Nokukhanya (Chapter 8)

Chapter 8

●Nokukhanya Ngwenya

I have no idea why I said that to him seriously who does that surely I looked like one of those crazy women who got dumped. I’m sitting at the back seat and thinking about my life. Come to think of it I don’t have any direction at all I mean Cindy and I are the same age but already she has a stable job a house and Jabu who loves her dearly and now they are expecting their first baby I wouldn’t be surprise if they would get married. And here am I sleeping with married men leaving in a one bedroom house and I cant even get an internship for my degree yet I’m graduating in three weeks. How pathetic.

“Nokukhanya…” Why is she talking to me now.

“Nokukhanya I’m talking to you.” She says again.

“I can hear you Cindy.” I’m tired really and right now I don’t need her judgement.

“Aren’t you happy for us…with the baby I mean.” She asks.

“How can you say something like that. Of course I’m happy for you guys.”

“No indaba your reaction earlier on was not of an excited person.” She says. I’m confused kanti she wanted me to throw a party for her or maybe shout from the roof top.

“I’m sorry it came across that way because I am happy for you guys.” Both Jabu and her looks at me then at each and then they remain quiet after that.

I just need to get away from them for a little while. Or just maybe get away from life itself this living shit is hard and having no one on your corner is harder.

“Can you please drop me off at Victor's I need to get my phone.” I say and She hands me my phone back. So she had it all along. Mxm.

“Thanks.” I says.

“Are you okay.”

“Yes I’m okay.” I tell Her.

I need to do some changes with my life.

Starting with getting what’s mine.

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I asked them to drop me off at the mall I needed to get a few things for my room before going to see my grandmother.

I bought myself a small plasma TV a microwave and a brand new iron and some groceries. Things that will help me to survive until I get a new job. My rent is fully paid up for the next coming five months. The package that I received from Mr Jones wasn’t bad at all in fact my leave days boosted it hence I can get myself all this things now room will look nicer.

I was behind this couple who seemed like they were in love killing us with their affection making me wonder if ever I was going to meet someone who is meant for me and not someone else’s husband.

Why is everyone looking at me.

“Next please.” Shit. I was day dreaming again.

I pushed my trolley to the front.

“Hi…sorry.” I said with a smile.

“Its okay…it happens all the time.  You looked miles away.” Okay…she’s friendly compare to all the cashiers you get at supermarkets.

“It does neh. Are they not looking for people? I need a job. Anything will do.” I asked the cashier while giving her my card to swipe my items. She seemed very nice I hope she’s not one of those uptight one and I’m not overstepping boundaries.

“It’s your lucky day…they are. You see that guy over there.” She said pointing to some guy who was wearing uniform that was completely different than the rest of the staff.

I nodded.

“Yes go to him and give him your CV. They are definitely looking for cashiers at the moment.” I thanked her and went up to him.

Lord please be with me. I have never asked you for anything since I lost my parents but right now I need a job… any job. I found myself saying a little prayer.

“Excuse me. I’m sorry to disturb you. I heard you were looking for cashiers. Where can I submit my CV.” He smiled. Why is he smiling.

“Well it’s your lucky day Miss… I’m looking for an assistant.” Didn’t she say they were looking for cashiers.

I returned the smile.

“Okay…where can I submit my CV. I don’t have hard copies with me now but I can send it to you on Email if you don’t mind.”

“Follow me.” He said pushing my trolley to what seemed like a office. He took a paper and wrote something down for me.

“Here. My email address send it now if you don’t mind.” He said and with no hesitation whatsoever I did exactly that.

After he promised to give me call. I make my way home. When I got home I found ubab'Duma busy reconnecting my power. While at it I was rearranging my room to put the things I bought today. So my room is an open plan. It’s one huge garage that they turn into a room to rent out so my bedroom kitchen and lounge it’s in the same place… all in one. What’s nice about this smallanyana complex of ours is that bab’Duma and that horrible wife of his made sure that all the rooms had built in kitchen units and wall units for our clothes. Even though mine is the smallest room compared to the others its perfect for a single broke person like myself. There’s nine rooms including mine. However we all have to share three toilets and the two showers they  just installed and there’s also  three bathrooms which I hate using because some of the tenants don’t clean  after themselves hence I’m using my wash bowl to take a bath. My electricity is back on and now I have TV that’s actually playing my old one I had to give it clap before the screen came on.

What a day.

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Maybe it’s time I told my grandmother the truth. Maybe it’s time I told her everything how I left my parents house to live with Cindy’s family when I was only sixteen and moving out when I was doing my matric. Leaving Cindy’s family wasn’t easy because I got along with everyone except her sister and I knew if I stayed there longer me and Carol would have killed each other that girl is a bitch a mean bitch. Sigh. Maybe its about time my grandmother knew how evil her daughter is I cannot carry on like this anymore.

Okay so I don’t know how I ended up being here. My house. It’s still the same as the day I was last here and that was 8 years ago. The colour is fading though. My parents’ house needs some serious revamping and I will be doing some serious renovations once I get myself into my parent’s affairs.

Must I go in or just come back tomorrow? I kept asking myself that for the past fifteen minutes. Finally I make my way in.

There’s someone coming after my knock.

“Hello can I help you?” She says with her huge bump staring at me. Okay weird.  I know today I just find out that my best friend is pregnant and funny enough today still I kept on bumping into pregnant women at the mall and here I am now talking to a pregnant woman what is this? Is the universe trying to tell me that I might be pregnant also since I lost my virginity?

“Uhmm yes… who are you and what are you doing in my house?” She raises her eyebrows and shouts someone’s name.

“What! Didn’t I tell you to never shout?” Says a man behind her.

“Who the hell are you and what do you want.” He’s rude…bloody mampara!

“Who the hell I am? Who the hell are you! Where is my aunt? What are you doing in my house?” I says angry and slightly pushing the pregnant fairy aside but making sure I don’t crash into her I wouldn’t want to hurt her baby just because the parents don’t have manners. I’ve been standing outside far too long not to be invited inside my own house.

“Hey don’t push her like that.”  I ignore him and let my eyes wander around. Everything is still as it was except my family portraits…all of them are gone. My parents wedding picture is replaced by an ugly clock and next to it there’s a picture of Nelson Mandela. I roll my eyes.

“Where’s my aunt.” I ask calmly now.

“Look kid. We are renting this house and like I told your aunt this morning is that we only moving out at the end of the month. She can’t sell the house and expect us to move out just like that. We paid our rent.” I widen my eyes. That stupid witch sold my house without my consent. How dare she!

“You renting out my house with everything else inside here.” I ask defeated.

“Yes.” The wife says.

“Everything. Everything?” I ask again just to be sure because everything inside here belongs to my parents. Except that ugly watch.

“Yes with everything else in here. We are not from here so when we got the house fully furnished with plates and all. We took it.”

“How long have you been staying here?”

“For a year and just today your aunt told us to vacate the place since she sold it.” I nod.

I don’t know what to say anymore. How can she do this? How can she sell my house like this surely I have a say in this.  I have rights too.

I ask to go to one of the rooms and they let me. Everything is still the same. I find the documents my grandmother asked me to bring to her then leave.

●Langa Gumede

After that drama at my house this morning I drove straight to wife’s grave. I’ve been coming here only once or twice a month just to clean and vent out my frustrations. Today I feel…I feel like a heavy load has been lifted off my shoulders I don’t even feel guilty for sleeping with her and I definitely don’t feel like I have cheated on my wife. I even bought her flowers something I haven’t done for the past two years the last time I bought her flowers was the day of their funeral.

“Sthandwa Sami it’s me. I know it’s been a while since I came here and ngiyaxolisa for that. I love you maka Simi and I will forever cherish you until I take my last breath. I want you to know that there is absolutely no one who is going to replace you in my heart.” I say

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“Maka Simi I met someone.” I take a deep breath and look at my daughter’s grave next to my wife’s.Ooh how I miss them.

“ I met someone who is driving me crazy at the moment and I every time I’m with her my heart skips a beat just the same as way when I met you for the first time. She is the first woman I have taken interested since you. These feelings I have inside are very unusual for me and I don’t know what to do and plus I don’t want to disrespect you. Please give me sign if I should move on or just forget this love game.”

I clean up both their graves and spend a few more minutes with them before I leave. I’m not sure if I should go straight to work or just go home.

Home it is.

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I have rearranged my whole bedroom completely changed everything. I even cooked as well. There’s a door bell and I make my way downstairs and I find my mother already inside.

“Langelihle what’s wrong? Why aren’t you answering your phone? Your brother has been looking for you and why you aren’t at work?”

Dammit! So many questions which one do I answer and which one do I ignore. She comes forward and places her hand on my forehead to feel my temperature.

“Ma I’m fine.” I tell her.

“Then why aren’t you at work?”

“Because I didn’t feel like it.”

“What do you mean you didn’t feel like it and what are you wearing?” She asks looking me up and down. I really do not think there's something wrong with me wearing sweatpants and a hoody, it is just one of those days that I feel under the weather. After visiting my girls I got this weird feeling when I driving here. Like someone was watching me.

“What’s wrong with my outfit? There is nothing wrong with me wearing this. Ask your other son I do sometimes dress down I mean I can’t be wearing suits all day every day and for the last time Ma… I’m fine.” I say while getting myself a glass of water.

“Who is she?” I choke and spit out some of the water.

“Sies man Langa!” She says then laughs at me.

“So tell me…who is she? Who is messing with my son’s head?”

“Ma there is no one. Trust me”

“Mntanami you know that you and your brother can never lie to me, you are my children and I gave birth to you so I do know that you met someone who is driving you crazy. So tell me who is she.” Dammit this woman.

“There is no one Ma.  I promise you. You will be the first one should I ever decide to start dating again and that won’t happen any time soon.”

“You do know that it has been two years already and you can move on and just allow yourself to move on. You cannot remain single for the rest of your life I still want grand babies from you uyangizwa.”

I look at her and just stare at her. I know I’m not getting any younger but I think it still too soon that I move on but Nokukhanya is just… she is just someone else that my heart is yearning for.

“Ma you know that I loved my wife more than anything I still do and there is absolutely no one who is going to replace her.”

“I know that. Everyone does but its time you let go don’t you think? You are going to grieve her until when.” I shrug my shoulders I also don’t know. My door bell rings and someone walks in without me even taking a breath no manners at all.

In walks Fikile with her skimpiest dress I have ever seen not like I see things like these everyday but yeah how can she dress like this to see her boss worse my mother is here.

“Sir I brought you lunch. Since you didn’t pitch up at work which is so unlike you so I thought I should bring you food…” She stops talking when her eyes lands on my mother.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t notice you had company. Good day Maam.” My mom just nods her head and walks away leaving me with her.

“Sorry Mr Gumede. Here’s your food I should get back to the office.”

“Thank you Fikile however there was no need for all of this.”

“I know but I always get you food so I thought you were sick or something.” She says looking me up and down busy undressing me. I clear my throat.

“Fikile I’m fine. You can go back to work now. Thank you.”

“Okay see tomorrow?”

“Maybe. Goodbye Fikile.”

I watch her leaving my house busy shaking her hips as if she is the madam of this house. Dammit this woman will be the death of me if I don’t do anything about it now.

“Langelihle Gumede who knew you were into women like that?”

Ngavelelwa mina!

I won’t hear the end of this. I hate that my mother still treat me like I’m the same age as Linda.

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