Jasmine

"I've never tried to block out the memories of the past, even though some are painful. I don't understand people who hide from their past. Everything you live through helps to make you the person you are now."- Sophia Loren

It was the briefest of exchanges, the slightest caress of skin but it opened a world inside me that I was both afraid and confused about. We spoke no more of the kiss, if you could even call it that, Dylan just smiled an offered me an apple. I gladly accepted, nodding my head with appreciation. The door to this new territory had my stomach in knots and flurries, my heart singing and my skin burning. Deep down however I felt the darkness creeping up my neck, threatening to take hold of my body. The happiness I felt soon subsided and the fear came back, this time with a greater vengeance.

It seemed life was determined to not let me be happy even if I tried. I withdrew from the world, drowning out Dylan's chirpy words with my own dark clouds of distress. "Hey what's wrong?" He asked, brows furrowed with concern.

Nothing. I scribbled messily in my notebook

"Your face doesn't look like nothing to me." He nudged me, smiling jokingly.

I'm. I paused not finding the words to describe what I was feeling. Not sure how I feel. I settled for the truth.

"About what?"

About this. Me. Life. The world.

"What is your heart telling you?"

That I should be aware that nothing good lasts a long time. I hung my head with shame. Here Dylan was trying his hardest to show me the world and I kept my walls up, building a new one every time he broke one down.

"Then you should just enjoy it while it lasts. You said nothing good lasts long, well neither does bad. Every thing passes with time, it's the only constant we have in our lives. Just like the tides our feelings ride the waves and instead of fighting what's natural we should let the current take us to where we end up. It might be the mainland, it could be an island. Either way we won't be lost at sea for too long. The easier we give into nature the quicker the our feet will touch the ground. Till then enjoy the view because it will never be the same again. Let your eyes drink as much as it can, let your mind be open to possibilities and let your soul be free. Elise, take each day, each feeling without question. Just let yourself live it because time may be a constant, it never comes back." He turned back to the sunset, letting me mull over his words. I don't know how long it had been since I lived or even allowed myself that smallest pleasure.

In so many ways Dylan was exposing me to my former life, to when I was genuinely happy. A tear fell from my eye, splashing on my lap. My heart screaming out in pain and there was nothing I could to help it. That one tear opened the flood gates and soon was I was sobbing with every cell of my body. I felt Dylan's arms wrap around me, pulling me onto his lap as he held me close. He let me cry till the river ran dry, just comforting me by his strong presence.

I did eventually stop crying, just as the air was becoming cold and Dylan shivered around me. I wiped my eyes, embarrassed at how I had just made his clothes wet with my tears. "Hey it's okay to cry once in a while you know. Even I cry I just haven't found the need lately. Come on, it's late, tomorrow we've got a few things to do." We packed up the basket and made our way back down to the town, hands interlaced with each other. When we checked into the inn I fell asleep almost immediately as Dylan held me in his arms, our legs tangled under the cover. The steady metronome beat of his heart lulled me into another dreamless sleep, while the warmth of his body relaxed my tense body and I let out a sigh before I let myself go.

Unlike all the other mornings we woke leisurely, savouring the morning heat that greeted us instead of the fog. "What would you like for breakfast?" He asked. I tapped my chin, feigning thoughtfulness.

PANCAKES. I've been craving them recently I don't know why.

"Well I happen to know this inn makes the decent batch. Let's go." He smiled brightly, no sign of tiredness on his face. I ordered simply, stuffing my face with buttermilk pancakes and maple syrup. This little town had many farms which were all sustainably cultivated and provided the residents with plenty of food. The day before we had run into surprisingly large population of children which just led me to think I had been too quick to judge the smaller populated areas. Being a city girl, I had no experience of life outside the hustle and bustle, now I'm grateful to Dylan for giving me this opportunity.

What's the plan for today?

"There's a few people here I want you to meet." He smiled.

You know people here?

"As a matter of fact I do. I think you'll like them."

If they're anything like you then I'm sure I will.

"Come on eat up, they're waiting for us." I stuffed the remaining pancakes into my mouth and washed it down with my lukewarm tea. We walked back into the town, through the narrow roads and reached a manor. Dylan rang the doorbell and waited for the door to open. A middle aged woman opened the door and immediately smiled as soon as she saw us.

"Dylan! It's been too long since we've seen you!" The woman grabbed his shoulders and pulled him into a tight hug.

"Yeah, I'm just passing through. Thought we'd stop by for a while."

"Come in, come in. Have you had breakfast yet, there's some leftovers if you want."

"No it's okay. We had breakfast." Dylan smiles brightly.

"Great! They haven't been doing too well lately. The dementia is getting worse, so I'm not sure how much they'll remember. But I'm sure they'll be very happy to see you." She led us through the manor. As we walked through the rooms I saw elderly people in wheelchairs reading, or playing chess. Some had canes resting beside their arm chairs as they napped or read newspapers.

On the walls hung painted portraits of important army officials and great women of power. It reminded me of old English manors, like the ones from Dowtown Abbey. I assumed the people who stayed here had lived interesting lives, and held a great deal of respect from their professions.

Bella took us out to the huge garden that was neatly maintained. The serenity of the garden was a stark contrast from my home town, calming my anxious heart. I noticed we were walking towards a couple sitting on a bench, their backs facing us.

"Donna, Henry? There's some people here to see you." Bella announced. Their eyes were focused on us, their facial expressions projecting uncertainty.

Dylan smiled brightly at them. "Hey grandma, pops." He kneeled in front of them as her eyes widened with recognition.

"Dylan, my sweet!" His grandmother cried, tears forming in her eyes. She leaned forward and hugged my companion tightly. The sweet exchange brought tears to my eyes as he reunited with his beloved grandparents. He never told me anything about his family, knowing he'd reveal it eventually. "Henry! Look who's here. It's Dylan."

"Dylan who?"

"Dylan our grandson." She cried, clutching her husband's arm.

"Dylan, as in Darling Dylan?" He asked. Dylan chuckled at the nickname.

"Yes Pops, the one and only Darling Dylan." He smiled tenderly.

"Come here boy, let me look at you." His grandfather beckoned, smiling. My friend stood up and turned for his grandfather. "You've grown tall my boy. How's your brothers?"

"Ah well, they're busy working."

"And what about you darling?" His grandmother asked.

"I've re-opened the cafe. It's really great, you would have liked it." He smiled.

"Are you happy?"

"I am happy Pops, very happy."

"How's that heart of yours doing?"

"It's still beating." Dylan replied.

"Any special girl in your life son?" His grandfather winked.

"Actually, there's someone I want you to meet." He got up and took my hand, pulling me towards his family. "Grandma, Pops. This is Elise. She's a special friend of mine. Elise this is General Henry Williams and his lovely wife Donna." I looked up at his face as he continued to smile at his grandparents.

"Hello Elise, it's wonderful to meet you." Donna smiled at me, extending her shaky hand to me. I took the wrinkled hand and shook it gently. "Come closer, let me get a better look at you." I leaned in so her spectacled eyes could see me clearer.

"Dylan, you've done well. She's absolutely beautiful." I blushed, looking down at the ground at the sides of my lips quirked upwards. It wasn't a fully fledged smile but it was the beginnings of one.

"Yes she is." He looked at me with such intense loving, I became lost in his eyes.

"Do you speak, child?" Henry asked me. I looked at him sadly and shook my head, ashamed that I didn't have the courage to speak the words they desperately wanted to hear.

"Don't worry Elise, we'll take good care of you." Donna lovingly stroked my hair.

"Did you know that my Pops here is a Vietnam war veteran?" Dylan announced proudly.

"I sure am. Why don't we go inside. There's something I want to show you." He gathered his cane and shakily stood up, Dylan holding his elbow and guided him to his wheelchair. I helped Donna up, but she didn't want her own assist. Slowly we made our way across the clipped lawn and back into the manor. We went up in a newly built elevator to the bedrooms. Donna and Henry shared a large room, with a king sized four poster bed commanding the space.

Like the rest of the manor, this room exuded riches. Clearly this house was owned by someone with money, lots of money. "Take me to that chest of drawers." Henry asked. Dylan willingly obliged. He took out a small black box. "I was awarded this medal of bravery after saving two of my men on the front lines. Vietnam was a dark place, but I was serving my country with my brothers and I think that's what made us get through that hell.

My best friend, Major David Quinn died in that war. He saved me by pushing me out the way of an incoming bullet by enemy fire. I lost many good friends in that war. David had a son, who later became my god son and then best friends with my own son. David and I grew up together in a small town in Virginia. We went to high school together. We went to different colleges, and communication wasn't so good so we drifted apart. He was like my little brother to me. We found each other again when we were placed in the same battalion.

I was so happy to have found my friend again, my brother and now my comrade in arms. The years we were enlisted we had to endure good times and many more bad. We saw many good men die on that battlefield, the horrors out there I wouldn't wish for anyone to see.

This medal, I really don't deserve it. The medal should be in the hands of David right now. To this day his death haunts my dreams, but his death only resulted me in becoming the best father and god father I could ever be to my sons. I stayed in the army long after the Vietnam war and retired a General. Thank god for my beautiful wife or I would have gone off the deep end."

"Oh stop Henry. You're perfectly strong on your own." Donna blushed.

"Donna my love. You underestimate yourself." He gestured for Dylan to move him towards his wife. He took her frail hand and kissed it. The old woman blushed again, looking like an eighteen year old once more.

"Come sit dear," Donna took my hand and led me to the couches. "Dylan's grandfather here may have been a general in the army but he was a soppy old romantic at home. On the weekends he'd be baking with our children, or taking me on dates. To this day we have a date the first Saturday of every month, we have every year for last 40 years. Our 50th anniversary is coming up in a few years, and we hope Dylan you will come to visit us."

"Of course grandma."

"I think you and Pops have some catching up to do. Why do you go get some tea, Elise and I will stay here." Donna smiled at her husband.

"Of course my love." He kissed her hand again before Dylan wheeled him out. I heard their voices all the way down the hallway till they disappeared into the elevator.

"Elise." I turned to the older woman. "Dylan might not be able to see it, but I can. I can see that you have still have love in your eyes. I can also see the pain you have endured and the pain you're going through right now. You shouldn't try and push the bad memories away. Embrace them. They're a part of you so you can't cut them out your life, which I know you're trying to do. You can't let your past define who you are now.

Whatever trauma you have been through, our existence right now just shows me how strong you are to have come this far. Your eyes have seen far too many horrors for a young soul like yours, I can tell. Accept your past as something that you have survived and that you will continue to survive, thrive even.

As for Dylan, well he loves you. He loves you very much. You on the other hand, you're still apprehensive about you're feeling for him but I can see deep down that you are falling for him but there's something stopping you from opening up to him. I have complete faith in Dylan. I know he won't hurt you, that boy couldn't even hurt a fly. But you should stop hurting yourself by allowing the negativity you're afraid rule your life. Your heart," she tapped my chest. "Should be light. Allow yourself to unburden the weight so that you can finally breathe again. If you want to speak then you can, you just have to let go."

Just then Dylan and his grandfather entered the room with good spirits and a tray of tea and biscuits. Henry placed the tray on the coffee table and beckoned us over. I reached forward and brought the tea cup and saucer to Donna who thanked me with a nod of her head.

"So what were you two ladies gossiping about?" Henry laughed.

"We were just talking about the time Dylan ran around the house with his mother's lingerie over his diapers, and his father's beret." My lips quirked slightly as I gazed at Dylan's embarrassed, blushing face.

"Grandma!" He groaned.

"I think I have some photo albums somewhere. Can you check that cabinet darling?" Donna asked me, whilst giggling girlishly. I found lots of album dating back to the younger days of Henry and Donna Williams.

We spent the rest of the day reminiscing about Dylan's diapers days in the Williams household. Dylan looked so happy, happier than he had the last few days we had spent together. He was in his element, surrounded by the people he loved. I just watched the way his eyes sparkled when he smiled or how relaxed he was when he laughed. How he had a secret smile directed only for me when we caught each other's eyes.

Donna was right. I was falling for the beautiful man standing in front of me and the walls I had built were coming crashing down.