Confessions

RAINEY

The Weeknd’s “Wicked Games” is bouncing off the walls as more people start to filter into the party.

The living room is too small to hold everyone, so many are hanging out on the porch and the lawn.

Inside, people are dancing, chatting, and sipping vodka from little red cups. The room is dim, lit mostly by the neon lights from the stereo in the corner.

Being with Ansel and his brothers is one of the most fun things I’ve ever done.

They’re hilarious, and I can already feel my cheeks aching from laughing so much.

They feel like family. I haven’t felt this comfortable in a long time. It’s a feeling my mom and Jeff could never give me.

Arden nudges Alaric and nods toward the door, where Sam is walking in. She’s wearing a cute off-the-shoulder top and big hoop earrings.

She’s carrying a sleeping Anthony on her hip, his little head tucked into her neck as she scans the room.

Her hair is pulled back into a sleek ponytail, and her black leggings show off her curves. She spots us in the corner and heads our way.

“Goodnight, everyone,” she says.

“Wow, you look great, Sam,” Aiden says.

“I didn’t think you’d come.” Ansel gives her a smile, and she returns a small one, shrugging.

Alaric leans in to kiss her, but she quickly turns her face away, causing his brothers to burst out laughing.

Riley and I try not to laugh at his embarrassment, but the sight of Arden doubled over, tears streaming down his face, makes us join in.

Alaric doesn’t seem to mind. He ignores his laughing brothers and smirks at Sam. “Are you going to be like this, Samantha?”

“Ric, leave me alone.”

“If you wanted me to leave you alone, you wouldn’t be here, would you?” He bites his lip, looking Sam in the eyes.

~These King boys and their intense stares.~

Sam’s blushing cheeks show he’s getting to her, but she frowns, handing a sleeping Anthony to him. “I’m here because Tony wanted to see you. That’s it.”

She crosses her arms while Alaric cradles his son’s head against his neck, kissing his forehead gently. “I’ll put him to bed in my room.”

Sam just nods as he heads toward the stairs. A hint of sadness creeps into her eyes as she watches him leave, then she turns to me.

“Hey, Rain.”

“Hey.” I smile at her. “I’m glad you’re here.”

She shrugs. “Yeah, I guess a girl can’t cry forever.”

She looks at Riley, and to my surprise, she pulls her into a tight hug, patting her back gently. “I’m glad you’re okay, Riley. Ansel told me about your discharge. Congratulations.”

Riley smiles, nodding against her shoulder. “Thanks. I’ve been through worse.”

Sam pulls back, looking worried. “You have?”

Riley gives a tight smile. “Nah.”

Sam catches the joke and laughs, patting her shoulder affectionately. “You’re cute.”

“So, Sam, aren’t you going to give my brother another shot?” Aiden asks, leaning against the wall and raising his eyebrows.

Sam rolls her eyes. “Alaric doesn’t need another shot. He’ll be fine with that Bee girl.”

“He won’t be,” Ansel says, looking like he knows something we don’t. “Trust me, Sam. Ric loves you.”

“He hasn’t convinced me,” she replies. “I came tonight to get my stuff.”

“No, no, no. Why get your stuff, Sam?” Arden throws an arm around her. “Come on, give him another chance. I’m sure he’s sorry.”

“Yeah, he is. I mean, he’s been really down lately. He even cried.” Aiden tries to help, but Sam frowns, knowing Alaric isn’t the type to cry.

“You had me, then you lost me. Alaric would never cry over someone.”

Alex glares at Aiden. “Dude, you had to go and exaggerate. You made it sound so fucking fake. Nice job.”

“No, but seriously, Alaric hasn’t been himself lately,” Aiden corrects himself. “He’s been zoning out like he’s got a lot on his mind.”

“And I’m sure that ‘a lot’ is you,” Arden says. “It’s all you, Samantha! All you.

“Just give my brother another chance. Pretty please? Don’t make me go all Katy Perry on you. ~Pretty please, don’t you ever ever feel~—”

Alex interrupts his brother’s singing. “Dude, Katy Perry doesn’t sing that, you idiot. It’s Pink.”

Arden looks at the ceiling, deep in thought, as if Alex’s words just changed his whole worldview. “Damn…and here I thought it was Katy Perry.”

“I’ll see you guys later. I need to get my stuff.” Sam starts to walk away, but Ansel quickly grabs her arm, stepping in front of her.

“Sam. Listen, it’s complicated, but just trust him, okay? He’s just…doing some things right now. I wish I could explain it.”

She lets out a sigh. “I think it’s best if Ric and I take a break. If he loves me, he’ll try harder. But right now, I don’t see him wanting to be with me. He’s not trying hard enough, and it hurts.”

She walks away, leaving the brothers looking defeated. Riley and I exchange glances, both of us feeling the weight of her words.

ALARIC

As my little guy snoozes against my pillows, a soft smile tugs at my lips. I love my son, and I love Sam, more than anything in this world. But things are just so hard right now.

I don’t have feelings for Bee, but I need to stay close to her to keep an eye on Ron’s truck and other private information. If I tell Sam that, I’m pretty sure she won’t understand.

She knows I sell drugs, but she doesn’t know how I get the supplies. If she did, she’d want me to stop, saying it’s too dangerous and she doesn’t want me to get hurt.

I get that. But if I stop, how do I provide for my family? I have plans, and I won’t be selling drugs forever, but I need this as a stepping stone.

I wish Sam would just trust me, even though I know it’s hard for her right now.

A noise at the door pulls me from my thoughts, and she walks into the room with a determined stride. Her face is blank as she heads to my drawers and pulls the top one open.

“What are you doing?” I ask softly, not wanting to wake Anthony.

She doesn’t answer, and my brow furrows as I realize she’s pulling her clothes out of the drawer and tossing them onto the bed.

I grit my teeth, get up, and rush over to her. “What are you doing, Sam?”

“Getting my stuff,” she mumbles. Her voice cracks slightly, but she keeps her face expressionless.

I close my eyes, letting out a sharp sigh. “Why?”

She doesn’t answer, just keeps pulling out her clothes. I curse under my breath and grab her arm, forcing her to look at me. “I asked why?”

“I’m leaving!” she whispers loudly. “So you can go be with Bee now!”

She turns away, and I look up to the ceiling before grabbing her arm again, seeing tears in her eyes.

“Will you stop this, Sam? Why can’t you just trust me?”

“I can’t. Not after that text I saw.”

I run a hand over my face. ~She has no idea what she’s doing to me.~

“I’ve been nothing but loyal to you, Ric. I don’t deserve this.”

“Sam, I know. Look…I don’t want to do this, okay? Fuck, I don’t.”

“Then stop. Stop doing this to me, Ric.” Tears spill from her eyes, and her words are a desperate plea.

Seeing her cry is like a punch to the gut, but I look at my son, and I remember why I’m doing this in the first place.

“I can’t stop. I can’t stop right now—”

Her hand slaps my cheek, and even though my head barely moves, a sharp pain shoots through my jaw.

I swallow hard. “You’re going to wake Anthony.”

“You’re full of shit,” she whispers. “Why the hell did I ever meet you? I hate you.”

Her words are like a knife to my heart. She has no idea how much they hurt me.

“I hate you, Ric.”

“Stop saying that. It fucking hurts when you say that,” I hiss.

“Well, it hurts to know you’re being disloyal!”

Anthony stirs in his sleep, and we both freeze until he settles back down. Then we turn back to each other.

“You can go be with her. I’ll move on,” she says, and I run a hand through my hair. “Fucking hell, Sam. You’re stressing me out. Jesus.”

“I’m stressing ~you~ out?”

“Why can’t you understand? I told you I have to do this right now. Why can’t you just trust me? Why?

“You know what? Do whatever the hell you want. You want to go? Go!”

She stares at me in disbelief, then quickly starts stuffing her clothes into a bag. “Fine, Ric. I’ll leave. I’ll come back for Anthony tomorrow.”

I run a hand through my hair as she heads for the door. I curse under my breath and grab her arm, pulling her back to me.

“No, baby. Don’t go.”

I wrap my arms around her, and she tries to push me away, but I hold her tighter, burying my face in her hair.

“Don’t leave… Please?”

She slowly relaxes against me, and I tilt her face up, looking into her tear-filled eyes that still hold so much love for me. I kiss her forehead, then press my lips to hers.

She opens her mouth, and I slip my tongue inside, our mouths moving together like we haven’t kissed in forever. I missed her so much. I love her so much.

Suddenly my phone starts ringing from the bed, and she pulls away. “Your phone…”

“It’s probably nothing.” I try to pull her back to me, but she giggles and shakes her head. “Get your phone. It’s probably important.”

I frown. ~Whoever this is, they’re dead.~

I look at the phone screen, and my eyes widen when I see Bee’s name. I try to pull Sam back to me, but she sees the name, and all the color drains from her face.

~Fuck.~

She shoves me away, and I close my eyes, accepting the inevitable. She’ll never forgive me now. I’m at a loss for words.

“I can’t see you anymore, Ric,” she sobs, grabbing her bag as I stare at the floor, filled with regret.

~Fuck. That’s all I can think.~

“Stay away from me. Don’t call me. Don’t text me. I’m blocking you! I can’t see you anymore!”

Her sobs echo in the room as she leaves, and I let out a heavy sigh, burying my face in my hands.

~Damn.~

RAINEY

Sam rushes down the stairs, tears streaming down her face. She storms out of the party without a glance in our direction, her hand covering her face.

“Oh my God, is she okay?” Riley asks, her eyes filled with worry. The brothers exchange puzzled looks. Alaric follows Sam down the stairs, running a hand through his hair and sighing heavily.

“Alaric, what happened to Sam?” Ansel asks, his brow furrowed in concern.

His brother shrugs, shoving his hands in his pockets. “I messed up again.”

I see the guilt in his eyes as he stares at the carpet, and Arden shakes his head.

“Damn, Ric. It was tough enough convincing her to take you back.”

“It’s for the best,” Alaric mutters. “For now, at least.”

Ansel sighs, patting his brother’s shoulder. “I’ll talk to her, okay?”

I feel a pang of sympathy for Sam. Just when she’d finally stopped crying, her heartache has been reignited.

I don’t know what happened between them upstairs, but Alaric’s guilty expression tells me he might truly love her.

“Alex!” A petite brunette suddenly rushes over, jumping into Alex’s arms. He stumbles back as she giggles, wrapping her arms tightly around his neck.

Riley narrows her eyes, and I see a flash of jealousy on her face as Alex tries to untangle himself from the girl.

“Shanelle… What are you doing here?” He finally manages to free himself and quickly glances at Riley, who’s now pretending to be interested in her boots.

The girl is short but curvy, with shiny, long hair that falls over her shoulders. She has a youthful face and is wearing leggings and an oversized sweater.

“My friend is here.” She points behind her. “So I thought I’d stop by. You look great, Alex. Black really suits you.”

Riley grimaces in annoyance while Alex rubs the back of his neck awkwardly. “Yeah… Thanks. Uh, I’ll see you at school on Monday, okay?”

He seems eager to get rid of her, but Shanelle doesn’t seem to notice as she grins, nodding her head.

“Okay.” She bites her lip and keeps her eyes on him as she walks away. Alex looks uncomfortable, but his brothers are laughing at the scene that just unfolded.

“Who’s that, Al?” Aiden asks, watching the retreating girl. I glance at Riley, who looks a bit rattled.

“A girl from my chem class. She likes me, but I don’t feel the same.”

He looks at Riley now, as if he wants her to hear his words. “She just won’t leave me alone though. She’s really persistent.”

Aiden grins, nodding his head. “Don’t worry. I’ll help you out. What are brothers for? I’ll distract her for you.”

“Just a heads up: she’s clingy,” Alex warns him, but Aiden just laughs. “I can handle the needy ones, bro. I’m an expert.”

“Yet you’re still avoiding Simone in our AP literature class,” Arden teases, earning a playful smack from his twin brother.

“I got this.” Aiden rubs his hands together. “What’s her name again? Shontelle?”

“Shanelle. And she has a friend too.” Alex nods toward the petite girl who’s now chatting and laughing with a friend in a corner of the room.

“Perfect. One for Aiden, one for me.” Arden smirks as he and his twin brother head over to the two girls. We watch as their faces flush at the sight of the twins.

Then Aiden and Arden each take one of the girls’ hands and start leading them toward the stairs, shooting us mischievous grins as we laugh.

“Those two are something else.” Alaric shakes his head.

Ansel chuckles. “They move fast. I hope they’re not planning on using my room.”

“Or my bed,” Alex adds.

“Ansel?”

A soft female voice interrupts our laughter, and we turn to see Lea. She’s wearing a red summer dress, and her hair is neatly tied up in a bun.

Her presence always makes me uncomfortable, and I clench my hand into a fist.

“What a night,” Alex mutters while Alaric sighs, pressing his lips together.

“Who invited you? Traitors aren’t welcome here.”

My curiosity is piqued again. Why does everyone keep calling her a traitor? Riley looks just as curious as she glances at me.

“Calm down, Alaric. Ansel invited me.” She frowns.

My eyes widen as I look at Ansel, hoping he’ll deny her claim.

~He will, won’t he?~

“Let’s talk outside,” he tells her, to my utter dismay. My heart sinks as I watch him walk away with her, Lea happily linking her arm through his as they step outside.

~That stings.~

I stare at the floor, feeling a sharp pang of heartbreak as I struggle to keep my emotions under control.

I can sense everyone’s gaze on me, but I keep my head down. I feel so exposed right now that even a sympathetic look might make me break down.

Alaric’s comforting voice breaks through the silence as he pats my back gently. “Ansel’s probably just dealing with something important. He’s moved on from her. Don’t stress about it, okay?”

“Alaric!” a guy calls from the door, and Alaric gives my shoulder a reassuring squeeze before he heads off.

“Hey…” Riley nudges my shoulder lightly. “Cheer up, Rain. It’s probably nothing. You heard Alaric. He’s moved on.”

“Yeah,” Alex chimes in. “Don’t sweat it. Even if he wasn’t over her, I’d make sure they never got back together. I’d mess things up so bad.”

I manage a small smile, and they return it.

“Let’s go sit on the couch, have some beers, and chat the night away,” Alex suggests.

I nod. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

***

I struggle against the jealousy that’s slowly creeping up inside me, gnawing at my heart.

Everyone around me is laughing, drinking, and enjoying the music, but I’m just sitting here, my eyes fixed on Ansel and Lea.

It doesn’t help that the song “Favorite Clothes” by RINI is playing in the background.

I’m starting to think that agreeing to sit on the couch was a mistake, because from here I have a perfect view of the yard, where Ansel is sitting on a bench with his ex-girlfriend.

They’ve been deep in conversation for almost two hours now.

I have no idea what they’re talking about, since Ansel’s face is unreadable, while Lea’s expression is clearly tender.

It’s obvious she’s not over him, and I can’t tell if he feels the same way, because Ansel is so hard to read.

Having feelings for someone is painful, and I didn’t understand how Sam felt until now. It feels like someone is tearing my heart out of my chest, their fingers digging into it and ripping it apart.

I know I’m getting ahead of myself, and I know my feelings for Ansel are probably one-sided and unreciprocated. Sure, we shared a passionate kiss, but what if he was just trying to prove a point?

My mind drifts back to the night I hugged him when I was drunk.

He hugged me back in his kitchen the next morning, then said it was okay to hug someone and that we were now even.

What if the kiss was just like that? What if I kissed him and he felt sorry for me, so he just kissed me back so we would be even?

The thought is heartbreaking, but it makes sense.

My insecurities wash over me like a tidal wave, eroding all my previous confidence and leaving me feeling inadequate.

I feel my eyes start to sting as the painful truth hits me.

Ansel doesn’t ~like~ me. He ~pities~ me.

A tear falls onto my jeans, and I quickly wipe my eyes, staring at the wetness on my fingers in disbelief.

~Am I really crying over a guy? I’ve never cried over a guy before. This is so weak and pathetic.~

I wipe my eyes with the sleeve of my hoodie and look over at Riley, who’s laughing with Alex, completely unaware of my silent heartbreak.

“Ry, I’m going home,” I say quietly, standing up. If I stay here any longer, I’ll just look like a pathetic teenager crying over her crush.

Riley stands up too, studying my sad face. “Is everything okay, Rain?”

“Yeah. I just want to go.”

Her face softens with understanding, and she nods. “Okay. We can leave right now, okay?”

“No, it’s okay, Ry. You stay and enjoy your party. I’ll go alone. Alex, can you take her home later?”

He nods, looking a bit worried. “Yeah, but are you sure you’re okay, Rain?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just tired.” I try to smile. “Riley, I’ll see you later.”

She frowns. “No way. I’m not letting you go alone. I’m coming.”

“No, it’s your party. Have fun.”

“I’m not letting you go alone, Rain.” She links her arm with mine, and I sigh at her stubbornness as Alex stands up.

“I’ll take you guys home, then. Okay?”

“It’s okay, Al. We’ll walk tonight. It helps clear my head.” I force a smile as I turn away, and Riley waves to him as she follows me out the door.

She watches me closely as I walk down the steps. “Rain, you seem upset. Are you okay?”

I nod, stealing a quick glance at Ansel, who’s watching me with a puzzled look from the bench.

He sees the sadness on my face, and his eyebrows furrow as I grab Riley’s hand and quicken my pace.

“Let’s just go.” I can feel the tears coming, and I quickly wipe them away. Riley looks horrified as she looks at me.

“Are you crying, Rain?”

The cold night air stings my cheeks as I take a deep breath, shaking my head. “N-no.”

“Rain!”

I look around, and my eyes widen slightly when I see Ansel running after us.

The porch light illuminates my tear-filled eyes, and I quickly turn away as I walk faster. I don’t want him to see me like this. Especially when he’s the reason.

His footsteps get closer as I hurry through the wooden gate, but as soon as I step onto the sidewalk, his hand grabs mine, stopping me in my tracks.

I close my eyes, and tears slip out as he lets out a weary sigh.

“Why are you leaving, Rain?”

I can’t bring myself to look at him, choosing instead to wipe my eyes as Alex rushes over, taking Riley’s hand. “Come on, Ry.” He tugs her along, but she keeps throwing worried glances my way.

“Rain? Look at me.” Ansel tries to get my attention, his hand on my shoulder, but I shrug him off, covering my face with my hand and turning away.

~I can’t stand him seeing me like this.~

He moves to stand in front of me, and I lower my head, tears streaming down my face, blurring my vision.

He gently lifts my chin, forcing me to meet his gaze. His brow furrows as he studies my tear-filled eyes.

“Can you tell me why you’re crying?” His voice is gentle, his eyes filled with emotions I can’t quite place.

My lips tremble, and I step back, wiping my eyes with the back of my hand.

But the tears keep coming, and I finally give up trying to stop them, letting them fall freely while Ansel watches, concern etched on his face.

“Talk to me, Rain.”

“It’s nothing,” I manage to choke out, sniffling.

~I must look so pathetic right now.~

“Don’t say that. You’re crying.” He reaches for me, but I step back.

“Just go back to Lea, Ansel,” I whisper, and his expression softens.

“What—what do you mean go back to Lea?”

“Ansel?” The voice of my rival makes me look up, and I see Lea standing a few feet away, watching us curiously. “Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, just give us a moment, Lea.” There’s a hint of irritation in his voice, and I can’t help but feel a little satisfied.

Lea nods slowly, but her eyes linger on me as she heads towards his front door.

“Tell me why you’re crying, Rain.”

I don’t answer, just continue to cry softly. I’m angry at myself. First, for letting people see me this vulnerable, and second, for letting myself fall for someone and becoming so weak.

I’m not a weak person.

“Is it because…I was talking with Lea?”

I sniffle, covering my eyes with my hand, and he tries again.

“Please tell me why—”

“I like you,” I blurt out, closing my eyes as more tears escape.

I don’t want to see his reaction. I can’t believe I just said that, but it’s too late to take it back now. The words are out there.

“I like you, and I’m jealous when you’re with her. It hurts to see you two together, and it hurts even more when I think about how little I know about you.

“She seems to know so much, which is probably why you invited her here tonight. Maybe she knows you so well that you can confide in her and not me.

“You’d rather open up to her than to me. And that hurts.”

I let the tears fall, feeling them warm on my cheeks.

I can smell his cologne as he steps closer. “Rain—”

“You don’t have to say anything. You don’t have to say it back just to make me feel better. You always do that. You always ~return the favor~, so I won’t feel so embarrassed, so we can be even.

“I don’t want you to do that. It just gets my hopes up, Ansel.

“I know you don’t feel the same way about me, but when you keep smiling at me, hugging me, and looking at me the way you do, it makes me overthink things.

“The night I kissed you, it might not have meant anything to you, but it was my first kiss, and it meant everything to me.” My voice breaks, and I sniffle, gathering the courage to continue.

“And when you kissed me back, it made me hope, Ansel. Hope that you might feel the same way about me.

“But I realize you don’t…because you invited Lea here, and you spent half the night talking to her, completely ignoring me, and—”

I’m cut off by the feel of his lips on mine, and my eyes fly open in surprise. His eyes are closed, his dark lashes casting shadows on his cheeks as he kisses me gently.

My eyes flutter shut, and I find myself kissing him back.

His lips are soft and warm, and a tear slips from my eye, landing on his cheek as he wraps his arm around my waist, pulling me closer.

I shiver, but I can’t tell if it’s from the cold night air or the way Ansel is making me feel.

The kiss is slow and gentle, and I can feel the warmth of his mouth spreading through my body as he parts my lips with his, his tongue exploring my mouth.

Claiming ~all of me~.

He strokes my back as he pulls away, and I open my eyes, my lips still tingling from his kiss.

Our breaths mingle in the cold air as we look at each other, the moonlight illuminating his face and the intense emotions in his eyes.

I’m breathing hard as I search his face, my eyes filled with tears as he cradles my face in his hands.

His brow furrows as his eyes soften, looking into mine as if he can see right into my soul.

“How…how can you say that?” he whispers, and I search his face for an explanation. He rests his forehead against mine, and I close my eyes. His breathing is as ragged as mine.

“How can you say I don’t feel the same, Rain?” His voice is filled with pain as he strokes my cheek with his thumb. “I like you so much.”

I gasp at his words, feeling fresh tears welling up in my eyes.

“I like you so much. I thought my actions showed you. I thought you knew how much I need you, Rain. I thought I made it clear.

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I made you think I didn’t feel the same.”

I sob softly, and he lifts my face to look at him. “I’m sorry I made you cry.”

His thumb brushes gently beneath my eye, and I let my eyes flutter shut for a moment, savoring the tenderness of his touch. “I guess I didn’t make it clear enough. I like you. I always have.”

Tears well up in my eyes, spilling over silently as he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into the warmth of his embrace. His lips press against my hair in a comforting kiss.

“When I brought Lea here, it wasn’t for the reasons you might think.

“She used to be part of Ron Moretto’s crew, and given the proposal he made to you recently, I just wanted to get some inside information.

“I realize there’s a lot I haven’t shared with you.”

He gently tilts my head back, meeting my gaze with his own. “But I promise, I’ll tell you everything tonight, okay?”

I nod against his chest, and he rewards me with a soft kiss on my forehead. “Do you want to head up to my room so we can talk in private?”

“Yeah.” I manage a small smile, using the heel of my hand to wipe away my tears.

“Please don’t cry. It breaks my heart to see you cry.” He kisses a lingering tear from my cheek, then intertwines his fingers with mine, leading me gently towards his house.