Chapter 70: Comfortably Numb

"Don't look so sad, Five! It's your big day!" Archie exclaims, and I blink as she rocks back and forth on her heels. "Well, maybe not so huge, but not small either. It's your medium sized day today! Here. I've got your running shoes ready. Just put these on."

I slowly step out of my bed, although it's not my bed. I don't know where I am, actually. I mean, this can't be real. Archie is dead. I remember. Me and Jaime had to retrieve her body. I remember her funeral.

This can't be real.

"Well, um, you might want to get dressed first. I don't mind. I'm... happy to see your pretty matching underwear, but perhaps Dr. V might not like it so much. You know how stuffy he can be."

I blink, and it's only then I realize I'm in nothing but my panties and bra.

I squeak in embarrassment, or at least, I try to. No sound leaves my mouth, but I'm quick to grab the blanket on my bed and cover myself while Archie laughs.

"Here." She grabs a pair of tracksuit pant from the small, white dresser, as well as an orange T-shirt in my size and a jacket. I slip them on, still confused but at least no longer embarrassed by my indecency. Archie grins at me and claps her hands together.

"Good! You look very smart in your running gear, and it's in our favorite orange! We match, see?" She gestures to her own shirt and jacket. "I like that all us patients have the same uniform. It makes me feel like we belong."

Patients? Of what? I don't feel sick. I mean, I can't get sick, not after those experiments I was put through.

I try to speak, to ask what's going on, but I can't. No sound comes out. Archie  simply sighs.

"Use your hands, Patient Five. You say you got your voice back, but that was only in your mind. Now, you brushed your teeth last night, and usually we're supposed to remind each other to brush our teeth in the morning too, but I think we can skip that for today since I know you can't wait for the big reveal."

'Where am I? Why can't I speak?' I sign.

"It's okay, Five. You're here in Abel."

'This isn't Abel Township.'

"No, it's Abel Ward, the real Abel-not that silly place you made up in your head."

Made up in my...? No, that can't be. Abel Township is a real place. I didn't make it up. I couldn't have.

"And you can't speak because of what you did to yourself... but Dr. V says we shouldn't talk about that. And I think you'll feel better once you've taken your medication. It would be very silly of you to forget. And it would be very bad if you had an incident like you did after the crash... but the doctors said we weren't allowed to talk about that either. Just take your pills, and then we can go out for your big treat!"

I hesitate when she offers me the two gray oblong pills from the prescription bottle on the nightstand near... 'my' bed. But then I realize there's no way I'm going get answers if I don't get out of this room. So I take the pills and the glass of water she gets for me, and I swallow them without a second thought.

"Come on. This way," Archie says as she leads me down long, calm hallways, where I see nurses pushing along carts of medicine. I've never seen so many pill bottles in my life.

What is this place? How'd they manage to get this much medicine in an apocalypse?

I see multiple rooms, each with a name or two on the door. How do we have so many people here and yet seemingly have no worries about an outbreak?

"Are you excited?" The raven haired woman asks, and I tip my head to the side. I open my mouth to speak, but then my eyes travel down to my hands.

'Excited for what?'

"The running track they put in just for you! I know you like to run, Five. With the wind in your hair, all messy and tangly, and your stomach feeling like maybe you'll be throwing up soon. It's so fun! So, are you ready?"

I nod, even as questions eat at my mind.

"Alright, but Five, listen. You must do as Dr. V says. I know you don't completely trust him, but he is the only one who can stop you from imagining these silly things you've been imagining." She snorts. "The zombie apocalypse? Very horrible. It's so much nicer here in the real world."

'But it is real,' I sign. 'I have the scars to prove it. Look! On my arm. I have a gunshot wound from the Deadlocks when Nadia tried to get me...'

I stop short and pull up my jacket sleeve to show her my forearm-my right forearm that should have a scar from a bullet that went through me when Nadia misled me... except there is none.

I reach to touch my ear, to feel the gap where the cartilage was shot off... but it's perfectly normal.

What is happening?

"Come on. We can't keep Dr. V waiting."

She drags me along, and I can hear her occasionally say hello to some of the other patients. They say hello to her; They say hello to me.

I recognize them. I recognize all of them.

They're all runners. They're all people I know.

This can't be real. It has to be some sort of trick. There's no way I made all of this up. I can't have.

We reach the track. I'm not sure how long it took us to get there. I'm too engrossed in my swirling thoughts to think about where I'm going. Archie could have led my to my doom near a cliff side and I doubt I'd have noticed until it was too late.

"Oh, look! We aren't the first on the track." She points ahead at an approaching figure wearing the same orange shirts as us. I swallow thickly.

That can't be who I think it is. I watched her die.

"I thought we would be here first, since they made the track just for you, but it looks like someone else was even more excited than you."

"Hi there, Five. Good to see you again," Sarah greets, and I feel panic begin to flood my system.

This isn't real. This can't be real.

"I heard the board had to vote on whether they could put this running track in. Apparently some of the doctors were worried about this feeding into your delusions."

They're not delusions. I'm not crazy.

"Oh, but they do not understand the brain chemistry of delusions at all. Newer research suggests it is better to confront our fears than avoid them," Archie says as we all start to jog around the track. She sends a glance to me. "I know you sometimes think that you are running from zombies, all gray and gruesome, but you are here, running with friends instead. It's much nicer, isn't it?"

I nod. This place is much nicer than when I'm sent out on missions, not knowing whether or not I'll return. But I can't have just made that all up, right? I can't have just imagined every single day for almost five years, right?

"It was Dr. V who talked them into it, Five," Sarah says. "I know how you feel about him, but those injections of his were just muscle relaxers, not whatever weird cocktail of immortality drugs you thought they were. But I used to be just the same. Do you remember how I used to think he was planning to kill me?"

Archie laughs. "I used to think that too. I had terrible dreams. I dreamt he hurt me with electricity! I dreamt he kept Jaime away from me. I dreamt he killed me! And it's funny because he's so... fluffy? Is that the right word? In his white coat and with his gray hair, he looks like a smiling cloud. I just want to hug him!"

Torture with electricity? Killing them? Injecting me with immortality drugs?

Oh, God. Not him. Anyone but him!

"Dr. V convinced the board your mental health is improved by running. You've been here in Abel for almost two years now, and have been getting therapy since you were twelve... and you still-well, you haven't faced up to everything that's happened-how you drank bleach after your friend, Wesley, died and blamed your sister when she saved you, how you said she was the reason you lost your voice, and then the crash... you haven't faced up to it, have you?" Sarah looks at me with soft eyes. "He says if they wanted to see real progress, they'd give you this."

"And there's Dr. V now!" Archie points ahead as we finish the lap. The man heading towards us, waves, and I see he's wearing orange running shoes. That doesn't make me feel any better, because I know who this is.

My shoulders tense and I suck in a deep breath as Pro. Van Ark runs on beside me.

"Patient Five," He greets with a smile, and I remember the terrible, horrible pain he put me through. "How lovely to see you up and about so early. You really are in tremendously good shape. Would you mind if I join you?"

I shake my head, even as my mind screams for me to run, to get as far away from him as possible. But I slow down, which causes him to shake his head.

"No, don't slow down. Keep running. I know how you like to do that."

I keep my gaze ahead, and I keep running, the little bit of snow that wasn't shoveled off the track crunching under my feet.

This isn't right. This isn't real. I can't have just imagined everything. The apocalypse can't just have been something I made up. I'm not crazy!

I begin to run faster, and faster, and I hear Van Ark say my name questionably. I hear him ask if I'm alright.

This can't be real. Van Ark was not a good man. He tortured me. I didn't make that up!

"Patient Five!" He calls when I sprint off, not sure where I can go but knowing I just have to run.

But then, I'm not running...

I'm falling.

The scene changes. My world changes. It's all a blur until suddenly I'm in a dark place, a snowy forest with a man who's face is barely his own. He has scales covering half of his face, but I know those eyes.

"Simon?" I say, and I blink... why can I speak again?

"Quickly, Five, this way," He says. "Down the path between the brambles, but watch out! They're tricky buggers. They'll grab you if they can. I think they're working for Van Ark."

He laughs and looks back, and I turn my head and see the fenced-in building-the Ward.

"I'm not going to let myself back into his clutches, not after that happened the last time. You wouldn't like that either, would ya? Or maybe you would."

"What are you doing here? How did you... what's going on?" I ask. "I thought I killed Van Ark. I thought-they're saying the apocalypse was just in my head, that I'm crazy."

"I can't blame them for thinking you're crazy. Just look at the state of you, Five!" He gestures to my torn, wet running gear and frizzy hair. I'm not in my ward outfit anymore. I'm in the gear Moonchild gave to me. "I thought I was a mess. But I'm less of one now that I've got my full set of limbs back, but you really take the biscuit. I know they've been pumping you full of God-knows-what in that place, but that's not it, is it? It's not that they've done to you, but what you've done to yourself."

"Who's 'they'?" I ask, pulling at my hair. "Van Ark? Moonchild? What is real, Simon?"

He opens his mouth to answer, but stops short when he hears the hoot of an owl.

"Damn it! That's the alarm call! The owls are working for him too, ya know. They've always been tricky little bastards. No loyalty! Follow me."

He leads me onward, but I have to duck to avoid running into a giant spider's web. I have trouble keeping up with his pace. It's as if I suddenly don't have enough energy to keep going. And I can tell Simon doesn't like how I'm tripping over rocks and stumbling about.

"Hurry up! Blimey, it's as if you want to get caught... You do, don't you? You've got a guilty conscience. I can spot it from a mile off." His smile is almost cruel. "Come on. You can talk to me. It's not like I don't understand. But then, you're not used to it, are you? Being the bad guy. You don't know how to cope."

"I was a bad guy at the AMTB," I reply, but then I wonder... does such a place even exist? Did I really just make all of this up in my head?

I hear howling, and Simon gasps. "Wolves too! They're bringing in the heavy guns! They must really want you back. You can't let 'em take ya, Five. It's cowardice. If I can face up to what I've done, then why the hell can't you?

"Although, to be fair, you killed a lot more people than I ever did. How many were on those Comansys ships? Must've been hundreds, thousands even! All going about their daily lives, happy as you please, then you came along and then boom!"

So it is all real. I'm not crazy.

I really did kill all those people. I really did kill Sam.

"I was there, you know, on the ships just before they blew. I was after the serum, same as you. Could have seen that explosion a mile off. Pretty impressive, if you're a fan of death and destruction."

Tears fill my eyes, and I look down.

"No, don't turn away from it! Don't hide from it. That way, madness lies."

"There's the escaped patient!" Amelia yells over the speakers. "Get her!"

"Come on, Five! We've got to get away from them!" Three yells, just as the trees reach out their branches, as if-no, they are! They're trying to grab at us! "Run!"

•

"Patient Five? Patient Five, can you hear me?"

My eyes snap open, and I bolt upright, breathing heavily. Sarah, Archie and Van Ark all stare down at me in concern, while I look around frantically. Why am I back here? How did they catch me?

Van Ark grabs my arm and helps me to my feet, and I shakily dust myself off. I'm back in my orange running gear.. "There you go. Just breathe easily, and let's start jogging again. You'll feel better in a moment."

I start to ask what happened, before I remember I can't speak here, for some reason. But if I can't speak in the Ward, why can I speak when I'm out of it with Simon?

'What happened?'

"You've had another incident, I'm afraid."

"It's that damned Patient Three, isn't it?" Sarah spats. "Dripping poison in your ear. I knew he was trouble from the moment I saw him."

Simon's a patient here?

"Patient Eight is right," Dr. V-no, Pro. Van Ark says. "Three is a very troubled man, even if he is your friend. I've been treating him for several years now, but I fear he may be hopeless. You shouldn't listen to anything he says. Remember how he encouraged you to steal the gardener's weedkiller and 'spray the zombies with it'? You killed a lot of beautiful black apple trees."

No... Simon told me... but if he's lying then...

Maybe I am crazy.

"But don't worry about that now, Patient Five. Just concentrate on your running. A steady pace, an even gate. Look around at the snow and ice, those lovely decorations you and Archie hung on the center pine tree. It's all so calming."

I cast a glance around, a small smile pulling at my lips. 'Yeah, it is.'

"I can tell you're already feeling a world of a lot better," Sarah says, and Archie nods frantically.

"It's good to be better. I'm feeling so close to well again that Dr. V says I can get a visit from Jaime! I'm so excited. Sarah says I'm behaving as if it's a visit from the Queen!"

"I'm just counting the days until my discharge, until I can finally go home and see my boys again. I just... I just need to be sure I won't hurt them again, like I did before. I know you're worried about the same thing."

"And you really are making very good progress, Patient Five," Dr. V assures. "It's all about letting go of that guilt and responsibility. I know you don't like to talk about when you created this apocalyptic world in your mind, but starting from the source is good. You started this when your parents got a divorce, as a way to not have... to not have to face reality. Then you became obsessive after your friend Wesley died and you drank that bleach... and then the crash sent you over the edge.

"It's no wonder the world started to seem like a dangerous place, that all of your friends started to seem like dead people walking. Paranoia-feeling that the crash was targeted at you is a natural response. But this fantasy you've constructed, the township named after Abel Ward with fantasy friends...

"You were feeling so isolated, but you don't need it anymore. You have real friends here, and real help. And whatever you might have done, when you saw those men with leaf blowers and thought it was a rocket launcher, it's all in the past. Everyone's forgiven it, except you. That's the final piece of the puzzle-the last part of you that needs putting back together before we can truly that you're well.

"Can you face up to what you've done and then let it go? Well... can you, Five?"

I stare at him for a long moment, and then I finally raise my shaking hands to give him his answer...

But I never get the chance...

Because I'm falling again, and soon enough I'm back in the darkness of the forest.

"Concentrate, Five! For God's safe, I don't know where you're going! You need to show me the way! But they've pumped you so full of that bloody poison, you don't know if you're coming or going!" Simon screeches, grabbing my wrist, and I shake my head.

"No! No! I'm not supposed to be here!" I shout.

"Well, you're coming with me then," He says, pulling me along under an old railway bridge. "Just watch out for the troll, and try to stay in here for now."

I blink, looking at the odd creature with glowing eyes. I whine and grab Simon's arm, and he looks at me with furrowed brows.

"Five, I know you're seein' things. I can tell it from the way your eyes keep flittering about. You need to remember what's real; I'm real. I'm the only real thing there is." He shrugs. "Well, me and that troll."

"They told me not to listen to you," I reply shakily, and he scoffs.

"Oh, so you don't believe me, do ya? I suppose that's a good sign. Generally speaking, you tend to be skeptical of me. But look at it this way-if you were having a private little fantasy all to yourself, would you really want me in it, of all people? I mean, I'm not being falsely modest here, but I don't think I'm your idea of a dream date."

There's a loud hissing sound, which causes us both to look to our left. I yelp at the sight of large black snakes, with legs-but they're not normal. The legs are twisted-backwards.

What the hell is happening? What poison is Simon dripping into my mind?

"Bloody hell, when you have a trip, you really go to town, don't ya? Jesus, couldn't you have imagined something less disturbing?"

"We have to get out of here." I try to pull him with me, but he doesn't move. Instead he grabs both my arms and forces me to look at him.

"Five, I'm starting to feel like you're not really hearing what I'm saying. It's getting mixed up in your hallucinations, but you have to listen to this. Listen! Listen!" He shakes me roughly, and I gulp. "You can't crack up. I know it sounds tempting. Believe me, I know, but the world needs you to be compos bloody mentis. You mean something to people.

"Altruism's your game, isn't it? Doing the right thing? Duty and honor before everything and all that bullocks? Well, it's time to do your duty. I don't care if it hurts. Doing the right thing often does. That's why I generally avoid it. So-" He's cut off by another loud hiss. "Oh, buggar! Here come more of your hallucinations. I think those meds you're taking are messing with your mind. Come on, Five. We better make ourselves scarce."

So with his hand wrapped around my wrist, he leads me off. Or at least, he tries to. But there's something that feels so wrong about this, about everything. Simon's saying it's all real, but Dr. V told me not to trust him, and so did Sarah and Archie.

And if all this isn't real, if I did make it all up, then that means all the people I lost, my family, my friends... that's means they're not really dead. It means I'm still human.

All it means is that I need help...

And isn't that better than all the stuff that I think has happened to me, to the entire world?

This delusion I'm having right now with Simon... The real world is so much better.

That's what I keep telling myself as the scene slowly changes, and keeps changing... until I'm back on the track in Abel Ward, alone.

I would laugh if I had the voice. I did it. All this time, and now I'm finally able to work out what's real and what isn't...

This is real.

"Patient Five, there you are!" Dr. V calls out, and for the first time since I met the man I thought was evil, I genuinely smile at seeing him. "Should have known I'd find you back on the track. Whenever things upset you, this is you come. It gives you a sense of purpose, I suppose."

'I suppose.'

"The crash took away your control, destroyed your belief that the world is a predictable place. When you were in the subway, surrounded by all those blank faces people, hearing the groan of the train engine, I suppose it's no surprise you snapped. It's a fascinating case study. I rather think there might be a paper in it for me-on your pilfering and collection of small objects and sports bras to bring back to Abel, and your peculiar harassment of those radio personalities. Not to mention the Patient Three you hallucinated."

I falter. What?

'Hallucinated? But you just told me today he's troubled and you don't want me to listen to his encouragements.'

Dr. V blinks. "Room Three has been boarded up. It's empty inside. No one can get in there. We haven't had a 'Patient Three' in years."

'But... you said..." I shake my head. 'Phil, Zoey, Jack and Eugene... you're saying they aren't real?'

"They aren't. None of them."

'What about my kids? The ones I took in?'

He sighs, looking disappointed and tired. "Patient Five, I know you care deeply about the Scotts children, but they aren't yours. They never were. They just befriended you while visiting their mother here in Abel Ward. They don't even come here anymore since Mrs. Scotts was discharged."

I simply stare at him, face scrunched up in disbelief, but he still gives me a small smile.

"But, even with these hallucinations, I'm pleased to report you're making good progress. So good, in fact, that I think I can risk allowing you a little perk. Now, I normally wouldn't permit this before your course treatment is finished, but as you've been so good, I'm going to allow you a visitor. And look, here he comes now."

He raises a hand to the approaching figure, and my breath catches in my throat.

"Now, Patient Five, you need to remember those dreams you had of hurting him are just that-dreams. You only imagined it because he's so important to you, but Sam Yao is absolutely fine."

"Hello there!" Sam says cheerily as he reaches us, and I breathe out a silent laugh, tears swimming in my eyes.

I never tried to kill Sam. I never had my hands around his neck. I never attacked him with my axe.

"I'll leave you two to catch up," Dr. V says before making a hasty exit. My eyes never leave Sam's face.

"Well, you're a sight for sore eyes. How are you?" He asks with a silly grin. "You're looking a lot better. Like, a lot. They told me you were, but I didn't want to believe it-not after, well, that little set back when they took you in that boat outing. But you don't want to talk about that. I shouldn't have even mentioned it. Stupid, stupid Sam!"

He smacks himself in the forehead, and goes to go it again, but I grab his hand to stop him.

'It's okay. I'm not mad at you.'

"Um, yeah. Thanks. Um, the thing to remember is that a few people might have been a bit shaken, but no one was hurt, and whatever you've been imagining, no one was killed. Sarah isn't dead; Archie is alive; Dr. V's in excellent health. And what you did do-well, it hasn't changed the way I feel about you. Nothing ever what."

I blush, caught completely off guard. Is he saying what I think he's saying?

"And you know what?" He says, but his voice is changing, morphing. Everything is, actually. "You're looking so well, I think it's time for you to leave this place. Come on. I'm taking you home."

I'm suddenly in a dark hallway, and Simon has ahold of my hand, and he's looking at me with a serious but calm face.

"I'll always come for you, Runner Five. Run with me."

•

"Oh, for God's sake, Five, snap out of it!" Simon yells as he smacks me across the face. "I'm not enjoying this-well, I sort of am, but I need you back in your head. If you could just-ah!"

He yells when I slap him back in irritation, and after the shock of the blow, he grins at me.

"About bloody time!" He laughs. "Now get up and follow me. You led me a merry ole chase, all the way to this mental hospital. I suppose there must've been a part of you that knew you needed help, although weren't exactly waiting around for it, and I'd forgotten how fast you are.

"I've been letting myself go a bit, with the whole 'eaten alive by zombies, turn out to be immortal, regrow half my body' business. It's been a few busy months for the both of us. And just as well for you. If Amelia hadn't sent me to nick some of that serum from Comansys before you-well, you know what you did-I'd never have been able to inject you with it when you were attacking Abel, and get you away from Moonchild."

"So it's real. The zombie apocalypse did actually happen," I murmur, wondering how I should feel about that.

"Of course it happened. Also, that Moonchild is a crazy one, isn't she? Few sopranos short of an opera if you ask me." He pauses at the sound of a moan. "Looks like we got company. I really didn't expect you to up and run, though. I thought you'd just collapse when I objected you with that stuff.

"You're fine, by the way. Whatever Van Ark did to both of seems to counteract the necrotizing effect of that serum, which is good news for me. There's only so many hands a man can regrow in his life. But the prof's treatments seems to have some side effects, as usual. You were tripping your socks off when you running away from me. Kept going on about killing Sam." He laughs. "Well, just as well, you didn't. That really would've sent you doolally. But he's alive and kicking, and annoying as ever. I've been listening in to his radio transmissions."

I sigh in relief. "Thank God."

"Thank me. I'm the one who stopped you. But yeah, all's well that ends well, apart from the poor sods on those Comansys ships, obviously."

I hear tones sound off in the air, and I flinch, but don't feel anything besides what I already felt. Simon looks out the window of the mental hospital. "Whole horde of mind controlled goons at ten o'clock. Looks like Moonchild's pretty keen on getting you back, but that's okay. You know what to do, don't you?"

I shakily stand, and take in a deep breath. This is real. Everything I've gone through, everything I've done-it's all real.

"We need to run."

Si grins at me. "Well, that is what we do best."

A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I dedicate it to Saxophone_Obsessor.

Also please be sure to vote and comment! Have a blessed day!