Chapter 40: Big Mistake

Partially edited. Song to the side reminds me of this story.

By the way, please don't hate me.

Chapter 40

When I told Jessie about Adrian asking me on a ‘date’ (I still don’t believe it, it’s most likely his way of letting me down softly) she literally freaked out. She dropped the phone onto her floor and I heard her screeching and screaming. It was only Wednesday, and we were back in school despite the snowy sidewalks.

Jessie still wasn’t over her happiness for me. We were in second period and she kept looking back at me and grinning. To any onlookers, she must’ve looked like a complete creep.

When the class ended, we made our way down to lunch. The lunchroom was loud and our group was sitting together, talking animatedly about this Saturday and how they were excited to attend my recital.

Logan was annoying me, like usual. “Why do you still blush when we mention it? We all know you like Adrian.” The cafeteria went silent and I was absolutely positive that more than half of the students had heard Logan. He even tried to cover it up. “Adrian’s new necktie, that’s what I was saying.”

Whispers erupted throughout the cafeteria and I felt my face warm up. I felt my eyes brim with tears. I know what they were saying: if he knows she likes him, why doesn’t he ask her out? Oh yeah, that’s right, because he doesn’t like her. He rejected her. He’s out of her league. She’s an idiot for even thinking about liking him.

It all happened so suddenly that my brain had a hard time realizing what had just happened. I was under attack. In a matter of seconds, all eyes in the cafeteria had turned to look at me.

Logan’s face was automatically apologetic and he stuttered to say something but I quickly waved my hand, dismissing it. “I’m okay.” I’m not. I’m really, really not.

I stood up and managed to stumble out of the cafeteria with the ounce of dignity I had left. I escaped into the girl’s bathroom. How cliché is that? And how stupid is that? When you’re about to burst into tears, just go into the room where your arch nemesis can easily gain access to.

It makes complete sense.

“You’re so stupid.” Brielle’s condescending voice entered the bathroom and I stood in the corner of the cubicle. “How could you think that he’d ever like you?”

I stayed silent, my back against the wall and my index finger and thumb against the bridge of my nose. “You do realize that I know you’re in there, right? You’re not as invisible as you wish you were.”

Despite the urge to swear at her and stomp her face with my sneakers, I restrained myself in the walls of the cubicles. They felt like they were closing in on me. I swallowed the sob in my throat that was threatening to break free. We’re soaring, flying- not now.

“You’re just a nobody, you know? If anybody should date Adrian, it’s me. I’m the head cheerleader; he’s the football player and baseball player. We’re practically meant to be together.” She was speaking so casually of this. I saw her wedges from under the stall. They were walking back and forth.

“No, we’re destined to be together. You’re just another obstacle. You saw that he was going to kiss me but that idiot Logan had to go and ruin it. I bet you were in on that, too.” I bit my lip and closed my eyes, digging my nails into my arm.

I closed my eyes, tears slowly streaming down my face. I quickly wiped them away, blinking back the ones that were threatening to spill out. “You’re probably in there sobbing, so I’ll leave you with this message, Fiona; you’re just another obstacle, another challenge that God’s placing here for Adrian to overcome on his journey to me. And when he gets here, he’ll be coming into open arms.” More like open legs. I saw her wedges move away from the stall and the door opened and closed.

I rubbed my face before exiting the stall. I didn’t bother looking at my face in the mirror. I just pulled up the hood of my jacket and exited the bathroom. I was sniffling and planning on just ditching school for the day. “Fiona?”

I looked up, greeted by the sight of Ethan and Nicholas standing there with puzzled looks on their faces. “Are you okay?” Ethan surprised me by asking this. I nodded, biting my lip to hold back tears. “You don’t look okay.”

I pushed passed them and neared the exit to the school, hoping that none of the faculty members had caught sight of me: so far, so good. I opened the door to the parking lot and I heard sneakers thudding against the pavement. “Fiona?”

I turned around to see Chase. He was standing there with a kind look on his face. “Are you okay? I saw what happened back there.” Of course you did.

“I’m fine, just… tired.” I ran my hand over my face, blinking a few more times. I turned my gaze away from him before bringing it back to his eyes. If I don’t say much I have a better chance of making it out of here with my pride.

“No, you’re not. I have four sisters, Fiona.” Chase smiled at me and I nodded my head rapidly, trying to assure him that I was fine without speaking. Surprisingly, he pulled me into a hug and that did it. I let out a loud sob, my body shaking.

I’m pathetic. Here I am, crying like a baby into a near stranger’s chest. Where were my friends? Aren’t they supposed to be the ones that are helping me through this situation? But then again, I didn’t really want to see them, not now at least. Maybe it was better that Chase was comforting me instead of Adrian or Jessie, or even Trent and Logan. I didn’t want them to see me like this. I didn’t even want to see myself like this.

___

I stared up at the ceiling, my mind jumbled and my face blotchy and red. As soon as I stepped into the door, my Aunt came charging at me with questions about why I was home but when she saw the state I was in, she backed off a bit.

I cried so much. I cried on the drive back home. I cried when I got home. I cried when I showered. I cried when I completed the homework I received from the classes I actually managed to attend. And the reason I was crying?

What they said was true; what Brielle said and what the student body said. Adrian didn’t like me and I wasn’t right for him. I don’t want to go on his pity date. No matter how much he says that he wants to go on the date, I know that it’s nothing but a pity date. If he thinks he’s doing me a favor by trying to bring me on this date, he’s mistaken.

___

I avoided them. I avoided my friends completely.

During classes, I would ignore the notes they sent me by burying my head in my books.

I avoided them in the hallways by ducking behind the geeks.

I avoided them in the lunchroom by eating in an abandoned janitor’s closet I happened to stumble upon while, ironically, avoiding my friends.

I avoided the notes they left in my locker by simply crumbling them up and tossing them in the trash can. I even counted each note I’d received; 152.

I avoided their calls and texts by simply keeping my phone off.

I avoided run-ins with Adrian by leaving the house early and sleeping in a guest room on the opposite side of the house.

I felt bad, heck, I felt terrible. They’d been with me during the whole entire debacle with Adrian and here I was, avoiding them when things got too tough for me. Maybe some alone time will help me become a bit more sane.

When Friday came, I typed a letter up and printed it, sticking it onto Adrian’s window. It said that I wasn’t going to be able to make it to the (pity) date. I also asked him to deliver the message to our friends that stated that they shouldn’t come to my recital. Although I already gave them the address, I could only hope and pray that they could follow my wishes.

My aunt wasn’t happy with my self-isolation. To be honest, I wasn’t either. But I had to continue doing it. Although it’s only been three days, three days is enough time to realize how attached you’ve become of a person.

I miss Logan’s stupid jokes and ignorant comments. I miss Jessie’s obsession with fashion and constant gossip about Trent. I miss Emilia’s words of encouragement and wise advice. I miss Trent’s teasing and taunting. And I miss Adrian’s ability to make me laugh so easily and his smile. Oh, gosh, I miss his smile.

It wasn’t until I was staring up at my ceiling on Friday night that I realized that I’d made a huge mistake.