Chapter 5: Either Whiter or be Better

Either Wither or be Better

✿

All was well.

"And that's it!" The photographer shouted with bliss, his lips in a smile, and a thumb up in the air. Both Hyunjin and Yeonjun bowed at him with the vibrancy that almost resembled Spring in their faces, this was the last day for their photoshoot and now that it's done, they can finally have that long-awaited break.

"Thank you, you worked so hard," Yeonjun cheered for the staff and the photographer. The group of people returned the sweet gesture as they packed up their things.

Yeonjun turned around, the smile on his face still not faltering, he looked at Hyunjin who was busy checking his phone; he was biting and chewing on his lower lip. Yeonjun raised a brow, "Hey, Hyunjin."

Hyunjin glanced at him, a hand on his waist, "Yeah?" He elicited a small tsk before looking at his phone again. Yeonjun approached him, hands buried inside his pockets, "What's wrong? You seem...I don't know, nervous? Did something happen?" He continuously asked, face creased in confusion.

"Ah," Hyunjin sighed, he tilted his head as he looked at Yeonjun with worried eyes, "It's just...he's not answering my calls and messages, I'm worried."

"Who?" Yeonjun asked again, "Seungmin? Why? Did you two fight?"

"What?" Hyunjin raised a brow, "No, we're fine. We didn't fight."

"Oh," Yeonjun nodded, the confusion still not falling off his face. Besides, even leaves don't fall from the branches unless they know it's time to fall. Seasons resemble humans a lot - deeper than anything, we just have to view them in a deeper, more metaphorical way.

"Well then, who are you so worried about?" Yeonjun still asked.

Hyunjin stared at him, contemplating whether he should tell the elder or not. Should he? There's no harm in saying it. Hyunjin heaved a sigh, "It's Beomgyu."

The name did so much to Yeonjun, it always does. With the mere mention of it can build hurricanes inside the pits of his stomach, it never left - no, not once. He doubts it'll ever leave. He reckoned, almost all his life, Beomgyu's the only one whom he could memorize so easily; the younger male's like all shades of colors he took his time to learn when he was young.

"Well?" Hyunjin raised a brow, "Aren't you going to say something?"

"What? What am I even supposed to say?" Asked Yeonjun, placing a hand on his waist, "It's not like...that concerns me or anything."

Hyunjin wore a bland look, lips in a frown, "Hyung, you're really stupid, do you know that?"

This caused Yeonjun to scoff, "Okay, then. What is the problem with Beomgyu?"

"Oh, I don't know," Hyunjin shrugged, dramatically sighing as he rolled his eyes, "Maybe he hasn't been answering my calls since this morning after he called me in the middle of ungodly hours when I was having my beauty sleep?"

The leaves have fallen off of their branches.

"Is that so...?" Yeonjun pursed his lips, he walked over to his chair followed by Hyunjin who was looking at him in disbelief, "Is that so? Is that so? That's all you can say?"

Yeonjun grabbed his sling bag, he looked at Hyunjin, "Again, what am I supposed to say? You can just go check up on him or something to make sure he's okay." He slung the bag over his shoulder, "Easy."

Again, Hyunjin sighed out a dramatic breath, he held Yeonjun's shoulder with wide eyes looking sternly at the elder, "He's absent and I can't go to his apartment."

Yeonjun raised his eyebrows, his lips apart, "Hyunjin, I have somewhere I need to be."

Lie.

That was a lie.

Casually lying, not wanting to be a servant of honesty.

Yeonjun just doesn't want to see Beomgyu, yet, for now. Until he fixed himself and these stupid feelings that were still making him want to grab his heart out of his chest, because it was so loud - so freaking light in Yeonjun's chest, he didn't feel like it was there, it made him want to throw up. Confused. Yeonjun didn't understand, he didn't want to face this for now - not yet, but he cannot wither as well, but he'll get there. Just not now. Not yet.

"Hyung," Hyunjin pouted, here he goes again, Yeonjun shut his eyes. "I still have one last photo shoot this afternoon, and then I promised Seungmin a date. Please?" Puppy eyes, there they go - staring deep into Yeonjun. The elder sighed.

Hesitant.

But Yeonjun slowly nodded, "Fine, I'll go check up on him. Give me his address."

And when leaves fall...

✿

The sound of car honks was so loud that it almost hurt Yeonjun's head. It was Monday - it was understandable, this was the city after all. Loud, crowded, and beautiful at night; Yeonjun loved it nonetheless. He walked down the streets, passed by numerous people, there was a bag of coffee in his hands as he allowed himself to stroll down while basking under the sun's Autumn warmth - so, so cozy.

Then the tall view of Beomgyu's apartment building showed before him, Yeonjun breathed, autumn seemed so cold yet warm at the same time. Orange leaves flying around the city, rustling their way down the streets - so quietly, so unbothered, like us.

After a few minutes of contemplating and preparing what he'll say, Yeonjun finally walked inside the building and into the elevator. He tapped his foot against the metal floor, looking up at the screen that showed him the floor numbers - coloring his lip in pink as he bit on it with a tad bit of pressure.

Yeonjun walked out of the elevator and down the empty halls. He looked around, there were doors, doors, and more doors. Yeonjun blinked as he stood in front of one specific door, he already felt the growing weights in his chest - then again, he wanted to throw up because of that light feeling in his chest, rising and rising to his throat like a balloon that's about to pop. Yeonjun breathed.

"It's not like I'm meeting up with a murderer or something," Yeonjun wanted to laugh, he brought his hand up to click on the doorbell and waited for the younger male to open up.

It took a while, however, for Beomgyu to open the door. Perhaps a bit of bumping sounds from the inside too, and small groans, and that tiny "Please, wait."

Yeonjun's lips twitched out a smile, oh how easy it was to pull out a smile from Yeonjun's lips with only Beomgyu and his effortless actions to send him weak to his knees. Then again, snap out of it, Yeonjun.

The door sprung open.

"What?" Beomgyu wobbly leaned against the door frame, his eyes looking at Yeonjun with tiredness. Yeonjun stared for a moment, irrelevant, but he wanted it. Even in times like this, when his hair was disheveled, his shirt loosely covering his tiny frame - Beomgyu still looked pretty, very, Yeonjun gulped.

Beomgyu rolled his eyes, "Hyung, I said, what are you doing here?" The tone of Beomgyu's voice was overflowing with annoyance, who wouldn't be? He was already trying his hardest to avoid all the continuous phone calls that he was receiving since this morning from Hyunjin and his co-workers. It gave him a headache, made him cough and sneeze, made him throw himself on the bed.

He just couldn't understand it, he was fine yesterday, didn't feel like he'd get sick anytime soon. But in the middle of the night, he just felt dizzy and heavy all of a sudden - eyelids wanting to shut but Beomgyu was sweating so much that he couldn't take it. He even called Hyunjin but ended the call as soon as he realized it was three in the morning. Then he just decided to stay at home for today, heck, he can't even stand up properly without serving in different directions like a drunk man.

"Ah, right." Yeonjun cleared his throat and lifted the bag he's been carrying since earlier, "Coffee?"

"God," Beomgyu sighed out loud and shook his head, "I feel like I'm gonna throw up, please, just go home."

Yeonjun raised a brow, "What happened? Are you sick?"

Beomgyu stared at the elder, he can't believe this, isn't it obvious?

"Hyung, do I look like I'm not?" Beomgyu grabbed the elder's hand and placed his palm on his forehead, Yeonjun immediately felt how hot the younger male was - they wouldn't need a thermometer to know that Beomgyu has a high fever, "Is that enough to answer your questions?" Beomgyu rolled his eyes again and dropped Yeonjun's hand.

Yeonjun frowned and gently pulled the younger male inside his apartment, locking the door afterwards. Beomgyu whined and freed himself from the elder's grasp, "What are you doing? Go home!"

"What? No," Yeonjun raised a confused brow, "Beomgyu, you're sick. Do you have your medicine? Heck, why didn't you tell anyone?" Yeonjun was frustrated, Beomgyu just doesn't take any of their advice, even when it was all for him - but Yeonjun can work with that, always, even if he refuses sometimes, he'll still come back.

The same old habit he developed while loving Beomgyu.

"Hyung," he whined, "just go home. Sleep will fix this. Just go."

Yeonjun stared at him, a breath stuck in his chest, he sighed it out before walking up to Beomgyu - towering over him even when they were only a few centimeters apart from reaching the same height. Beomgyu always felt small when he was with Yeonjun, when he was beside him, or when he's in his arms.

"No," Yeonjun smiled and immediately held Beomgyu by his waist and lifted him to his shoulder, Beomgyu squealed - he slapped Yeonjun's back as he forced himself to jump off of Yeonjun's hands, "The heck, Hyung! Put me down! God, I feel so dizzy!"

Yeonjun scoffed as he entered Beomgyu's room, "Your fault, you were being too hard-headed, I had to do what I can." He rolled his eyes, Beomgyu kept squirming on his shoulder, Yeonjun almost coughed when Beomgyu punched his back.

When he reached Beomgyu's bed, Yeonjun pushed him down on his bed and held him firmly by the wrist. Beomgyu looked at the elder who was on top of him, eyes wide and scared while staring at Yeonjun. The elder whispered, so small - yet loud enough to capture Beomgyu's attention, "There you are again. Have mercy on yourself, Gyu. Please."

Beomgyu blinked, a breath escaped his lips, "Why are you always begging for me to do that? Don't you know that the things people beg for are the things which are hard to do?"

Yeonjun didn't show any reaction, he just looked at him, from his eyes to his lips. Then Beomgyu felt the butterflies in his stomach again as he watched Yeonjun's gaze, he felt something melt in the depths of his heart - the way Yeonjun was looking at him was like a rainstorm, so strong that it moved something within the younger male, falling him over like he was nothing but a house made out of cards.

"Okay, fine." Yeonjun pulled his hand away from holding Beomgyu's wrist, "You sleep and I'll go buy you your medicine. Does that sound good?" He asked, Yeonjun stood up as he waited for Beomgyu's answer.

Beomgyu was in a daze, he stared at the elder before nodding with exhausted eyes, "All right, do what you want." He heavily breathed out before turning over to his side, Beomgyu still felt the hurricanes in his chest - roaming every corner of his body and wouldn't allow him to think in peace. Mayhem. That's what he always was with Yeonjun, a mere brush of his existence would already paint Beomgyu's entire soul.

Yeonjun sighed, he walked out of his bedroom.

And when leaves fall...

New ones grow.

✿

With the afternoon light that caressed his skin, Beomgyu woke up with a small groan. He stretched his muscles as he slowly opened his eyes. Then almost immediately, like it was so natural for his eyes to do, they caught sight of Yeonjun who was placing a plate on the table beside his bed. Beomgyu raised a brow, "Hyung?" He rasped out.

"Oh, you're up," Yeonjun glanced at the younger male with a small smile. "Tried baking again after a long time, learned it from Soobin," Yeonjun scratched the back of his ear.

Beomgyu lifted himself up and saw the plate of cookies on the table, he looked at Yeonjun, "Why did you bake cookies?"

"Don't you like eating cookies when you're sick?" Yeonjun tilted his head, avoiding the younger male's gaze as he recalled that one rainy night. The raindrops during that day saw a lot, held tons, witnessed things through the open curtains - it was still there, the memories stayed and never faded like feelings.

"I..." Beomgyu felt a knot tying his neck, well that wasn't a lie. He did. It's just surprising that Yeonjun still remembers that. All too well. "Yeah, I guess." Beomgyu pouted, his ears were red - Yeonjun noticed that, but he kept his mouth shut.

Beomgyu was probably just flustered.

"Let me just..." Yeonjun crouched down and placed a palm on Beomgyu's forehead, which caught the younger male off-guard. He slightly flinched, staring at the elder with blinking eyes - then again, and again, and again he felt that drunk feeling in his sober chest, glancing in every corner of his room except Yeonjun's sparkling eyes, picking the hem of his shirt as he pursed his lips. Now, what was this?

Yeonjun was every color scattered around the sky; he's blue, he's gray, he's pink, red, yellow - every single shade. Golden like daylight, burning red like twilight, calming like blue, everything. Beomgyu gulped.

"Thank you for existing." Beomgyu remembered that line.

Beomgyu finally looked at Yeonjun, tears daring to escape. Yeonjun stared at him too, he smiled, "You're all good. I'll just go grab the medicine."

But before Yeonjun could even move, Beomgyu had already grabbed his hand that was still on his forehead, Yeonjun blinked, "What is it?"

The hold around Yeonjun's wrist tightened, Beomgyu breathed out, "I'm sorry."

Yeonjun froze after hearing that, he only gave Beomgyu a puzzled look - eyes vandalized with repeated confusion and uncertainty, over and over again. Never stopped.

"What? Sorry for what?" Yeonjun felt a lump in his throat.

Beomgyu slowly pulled Yeonjun's hand down but he never let go. Was this what Yeonjun felt whenever he held his hand? Like he never wants to let go? Not even allowing a single finger to be pulled away from his skin? Like they'd never be deserving of their belonging until every inch of his skin had been touched by him, until they were burning and turning to ashes under his touch - is this what he felt? Burning yet not?

"I'm sorry for everything," Beomgyu choked out a sob, tears staining his cheeks like history was repainting themselves on his skin, "I never got to tell you this properly, I've always been so selfish - I've always been thinking of myself, and I'm so sorry for that."

It was sudden. Everything. Beomgyu. His words. His tears.

Yeonjun didn't know what to do nor say, he just stayed there - fighting back the desire to hold Beomgyu in his arms.

"And Yeonjun Hyung," Beomgyu sniffled, too much for Yeonjun to bear yet he stayed still, "Jjuni..." Beomgyu hung his head low.

Then there came another leaf.

Only...was it falling or growing?

"I love you."

Yeonjun pulled away, eyes prickling with tears - felt like his heart was wrenched with fear, this wasn't it. Yeonjun backed away, steps heavy it felt like they were echoing but they were not, the only things that were repeating were Beomgyu's words. So loud, so audible.

Beomgyu looked at him, lips trembling, "I'm so pathetic for this, but Jjuni...I'm so sorry. I'm really sorry."

Yeonjun never forgets.

Never forgot the heartbreak he felt with Beomgyu.

Never forgot the careless touches and words that crawled on his skin and mind.

But Beomgyu, Yeonjun looked at Beomgyu - he's never been careful, Yeonjun knew that, but people realize that they were careless once something's already broken; so would Beomgyu do everything to fix the scattered pieces? Would he bring them back to the places they belong in?

Yeonjun doesn't know.

"The..." Yeonjun was fumbling for words, he didn't even know what to say, "The medicine is on the kitchen counter, you can just drink it after eating. I have to go," Yeonjun quickly walked out of the room. But Beomgyu was done with watching him walk away, those pieces won't find themselves.

And running after Yeonjun would mean finding the biggest missing piece.

"Yeonjun," Beomgyu almost stumbled on the floor, panting and yelling the elder's name. He breathed in as he walked out of his apartment, Beomgyu saw him and immediately ran after him on the empty floors, "Yeonjun, please, don't leave." Beomgyu wrapped a hand around Yeonjun's arm.

Yeonjun stopped and looked at Beomgyu with wide eyes, again, "Oh god, Beomgyu. Please, go back to your room, you're sick!" Yeonjun tried to pull him back to his apartment but Beomgyu only dug his feet deeper against the floor.

"Please, just...just listen to me, I don't care if you don't feel the same way anymore. It's sudden, it's always been sudden - I'm always sudden, I say things when you least expect it. I suddenly confessed under the rain, suddenly left you, and now I'm sudden again," Beomgyu can't even feel his heart anymore, it vanished - he felt weak, felt like he was shattering, but Yeonjun was here - he can't let himself give up, not when Yeonjun was so close for him to hold and feel.

"But Hyung," Beomgyu stared at Yeonjun's eyes, both gazes filled with panic, "you always show that you care. It's...warm, I don't know." Beomgyu heard his breath hitch, "Many things have changed, seemed unfamiliar now, yet you - you never changed, not one bit, and I just..."

Beomgyu shook his head, sweat beading on his forehead, "You always remind me to love and think of myself. Why? Why do you always make me feel like I'm something that's supposed to be taken care of?"

Yeonjun breathed, "You're not just something, Beomgyu. Love cannot be in pieces, it must be whole. Beomgyu, please, think of yourself first. Stop choosing other people first."

"But Yeonjun Hyung," Beomgyu held his arm tighter.

Yeonjun shushed him, he placed a warm hand on his cheek, "Make this about you first, okay?" Yeonjun told him in the most gentle way possible, he looked into Beomgyu's eyes - the elder male wouldn't even deny it, it never left; the on-going Spring was still blooming in his chest. Never withered. Not once.

However, Beomgyu was losing hope - that fast, maybe it was wrong to confess something so unexpected? Yet, just as quickly, the flowers bloomed back.

Yeonjun smiled, the kind that always made Beomgyu smile as well, "When you've learned to love and cherish each of your petals, let's bloom again. Together."

And when leaves fall...

New ones grow.

This time, into something better.

✿ Bloom Again ✿

[a/n]: hello :) and after all this time, i'm still into you~ thank you for 1k! :D