Nokukhanya (Chapter 30)

Chapter 30

● Nokukhanya Ngwenya

His family is still here, and I don’t have the guts to leave my room and go face them. After Langa left me in our guestroom, I went straight to our room, and I’ve been in here ever since. I wanted to go and just explain, but I heard his mother and grandmother shouting at him. One of the aunts might have joined in as well, and that was not for me. My stress level wouldn’t take any of that. Should they shout at me like that, I swear I would deliver this baby now.

I just finished taking a shower, and I miss my daughter. Let me face my fears and get this over and done with. Just as I’m about to open my door, Lindokuhle walks in, carrying a sleeping Nonjabulo. He looks angry.  I watch him put her down and kiss her temple. Then…

“I thought we were close mina nawe.” He speaks after giving me a look I can’t even explain.

“We are.” I reply.

“I find that hard to believe.”

“We are Lindo.”

“Then why did you not tell me you guys got married?” he asks.

“It’s complicated.” It is.

“Then uncomplicate it for me because I have plenty of time to listen to your drama with my brother.” The hell is his problem.

“Lindokuhle.”

“Yini! I want you to tell me why you got married to him? What is it about him that you always find yourself going back to him. He doesn’t love you like I…. like I… damnit Nokukhanya maan! You never listen wena and you can’t even see what’s right in front of you!”

F*ck! What has just happened.

I watch him walk out, banging the door behind him. I am so glad my daughter did not wake up after that. What does he mean Langa doesn’t love me? I know he does.

He does, right?

.

.

.

“You are still alive? Makoti?” That’s the grandmother. I’m hungry that’s why I’m here.

“Yebo Mma.”

“Mhhmm.” She speaks. This woman is something else I tell you. Now I am just standing here and not knowing if I should carry on and ignore all the stares on me and go eat or must I just explain that he forced me. Maybe I should lie and tell them that he threatened me after that drama he had with his fake wife.

“Uhm…” I begin to explain myself, but...

“Ulambile neh?” God bless my mother-in-law she is such a blessing in life. Here I was thinking I’m going to have to explain myself while I’m hungry and frustrated.

“Yebo Mma.”

“Sit down, I will go and fetch you something to eat, then you can tell us why you and that husband of yours did not think to let us know of the changes. Hlala phansi.” Eish. I spoke too soon.

I watch as she disappears to the kitchen while the other Gumede women watch me as if I stole one of their goats. I’m in deep shit. That I know.

Yho!

“Are you really married to that hard-headed?” I nod. This food is delicious.

“When did this happen.” I swallow my food and look up to find all the beautiful Gumede women looking at me. What is this? I thought she said I should eat before I tell them the whole story.

“Nokukhanya…”

“Mma?”

“When did you get married to Langa?”

“It happened that day when we drove away from Fikile, we woke up the next morning he drove to home affairs, and we got married.”

“Did he force you to get married to him.” MaGumede asks. I should have lied and told them he forced me.

“No, we spoke about it and decided to get married for the children.”

“So, you don’t love each other?” How old is this woman again.

“Uhm. We do. I love him, and he loves me.” I wish Lindo’s words can leave me alone. I can not be doubting my husband. This past six months has been the best months of my life, minus the hiding of our marriage, but when its just me and him and our daughter spending time together, the feeling was out of this world, I wouldn’t change it for anything. Now he had to say all of that and mess up with me head.

“Then ke, mntanami tell me this, why did you tell your husband that you claim to love that you want a divorce from him, just because things don’t go your way, what happened today wasn’t anyone’s fault but that greedy woman. Why are you punishing my son because of her?” Yho. Just because I don’t have a mother that I can run to, he decided to run to his mother with our problems. I love my mother-in-law, and I respect her so much. But I will not sit here and listen to this. I know when my mouth starts running, it will never stop. I have lost my appetite.

I stand up and leave her there.

“Nokukhanya!” That’s the grandmother shouting behind me.

“kodwa nawe.” She says to her daughter-in-law.

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.

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I focus on my daughter, who is wide awake in the middle of the night, wondering if I made the right choice by walking away from her grandmother during our conversation. That was hours ago, and none of them has come up to see if I’m okay or why I did what I did. I just know a lot would have happened if I opened my mouth. I wonder where Langa is. He hasn’t returned since he walked out on me. Another thing that is bothering me is what Lindo said to me. Gosh, I swear my life is hard.

My son has been a busy body, after that encounter earlier today. I’m not even sure when my daughter fell asleep. I have been so lost in my thoughts that everything around me is so confusing. Damn uLindokuhle for planting that seed of doubt in my head, I get up and search for my phone to call my husband. We need to talk.

I make my way to the kitchen to get something to eat after trying to call Langa with no avail. I wish Sarah was here. I would have had my fifth meal of the day by now. Tomorrow morning, I need to go check if she is okay. She got shot because of me. I could have died today.

I feel like I have been waking for so long, and I am not reaching where I want to go. All of a sudden, my feet hurt, and my tummy feels heavy. I am only due in two weeks’ time. Ntsikayethu better not decide to come now. it's way too early. I am not ready.

“Are you okay?” Langa’s mother asks behind me.

“Yes, I just need to….ahhhhh!” My water breaks. This is not happening.

“We need to go to the hospital.” She is panics. Why is she panicking.

Langa is going to miss our son’s birth. I will be doing this all alone.

Again.

**

We get to the hospital, and I’m rushed to my room. This is it. Everyone is here, my daughter too, except her father, my husband. On our way here, Lindo was tasked with finding him. I shut my eyes when my mother-in-law squeezes my hand. She’s been with me since we came in here, Monica has checked and checked me while she is sitting where her son should have been sitting. Sigh, I shouldn’t have known it was too good to be true. He couldn’t keep to his promises.

“It’s time.” Monica says. She called my parents and let them know I was giving birth today. She instructs the two nurses who will be assisting her to get ready.

“Sunshine, when I tell you to push, I need you to give it your all, neah.” I nod, and the door opens, in walks in my husband who looks like…argh! I don’t even want to comment on his looks. He takes his mother place after she wishes me good luck. A while later, the room is filled with my son’s cries, Ntsikayethu Gumede.

Monica checks on him and then gives him to one of the nurses to have him cleaned.

“Ngiyabonga Nokukhanya.” He says, placing a kiss on my head.

“I love you.” He tells me. I smile. He knows I love him back.

“Can you please go get him.” I ask him to fetch our baby. I just want to hold him.

I know I wasn’t ready for him today, but I am so happy he is here. Finally, we will be a whole family. It’s been one roller coaster ride between me and my baby daddy. I remember when I thought he was married back then when he broke my virginity. If only I knew then that he wasn’t married, maybe by now we would have our third child. He walks in, followed by everyone, Monica, as well. What’s going on.

“What’s wrong?” I look at Langa’s face, and I can’t explain the look. it's between being angry and sad. I sit up, ignoring the pains I’m in.

“Langa where is my son. Monica’s where is my baby!”

“We can not find him; we’ve been looking everywhere for him. I can’t find… we can’t find him.” My head is spinning. This is a joke. It hasn’t even been that long. He can’t be missing; I want my son.

“I WANT MY BABY LANGA, I WANT MY BABY!” I cry.

This is not happening.

It is in this room where everyone that holds a special place in my heart, in this room where I should feel the warmth and love from them, in this room where I should be drawing all my strength from each and every one of them, but I am feeling the opposite.

I don’t deserve this.

************ THE END *************