BLOOM AGAIN

Bloom Again

✿

In spring, you can cut the flowers, pick them, or even let them wither — but you can never stop spring from coming over and over again. Just like their feelings, they tried to bury them, to ignore the longing, to look away from each other's eyes. However, no matter how many times they strived to do so, they can never stop their feelings from blooming like petals in spring. It kept blooming, it kept growing.

One can't run away from your feelings, it stays there — stubbornly scratching the back of your heart until you finally acknowledge its existence that goes along with the beating of your heart and the squeezing of your chest.

And sometimes, it's just foolish if you never had your heart broken even once. We all go through that, with love comes pain yet we should embrace the flaws. Love will never be perfect, yet it's amazing to feel it with open arms. You're scared, frightened of the thought that you might experience the same terrible heartbreak if you allowed yourself to fall in love once again — just like when someone threw knives at a sensitive one, and they won't be able to shake those thoughts away despite knowing they aren't true.

It's the weakness of not being ignorant. You're aware, too aware of many things that it scares you to face such things.

But loving while being afraid is a very brave thing to do.

Blooming again requires courage to shine amidst an ocean of flowers.

Beomgyu stirred in his sleep, he groaned and stretched his muscles as he squeezed his eyes shut. After doing so, he sighed and relaxed his arms on the bed. When he felt the sun's ray greeting him a good morning through the tent's little window, he brought his hand up to rub his eyes.

Then he stopped.

Something felt cold against his skin.

Upon feeling this, he slowly opened his eyes and pulled his hand a bit farther away from his sight. As the sunlight hurt his eyes, he squinted and saw something around his finger.

Beomgyu's eyes widened, he had just seen a ring around his finger.

He pushed himself up with a groan and stared at the ring, it looked like a rose — pretty and simple in his eyes, but where did it come from? The boy tried to search for his memory, forehead creasing in confusion along with his brows. Then he clicked his tongue.

"Jjuni Hyung," he whispered and immediately kicked the sheets off.

Beomgyu walked out of his tent, his hair was a bit messy, and he was fixing his shirt while looking around the sand-filled place. Beomgyu made his way towards the ocean and breathed in the salty smell, the wind was cold against his skin, the sky not fully bright yet the sun was already peeking from the far distance just between the water and heaven.

"Hyung," Beomgyu called for Soobin's attention, and the elder hummed at him, "Where...where's Yeonjun Hyung?"

Soobin looked at him before diverting his gaze on the ocean, "He said he'll take a little walk. Maybe he's somewhere near the waters. Try searching for him."

Hearing this, Beomgyu quickly nodded and ran. Soobin couldn't hold back a smile and immediately looked at Lia who had just got out of the tent — still looking very sleepy and tired. He cooed and ruffled her hair, "Good morning."

The sun was already close to being all the way up the sky, just a few more pushes. The waves were calm and blue. The salty air still lingered along with the continuous water reaching for land. Beomgyu looked around, his eyes still not spotting a brush of bright pink hair.

"Where is he...?" Beomgyu pouted while unconsciously playing with the ring around his finger. It felt good around his skin.

A few more steps and he heard splashing, Beomgyu raised a brow and carefully walked closer to the ocean. He looked around with squinted eyes, and suddenly, someone came into sight. A brush of pink hair. Beomgyu's eyes widened.

Yeonjun was swimming farther and farther away from the ocean, he was reaching a deeper part of the waters. Beomgyu immediately panicked and screamed while running, "Hyung! Hyung, what the heck are you doing?!"

Beomgyu quickly ran into the water, it was freezing cold, he shivered yet he only kept his gaze locked on the elder male who seemed to ignore his calls.

And when Beomgyu saw Yeonjun dive into the ocean, Beomgyu screamed again and hurriedly made his way closer, "Hyung! This is not a funny joke!"

Despite the freezing sensation that was sticking on his skin, Beomgyu looked around with trembling lips. "Yeonjun Hyung! Gosh damn it, where are you?!"

Only silence came with the gentle waves, Beomgyu heavily breathed in and proceeded to swim farther into the ocean.

Until someone grabbed his waist and pulled him back with a strong grip.

Beomgyu gasped and was forced to face the person who grabbed him, the boy wore a sly grin on his lips which only made Beomgyu furious. "What on earth were you thinking?! You almost gave me a heart attack, you stupid piece of strawberry head!"

Yeonjun only laughed out loud, "Calm down, will you? I just wanted to cool down by swimming."

"Yeah, you did!" Beomgyu yelled, "Literally swimming down to cool yourself!" Beomgyu raised his hand in an attempt to slap the elder when the expression in Yeonjun's eyes stopped him.

"Ah," Yeonjun smiled and gently held Beomgyu's hand, he examined the ring around his finger. Beomgyu could feel the strong beating in his heart, it echoed through his ears. He gulped while staring at Yeonjun.

Yeonjun then fixed his gaze on Beomgyu, "The ring really fits you. I guess you know what that means."

Beomgyu knew his ears were painted in red right now, but he tried to clear his throat and avoided the elder male's stare, "It means you brought the correct ring size for my finger?"

"What?" Yeonjun asked in disbelief, "No! That's not what I meant."

A pout made its way to Yeonjun's lips, Beomgyu giggled at this and managed to calm down. He guessed that the butterflies he always felt with Yeonjun never left. Not once. It had always been there waiting to flutter again. Always.

"Sure, then what did you mean?" Beomgyu asked while rolling his eyes. Out of habit, he snaked his arms around Yeonjun's neck with a smile. Yeonjun didn't mind this though, he's used to it, he loved the feeling of Beomgyu's arm around him. As a response, Yeonjun also wrapped his hands on Beomgyu's waist just under the waters.

"It means that the ring is perfectly fitted for you," Yeonjun traced his hand up Beomgyu's own and grabbed his wrist, Yeonjun then intertwined their fingers, "And it'll only be for you."

Beomgyu hummed with a teasing smile, "You do know I might have the same finger size with another person, right? How come it'll only fit me?"

"You're unbelievable," Yeonjun scoffed, "You can't accept a cheesy line now."

"Not necessarily," Beomgyu chuckled, "I'm just telling the truth. What makes you think it'll only fit me?"

Yeonjun pulled him closer and leaned against the side of his head — just inches away from Beomgyu's ear, "It holds the promise that I only made for you."

"And I'll only fulfill that promise if it's you," Yeonjun placed a soft kiss on Beomgyu's jaw, "The promises I make are meant to be broken if they aren't for you."

What was this feeling?

Was it the ocean's heaviness that made Beomgyu weak? Or the way Yeonjun whispered into his ear that sounded like he was talking to his world?

Looking at Yeonjun felt like trying to look at the sky. It would hurt, it would be too bright to maintain eye contact with — yet you'll still try to squint, you'll still try to look at it. And that's what Beomgyu always felt with Yeonjun. Despite feeling embarrassed, feeling like looking at Yeonjun was too much for him, he still did.

And Yeonjun, he was never so sure about how to describe Beomgyu; he was never so certain about how to describe Beomgyu's sudden appearance in his life. It was as if his playlist was on repeat, then a song he's never heard before suddenly played, and at that very moment — he found his favorite song. Like some stranger just walked into his life and became a fixed star in his universe.

They missed the feeling of falling in love, they missed loving each other so openly. They've always been held back, but right now, with the promise around Beomgyu's finger finally sealed, there's no one stopping them now — not even themselves.

"Are you sure?" Beomgyu whispered.

"You're the only one I'm always so certain about," Yeonjun placed a hand on Beomgyu's nape and planted a small kiss on Beomgyu's forehead.

"I just don't know what to say for you to know just how much you mean to me," Beomgyu pulled himself closer to Yeonjun's warmth and placed his chin on Yeonjun's shoulder, "But I'm always going to search for those words every day for the rest of my life. And right now, all I can say is that..."

Beomgyu buried his face on the crook of his neck, "I love you."

Yeonjun smiled as he felt a skip in his heartbeat, he pulled Beomgyu away, and with that, as he stared at the younger male's doe eyes — Yeonjun slowly leaned in to capture Beomgyu's lips.

Because Yeonjun, too, couldn't find the right words to say. However, he hoped that Beomgyu would understand this — the kiss, the soft way he's doing it. He hoped Beomgyu would realize just how badly he needed and loved him. How badly, badly he wanted him.

Yeonjun broke away, he stared at Beomgyu with loving eyes as he said, "I love you."

Now, Beomgyu was his entire world. Back then, he was still his own little star. And now that he looked back at the days when they first met, first kissed, first said "I love you" — now that he searched for the very first time they fell in love, Yeonjun could say he loved him less back then. And right now, when Beomgyu was close to him after all the things that tried to shatter them, he knew the love he felt back then for the younger grew deeper now.

And Beomgyu was done being a coward.

Love's a war and he needed to be brave.

"I'll never stop trying, I'll never stop choosing you," Yeonjun caressed his cheek, "I'll never get tired of watching you walk away, I'll never hold back if I see you look back at me with crying eyes. I'll always keep coming back, I'll always be here. No matter what. No matter the circumstances."

Beomgyu quickly hugged the elder, the sound of waves passing by, "Me too, Jjuni. Me too."

And at that moment, spring was ready to bloom again.

Maybe they never needed another lifetime; maybe they never needed a different universe where they're happy. Perhaps all they ever needed was enough time and courage to grow and fix themselves first before returning to that spring love that bloomed a few years ago. They needed to change, for the better, before giving themselves to each other for a long, long time.

Their love was never broken, it was still there; waiting for the right time to be fulfilled with certainty. Because one cannot love another if they cannot even see the beauty within them. Sometimes, one must choose to let go before holding on once again — we all get tired, and more often than not, we just need a break too.

And no matter how many times a flower would wither, fall, and die — new ones will always and always bloom on the same branch and with the same beauty. Over and over again like the very first time.

Spring will always come, always, for two flowers who are destined to bloom together —

With a ring on their finger, their hearts stronger and braver, and their scents will always linger as their hold on each other will never falter.

A new day has come, the sun has risen and the sea turned warm. They'll face it together because spring is here,

and they are ready to bloom again...

...together.

BLOOM AGAIN.