14 | A Depressing Spotify Playlist

I walked home in a daze.

I love him.

No, NO.

God. I love him.

Well. Fuck.

Even though he is annoying and frustrating and an absolute weirdo. Even though I had known him for barely a month.

But I love him. It was as simple as that.

The realization was less shocking by the time I had reached home. I had been telling myself that none of this meant anything, but perhaps I had been lying to myself for quite a while now.

Perhaps I had loved him from the very first moment he'd sat down at that empty cafe seat.

But realizing this only led to a whole new kind of torture. I love him but...what can I possibly do about it?

I dragged myself into the house, dropping the keys on the countertop. I could hear my sister singing to herself in the kitchen. She sounded cacophonous. Nevertheless, I walked towards the awful noise and plopped myself down at the kitchen table.

"Hey!" Jamie said, "What's up?"

I groaned and dropped my head onto the table. The torture I felt was getting less and less pleasing by the minute, as I now ran list of terrible scenarios and 'what if's' through my mind.

What if he doesn't feel that way at all and it was all in my own mind? What if I tell him and he never speaks to me again?

I don't think I could bear not seeing him anymore. I'd rather continue being friends than mess everything up by saying things that would most definitely freak him out.

"The worst has happened," I said darkly to my sister.

I had fallen for him far too easily.

"Wow, dramatic much?" she teased, sitting down opposite me, "What's going on?"

I hesitated. Jamie would tease me mercilessly, but perhaps she would offer some advice once she's done. She's good at this sort of thing. "How do you hint to someone that you maybe...sort of like them?"

"You just tell them."

I stared at her. "I can't just tell him that!"

A sly smile spread across my sister's face. "It's that boy you went to see, you're finally admitting you like him!"

"I don't like him," I hastily said.

I love him.

"Sure sure, whatever." Jamie waved me off. "Just keep telling yourself that. Look, Clementine, at some point you've just gotta jump in head first and go get the things you want."

I did not like the thought of jumping in head first.

Jamie saw the expression on my face and sighed. "I assume you're going to just hang around and wait for him to make the first move?"

"Would he?" I asked, brightening at the thought.

Jamie rolled her eyes heavenward, her chair scraping unpleasantly against the tiled floor as she got up. She glared at me and smacked my head, grumbling 'idiot' under her breath as she left the room.

I spent the rest of the day lying in bed staring at the ceiling. Then I upgraded from that and spent the next few days staring at the wall.

I made sure to keep a depressing Spotify playlist playing at all times.

Getting out my phone, I sighed as I spun it on the table. We usually text every day, but ever since the last counseling session it has been radio silence. Maybe I should just say something. But what would I say? Would it be weird to just say 'hey'?

I pondered it for the next two hours until my phone beeped with a new message.

-Everett

Hey.

Well it wasn't weird when he said it.

Hi.

-C

-E

Are you okay? You seemed kind of freaked out when you left.

Yeah of course! I'm fine. I think I just spaced out cause I remembered something.

-C

-E

Oh....

I saw him typing some more. The dots disappeared and came back a few times before I got his message.

-E

I thought I made you feel uncomfortable with all that I said.

No it's fine, it was just part of the ruse.

-C

-E

Right.

A long pause again.

-E

Except it wasn't.

My heart slammed against my chest as I read and re-read his text chain.

Except it wasn't.

It had to mean he meant everything he'd said in there. Didn't it? Was there any possible way that I was misinterpreting that?

My fingers shook as I tried to come up with a reply. I almost typed 'that's nice' but then, luckily, I realized that was a stupid thing to say.

Well you convinced Holly lol! Do you want to get together and bake some stuff?

-C

-E

As part of winning the bet?

Uh yeah...sure

-C

I bit the inside of my cheek. I could have definitely typed that a better way. I almost thought he wouldn't reply this time, but a text came through soon after.

-E

Come over whenever. I'm making Christmas cake all week :)

I jumped up from my desk chair, almost knocking it over in the process. Running my hands through my hair, I paced the room.

My heart beat faster just at the thought of seeing him again. I caught myself wondering how many times he would laugh while baking today. It was like I went into withdrawal whenever I wasn't around him.

I was addicted to the way he smiled.

I hurriedly showered and dried my hair. Jamie wasn't at home so I decided to go for the same outfit she had picked out last time. Everett had said I looked nice—

Arghh stop, I scolded myself. This was going to turn into an unhealthy obsession if I wasn't careful.

An hour later I was already at his front door, ringing the bell before I could change my mind and go back home.

There was no answer for a long time. I was wondering whether to knock again when Everett's mom opened the door. She was holding a newspaper this time, instead of a magazine, but it was rolled up as if she were only using it to swat at things...or more likely people. Most likely Everett. Recognition flashed past her eyes but she didn't move to speak.

"Hi...ma'am," I started, "Is Everett home?"

She just stared at me for a long moment, assessing me with narrowed eyes. Long, black hair curled up to her waist, pushed back from her tanned face with a knotted headband. I was struck again by how similar Everett looked to her. Though, Everett was always smiling.

And his mom currently looked like she wanted to kill me.

So everyone was requesting I share Clementine's spotify lolls. You just ask and the great gay vampire provides ;) check the comments right here for the link —>

I'll also add songs to the beginning of the chapter where I can. The one I found for this chapter matches so well, it's literally about staring at the ceiling xP

Reading lots of onc novellas? You might enjoy this story by Spruce_Goose

After a chance meeting, old friends Grace Williams and Levi Edgeworth allow the flip of a coin to decide whether they live out their childhood fantasy of discovering just what lies at the end of a stream. Just when they think they have their answer, they find themselves stuck together, in a series of tunnels where old secrets are revealed.