Fiery Little Thing: Chapter 18

The stress is going to give me a heart attack. After going to the bathroom three times in the past hour, I wring my hands together once I resume my spot by the car park. Nervous peeing is a real issue.

It’s visitation weekend, and I’m just about ready to go to the bathroom for the fourth time.

This is a bad idea.

A really, really bad idea.

I tracked Charlie down straight after Kohen dragged me into the kitchenette yesterday, and typed up a message to Kiervan saying I had worries about Kohen I wanted to discuss. The response came back in a matter of seconds, and there was no going back from there.

He’s traveling five hours to see me even though I insisted we communicate by phone. It would have been a one-minute call where I tell him to fuck off and leave Kohen alone. He’s been there for me since day one, and I want to have his back too. Lord knows I’ve screwed Kohen over enough times, and I have every intention of evening the scales.

There’s no going back after this, and no way of seeing the sunlight if things take a turn for the worst. There’s another thing on my mind—a niggly little feeling that’s wormed its way down to my chest and hasn’t left since yesterday afternoon. It spreads warmth to my fingertips and the very ends of my toes. It’s as if I finally know what sunlight feels on my skin after watching from the shade my whole life.

Knowing that I’m truly wanted is a heady feeling that makes me want to laugh and cry at the same time. The pieces were falling into place as I lay in bed last night. Kohen did everything he said he would, and I didn’t need to ask.

And maybe, just maybe, when I die, I’ll still remember what being cared for feels like. I push my back against the brick building, hoping it will swallow me whole. It’s getting incrementally harder to breathe with the weight of regret on my chest. Seconds feel like hours as I mentally gnaw on the bars of my cage until I finally see him. It was impulsive and stupid, and I wish I could take it back, but now he’s here. I stayed up all night practicing what I would say to him. Now that he’s in front of me, I can’t remember why I invited him to begin with.

The other Osman.

Kiervan.

He’s impeccably dressed in a T-shirt and blazer combination. The soft black curls at the top of his head bounce with his stride up the steps from the car park. His stature is slightly smaller than Kohen’s, but he puffs his chest out like he’s double the size. When his sights land on me, he draws his wide smile like it’s a weapon, and I finally see the inky darkness beneath the mask.

How did I not notice it before? I’ve seen what it looks like when someone gets close to the grave. He’s got the look of someone drugged up on a cocktail of everything they could get their hands on; I can tell by the rot hiding beneath his smile.

There’s the slightest swagger in his step as he advances towards me. The smile he gives me is meant to be friendly and disarm me like it does to everyone else, but there’s nothing natural about it. I may not have the best survival responses, but I know for a fact he is a threat.

And I just invited the demon into my home.

Kohen may never forgive me for approaching his brother without telling him. He may not fully understand why I’m doing it, but at least one person will be in my corner if things go south. It makes my chest warm knowing that I have someone watching my back.

Yesterday, I started probing for details about everything he’s had to do for Kiervan: taking the fall for Kiervan’s drugs, always sitting a grade below Kiervan in each class they both took, doing his share of the chores, being his alibi, acting as his punching bag, and so much more. And Kohen withstood all of it just to protect me from his family.

Kiervan’s canines peek through as his smile broadens, waving at me like we’re old friends catching up after years. “Hey, Blaze,” he says once he’s at the corner of the brick building I’ve chosen for our meeting spot. It’s hidden enough that someone will only see us if they come from the car park. “How’ve you been? It’s been, what, like, three years?

”

“Cut the shit. I know you’re faking it, you goddamn psychopath.” I cross my arms so my fidgeting hands don’t give me away. His eyes catch the movement, and the smile the psychopath wears morphs into a beast’s with a mouth full of razor-sharp teeth ready to rip my throat out. But his eyes change to something eerily familiar; it’s the same analytical stare Kohen has every time he’s cataloging a new piece of information.

Kiervan stops for a second. Just long enough to make my heart pound against my ribs, screaming it’s time for me to take flight. His lips twist to the side as if he’s decided this is a game he can’t wait to play.

“Didn’t anyone ever teach you not to poke a bear?” There’s truth to the way his eyes morph into maliciousness as he cocks his head like he’s a hunter who’s just found his prey. He stalks forward, and it takes every ounce of my being not to bolt or tell him I was wrong and there was no reason for him to come all the way out here.

I swallow the lump in my throat and jerk my chin up. “I was willing to do it over the phone; you’re the one who decided to drive out to see me.”

He shrugs innocently. “Your text made it sound so urgent. I’m just trying to be a good brother and watch out for the little guy.”

“Really? You mean it? You want what’s best for him?” Of course, he doesn’t. That doesn’t mean I don’t want him to say it.

“Of course.” His brows dip down, and he holds a hand over his heart in fake earnest. “He’s family. I always want what’s right for them.”

“Then get your slimy claws out of him and fuck right off,” I hiss.

The laughter that ripples through the air sends goosebumps raining over my skin .

Oh, I fucked up. Bad.

“No wonder he likes you.” I swat Kiervan’s hand away when he pinches my cheek. “You’re so cute when you act so dumb. It’s like a match made in heaven,” he muses. “Darling, pray tell, where exactly did my brother claim my claws are? And don’t skimp out on the details. I like to be thorough.” The piece of shit backs me up against the wall, and I suck in a sharp breath when he leans his hand against the brick above my head.

He’s a bully. An abuser. Plain and simple.

I square my shoulders even though I want to knee him in the family jewels, then crutch away as fast as I can. “Well, I heard that you haven’t got all that much going on up here.” I tap my temple. “And you need your little baby brother to do all your dirty work for you.”

His eyes harden. “Is that so?”

I nod. Kiervan and Kohen may hate each other’s guts, but there is no denying their similarities in the rage boiling beneath their skin. The fundamental difference I am woefully unprepared for is how each brother strikes.

Kohen’s attacks can be seen a mile away. It always ends up with him inches from my face and his hand around my throat. The extent of the damage will only be on the surface, while my sanity will remain within arm’s reach.

Kiervan is the type who will strike at night when his opponents are most oblivious. He’ll swoon and charm, then rip their heart out the second their defenses drop. He’s a mastermind in it for the long game.

What am I? Fuck around and find out doesn’t mean much if my strongest attack involves my knees.

“What precisely does Kohen think he will achieve by sending his girlfriend to yap in my face?”

“It doesn’t matter what he thinks. What does matter is that you need to leave him the fuck alone. He isn’t your bitch. And I’m not his girlfriend.”

He cocks a brow. “Or what?”

I open my mouth but nothing comes out. Or what? Or nothing. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. “I’ll tell your college you’re getting someone else to do your work for you. You’ll be done for cheating, then you’ll never get your degree.”

Kiervan chuckles as if I’m a child. “You know what I think?” He curls a loose strand of my copper hair around his finger. “The only reason he’s taken any interest in someone like you is pity. He gets a sense of comradery in knowing that you’re just as pathetic as he is. You’ll be abandoned as soon as he finds someone else to coddle, to make him feel like he’s important. Left alone to rot in your house—oh wait. My bad. You don’t have one.” He smiles casually.

A lump forms in my throat as his words become parasites that wiggle into my brain. He’s probably right, and I’ve made a fool of myself by trying to play the hero. I just… Kohen did all those things for nothing. I don’t want him to keep doing things for me in vain when I’m going to disappear the second the gates open. He can’t follow me down or try to save me as we both fall.

After everything he’s done for me, I’m returning the favor.

“You’re going to die alone, hated by every person you’ve ever encountered.” It’s a weak response. Only I don’t know who I’m directing the words to, me or the monster in front of me.

“Wow. Being stupid with a poor memory is an unfortunate combination. Have you forgotten already, love? Nothing you can say or do will hurt me. I’m untouchable, and you’re…” He scoffs, slowly closing in on my personal space until there’s barely an inch between us. “You, on the other hand?” Kiervan trails a finger down my cheek, and I stop myself from cringing away. “There are so many ways I could make you scream.”

“Doesn’t change the fact you’re too stupid to do any of your bidding yourself. I guess your mom gave your brother the only functioning brain.”

He grabs me by my throat, except it isn’t tactful like the way Kohen does it, where I can still breathe. Kiervan’s only intent is to harm. Pain ruptures across my throat, cutting off my oxygen in an instant. Clawing at his arms, I bring my knee up, only for him to step forward to block my attack. White spots splatter over my vision as my hands flick out toward his face. I sink my thumbs into his eye sockets without a second thought.

A vicious growl breaks through the air a split second before I soar into the ground, crutches and all.

“Fucking bitch!”

I splutter for breath as he pulls me up on my feet, taking away any chance I have of an upper hand. Crying out, I reach for my hair, feeling strands snap away from the roots. It still doesn’t stop me from curling my first and aiming for the general vicinity of his dick, missing it narrowly. “Get the fuck off me.”

He buckles forward, clutching his stomach while unrelenting with his grip. Murderous eyes crash to mine, and he says with flaring nostrils, “You’re going to regret—”

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

We both snap our attention toward the voice, my stomach sinking to the deepest depths of hell. I had hoped to have at least a couple hours to regroup before Kohen found out about this .

Kiervan straightens, beaming from ear to ear. “Oh, what’s up, baby bro? Me? Blaze invited me over. We go way back.” Letting go of my hair, he grabs a handful of my ass. I jolt out of his hold, and my fist goes flying, knocking him square in the jaw. Pain blasts through my fist, radiating up my arm to my shoulder.

His head whips to the side, and his body follows. There’s no chance to bask in my victory because he recovers almost instantly, lunging for me. This time, I’m ready. There’s space to move and no second thoughts. I pivot on my bruised foot, grab the collars of his blazer, and drive my knee forward.

The howl that follows is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever heard. The cry that comes out of me is less so. My bad foot gives out, crumbling my balance. But a pair of arms catches me before I can finish my descent.

Kohen protectively tugs me to his side. His breaths come out short and sharp while his wild eyes remain on his brother. “You may be a psychopath, but touch her again and I’ll make sure you feel me break every single bone in your hand.”

A smug grin blooms across my face as a crimson bead drips down Kiervan’s chin from the corner of his lips. Any sliver of self-satisfaction vanishes when his mouth pulls as if he’s just concocted a plan that will make a drop of blood look like child’s play.

“You should really learn how to leash your pet.” The maniacal lilt to his voice has me edging closer to Kohen. His brother slowly backs away toward the steps down to the car park, cutting his lethal eyes to me when he says, “Dogs who act out get put down.”

Not for the first time today, I realize I’ve bitten off substantially more than I can chew. I’m not sure what exactly went through my brain when I typed up the message to Kiervan—or better yet, why I . But something tells me I’m about to lay in the bed I just made. And boy, is it a shit bed.

If the crow that’s eying me from one of the trees isn’t an omen, then the fact that I can hear each one of Kohen’s heavy breaths definitely is. Neither of us moves a muscle or speaks as we watch Kiervan stroll back to his car, whistling as he spins his keys around his finger. It isn’t until his Mercedes revs off down the long driveway that Kohen slices through the tension.

Any semblance of gentleness or patience has abandoned our fraught relationship. The grip he has on my shirt makes him look just like his brother with his hair-trigger temper and savage ferocity. He pushes me up against the cold brick wall, disregarding my whimper of pain.

“Why was he here? Was he telling the truth? Did you call him over just to fuck him?”

With each word, my heart sinks lower and lower until it feels like I don’t have one anymore.

I’ve seen this man pissed off before, but never like this. There’s no opening for reason in the way he looks at me. He’s made his mind up.

I’m a whore just like my mother, and I’m picking his brother just like everyone else. He believes both those things to be true, even when he saw how I was being treated by his brother.

I contacted Kiervan for him. I put my ass on the line and risked my grandfather’s wrath on the off chance that Kohen might have more freedom. And this is how he reacts?

Something switches inside me, and I can’t find it in me to hang on to the hurt. If Kohen thinks so little of me, then fuck him. I’m not going to stand here and get shit on by the Osmans. If he listens to what I have to say, good for him. If he doesn’t, then good riddance. I am really fucking sick of everyone throwing me around.

I had a taste of blood, and I want more. With every ounce of adrenaline coursing through my veins, I shove him off me. His hands loosen from my shirt, and I slip out from under him. He’s taken so off guard he blinks, and there’s almost a moment of clarity in his eyes before it vanishes again.

I widen my stance despite my ankle’s protest. “Pushing women around seems to be an Osman trait.”

“Fuck you,” he bites.

I rear back like I’ve been hit.

Throwing his head back, Kohen laughs humorlessly as he looks up at the cloudless sky. “I was so blind.” His stare cuts down to me, coated in disbelief and laced with hatred. It’s the type of look that makes me want to recede into a shell and wish the world would disappear by the time I reopen my eyes, because this? It hurts.

“Everyone said you were a mess, and I’d screw myself over by trusting you. I’ve met one—maybe two people who tolerate you, and both of them wouldn’t give a shit if you ended up dead. Then, after everything I told you—” Shaking his head, Kohen drags his hand through his hair. “I thought you were over wanting him. I thought—it doesn’t matter what I thought. Because there you were with my brother. My brother.”

My lips part. He is not seriously trying to slut shame me right now. “You goddamn delusional fucking dumbass,” I yell. “What part of any of that looked consensual? The part where he tossed me around or when I decked him? Wait, let me guess, kneeing him in the balls was the giveaway, wasn’t it?”

“Maybe he was too rough for your tastes, and it was too late for you to back out.” He sounds more like he’s trying to convince himself.

This is why it’s better to be lost at the bottom of a bottle or safe in my tower. No one can touch me there, even once I lay my heart out it’ll still be safe because I’ll forget it exists.

“You think I’m in my head all the time? Look at you! You think I want that man when he threatened to torture me?” Screw it. I’m not going to try to convince him anymore. “I called him over to tell him to leave you the fuck alone. You can call me a liar all you want; the truth is that I was trying to help you by getting him off your back.”

He pauses, staring at me with his hazel eyes as if I just spoke another language. Kohen is so still, I could be convinced the world has frozen. But finally he says, “I don’t need your help.”

“So you’re above my help, huh?” I scoff, face heating. I thought he fucking understood me. God, I hate being wrong. “You can help me, but as soon as I do something for you, it’s suddenly not good enough, right?” Tears prick my eyes, but I blink them away before he can see.

His eyes widen a fraction as he steps forward. “No, that’s not what I meant. Help yourself first.”

Rocking back on my heels as he reaches for me, I say, “You’re right. I will. Like you said, no one else will. You’re obviously so full of shit with your claims about supporting me.”

Kohen’s lips part. “Blaze—” His voice cracks on the single syllable.

“No, I’m talking, Kohen.” I hold my hand up then yank my arm out of his hold. “Helping someone means having their back even when people try to pit you against them. Caring about someone means believing them when they say they got hurt.” I raise my chin to look down my nose at him, praying to whatever god that’s listening that no tears will fall. “So truly, from the bottom of my heart, fuck you for being like everyone else. I’m sorry for trying to help. This is the last time I’ll ever do anything for you.”

Dejection spears through his face, and I feel its sharp sting down to my core; it’s cold and unrelenting in the misery it brings. His plea is evident in his eyes alone, but I never thought that hurting him might end up hurting me.

“Wait, no, Blaze—fuck.” With each step forward, I step back. “Stay. Please stay.”

Irritation runs down my spine. “You think I’m daft for not seeing everything you did for me. Well, right back at you.”

He halts, holding his arms out in surrender even though tension lines his silhouette. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I was wrong, but you shouldn’t have contacted my brother.”

“How many times are you going to apologize before it loses meaning?” I squeeze my eyes shut and take a deep breath. “Look, I was wrong to use your brother against you before, but I’m over that shit. Knowing everything Kiervan has done, and what you continue to do for him, I still put myself on the line for you. Your life is shit, but it doesn’t have to be.”

“What about you, Blaze?” Exasperation bleeds into his voice. “When are you going to start taking responsibility for your life?”

I gawk at him. “I didn’t choose this life! I became a villain just for being conceived by the wrong people.”

“And you stayed the villain because, at the end of the day, chaos is the only time you get to spread your wings and pretend you’re in control.”

Shaking my head, I swallow the boulder that’s lodged itself in my throat. “Don’t make this about me, Kohen. You’ve got your own shit to sort out. Acting like I’m the only one who needs saving isn’t going to change that.” My chest aches as I try to steady my breathing. “You and the rest of the universe might think it’s you versus Kiervan, and it is. But someone will pick you, and you’re going to ruin it because you’ve picked him.”

Silence hangs in the air between us as his chest rises and falls. Slowly, carefully, as if I might spook if he speaks too loudly, he says, “You aren’t unlovable. You’re just so desperate for it you’ve stopped understanding how to accept it.”

A staggered breath rushes out of me as I study the green rings around his eyes. Despite everything he said, I’m prepared for whatever punishment comes my way. Kohen has put himself out there for me every single day when I never asked for it. For years he’s sacrificed his sanity and dignity for me. I just hope he knows that there’s someone on this earth that sees him, and is willing to bleed for him too.

“Right back at you, Pyro.” I give him a sad smile.

We’re at a stalemate.

We’ve both still got issues, and we both still hate ourselves.

He turns to retrieve my fallen crutches for me, and there’s an almost conceited glint in his eye when he hands them back.

“Next time, Klepto, if you need to make a bomb, come to me. I’ve got the parts, and if you’re good, I’ll even let you pull the trigger. I call it a kill switch.”