it before reality comes crashing into me. I’m not in my room. I’m in Caden’s bed and can’t move because his arms are securely wrapped against me. We were chatting and just fell asleep. We must have shifted during the night because he’s now spooning me and holding me so snugly I feel like I’m a kid’s blankie and he’ll die if he drops me.

“Turn that shit off,” he growls in my ear.

Someone doesn’t like being woken up.

I reach for my phone. Xi is written on the screen.

Fuck!

I forgot to tell Xi I wouldn’t go to his house yesterday. I pick up in a hurry.

“Where the fuck are you?” he barks into the phone.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry. I—”

“Do you have any idea how fucking worried I’ve been? You were meant to come at ten last night, and I called you about a hundred times, Bil’s. What the hell happened to you?”

“I’m okay. I’m sorry. I…” I’m out of lies. I have no idea what to tell him. “I was with…”

“Where are you? Right now, where are you?”

“On my way home,” I lie, and I can clearly hear the panic in my voice. I’ll be surprised if he believes me, so I add, “I slept at a friend’s house.”

“Who? A guy friend?” The jealousy in his voice is so apparent I recoil slightly.

“It doesn’t matter if it was a guy or not. Look, I’m going home now. I’m sorry about worrying you and missing our game night. I’ll see you at my dad’s tonight, okay?”

I hang up before he can say anything and turn to Caden. His arms are still wrapped around me, although he’s now wide awake.

“He wants to fuck you,” he says, hushed. I can see so in his eyes that he’s not happy about it. Caden wants me, and he’s not the kind of guy who deals well with competition.

“Stop it. He’s my stepbrother.”

Another lie. Xi is my stepbrother, but we’ve always had an ambiguous relationship. Xi protects people. That’s his thing. With me, he’s always been a little too protective, and I’ve grown to enjoy it. His hands have lingered in inappropriate places in the last year, and I’ve let him.

And this summer, we crossed the line.

We didn’t have sex because I wasn’t ready, but we kissed during one of our famous game nights. It was ravenous and lustful. It was so perfect we couldn’t stop there. I let him make me feel good with his fingers, and he asked for nothing in return except that we never mention it to anyone.

I’ve come to like his overprotective behavior and the way he’s constantly checking up on me. The fact that it’s annoying me right now just because I’m with Caden means something I wasn’t ready to admit to myself.

I don’t want Xi anymore.

Because I desperately want Caden. My ultimate rival.

I escape Caden’s hold and gather my clothes. “I have to leave.” I put my jeans on and zip them up.

“Billie, I’m serious when I say I don’t want you to spend time alone with him any—’

He’s up just as I take his hoodie off, revealing my bare breasts. He tilts his head to the side and cocks an eyebrow. “Are you trying to distract me?”

I check the time on my phone. “Fuck! It’s almost eight. I have training in half an hour.”

“Okay, I’ll drop you off,” he says as he grabs some clothes.

“Absolutely fucking not. I have my car anyway.”

He spins around and marches back to me, grabbing me by the waist and lifting me so he can sit me on his desk. His stern face makes me want to retreat, but he grips me tightly. “I’m hearing a lot of no’s. I think it’s about time you change your tune, huh? I want more ‘Yes, Caden. Anything you say, Caden.’”

He spreads my legs to settle between them and grabs one of my nipples between his thumb and forefinger. He starts rolling it, and I throw my head back in pleasure.

His other hand pops my jeans open, and he slides it beneath my panties to come and caress my clit.

“I can’t hear you, little bee,” he murmurs against my ear. I’m getting wetter by the second as he rubs his thumb against my clit. He lowers his hand and enters me mercilessly with one finger.

“Yes, Caden,” I moan loudly.

He thrusts another finger into me and curls them, rubbing against my magic spot. “What else do I want to hear?” he growls low.

“Any…” I pant. “Anything you say, Caden—aah.” I cry out as he relentlessly moves faster.

“I don’t want you to see Xi alone anymore,” he repeats with unwavering violence in his tone. I shake my head, but another moan pours out of me.

“Say it.” I can sense him losing his patience just as much as I feel myself getting close to the edge.

“Yes…,” I moan. “Yes…Yes, Caden!” I explode. My arms wrap around his neck to keep him close to me.

When we separate, and I come down to earth, he’s donning his wicked grin. “Good girl,” he says before dropping a kiss at the corner of my mouth.

“Ugh, get away from me.” I try to sound mad, like I truly need space. But I don’t.

I don’t really want him to step away because it means going back to real life, and who needs that right now?

He grabs a t-shirt and throws the hoodie I wore all night on his bed.

“I’m gonna sleep with my nose buried in this,” he tells me without an ounce of shame. “I like your smell.”

“My smell? I don’t have a smell. I don’t wear perfume.”

“‘Course you do,” he says as if I’m the crazy one. “You smell of raspberries and mint.”

My mouth opens and closes a few times as I slowly slide off the desk. “That’s just my shampoo,” I ultimately say, confused that anyone could enjoy the simple smell of supermarket-brand shampoo. Summer Cocktail. That’s what it’s called. It’s meant to be strawberries, raspberries, lemon, and mint. It just smells of chemical raspberries and mint. Exactly like Caden described.

I put on my bra and top and look at my phone again. “I’m going to be late for training. I didn’t even run this morning.”

“Don’t worry. You got your dose of fitness.”

I hurry to his front door, gathering the rest of my stuff and grabbing my car keys.

I’m about to leave when he grabs my arm and pulls me back toward him. “Not even gonna kiss me goodbye?”

“Stop,” I whisper, eyeing the street. “Anyone could see us. Neither of us needs the Kings to know what happened last night.”

Not caring about anything I just said, he grabs the back of my head and smashes his lips against mine. “If anyone has anything to say. They can come to me. I will gladly settle it with them.”

I roll my eyes at him and hurry down the street. As I’m walking to my car, I cross paths with Sawyer. He narrows his eyes at me but manages to maintain a cold front.

“Been busy last night, little Scott?”

I ignore him, opening my car and trying to get in, but he catches my elbow before I get to. “Not so fast,” he hisses low. “What are you doing around here at this time?”

“Nothing,” I say as I try to snatch my arm back.

Sawyer is probably in his early thirties, at the prime of his strength, and much bigger than me. But I’ll be damned if I let him make me feel scared like he did in that kitchen the first time I met him.

“If we keep finding you on Kings’ grounds, we might have to start punishing you for it.”

“What? Like Jade and her girls did?” I snort. “Do you want your own trip to the hospital with my name on it?”

He releases his grip on my arm, but before I understand what he’s doing, he grabs me by the hair above my ear and crushes the side of my face against my window.

“Don’t play smart with me, little bitch. I didn’t want this deal between you and Caden in the first place, and I’ll kill you myself if you start bringing us more trouble than you’re worth. This is my crew, and I take care of it. So let me not catch you causing us problems anymore. Or Caden’s little protection on you won’t matter. I will fucking kick your ass and send you back to your crew broken beyond repair.”

He releases me before I can answer, and I flip around to face him. “Fucking asshole,” I rage before grabbing the handle again and slipping into my car.

There’s nothing more to say. He’s made his point, and I have nothing to fight back with. Better for me to get out of his way.

After all, it was probably a needed reminder. Caden and I are not a thing. We will never be a thing. We’re rivals. If we forget about it, our gangs will gladly remind us.