Chapter 86: War Of Hearts

I lay still, my eyes closed, trying to ignore the fact the water in the bathtub is growing colder with each passing minute. This is the first bath I've had in a long while. I haven't had a chance to clean myself since I left Abel a few days ago. The results have left me smelling... less than pleasant.

I've been trying my best to enjoy this-a nice, hot bath-but with the fact that I had to heat up multiple buckets of water-since plumbing is very limited here in the city-the enjoyment has been limited.

But I am clean, which is something I appreciate.

So I stand up out of the bathtub, not bothering to drain it. I grab a towel and dry off, making sure to be gentle with my stitched up arm. It looks much better... almost too much better, if I'm honest. The swelling has gone down, and it's no longer red and inflamed. It still hurts. It still stings, but not as bad. I imagine it should be healed within a few weeks time.

Although I always thought a wound like this, even a flesh wound, would take longer. Huh.

I shake my head, forcing the thought aside as I change into my nightgown. It's not really mine, but no one seemed to mind when I pulled it from the closet.

The fabric almost feels too soft on my skin, too luxurious. I think the same thing when I sit down on the large bed in the center of the room I was given. It's too nice. I'm not used to nice. I'm used to adequate.

But I guess one night of sleeping in a bed much too soft for my liking will work just for today. I almost laugh at just how ungrateful that sounds. Here I am, actually getting to sleep in a bed in a palace-an actual palace-and yet I don't think I'll like it because the bed will be too soft.

But I do feel this way. Luxury isn't what I want, nor is it what I need. Good food, wine, comfortable bedding, soft clothes... it's all so little and yet so big. So big in the fact that people miss this so much they'd kill for it, yet so small in the grand scheme of living,

I understand that things like this should be appreciated, and there are many things I do appreciate, like when I get to have some peanut butter or when I get a new pair of running shoes... but here-even with this nice dress that is soft and pretty, and this bed that I find I practically fall into when I sit down on it-it's not what I want.

I'd rather be at home, in my small bed in the dorm I share with a good twenty other Abel residents. I'd rather be at home with Sam, with Milo, with Penelope... Instead I'm here, laying in a bed, knowing that tomorrow is the day I have to go save the world from Moonchild.

Maxine was right. This wasn't what I'd signed up for when I got into that helicopter. I was fifteen then...

I'm seventeen now... I shouldn't have the weight of the world my shoulders. I'm not even an adult by law. But I guess that doesn't matter anymore. The law doesn't exist, not really.

Death doesn't discriminate, so why should anything else?

I rub my temples, standing up. The wood floor is cold, but I ignore it. My eyes shift to the headset on the nearby dresser. Sam has no doubt gone to bed, and even if he was still awake I doubt Janine would let him stay in the coms shack for fear he may try to talk to me and keep me up when I have such an important mission tomorrow.

I talked to him briefly, after we got back inside the palace, away from the zombies. Jaime had us radio in and tell both Janine and Sam his plan to get us to Comansys Tower. I barely got the chance to actually talk to him, but I guess it's for the best. As much as I care for Sam, I cannot ignore the fact that he is a distraction. With every little tease, every little conversation we have is something that can distract me from my mission. Not talking to him much today is a good way to get myself to focus on what's needed to be done, even when I don't want to do so.

I shake my head. Why am I thinking this? Why am I thinking about any of this?

I grimace as I take a look around. I blame it on this place. There's something about it... It feels... off.

The voices are a lot stronger here. They're louder, more persistent.

As if on cue, one of them speaks.

"Make sure you still have it."

A sigh heavy with annoyance leaves my lips. "It's in my bag. You know that."

"I know that, but do you? You keep thinking about it," Sarah laughs. "The thought keeps passing through until you push it to the back of your mind."

I grit my teeth, mostly because she's right. I stomp over to my bag, opening up the front pocket, and sure enough, it's still there.

"Are you even going to tell me why I need it?" I ask, not even sure why I'm saying this all aloud.

"You'll find out soon enough."

"That's not what I asked."

I don't get a reply. I grunt in annoyance. After I got free from the mind control, the voices did come back just like the visions. A few days before the fall of New Canton, Sarah told me I needed to look into the box she left for me and grab something from it. She told me to keep it on my bag, because I will be needing it soon.

I don't know what I'll be needing it for, but I have it.

It scares me, though. She told me I'd need this, never saying why. She knows something I don't, meaning she's not just a figment of my imagination. I mean, I've wondered about it before. I do have visions, after all, but I never thought I'd be able to hear actual spirits.

I never thought I'd be able to punch through metal either.

Again I shake my head, pushing all these thoughts away. I zip up the front pocket of my bag, hiding the item from view of whatever prying eyes that might be in here with me, and I leave the room. The quiet, eerie room is too much for me right now. The silence gives room for thoughts I do not want to think about, but unfortunately cannot stop from entering my mind.

Silence is like darkness, I'm beginning to find. It eats you from the inside out if you stay in it for too long.

But the silence continues even in the hallway, even with the moon and stars shining through the windows, the candles just barely providing any light. It's beautiful, peaceful.

That's the illusion, but I don't buy it. I see through the silence, through the darkness, through-

I'm suddenly not in the hallway anymore.

I'm running in some sort of cased in area with trees and a platform above me. There are people there, watching me. I can't recognize all of them, but I see Milo, and another boy, a younger one. They're screaming. Or at least, they're trying too. There are armed guards holding them down, their hands going over their mouths.

Milo bites the guard hard enough to  tear his mouth away.

"Mum, run! Run!"

There's a loud growl from behind me, and I realize just why this place looks so familiar.

Oh, no.

"So, I press this button, and-" The high pitched, whiny male voice giggles when a fence pops up in my way, zapping with electricity.

"Yes," The female voice praises, "yes, you've got the hang of it."

"Veronica, please! Make them stop!" Milo begs. "Don't do this!"

She doesn't give him an answer.

"Veronica, please! Veronica!"

"Five, dodge left! No, right! Right!" Sam yells, frantic. "You'll have to climb that fence."

I look back, the zombie right behind me, its arms outstretched, fingers ready to grab at me, lips snarled, showing a bloody and decaying set of teeth.

I grab onto the fence, a loud cry of anguish leaving my mouth as I force myself to move, step by step as electricity shoots into my body, sending pain to every crevice of my mind.

"The runner is climbing the fence," The whiny male gasps.

"Then lower the fence," The woman says in exasperation.

Suddenly the fence is lowered down, and I fall forward. My face slams into the dirt, and I groan in agony.

"Oh, God. Just get up. Just get up! Get up and move!" Sam yells, and I do my best to crawl away from the snarling undead behind me. I can hear it getting closer and closer.

Cold, rotting hands grab my right ankle.

I scream when teeth sink into my calf.

"Five, what the hell are you doin' out here?"

I sit up, eyes wide. I'm back in the hallway, on the ground. There's no pain, no blood, no zombie...

I look up at Jaime. I can barely see his face through the darkness, but I can tell by his posture that he's not happy. When he steps into the light, and I see the deep frown on his face.

"Well?" He asks expectantly, his arms crossed.

"I... I..."

"Wait, are you-are you crying?" His eyes are wide, and I see the annoyance leave his face for a quick second to morph into concern.

I instantly raise my hand to my face, feeling wetness there. A curse leaves my lips.

"It-it was just a nightmare. I'm fine," I mumble, hoping he'll believe the lie.

"Hm. Sam did say you had nightmares after being mind controlled." He chews on the inside of his cheek, considering his options, I guess. "I guess he wanted me to play babysitter if that happened. So... do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

I see his shoulders sag with relief. "Thank God."

"Not helping."

"Well, I wouldn't be much help if you did want to talk about it, either," He says with a shrug, and when I don't give him a response, he sighs. "Look, I ain't good with comforting people, alright?"

"I figured," I mumble, prompting a frown from him.

"You know, I don't remember you being this much of a jerk before I left."

"Sorry, I'm not exactly in the best of moods right now."

"Yeah, I've noticed." He pauses, waiting for a snarky reply from me. I don't give him one, and I see his posture relax some, and he places a hand on my shoulder. "Seriously, are you alright, Five?"

I stand, giving him a half smile that I know doesn't reach my eyes. "I will be... eventually."

He purses his lips. "Answers like that are the reason you have no friends."

"I've got more friends than you," I spit back.

"I don't like people in general, so that statement doesn't really bother me," He answers with a shrug. He's rewarded with a hard glare.

"Just because you're royalty now doesn't mean I won't punch you in the nose."

"And just because you're Abel's hero doesn't mean I won't punch you right back." His voice holds no real threat, but I honestly wouldn't put it past him. "Now are you gonna just stand here or are you to go back to your room and actually try to get some sleep?"

I cast a glance at my bedroom door, cringing. It doesn't go unnoticed.

"Don't want to be by yourself I'm guessing?" My face gives him the answer before my words can, and he sighs. "Alright. Come with me. You can stay with me in my room until you feel tired enough to go to sleep."

I blink in surprise. "Really?"

"I didn't stutter, did I? Now come on."

I quickly follow him down the halls, trying not to think about how the shadows seem to follow us at every turn. I feel the cold hand of fear grasp at my throat, and my chest becomes tight as a cold breeze sweeps through my body.

I do my best ignore it until we reach Jaime's room. Like the other rooms, it's huge, but Jaime's room actually looks plainer than the one I was given. Many of the decorations have been taken down and tucked away, surprisingly. Although, the more I think about it, Jaime's never been a person who likes shiny and unnecessary things. He's functional, which is a good trait for someone in the apocalypse.

It's a good trait for a king as well.

"Nice room," I say, looking around. He shrugs in reply.

"Yeah, well, it has a bed that I sleep in. Other than that I don't spend much time in here."

"Yeah, I guess being King doesn't let you have much time to hide away from people, huh? That sucks."

"I manage."

"I'd say you're doing more than managing, seeing that you were basically thrown into a... throne with no warning during an apocalypse. I'd say you're doing pretty well as a ruler considering the circumstances."

"Thanks... I think."

I chuckle, but all laughter dies in my throat when I walk by his dresser and see a picture of a young woman.

She has my face.

This is the picture Natasha was talking about, I realize. It's Cameron. She's not in a firefighter uniform, but a European Rescue Force uniform. I can understand why she and Alice thought it was me. We look exactly alike, besides the eyes.

But I know to look at the eyes. They did not. It's something that can easily be missed.

"They're such a pretty blue," I mutter.

"What?" Jaime asks, and I turn to him, then motion to the picture.

"Her eyes. They are a pretty color." They look familiar, as if I've seen a pair of eyes like that before.

"Were a pretty color," He corrects, and I don't miss how suddenly he's tensed up at my mentioning of her. Still, I press on.

"I didn't know she was a part of the European Rescue Force. I thought she was just a firefighter with you."

"She started volunteering at the fire station when I did. It wasn't until a situation with a zombie on a train that she stepped down from the Rescue Force. We didn't know it was the start of an apocalypse, but she thought it was too dangerous... That's when I stepped down too. We both started working at the fire station after that."

I blink, mostly surprised that he told me that much. "Wait, you were on the European Rescue Force too?"

He nods. "I was head of the team Cameron was on."

"Wow... okay. Cool." I look back at the picture. "I wish I could've met her. I know I have doppelgängers. I know we look alike... I just... Sometimes I wonder if they'd be better at this than me, ya know?"

Jaime tilts his head to the side, brows furrowing. "At this? You mean the mission tomorrow?"

I nod. "Chrysalis was one of New Canton's best runners, and Cameron was a member of the European Rescue Force. And I'm ninety percent sure Janine knew someone else who looked like me, and if Janine knew her then she must be skilled at something that would be useful in the apocalypse. I just wonder why me..."

"How do you think I feel when people address me as 'Your Majesty'. Out of everybody that could've been distantly related to the royal family, it was me." He shakes his head. "I still wish it was someone else... But you're a good runner. You're reckless most of the time, but you're not dead yet, so that means something."

I give him a soft smile. "Thanks, Jaime."

"Don't mention it."

"Not just for the pep talk. I mean, I'm thankful for it, but thanks for not... pretending that I'm her, or asking me to be like her. It's nice to have someone that doesn't treat me like a piece of glass 'cause of the mind control, and who also doesn't wish I was more like my doppelgänger."

He scoffs. "Five, you know the reason I disliked you so much at first is because you weren't her, right?"

"You still acknowledged it, though. You didn't try to act like I was Cameron. Although, you might want to tell your roller-guards that this isn't a picture of me."

He quirks a brow. "Why's that?"

"Because Natasha thought it was me and assumed your sadness about Archie was sadness about me and you not being together or something. Ya know, since you have the picture of Cameron and none of Archie. She thought me and you were an item."

He snorts. "We'd kill each other."

"That's what I said," I laugh. "I can handle you only in small doses. But yeah, I have enough rumors of my love life going around in Abel. Let's not start another one. Plus I'd feel bad that people thought you had feelings for me when you were with her."

He stares at me for a long moment. "Me and Cam were never together."

"Really?" I ask with a frown. "But I thought-"

"I was her boss and then her coworker."

"Yeah, but-"

"Not to mention she was married, and she had a kid."

Something about that doesn't sound right. "She was married?"

"Well, she was for about two years. She got divorced just before the apocalypse, but that's another story. Why did you think we were together?"

I shrug, my hands fiddling with an invisible backpack strap. "Well, I mean, when we first met, you hated me. I didn't think you could hate me that much over looking your dead friend."

He won't look me in the eye. I know that look well enough.

But I won't press. I won't let on that I know he's lying. At least, he's lying about the fact he didn't have some feelings for her.

"But I shouldn't have assumed. I'm sorry."

"It's... alright." He says slowly, as if testing the words out on his tongue. "Feelin' tired now?"

I can tell by his tone it's him trying to politely ask me to leave. I think if he hadn't offered the invitation to me he would've just told me to go to bed.

"A little." I take a look around the room, searching for something I know I won't find. The voices are silent and the shadows are hiding for now. "No offense, but your 'home, sweet home' is kinda... creepy at night."

He scoffs, his lips pulling into an almost mocking smile. "Out of all the things you've faced, you're scared of the palace rooms?"

"No, it's just... weird here, in the palace."

He keeps his smile. "Yeah, some of the roller-girls have said that too. I think you're all just lettin' your fears get to ya."

How I wish it was just that.

"Maybe," I sigh. "But you're right. I probably should go to bed. Big day tomorrow, and all that."

The words leave my mouth, but I make no move towards the door. Instead I take a step forward, my hand reaching out to touch Jaime's shoulder.

"And Jaime, I'm sorry about Cam-"

My words cut off when my hand makes contact with his shoulder, and I find myself no longer in the palace.

Again? In one night?

Alarms are blaring, and I can hear bangs and snarls and growls against a cold metal door. Where am I?

I grip my bag a little bit tighter and take a step away from the door, looking towards a clear nearby hallway, my mind screaming for me to run.

But my feet stay planted.

"They'll be through that door any minute," I say panicked, only pausing when I realize that this is not my voice.

Oh no.

"I know that," A familiar voice snarls, and I look over at Jaime. He's fiddling with the control panel at the center of the room-no, there's a map built into the control panel. "But we can't get out of medical wing and out of this base unless I know where to go."

Slips of memories that don't belong to me flash before my eyes. An abandoned base, medicine for the children, more zombies than expected, running, running, running.

I shake my head, adrenaline rushing through my veins.

Please don't let this be what I think it is.

"Okay, we'll head out this exit on the left. Once we reach the end of the hallway, one of us will have to put in our old codes from the job," Jaime explains. "It's been a while, but they didn't update the system after the undead rose."

"Old codes?" I shakily question. I don't know her codes... do I?

When I was Chrysalis I knew how to use the tone boxes. I pray this might be the same way or else Jaime and I are both goners.

The banging on the door gets louder, and the metal begins to dent as the zombies keep pounding and pounding their decaying fists on the door.

"We won't have enough time to put in the security codes," I blurt out, words spilling out even though I gave them no permission to do so. "This base is surrounded. The main systems are working but it'll take time for the ones on the individual dorms to start up again."

Jaime looks at me, and I see something flash across his eyes before they travel back to the control panel. He heads towards it again, and I stare at him in confusion.

"What are you doing?"

"You're right. It will take too long there, but not here. There's a hand reader that will identify me, yeah? If I put the base into lockdown, it'll start up all the systems, even the individual ones at the exits. I'll be able open that door for a small bit of time before putting it the whole base into lockdown."

Something about that doesn't sound right. I look up, and I see the glass. I stare in confusion, but again my mouth moves without my consent. "But if you put it into lockdown, you'll lock yourself in here too."

The realization of it hits... One person must stay to make sure the base goes into lockdown-to make sure that whatever they're trying to keep in doesn't get out, or whatever they're trying to keep out doesn't get in.

It explains the multiple cameras in the control room.

Another realization hits me. "If you do this, the zoms will break through and...."

He nods. "Yeah.

"Jaime, you'll die," I say, my chest tight. I don't want him to die. There's a part of me that knows he won't die-the real me. I know he makes it out of this. I was just talking to him in the present, but still the thought makes my throat clog and my stomach knot.

"It's the only way. This will read my hand, and I'll put it in lockdown with one code. One of us has to make it out of here."

I stay silent for a long time, and a part of me says just what I need to do. I need to run. I need to get out of here before it's too late.

But I don't want to.

No, she doesn't want to.

And we're sharing control.

I nod, taking my bag and setting it aside. I walk over to Jaime, placing my hand on his shoulder.

"You're right. One of us has to make it out of here." My eyes lock onto his. "Just not me."

I push him backwards as hard as I can, and he stumbles back, falling over. I place my hand onto the reader, and I enter the code I don't even know as Jaime scrambles to get up.

"Cam, no!"

The glass wall slides down, cutting him off from me. His fists slam on the glass. I stare at him, me-the real me-almost too stunned to speak as I realize what's just happened.

Oh, God.

What have I done?

What has she done?

"I'm sorry," I say, and I mean it. I really mean it.

"What are you doing?" He shouts, terrified.

"One of us has to make it out of here," I say, and I feel tears prickle my eyes as sadness overcomes me because I know what the consequences of my actions will be. "And it has to be you."

"What do you mean? You're the one with a kid! You know how to take better care of the ones at the fire-station than I do!"

"I know, but you were the leader of our team for a reason. You can protect them better than I can. You can protect my son better than I can. I won't let you die just so I can be with him if I'll end up failing him in the long run."

"But-"

"Just go!" I cry. "You only have a little bit of time before the entire base goes into lockdown. Go! It's already done! Now go!"

"I'm not leaving you!" He growls.

Fear claws at my chest, although I'm not sure if it's my fear or Cameron's. I walk towards the glass, placing my hand against it.

"Please... I'm sorry," I say.

Jaime opens his mouth to say something, and I can see the anger and pain in his eyes. I want to wait and see what he says, but Cameron doesn't.

"Don't. I know...." I-Cameron... maybe me as well-force a smile through the tears. "I love you."

I then gasp, pulling away from the glass, my own emotions taking over for a short second. Jaime hits the glass one more time, a curse of anger and grief leaving his lips. He starts to turn away, but I call him back one last time.

"Jaime, take care of my son. Take care of Jasper."

My heart stops in my chest.

Oh, my God.

He nods, giving me one last look before turning and running off.

The pounding on the door gets louder, and I turn towards it in fear. I feel my heart beat faster because I know what's coming. I know what's happening.

I'm going to die.

Cameron's about to die.

I don't come back to reality until the door bursts open, and for a split second I see zombies running towards me before I'm back in Jaime's room, with said man shaking my shoulders and looking at me with wide, almost scared eyes.

"Jesus, Five, what the bloody hell was that?" He shouts, causing me to flinch back.

"W-what happened?" I stammer.

"One minute you were talkin' to me, saying you're about to go back to your room to get some sleep, the next you're silent with this weird look in your eyes, and then you just fall over-" He jerks away from me. "Gah! And now you're bleeding!"

I raise my hand to my face, and when I pull it away, I see that he's right. My nose is bleeding.

"I'll be alright," I murmur. "It usually stops after a few minutes."

"Usually? You mean this's happened before?"

"A few times, yeah."

He rubs the side of his face in exasperation. "Jesus Christ. Do I need to call Sam?"

"No, I-um, I'm fine. I..." I look at him, my head tilting to the side. "Jasper was Cameron's son... that's why he was so attached to me when we first met. He thought I was her."

Jaime stares at me, taken aback. "How did you-"

"That's why he was younger than all the kids at the station. He... he had her eyes."

"How do you know this?" He asks, his posture defensive.

"That's why you hated me so much, isn't it?" I ask. "Jasper thought I was her, and you knew I wasn't. You saved me and Archie that day, but you couldn't save her."

His shock and confusion turns to anger in a quick second. "Get out."

"But it wasn't your fault," I say quickly, realizing that wording it the way I did was a mistake, a big mistake. "She sacrificed herself because she knew you could take care of those kids, and because she loved you, Jaime. It wasn't you fault, just like it wasn't your fault with Archie or with Jasper-"

"Get out!" He shouts, and even in the dark I can see the tears shining in his eyes. "I don't know how you know all this but get out!"

"But-"

"Out!" He grabs the nearest item on his dresser and throws it at me. I don't see what it is, but it shatters when it hits the wall. I bolt out of the room, not stopping until I reach my own room, eyes wide and chest heaving.

Silence engulfs me once again, but I hear no voices. I don't know whether to be grateful about that or not.

I sit down on the bed, letting my face fall into my hands with a groan.

Cam, why did you do that?

"Cal, why did you say that?" I ask myself, laying down. Tears of pain that aren't even mine prickle my eyes.

God, I'm such an idiot.

A stupid, stupid idiot.

A/N: Here you are guys, hope you enjoyed this chapter. I'm happy to announce that there are only three more chapters left in To Be A Killer! Are you excited to see how it ends? Because I am! Please be sure to vote and comment! Thank you and have a blessed day!