CH 102

Chapter 102: Twelve Years

When it comes to Jin Yuan’s and Chen Sheng’s affair, in the end Jin Yang only knows the surface and the specific entanglement between the two is only clear to themselves.

Now, Jin Yuan is having trouble shaking off the person who clings to him for dear life.

He doesn’t think he’s done anything to make Chen Sheng uncomfortable, but the person is crying uncontrollably, making quiet sobs. However, the salty and hot tears are falling on his clothes and within a moment, they roll down into his skin, causing a burning pain.

Jin Yuan hasn’t seen anyone cry like this for a long time, and he feels quite helpless.

“Xiao Yuan~”

Chen Sheng murmurs these two words repeatedly, and someone who doesn’t know what happened between them would truly think he has a deep friendship with Jin Yuan.

Jin Yuan stiffens his neck, and his muscles tense uncomfortably all over his body.

“If you feel guilty, you don’t really have to,” he says.

The person who held onto him tightly and wouldn’t let go lifted their face to look at him, but their grip didn’t loosen. Jin Yuan had a calm expression on his face, which made him uncomfortable.

Chen Sheng furrowed his brows and lowered his gaze to stare at the prominent hollow of Jin Yuan’s thin neck. Summoning up his courage, he said, “Actually…actually, when we broke up, I did it because I was scared.”

Everyone has curiosity, and even though Jin Yuan wanted to cut ties with yesterday, he still habitually asked, “Scared of what?”

Chen Sheng leaned his forehead against Jin Yuan’s clavicle. As a man in his thirties, he was shy like a child.

“I know you love me, so I was scared. Before you, no one had ever loved me. My parents only care about money, having a child was just a process. I don’t have any siblings, and no one has ever liked me. They were all after my money, and I didn’t know how to deal with that kind of situation. The warmth made me instinctively want to retreat to the corner…”

Jin Yuan’s expression seemed frozen, and it was unclear whether he didn’t believe Chen Sheng’s words or had lost the ability to express emotions.

Chen Sheng didn’t know how Jin Yuan felt after hearing his words. He was hoping to feel some kind of reaction in Jin Yuan’s heart, but he didn’t expect that if Mr. Zhou on the other side of the world heard this, it would probably tear his heart apart.

Zhou Muxian is simply too timid. Under pressure from his family and from the pressure he puts on himself, even if he just looks at Chen Sheng for a moment, he would have to carefully examine any loose threads or tiny scraps of paper on Chen Sheng’s clothing after being discovered, with a serious and solemn attitude.

As long as Chen Sheng has even the slightest feeling that he likes him, Zhou Muxian will immediately go out and have fun, and by the way, be nice to everyone around him.

God is fair to everyone, giving Chen Sheng a good face and a good family background. But in reality, he is neither loved by his father nor his mother. The only two men who ever loved him, one went to jail for him, while he failed to recognize the other’s affection for him for over thirty years due to his poor emotional intelligence.

Jin Yuan pulled him off of himself while Chen Sheng was full of anticipation.

“That’s an old story, not worth mentioning. How have you been recently?”

Seeing that he didn’t react much, Chen Sheng sat disappointedly on the armrest of the sofa and wiped away his tears with his sleeve.

“Just living a normal life, nothing special.”

“Did you get married?”

Chen Sheng quickly shook his head, “Of course not!”

Jin Yuan calmly nodded as he received the takeout, “You should find someone to live a good life with.”

Feeling uncomfortable being told this by his ex-boyfriend, Chen Sheng instinctively resisted like he would with older generations. Then he tentatively said, “So I came here.”

“Is your partner here? When are you getting married? I’ll give you some wedding money. Times have changed. Now I have so much money that I don’t know what to do with.” Jin Yuan did not continue his conversation and instead shifted the topic to something else.

Chen Sheng remained silent, staring at him without moving. After a while, the awkward atmosphere made Jin Yuan unable to keep his smiling facade, and he asked, “Don’t you understand what I mean?”

Jin Yuan candidly said, “How can I understand? The emotions we had when we were young and inexperienced have been gone for over ten years. If there was a way to wrap up this feeling in cling film and store it in the fridge, it might still have a chance. But Chen Sheng, have you done that? If what you’re saying now is true, then have you remained chaste for twelve years because of me?”

Jin Yuan voice was calm, without any anger, and he spoke as if he were reciting a text without any emotions. He didn’t want to give any emotion between the lines.

Chen Sheng was caught off guard by the question. Naturally, he hadn’t been able to keep himself pure for twelve years. From the age of eighteen or nineteen to his early thirties, when a man’s vitality was at its peak, he had been with countless men and women, and he couldn’t even count them all with both hands.

There were serious relationships as well as casual hookups for physical needs. He had many “friends with benefits,” but it wasn’t until he was with Zhou Muxian in recent years that he truly settled down.

Even though they were just “friends with benefits”, leaving that aside, they had grown up together since childhood and had some deep affection and friendship.

Chen Sheng always felt that before ending his relationship with Zhou Muxian, if he did anything with anyone else, it wouldn’t be wrong in terms of their “friends with benefits” relationship, but it would be a bit unfair to his childhood friend. Therefore, he had been honest in recent years and hadn’t done anything to cheat.

He was caught off guard by the question and didn’t immediately respond, but the answer was already clear.

Jin Yuan didn’t really care about it. He patted Chen Sheng’s shoulder like an ordinary friend and said, “You just feel guilty, but I really don’t care about those years. It’s like I’ve been given a new life and can start over. When I got out, I became a rich man with a way out in life. I can do anything I want without any worries. It’s really great. You don’t have to feel sorry for me, really.”

After eating a meal, Chen Sheng was kicked out. When he came out of the community with his luggage and the trash bin for the takeaway box of braised chicken and rice, he looked bewildered at the bustling crowd on the street.

Why, why was everything beyond his expectations…

At the moment the door was closed, the whole world fell silent.

The man in light-colored home clothes was squatting on the floor, wiping the table. He wiped it once, twice, one down and two up, his hands soaked and wrinkled in the wet cloth, before he suddenly threw it into the corner, exhausted.

Whose life could really start over? It was just as if the pause button had been pressed for twelve years, and once it continued playing, how could the deeply engraved memories of those years, the only thought during these twelve years, be easily erased?