Beautiful Fiend: Chapter 13

Lying on my bed with my headphones in my ears, Good Charlotte sings: “My girl’s a hot girl who needs an attitude adjustment.”

My mouth falls open. Caden King is an asshole.

But I’m tired, and I want to give in to the distraction.

His reply comes straight away.

The song’s been going on, so I rewind to twenty-eight seconds in.

“My girl’s a hot girl. A riot girl and she’s angry at the world.”

I bite my lower lip and keep listening until it stops at “She wants a riot, she wants a riot.” It’s hard to keep a smile off my face when I type back.

The fact that I see the three dots right away and know he’s on his phone right now, thinking of me, makes my stomach tighten. What the fuck am I doing?

I’m furious at him. He humiliated me in front of his family and closest friends. I fucking crawled for him.

And yet what I remember the most is the way my heart jumped when he leaned in, smelling of alcohol and cigarettes, and his soft lips kissed my forehead.

I’ve seen some serious toxic shit on the North Shore…but never have I seen a girl falling for a guy who degraded her the way Caden has done to me.

So why, God, explain to me why, when his text appears on my screen, I lay on my front as my feet bounce on the bed, resting on my elbows and staring at my screen.

I bite my thumb as the dots appear and disappear.

Going to my music app, I return to that moment in the song and my thighs tighten.

I gulp and text back.

I don’t know why I type it. Probably because I can feel my thighs trembling and my panties getting wet. So I keep chasing the feeling.

Or probably because I’m a masochistic idiot.

My hands are shaking when I answer.

My eyes widen, and I drop the phone on the mattress. He can’t be serious?

When I don’t reply for two whole minutes, he texts me again.

Brain frozen, heart exploding, and stomach tightening, I twist and roll onto my back. I pull up my oversized t-shirt to my hips and slide my hand into my panties. I press two fingers against my clit and grab my phone again. There’s another text.

Slowly, I draw a long circle, pressing my fingers to my clit. I keep going until I moan softly and my chest rises and falls quicker.

My nipples are so hard they could fucking break glass.

I drop my phone on my stomach and drag my hand under my top. I pinch my nipple as he would. Hard and mercilessly. I cry out in the best way, and my lower belly tenses as my legs open wider and my thighs start to shake.

My head comes up so I can look down at my stomach to see his next text.

My fingers accelerate, losing the circles I was making and rubbing with more intensity in multiple directions. As long as it feels good, I follow what my body wants. I’m getting closer and closer to exploding.

My phone repeatedly vibrates on my stomach and I almost have a heart attack when I see Caden’s name appear on my screen.

I pick up, only to realize too late that it’s a video call. I gasp at seeing his face pop up on my screen and, in a small square, my own flushed face against my pillow.

“Don’t you fucking dare hang up right now,”he growls.

He’s outside somewhere. A backyard I recognize but can’t necessarily place. He’s not speaking loudly, and I can tell he’s alone.

“Show me your whole body,” he orders low.

Without stopping, I extend my arm and put my phone high above me. I pull up my top, completely exposing myself before he even asks.

“Lose the virginal panties. I don’t think they suit a little slut like you.”

I moan at his words before lowering my panties just below my knees and spreading my legs. I go back to my clit and rub myself again.

“That’s a good girl,” he smiles. “Keep going. Faster.”

I quicken to the point that my arm hurts. My hips are bucking against my own hand, and I’m ready to explode. When my moans turn into whimpered pants, and my voice gets higher, he says, “Stop.”

“What?” I groan, shocked.

“I said stop. Right now. I swear, Billie, if you make yourself orgasm, I will come over and choke you with my cock.”

I stop and pull my hand away, panting and frustrated. “What is wrong with you?” I practically yell at him as I bring the phone to my face. My cheeks are red, and my hair is a mess. My eyes are shining but my stare is deadly.

He smiles at me through the phone and runs a hand through his hair. “You’re so hot like this. I want to fuck you right now.”

“Then fucking do it,” I snap before I can control it.

There’s a silence, his smile lost and his eyes widening slightly. There’s a glimmer of hope on his face.

“I—”

“Did you mean that?”

“I mean…” I take a deep breath, the fog from my pleasure finally dissipating. “No. No, of course not. You left me hanging on the brink of…” I cut myself off, not because I don’t want to say what happened but because of the look of disappointment on his face.

“Just don’t come here,” I confirm. “If you think I want you anywhere near me after what you did last Friday, you’re sorely mistaken. Don’t come here, Caden. I mean it.”

“Too late,” he grins.

The knock on my window startles me. I hurry to open it, scared he will bring everyone’s attention to this room. I can’t have anyone seeing a King at my window. He climbs in right away, pushing me out of the way when I try to stop him. I only understand now that the backyard I recognized earlier was my neighbor’s.

“You just can’t take no for an answer, can you?” I hiss.

“Chill, I was already here. I’m not going to touch you.”

A certain disappointment washes over me. One that I try to not think about too much.

His eyes narrow as if trying to see me better. We’re in the dark and are only illuminated by the lamp post outside.

“Is your face okay?” The worry in his voice is evident, but the obsession is prominent.

I put my finger to my cheek and then my lips. Of course, his bitches did manage to hit me earlier. “It’s fine. It doesn’t really hurt. I’m more worried about my finger.”

I don’t know why I’m saying that. The truth, I mean. Caden is Kings crew. He’s a bully, and he harasses me. Yet, tonight, I want to open up and tell him what the consequences of today truly were for me.

Maybe because we’re in the dark. In the softness of the night, reality doesn’t exist. When the moon shines and the monsters come out, I’m allowed to give in to them.

“What’s wrong with it?” He grabs both my hands then drops the left one. He looks closer at the index finger on my right hand. It’s still swollen.

“I don’t know.” My voice is barely above a whisper. “Probably strained it or something. It’s not broken, at least. But I couldn’t train tonight, and my coach was furious about what I did. He’s…he’s really helping me out, and I disappointed him.”

I swallow the pain at the back of my throat from the anxiety of what Dickie told me earlier. Caden is looking closely at my finger, and it’s easier to talk when the intensity of his gaze isn’t on me. “If I can’t win my next match, then I won’t move on to the fight against Killer Clover, and…it’s the end for me.”

“It’s not the end. I know you want to go pro, but there will be other fights,”he says reassuringly.

He doesn’t look up as I pause, taking his words in. “How do you know I want to go pro?”

“We live on the North Shore, little Scott,” he smiles as he keeps observing my finger, “everyone knows everything about everyone else. It honestly isn’t the end of the world if you don’t fight Clover.”

“Yeah, but my new agent will drop me, and I’ll…I’ll never get out of here.”

His eyes flick up as he straightens. “Get out of here?” he sniggers. “To go where?”

I don’t like the way I feel like he’s mocking me.

“Anywhere,” I retort. “Just not here. I want to be…there.”

“There?” His lips curl into a smile, and I get frustrated.

“Just drop it, okay? Maybe you love the North Shore because your crew has authority over everything. Because you’re a King. Because you can fuck around and not care about anything or anyone. But I hate it here. I’ve hated it my entire life and I want to leave.”

I let myself fall back onto my bed, sitting in front of Caden. Why am I telling him this? I’m making myself vulnerable, allowing him to get to me and ruin me further than he already has.

At the same time, I keep wanting him to know. There’s a part of my mind that keeps thinking if he sees how vulnerable I really am, he’ll be nicer. What a joke.

He crouches between my legs and grabs my hand again.

“Someone’s set on leaving,” he says. “Here. Have a magic kiss. You’ll be all healed for your fight and your plan to escape the North Shore won’t go to waste.” He drops a kiss on my swollen finger and I giggle like a fourteen-year-old.

I bite my lower lip as we both look at each other with wide eyes.

Then he throws his head back and laughs. I’d never heard such a genuine laugh from him. His Adam’s apple is bobbing up and down and I want to bite his neck.

“Oh, I want to hear that again,” he says as he brings his head back. He kisses my finger again, and I do my best not to react. To ignore the butterflies flaring up in my stomach and creating a tornado of feelings in my chest.

He pushes me backward, and I fall onto my bed, my legs bent at the knees and my feet still touching the floor. His mouth kisses my palm then my forearm. He makes his way up, his body moving until he’s above me. It’s slow and delicious. Kissing my shoulder and then my neck…my jaw…the corner of my lips.

“I want to leave this hellhole, too,” he murmurs against my lips. “I would give anything to have been born somewhere else. I don’t care where. There.”

There’s a brief pause, my mouth agape at the revelation. His gaze goes from my eyes to my lips and he captures my mouth with his.

I practically gasp from the pleasure and perfect release I feel. He licks my lips and I open my mouth for him. His tongue comes to stroke mine and my heart explodes in my chest.

What am I doing?

What is wrong with me?

Everything.

And nothing.

The simple truth he just admitted is making me feel closer to him than I ever could have otherwise.

Ignoring the alarm bells ringing in my head, I let my heart take over and wrap my arms around Caden’s neck. I bring him closer, and he holds himself with a hand on the mattress right next to my head so he doesn’t crush me under his weight. His other hand goes under my top and grabs my hip tightly. The mere sensation of his skin against mine makes me tremble.

I’m not sure how long we’ve been kissing for, but I feel lightheaded from it. He pulls away and wraps a hand around my throat as his other one goes to my bare pussy. He strokes my clit slowly and reignites the fire he started earlier. It only takes him his thumb and brief focus to make me come under his touch yet again. I’m panting when he releases my throat to undo his belt.

“Wait,” I whisper. “I…”

His confused stare makes me uncomfortable. There’s a certain impatience in it, and I’m terrified he’ll use this moment of weakness to do things that’ll make me hate him.

You’re already meant to hate him.

“I don’t…I mean, I’m not…ready.” A beat. “To have sex again.”

“Again?” The surprise in his tone makes me retreat. “When did you stop having s—” The evident truth in my eyes cuts him off. “Fuck,” he releases on a breath as he jumps off me and stands up. He rakes two hands through his hair as he turns away from me and pulls at its roots. I sit up and cover myself with the blanket.

I don’t say anything, because it’s not my duty to make him feel comfortable in a situation that has always been entirely his fault.

He turns back to me, and his true self is more apparent than ever when he says, “You won’t get a sorry from me, Billie.”

“Sorry wouldn’t fix anything. It can’t.” My voice has no anger, but the truth isn’t easy to say or hear.

The truth never means anything. It’s just there, existing to remind us that we’re so terribly human and flawed.

“I really fucking broke you that night, didn’t I?” For once, he doesn’t say it offensively. He doesn’t say it to taunt me and torture me. He’s just realizing the extent of his actions.

Yes, he did break me. But I decide to lie. To not give him the satisfaction of knowing I’m a weirder, more fucked up version of myself since he assaulted me and made me come against my will. Since he made me realize that being forced could bring me pleasure.

“I’m not broken,” I whisper. “You’re not important enough for that. You’re just a smudge on the canvas of my life.”

“Good,” he murmurs as he takes a step closer. “Because it doesn’t change anything. You’ll be mine, Billie. If not now, then. If not here, in this shitty town that broke us…then there.”

That fictional, magical place that we both long to go to.

I’m speechless that he dares tell me it doesn’t change anything. I try to push a thought past my mouth, but nothing comes out for a few seconds.

“I don’t understand you,” I finally say.

‘I’m obsessed with a girl I barely know and should hate. I killed three guys because they touched her. I’m turning against my own crew for her and don’t even know her fucking middle name. Trust me when I say I don’t understand myself.”

There’s a beat while I take in information that sounds so real and emotionally genuine.

“I mean, there are some people I know really well, and I don’t know their middle names. I don’t think it’s a reference…” I pinch my lips, realizing it’s not the time to get into this. “Three guys, huh?”

He shrugs.

“From that fight night?”

He ignores my question, but I know it’s them because the Kings have been putting the blame on NSC. Turns out it was Caden.

“Get some rest,” he finally says. “You need to get better for that fight.”

He walks to my window, and just as he’s about to climb off, I say, “Caroline. That’s my middle name.”

He laughs softly and leaves into the dark of the night.

If I thought hating Caden was bad, starting to like him is absolutely worse.