The Lap of Luxury 4.1

“Brr,” said Astrid, squeezing Mishka’s hand with hers. “Getting chilly – time to find somewhere to set down?”

Mishka clicked open her pocketwatch and checked it, all three of the faces were showing twenty minutes.

“We’d better,” said Mishka, looking around.

They were in the Beneath, having left whatever that world with the Belview Department Store had been been. Mishka was still feeling more than a little shaken, and she had a headache probably caused by that psychic octopus-parasite latching onto her and creating a whole twisted, nightmare realm that had dragged in everyone around her.

Specifically, they were in what seemed to be some kind of forest. Strange noises echoed through the purple barked trees and their glinting metallic leaves, superficially similar to owl hooting, but if one stopped to listen, they would rapidly realise that the sounds were… wrong. Forest paths bifurcated this way and that, and the canopy overhead disguised most of the other, weird and non-Euclidean geometries above. In fact, if one sort of squinted, and other than the sounds and rising chemical smell around them, it might even be possible to believe that they weren’t in the Beneath, but instead some kind of spooky forest on an alien world.

“Also, I’ve been meaning to ask,” said Astrid. “How do you know we’re heading for Pescia? In here, I mean.”

Mishka cocked her head. “Isn’t it obvious?”

Astrid rolled her eyes. “No.”

“Well, Pescia was, according to you, located about a hundred and fifty light years from that asteroid, spinwards and galactic-down the arm,” said Mishka. “We’re heading in that direction.”

“Ok… and how do you know that?” said Astrid, before pursing her lips. “And the answer had better not be ‘because I’m an ursulan.’”

Mishka considered for a moment, before her face split into a smile that revealed her sharp cuspid teeth.

Astrid huffed. “That is the damn answer, isn’t it?”

“I didn’t say anything,” said Mishka, holding up her hands.

“Why do I put up with you?” said Astrid.

“I think I did read that we modified ourselves to help us comprehend this place, back when we developed the spells to come here – some kind of navigational sense?” said Mishka. “It’s not exact, obviously, and since I’ve never been there before it might take me a while to find it – but I said I’d get you home, and I will.”

Mishka paused and backed up several steps, her smile widening as she pointed at a tear through which she could see what looked like a small forest, and, through a gap in the trees, a sign in Astrid’s native language.

“That looks like your ‘Pescian Standard,’ doesn’t it?” said Mishka.

Astrid gasped, and immediately pulled Mishka forward, through the bit larger than person sized tear that was suspended between the boughs of two trees, both within the Beneath, and without. Warmth and light flooded over them as the terrible cold of the Beneath vanished, and Astrid let out a cheer as she let go of Mishka’s hand squatted down to kiss the ground.

Mishka cocked her head. Her ears twitched. No, not ground. Deck.

Oh sure, it looked like ground, with grass and rocks and moss and trees, but Mishka could feel the faint vibration of engines beneath her feet. She sniffed: recycled air, definitely. You might not be able to tell on an ursulan vessel, but this was – thankfully – no ursulan vessel.

“This isn’t Pescia,” said Mishka, peering up through the canopy.

“What do you mean, that’s a Walverian Oak,” said Astrid, wiping her mouth and pointing at a nearby tree.

“Sure – but we’re on a ship,” said Mishka, moving off through the trees towards where she had seen the text. The thunks immediately began to thin, and after a few moments they reached a wide concrete path that ran alongside a fast-flowing, pleasant looking lake. There were people moving about, humans and geckans and gretchin and alves all strolling along and enjoying the artificial glow cast by a large band of fake sunlight, on either side of which she could see a slowly shifting starfield.

“See,” said Mishka, pointing. “Told you, a ship.”

Mishka turned her head and looked around.

“Weird ship though – a park?” she said. “I didn’t think your people were advanced enough to have such luxuries on vessels?”

“How do you manage to make every conversation about how primitive ‘my people’ are?” said Astrid. “It’s mean.”

Mishka frowned. “Oh, um, sorry,” she said. She chewed her lip for a few moments. “Err, how can I be… nicer?”

“Just don’t bring it up every five minutes, maybe?” said Astrid. “This must be a luxury cruise.”

“A what?” said Mishka.

“A very expensive space-trip for rich people,” said Astrid. “They usually tour Pescian space, see a few nebulae, a stellar nursery – that kind of thing. All while eating and drinking and partying.”

“Huh,” said Mishka. “Sounds fun.”

“Of course, if they catch us here without a ticket, they’ll throw us in the brig until we get to Pescia, after which we’ll be prosecuted,” said Astrid.

“Oh, that’s easy enough to fix,” said Mishka, raising her bracelet.

“What? No, Mishka, stop,” said Astrid. “Under no circumstances are you to hack their system and-”

“Done,” said Mishka, looking up. “Sorry, what was that?”

Astrid slumped. “What if they find out!? I’ll get in trouble!”

“Oh relax, your people’s systems are…” began Mishka, before trailing off as she remembered that being truthful about Astrid’s people’s technological development was apparently mean. “Um… very impressive?”

Astrid gave her a flat look. “Great save, Mish.”

“Really?” said Mishka, her ears perking up.

“No,” said Astrid.

Mishka’s ears fell. “Well… I got us a cabin. This ship is heading back to Pescia, it’s only three weeks out. But, if you like, we can try the Beneath again…” Mishka raised her hand.

“Don’t you dare,” said Astrid.

Mishka grinned toothily. “Come on! I bet they have a buffet!”

***

“Look at this!” said Mishka, holding up the brochure she had picked up at the concierge where they’d gone to get a ‘replacement key’ for their cabin they’d ‘misplaced.’ “A tour of the engine room! That would be interesting, this ship apparently has a ‘mana-phase slip system!’ How positively quaint!”

“Mishka?” said Astrid.

“Hmm?”

“Mishka,” said Astrid seriously. “If given the choice between lying here and drinking cocktails, and going to look at a big metal box that you will find a way to make fun of, which do you think I’m going to pick?”

Mishka scratched her left, bear-like ear.

“The… box?”

“The cocktails, Mishka,” said Astrid. “I’m going to pick the cocktails.”

“Aww…” said Mishka “Oh, what about this? They have a ‘Traditional Pescian Cooking Class for partners!’”

“If you say something along the lines of ‘we can learn about the cuisine of this primitive culture’ I will find a way punish you,” said Astrid, lowering her sunglasses and looking over from the next deckchair where she was sipping some kind of alcoholic beverage. “Take away your sweets, or something.”

They were lying on the ‘sundeck,’ which was at the bow of the PVS Starseeker, and raised above the park that dominated most of the seventh deck, and which took up the middle third of the ship. The roughly oval shaped sundeck had a bar, and was lined with deck chairs. It seemed to be where people lay around and cooked themselves up close to the sun-band. Mishka’s alchemically altered physiology was capable of regenerating faster than it could do damage to her skin, but she was a bit worried for Astrid, who had purchased a one piece swimsuit with frills that Mishka quite liked, but Astrid had declared was the ‘least offensive thing’ in the little shop. Mishka hadn’t seen the point in buying any swimwear, since her bracelet would keep her clothes dry even if they did go for a dip in the lake.

Also, swimming didn’t even seem to be on the cards: unless ‘swimming in dangerous gamma radiation’ counted. Mishka had suggested they move to somewhere with a lower degree of harmful light radiation, but the human woman had shot her down, claiming that she was ‘working on her stage one melanoma.’ Well, actually, she’d called it a ‘tan,’ but as far as Mishka could figure out it was the same thing.

“I wasn’t going to say that,” huffed Mishka. “I just would like to try to learn to cook your people’s food. You could have just said no. Although, then I’ll need to find a new partner...” She looked around.

Astrid rolled her eyes. “Alright, when is it? Also, it’s not that kind of partner – it’s for couples,” said Astrid.

“Right, two people, partners,” said Mishka with a nod. “I’ll cook, you can chop.” Mishka bit her lip gently. “Actually, maybe if you cook, I’ll chop – I always burn things…”

Stolen novel; please report.

“No, it means partners as in romantic couples,” said Astrid.

Mishka frowned and reread the short description in brochure. Had she missed that? Was her translation symbiote playing up? She couldn’t find anything. “Are you sure?”

“Yes Mishka, I’m sure,” said Astrid. “But who cares, I’ll come.”

“Cool!” said Mishka. “It’s in an hour, on deck seven, in the aft section.”

Mishka went back to reading the brochure, and Astrid returned to sipping her cocktail. Mishka had never been a cruise before. Oh, she’d been on plenty of ships, but never one where the trip was the purpose. Her people didn’t have those, the only ships were military, and if people wanted to visit friends or had a meeting or something on another habitation or ring, or ever one of the handful of planets they still maintained, they’d just walk through the Beneath.

She was quite taken with all the free food and the activities and the workshops and how nobody seemed to be in a rush to do anything – a world away from ursulan ships, where everyone had a purpose and a job.

“Hey, Mishka?” said Astrid.

“Hmm?” said Mishka, looking up from an advertisement for a pottery class. She’d never tried to make primitive crockery, but it seemed like it could be very interesting to learn it from a culture that actually still depended on such handcrafts.

“What are you going to do after we get back to Pescia?” said Astrid.

“Oh, go back for the Absence – I need to throw it into a Black Hole,” said Mishka. “Why?”

Astrid swirled her cocktail. “And after that, will you come back?”

“I wasn’t planning on it – why?” said Mishka.

Astrid took a deep sip of her cocktail. “Don’t you get lonely?” she said.

Mishka put down the brochure and lay back in her chair. “Yes,” she said, looking over at Astrid, who was regarding her seriously. “I do.”

“Why do you keep on travelling?” said Astrid. “Why not stop somewhere?”

Mishka reached over and picked up her cocktail, which Astrid had got her. It was sweet and fruity and quite strong. Enough to give her at least a little bit of a buzz.

“I have to,” said Mishka, before holding up a hand. “And before you ask, it isn’t because I don’t trust you. I do. It’s safer for you not to know. Suffice it to say that my people are chasing me, and if they find me, it would be catastrophic – for everyone.”

Astrid swirled her drink. “It’s to do with that thing – in your… soul? That destroyed Baelgoroth?”

Mishka sighed. “I’m serious Astrid, stop poking at this. No good will come of it.”

“But surely you can stick around for a little while,” said Astrid. “A few months?”

“A few months, sure,” said Mishka. “If I keep my head down. Don’t make too many waves.”

Astrid let out a bark of laughter that drew attention from several of the nearby guests.

“What?” said Mishka.

“You? Subtle?” said Astrid. “You’re a wrecking ball, Mishka.”

Mishka pursed her lips. “I am not.”

“Since I’ve met you, I’ve nearly been eaten by a Beneath monster, had my soul sucked out by a demon-”

“Almavore,” corrected Mishka.

“-and gotten lost in the nightmares of your subconscious,” said Astrid. “You know, before you showed up in my life, I’d never been in mortal peril.”

“None of that was my fault!” protested Mishka.

“A chaos magnet then,” said Astrid.

Mishka muttered darkly.

“Well, what I was going to say is – why don’t you stick around for a while?” said Astrid. “On Pescia, I mean – my apartment isn’t that big, but you could sleep on the sofa.” Astrid frowned. “Actually, do you even sleep? Or is it just mania, twenty-four seven?”

“Less than you, but I do,” said Mishka, a warm, fuzzy feeling growing in her chest. “And, yes, I could stay for a few months. Thank-you Astrid, that would be great.”

It was nice having a friend. She hadn’t wanted to impose, but it seemed that Astrid, for all her prickly words, did enjoy having her around. It would be sad to leave her behind, but perhaps she could swing back around this section of the galaxy after twenty or thirty years, see how she was doing. Astrid was only thirty three. She’d probably still be alive after three decades…

The thought made her depressed, and she pushed it away. She had three weeks with Astrid, then, it seemed, a few months on Pescia. She shouldn’t start mourning her friend’s passing before it happened.

“Attention, your attention please,” came a voice, projected across the ship by vox-boxes spaced across the deck. “This is your Capitan speaking. The Klevvar Blue Hole will soon be becoming visible to port – that’s left for you landlubbers.” The Captain waited a moment for laughter, although he received none – at least not in their area. “The Klevvar Blue Hole is one of the Cruises’ more spectacular stellar phenomena. Some wizards theorise that it is a portal into the afterlife-”

Mishka snorted derisively. Hah, primitives were so funny. Afterlife. Hah!

“-or perhaps a gateway to a parallel dimension,” continued the Captain. “Many ships have been lost trying and failing to examine it more closely but, not to worry, we will be maintaining a very safe distance. Thank-you for your attention, and enjoy the show.”

Astrid looked up again and lowered her sunglasses as people began to stand up and move towards the port gunwale. “A blue hole?” asked Astrid. “What’s a blue hole?”

“A natural breach into the Beneath,” said Mishka excitedly moving over to the edge of the ship and taking out her magnifying glass, peering out into the inky darkness of space. “I sensed there was one nearby, but I didn’t think we were this close! Oh, how fantastic!”

“Surprised it isn’t all ‘old hat’ to you,” said Astrid sarcastically as she joined her. “That there is anything in the galaxy that the mighty Ursulan’s haven’t documented and explained.”

“I’ve never seen one from this side!” said Mishka, fiddling with the side of her magnifying glass. “And just because I’ve read about them, that doesn’t mean it isn’t exciting!”

Astrid laughed and put an arm around Mishka’s shoulders, giving her a squeeze. “Alright then, where is it?”

Mishka scanned the starfield for a few moments. “There!” she said, lowering her magnifying glass and pointing. There, out in the inky darkness was a small point of swirling blue, rapidly growing closer as the Starseeker as it made its approach.

The tiny dot became larger and larger, until it was dominating an entire third of the starfield outside. The swirling accretion disk was what gave it its name, the blue Beneath energy ripping and tearing at reality and slowly expanding, drawing everything down into the gaping void at its centre.

There was excited, and slightly worried chatter up and down the deck, and Mishka felt Astrid tense. “We’re… not too close?” she asked.

“Nah, it’s almost a twentieth of a light-year across,” said Mishka. “We’d need to get about a million kilometres closer before we entered blue-space.”

“Blue-space?” asked Astrid.

“The blue area, sort of… half and half,” said Mishka, gesturing wildly. “Not quite Beneath, not quite the Real. The Beneath proper doesn’t begin until the event horizon, the void in the centre.”

“And these things just… expand?” asked Astrid. “Forever?”

“Yes, they’re part of the Cycle,” said Mishka. “All universes eventually end up in the Beneath – pulled in by Blue Holes.” Mishka smiled. “Don’t worry, this universe still has a few billion years left in it.”

Astrid sipped her cocktail and stared into the swirling azure disc. “It is pretty,” she admitted. “Pretty scary after-”

Whatever Astrid had been about to say, however, was lost as behind them there was a loud explosion, followed by a jerk that sent Astrid crashing into Mishka as the ship twisted and rapidly accelerated. Screams echoed from across the deck as there was another explosion, and the ship pitched sideways as something affected the gravity system, sending Astrid, Mishka, and several other people who had been on the sun deck into freefall towards the starry void that had been to their right, but was now beneath them.

“Mishka!” screamed Astrid, gripping onto Mishkas arm like a lifeline. “Mish-”

But Mishka was already acting. Magic surged around her as she brought her power to bear, and a large sphere of blue energy surged outward from her, bringing herself, Astrid, and then the nearby people who were falling to a dead stop relative to the decking.

“Oh, thank fuck,” said Astrid, squeezing Mishka’s arm tighter. “I thought we were going to…”

There was another explosion from the stern of the vessel, and the deck span underneath them, then pitched again, coming to a rest at something approximating right-way-up.

Mishka peered at the stern of the ship, and held her spell for a few moments more before releasing it and setting everyone down onto the ground.

“Thank-you!” sobbed a geckan, grabbing Mishka’s arm. “Thank-you, mighty wizard!”

“See, they know I’m a wizard,” said Mishka. “Not a magician-”

“Mishka, not the time,” said Astrid, picking herself back up and staring at the aft of the ship. “What happened?”

“I think the engines overloaded,” said Mishka. “I’ll go have a look-”

There was a scream behind them, and both Mishka and Astrid turned to see that the blue hole had grown much, much larger.

“Um, Mishka?” said Astrid. “You know how you said that we’d need to be a few million kilometres closer before we started being affected by the Blue Hole? I, um… I think we’re a few million kilometres closer.”

Mishka brought up her bracelet and did a local scan. The results came back a moment later. She gulped. The explosions had shifted their course, and they were now tumbling towards the Blue Hole. They wouldn’t pass directly into the centre, but they’d already been drawn into the edge of the accretion disk, into Blue Space – the half-in, half-out zone between this universe and all the collapsed ones, where laws of physics shifted and changed constantly, and where monsters of the Beneath prowled. Soon, strange, twisted phenomena would start appearing, along with creatures and things fundamental antagonistic to denizens of the Real – to the passengers and crew of the Starseeker.

“I need to get the engines back online,” said Mishka, turning and walking across the slightly sloped decking. Hopefully they hadn’t been too badly damaged, because although she could build better engines from scratch if she needed to, every moment they stayed in this twisted realm invited disaster. “Come on!”

The sundeck had been relatively empty, but down the stairs in one of the main restaurants where earlier Mishka had polished off several pieces of cake, it was chaos. Tables had been hurled against the far wall, people were injured and shouting and screaming. The large sign on the far wall with PVS Starseeker had come off, leaving just the smaller text beneath on the white plastered wall that read ‘Stunk Cruises, a subsidiary of Stunk Enterprises.’

The staff were doing their best to calm people, but they weren’t having much luck. Mishka ignored them, taking Astrid by the hand and using her greater strength to force her way through the scared people. A few people shouted in anger and annoyance at her, but she didn’t have time to be nice.

She had just reached the large stairwell that led down into the park-like area when there were high pitched screams from behind her, and she turned to see some kind of wave of energy, washing over the dining room, moving too fast for even those who had seen it coming to run. It wasn’t entirely clear what the energy was doing, but she could see silhouettes shifting and changing behind it as it raced forward, moving from prow to stern.

Mishka reacted instantly, pulled Astrid next to her and conjuring another shield, this one glowing gold and tuned to resist Beneath energy. Then the wave rolled over them, revealing what it had wrought.

All of the people from the dining hall were still there, thankfully. However, whereas before there had been young and old and middle aged and even a few babies, now everyone looked like relatively young adults. The energy also hadn’t just vanished, she could feel that it was saturating everything outside the bubble that Mishka had made for herself and Astrid.

Mishka turned back to the park, frowning when she saw that the wide, grassy lawns had withered and died, even as the trees had shot upwards. There were more people standing about, dazed and confused and stunned and, like the restaurant goers, all looking roughly the same age – similar to Astrid, who Mishka knew was thirty-three.

“Mishka, what just happened?” said Astrid.

Mishka was focused on maintaining her barrier, but passed Astrid her magnifying glass. “Here,” she said. “Do a wide-band scan of everything around us. The upper left rune, the blue one.”

“Got it,” said Astrid, tapping it and peering through the rune-strewn glass lens. “Err… not sure how to read the results though?”

“The orange rune around the edge – the discriminator will look for anomalies,” said Mishka.

“Right, orange rune…” said Astrid, peering at the outer edge for a moment before finding and tapping the projection. “OK, it’s… ‘working,’ and… it says that there are chronometric anomalies? What does that mean?”

Mishka gulped, nearly losing control of her barrier in shock. “Chronometric?”

Time travel was bad business. Very bad business. Bad enough that Ursulans had made it a policy to blow up any research lab they detected messing around with it, anywhere in the galaxy. Not just because they were paranoid, which they were, but because it always led to disastrous consequences.

“It says that… everything has been ‘set to the same age?’” said Astrid, looking around. “Thirty-four point seven three years? Exactly? Well… that’s not too bad. Right? That’s only a few months older I am now.”

Behind them, in the restaurant, Mishka saw a person wearing a very large nappy in the shattered remains of a crushed pram, screaming and crying. Mishka gulped, she felt her barrier beginning to shudder and shake.

“Astrid,” she said, turning towards her. “I can’t hold this barrier very long. And once it falls, I am going to need your help, more than I have ever needed it before.”

Astrid furrowed her brow and lowered the magnifying glass. “What? Why?”

“Because ursulans don’t mature until their late fifties,” said Mishka, as the energy of the Beneath continued to press and push and crack her barrier. “The minute this barrier goes down, I am going to be a cub again.”