Chapter 9: All Too Well

All Too Well

✿

All too well.

When the memories mean a lot to you, you remember them all too well — you've got them memorized, carved in the back of your mind like you've made them your own. And that's why some people just can't seem to erase those times away from their minds because they hold a lot — mean a lot, they remember them all too freaking well.

Yeonjun could still remember the way he ran his fingers through Beomgyu's soft hair, stroking and ruffling them gently as the younger male leaned against the crook of his neck. He could still feel the same warmth and safety he used to drown in every time he had Beomgyu in his arms while lying on the bed — not minding their surroundings, allowing the world's noise to muffle away as if they were lowering the volume and only listened to each other's heartbeat.

The way his hands would crawl down to Beomgyu's waist while the younger male was straddling him, and slowly, with feather-like touches — Yeonjun's hands would slip under his shirt and Beomgyu would giggle into his ear. Yeonjun still remembered that feeling all too well; Beomgyu's warm breath caressing the skin under his ear as he continued to run his fingers under his clothes — resting them on Beomgyu's hips and leaning over to kiss his lips.

Yeonjun still remembered how it felt like to wake up in a sunny morning with the city loud and intoxicated with pollution, yet having Beomgyu's face to be the first thing he sees as soon as his eyes flutter open — it felt fresh, it felt complete; Yeonjun would kiss Beomgyu on the forehead and pull him in for a tight hug.

All too well.

He could still remember each part of that everything.

What's your favorite season?

Is it Spring? The time when you can just walk down the streets while admiring the blossoming trees?

Or is it Autumn? When you can just roll on the ground with the dead leaves rustling underneath you.

Maybe it's Summer? The days when you can feel the sun's golden ray painting you in orange as you smile towards the blue sky.

Yeonjun would perhaps choose Winter, though. He didn't know why, but there was just something about the silence and cold that still felt like home to him.

Mayhaps because Beomgyu was beside him, all cuddled up in his arms as they stayed lying still on the couch — the snow still pouring out from the outside, the cold breeze lingering around the month of December. Yeonjun felt warm despite the frigid touch of the wind.

A hand came caressing the back of Beomgyu's head, a small smile forming on his lips as he stared at the sleeping boy. All too well, this moment alone held a lot of familiarities that Yeonjun would do absolutely anything to feel over and over again with Beomgyu. It felt like Yeonjun had been through this same warmth and comfort in each lifetime he breathed.

Beomgyu soon groaned in his sleep, his hand just above Yeonjun's tummy with his face buried in the crook of Yeonjun's neck, "Jjuni..." Beomgyu whispered with his morning voice — it almost sounded like the Autumn leaves rustling around the ground, it was music to Yeonjun's ears.

"Yeah, Gyu?" Yeonjun whispered oh-so-soundly, like a lullaby.

"I have a question," Beomgyu looked up with doe eyes, they were twinkling — like fireworks exploding amidst Yeonjun's lonely sky.

Yeonjun smiled and held Beomgyu's hand that was resting on top of his stomach, "Ask away."

It took a while for Beomgyu to speak, would it be okay to ask? He needed answers, he needed assurance. And no one else could give it except for Yeonjun. The seasons may come around and go for as long as it can, but the chances don't get to knock on your door all the time.

"What are we?"

That was the only question that Beomgyu wasn't so sure of, he didn't know the depths of Yeonjun's heart — he didn't know what they truly were. All he knew was that he's willing to wait amidst a snowy day for Yeonjun to open the door for him. But would Yeonjun do the same for him?

Yeonjun didn't know what to answer yet. Exactly, what were they? There were nights when he stayed up late just thinking about it. Beomgyu said he still loves him, and he's sure he feels the same way. But right now, with the little one wrapped safely around his hold — what were they? Right now, they were looking into each other's eyes — what were they? The feeling that felt so good and right, so nostalgic and so lovely — what were they?

Could their intertwined fingers tell them what they were? Or the look in their eyes? Or the small smile on their lips? Could the comfort and safety they felt with each other right now tell them what they were? When Beomgyu looked at him, his eyes just told him he's special. And when Yeonjun tightened his grip around Beomgyu's little hand, he felt the younger male holding him just as tight and he knew that Beomgyu didn't want to let go of him as well.

"I don't exactly know," Yeonjun whispered, "but I do know that we're different from what we used to be before."

Yeonjun's other hand continued to stroke Beomgyu's hair, "But for some reason, we're still the same."

"Is that..." Beomgyu hesitated, "Is that a good thing, Hyung?"

The elder chuckled and stood up from the couch, he breathed in before answering, "The ramen's cold now and it's past six in the evening, I'll go reheat it."

Beomgyu had his lips parted as he watched Yeonjun walk towards the kitchen, a pout formed on his lips. He slowly stood up and proceeded to the counter, "You're dodging."

Yeonjun scoffed playfully as he grabbed the bowls of noodles, "What's there to dodge?" He raised a brow with a sly grin before placing them beside the microwave.

A little tsk left Beomgyu's lips, "Can we go to the mall?"

"Huh?" The elder turned to look at him with furrowed brows, "To the mall? All of a sudden?"

Beomgyu chuckled, his elbows resting atop the cold counter — it didn't hurt his skin though, the exploding warmth in his chest was rare, it only ever happened when Yeonjun's there, that explosion was enough to keep him going. "Are you still not used to it?" Beomgyu asked as he tilted his head.

Yeonjun shrugged with a small frown, "All right, then. After we eat ramen."

They both still remember every curve, every flaw, and every detail.

All too well.

✿

Just like the weather, the inside of the mall was cold too. The gentle breeze caressing their skins as they walked out of the elevator. Beomgyu was walking ahead of Yeonjun, his hands in a fist as they stayed hidden inside his sweater paws. The sight made Yeonjun wear an endearing smile while watching Beomgyu scan the stores they passed by.

And instantly, Beomgyu's eyes widened in excitement — he grabbed Yeonjun's hand and pulled him inside a store. Yeonjun scrutinized the jewelry displayed inside the glass containers. There were golden earrings, bronze bracelets, and silver rings. Yeonjun focused on them, he didn't even notice that Beomgyu was no longer in sight.

Beomgyu was looking at the earrings, he wanted to buy a new set. "Oh, Hyung—" he turned around, and he blinked when he didn't see the elder behind him. "Hyung? The heck," he scratched the back of his head and looked around the store.

Thankfully, he immediately saw him by the rings section. Yeonjun was looking at the rings which had different styles and designs, none of them caught his attention yet. They all looked plain and boring, Yeonjun frowned as he straightened his back.

"Hyung," Beomgyu suddenly said from behind, Yeonjun almost flinched, "you wander off too much. What are you looking for?" Beomgyu raised a brow as he took a step beside Yeonjun and scanned the rings as well.

"Oh, nothing," Yeonjun answered with a shrug, "I was just looking at the items. How about you?"

"I was looking for earrings, but when I turned around, you weren't there. I thought you left me," Beomgyu pouted while still looking at the silver rings until one caught his attention.

"Hey," Yeonjun frowned, "I won't do that."

"Yeah, yeah." Beomgyu waved him off as he kept staring at the ring in front of him. It was a simple one, but the design was what caught his attention. It was a silver ring that had one edge in the form of a leaf and the other side in a rose. Beomgyu loved it.

Yeonjun noticed his silence, "Did you find something you like?" He asked as he walked closer to the younger male.

Beomgyu glanced at him before nodding, "Ah, yeah. This one," he pointed at the silver rose ring. Yeonjun immediately saw it and asked, "You love it?"

A rose.

Yeonjun smiled because of that.

The younger male only nodded with a small smile as he glanced at Yeonjun, "It's pretty, and..." he chuckled, "I love roses."

And Beomgyu walked away, "I'll be at the earrings section." He said before completely disappearing from Yeonjun's sight.

Yeonjun looked at the ring.

All too well.

He remembered every little detail all too well.

"Uh, excuse me, miss?" Yeonjun raised his hand, "Can I take a look at this one?"

And Yeonjun loved how he was still familiar with every small edge of that memory: Beomgyu's shocked face, wide eyes, parted lips. Beomgyu's sweet smile while looking at him. How it felt to hold him in his arms as they giggled. Yeonjun remembered them all too well.

To some, it would be painful to bear.

Yet for Yeonjun, it just reminded him that they never changed at all.

✿

Seven in the evening.

"Hyung," Beomgyu pulled at Yeonjun's brown coat, the elder looked at him, "Look, the arcade is open. Do you wanna play for a bit?"

Yeonjun looked at the open arcade, colors dancing around the place with people walking in and out of it — the sounds of games and laughter reaching their direction. It looked fun, so how could Yeonjun disagree?

"Yeah, sure." And with that, Beomgyu pulled him as he ran inside the arcade. They squeezed themselves inside the place, walking past different people who were in their own worlds. Soon enough, Beomgyu and Yeonjun will have their own too.

After buying coins, they quickly went to play different games. Beomgyu laughed so hard every time Yeonjun lost and the elder would frown while looking at him. And Beomgyu would grin while staring at Yeonjun with a proud gaze every time he won in a game with Yeonjun losing.

All too well.

Nothing changed.

"You suck at this!" Beomgyu laughed while pointing at Yeonjun, the elder glared at him, "Am not! This game is just so impossible."

Beomgyu scoffed, "I've won quite a number of times, just say you're horrible at it and cry in the corner."

"Hey!" Yeonjun pouted, "I am not that bad. You're just one of the lucky ones."

"Yeah, whatever." Beomgyu stuck his tongue out and moved Yeonjun aside, "Let the expert handle it, watch and learn."

Yeonjun ran a hand through his locks, "Expert my ass," Yeonjun playfully scoffed as he watched Beomgyu insert a coin into the claw machine.

All too well.

Yeonjun remembered.

And in one snap, Beomgyu was already holding a duck stuffed toy in his hands — he was grinning and teasing Yeonjun, repeatedly telling him that he was indeed an expert and not just a lucky one.

"Hey, stop pouting already," Beomgyu giggled while looking at the elder who continued to pout, "Oh, you kinda look like this duck," he showed the toy.

Yeonjun rolled his eyes with a frown, "Yeah, the duck's cute."

Beomgyu smiled before giving it to him, "Here, you can have it, Hyung."

With a raised brow, Yeonjun asked, "Huh? What do you mean?"

Beomgyu sighed before placing the toy in Yeonjun's hands, "Think of it as a thank you gift for accompanying me."

Yeonjun blinked.

All too freaking well, everything felt so familiar yet so new and raw. In front of him was Beomgyu, smiling and giggling like the very first time they went to an arcade. Yeonjun missed that memory and he can't believe he's reliving it again. Beomgyu was so close, so touchable — unlike the few occasions when Yeonjun would just imagine this moment again, Beomgyu seemed so distant back then.

"Thank you," Yeonjun took a step closer, he wrapped a hand around Beomgyu's waist and pulled him in — Beomgyu could smell his cologne, "For coming back."

And now, with all those past familiarities, they made a new one — this time, neither of them will let it go.

✿

The walk home was quiet, a bit cold, but they were close — unlike all the years when they used to be so distant, so unreachable. They weren't holding hands, they weren't skipping their way down the streets, but they were together — and that was all that mattered at the moment. They wouldn't change a thing, the frigid breeze between them felt comforting despite the shivers they felt.

With the silence drowning them, Yeonjun got some more time to think about it. All too well, Yeonjun remembered each and every star that glistened above his sky whenever he stared at Beomgyu — the memories, the past, even the present came crawling on his skin, reminding him of the love they used to share together.

If you were really meant for each other, the both of you will meet, and meet, and meet again no matter the circumstances — no matter how long you've been apart, no matter what happened. Even if one of you said that you're not for each other, or if one of you decided to let go — wanting each other can't be a secret, loving each other won't end. And if you're just brave enough to fight for it, nothing is impossible and unreachable.

The memories they shared together just kept repeating and playing over and over again inside Yeonjun's mind, he can't seem to forget them — not when the person he built those with was standing beside him, walking with a small smile on his lips. Yeonjun couldn't help it, he smiled as well.

"Beomgyu," he called with such gentleness, the younger male looked at him, "Hyung?"

Yeonjun was certain, "I have something to say."

The two stopped walking when Yeonjun held Beomgyu's hand, the little one looked at him with wide eyes, "I...I bought this earlier."

Beomgyu watched as Yeonjun grabbed something from his coat's pocket, and when he saw the box, he quickly gasped, "Hyung...?"

Yeonjun pulled him closer, "This." He opened the box, revealing the same ring that caught Beomgyu's attention earlier. The younger male could feel the rush of heat crawling to his ears despite the cold weather.

"You...you bought it? Why?" Beomgyu was surprised, he gave Yeonjun a wide-eyed gazed before looking at the ring once more.

Yeonjun intertwined their fingers, the warmth of their palms brushing against each other, "The day when I'll wear you this ring, it'll be the time when Spring has come and..." Yeonjun leaned closer and rested his forehead on Beomgyu.

"...I'm ready to bloom with you again," Yeonjun whispered and pulled Beomgyu in for an embrace. Beomgyu didn't know what to say, he stood there frozen and confused — but as soon as he felt Yeonjun's lips giving his head a sweet touch, he melted right into the hug as well. Sniffling and reminiscing the way Yeonjun smelled.

And this time around, the winter snow witnessed the courageousness of two flowers that will only ever bloom with each other.

Through the thickest Winter storms and the warmest summer days.

✿

The piles and piles of snow slowly melted away as the rising sun came peeking from the mountains, the blue sky by the horizon looking so warm and fresh for another season to bloom.

Spring.

Another new beginning yet a continuation for two longing souls.

Yeonjun walked out of the building, stretching his muscles with a groan. He was wearing a white t-shirt and fitted pants, it was Spring — flowers were blooming and showering the town with pure pink and poetry, Yeonjun smiled as he breathed in.

As he looked around, his soft gaze landed on the lineup of trees beside him, the road was empty — pink petals scattered around the streets. The afternoon sunshine dancing around the trees, the vibrancy and freshness that Yeonjun loved were present and vivid.

Then he saw Hyunjin, he raised a brow and immediately went over to his place, "Hey, Hyunjin." He said as he placed a hand over his shoulder.

"Oh, hey," Hyunjin glanced at him with a smile and looked at the video recorder in his hands again.

"What are you doing here?" Yeonjun asked as he looked around. Hyunjin didn't say anything and just brought his hand up to point something that was in front of them. Yeonjun followed his finger.

Oh.

He saw Beomgyu in front of them, his side-view visible and pretty for Yeonjun's eyes. The younger male was looking at something that was from above the tree as the wind blew through his hair, Yeonjun loved the sight. This was one of the reasons why he loved Spring.

"What...what are you guys doing here?" Asked Yeonjun as he averted his gaze from Beomgyu, "During work hours?"

Hyunjin chuckled as he showed him the recorder, "Beomgyu asked me to film him so he can check the angle and just because he feels like it. It's pretty, look." He played the video that he recorded.

Yeonjun raised a brow and fixed his attention on the video; Beomgyu was giggling and smiling in the video, eyes full of joy as he stared at the trees that showered him with petals. Beomgyu was blooming.

It tugged at his heartstrings.

"It's pretty! This'll be great scenery! Hyunjin Hyung, are you getting this?" Beomgyu chuckled as he looked at the camera with a wide smile.

"It...it is pretty," Yeonjun held back a smile as he kept watching the video. Hyunjin scoffed.

"You know, Beomgyu has always been quite a confident dude when it comes to his looks," Hyunjin paused the video to which Yeonjun slapped him for, "Goddamnit, here, have the damn recorder and listen." Hyunjin handed him the device before continuing.

"But for the past times, he's been really down that he refused to do things like this," Hyunjin sighed, "so I was shocked that we're here right now. He's been way more confident than he used to be." Hyunjin chuckled and looked at Yeonjun who only stared at the boy who was still oblivious of their presence.

"That's cute," Yeonjun mumbled with a small smile and held back a laugh when Hyunjin scoffed again.

Beomgyu finally looked at him, and as if he found something better than any Spring sky, he never looked away from Yeonjun. The smile on his lips did not falter and only looked more vibrant than earlier.

All too well.

This felt all too familiar to Yeonjun.

Yet the previous memory of this was painful, this moment right here...was something better and raw. Something that was the contrast of that heavy goodbye

Beomgyu just replaced all those painful days with brighter ones.

And Yeonjun felt it.

✿

The city lights began to open and flicker as the night sky continued to dominate the heavens. Blue, red, yellow, orange — all those can be seen from above and reflected in the calm ocean waves. The wind blew peacefully, like a gentle touch of feather-like touches from timid hands. The city was still loud yet the sounds seemed like they were muffling away as Beomgyu continued to pack his things inside the office.

It was eight at nighttime, so young and alive that Beomgyu could still see the cars and lights moving around like lanterns from his building.

"Let's call it a day," Beomgyu sighed heavily before shutting his laptop.

However, before he could even walk towards the room — a silhouette suddenly came walking its way to him, Beomgyu looked up and met gazes with Yeonjun.

"Oh, Hyung..." he breathed out before chuckling, "What are you doing here? Do you need anything?"

Yeonjun just shrugged before sitting on top of an empty table, "Nothing much, I just thought of seeing you."

Beomgyu blinked, he stared at Yeonjun who only grinned at him. He shook his head in disbelief, "Ah, that's nice."

"Well, actually," Yeonjun bent forward and placed his hands on his knees, "I do have something I want to ask though."

Knowing that they'll be here for a while, Beomgyu sat back down on his chair and nodded, "Sure, what is it?"

"Why did you leave me?"

Then silence came, with the rhythm in his heart — the voices that echo in his mind, there were the city lights behind them and cars continuously honking like it was daytime. As the noises became audible again with the vibrancy of the lights and the darkness of the night, Beomgyu stared at Yeonjun with confused eyes.

"What...?" Beomgyu almost whispered, the skin between his eyebrows creased in bafflement.

Yeonjun chuckled, "I was just wondering, you know. Why'd you leave me, removed contact with me, then you came back after...I don't know, four years? It was hella confusing if you ask me." Yeonjun lowered his gaze as he continued to laugh, he remembered those days all too well; how much he suffered and broke because of everything that reminded him of Beomgyu.

"I..." Beomgyu didn't know how to start, his thoughts were scattered like unfixed puzzle pieces just laying there on the floor. He leaned against his seat, "I was so stupid back then, Yeonjun Hyung."

"Jjuni," Yeonjun suddenly said, "Call me Jjuni, please."

And although that shocked the younger male, he obeyed, "I wasn't really thinking straight back then...Jjuni, I was being foolish," Beomgyu stared at Yeonjun with glossy eyes.

"I was so mad and hurt because of that damn girl, and as a result, my emotions got the best of me," Beomgyu chuckled as he rubbed his face, now that he thought about it more, he really was stupid. How could he leave someone just like that? How clouded were his mind and heart back then that he hurt Yeonjun that bad? Was he so reckless and childish?

Beomgyu was always so worried about Yeonjun becoming the person he never wanted him to be, and thus, with blind eyes — he could not see that he was the one being someone who had broken him before.

Beomgyu became someone whom he never wanted Yeonjun to be.

"I pushed you away so easily and that caused the domino effect," Beomgyu sighed, a pause, "and I made the same mistake over and over and over again."

Yeonjun stood up, walked towards Beomgyu, and crouched in front of him, he smiled, "It's fine." He brought his hand up and wiped the tears that were streaming down Beomgyu's cheeks, "It's okay."

"No," Beomgyu shook his head while sniffling, he held Yeonjun's hand that was on his cheek and closed his eyes, "I've been so childish and insensitive, I hurt you and pushed you away. Why won't you get mad at me?"

Yeonjun never got mad at him. Sure, there were times when he actually did — but they didn't last and his love for Beomgyu won over the rage he had every right to feel. No matter how stupid, insensible, insensitive, or confusing Beomgyu have been — he could never get angry. Even if Beomgyu would beg for him to be, he just can't. Couldn't. How could he even?

"Please, just get mad at me," Beomgyu whispered, eyes still closed and a hand still holding the other tightly to his face. Yeonjun could see his eyelashes, the dried tears on his skin, the orange light that crawled on his figure — it felt like staring at a sunset.

Yeonjun smiled and leaned over to kiss Beomgyu's closed eye, Beomgyu's grasp around him grew tighter when he felt this.

"Here," Yeonjun showed him a notebook, Beomgyu looked at it before staring at Yeonjun with questioning eyes.

"Read everything that's in here once you get home, okay?" Yeonjun caressed his hair before giving him another gentle kiss on the forehead.

And without any more words, Yeonjun walked out of the room — leaving a confused Beomgyu behind still seated on the chair with an unfamiliar notebook in his hands.

He looked at it before deciding to peek at one page, the notebook was thin though — it only contained about five pages that were full of Yeonjun's handwriting.

Beomgyu read the first line.

Yeonjun's letter.

✿ Bloom Again ✿

[a/n]: aaand the winter part of this sequel has ended, we move to spring now :) i'm glad beomgyu here did not waste his first december with yeonjun, because i fucked up my last december with that person XD

by the way, chap 10 is my most favorite chapter :)