Chapter 6: I Would

"Mom? Mom." Milo waves his paper in front of my face, snapping me out of my thoughts. I blink, focusing my eyes on his face.

"Huh? What-what is it?"

"I asked 'what do you think?'" He holds out the piece of paper to me, and I take it, my eyes scanning over the building that's drawn on the paper. I recognize this drawing; I saw it yesterday.

"This is the Comansys building we visited," I mutter. "How did you-"

"I had Tony describe it for me." He shrugs, giving me a small, closed lipped smile. "I can only draw so much from what I see in here, plus most people think it's weird if I stare at them for too long, so I can't draw them."

I nod slowly. "Uh-huh. You-you've been drawing a lot lately. How have you not ran out of colored pencils?"

"One of the runners found a pack while out on a run. They were half-way used, but I'm not worried."

"Why's that?"

"Well, since the Ministry gives you guys better stuff if you find information on where Caleb went, we might get something besides food. And I know you found something when you went to that base."

"Really? How's that?" I ask with a sly smile.

"You didn't look like you were going to cry when you got back."

My smile drops. "Oh... right. Um, since you said you don't get to draw people that often, why don't you draw me? I'll stay super still for you if you want."

Milo's eyes brighten. "Okay."

He flips over his paper and grabs what few pencils he has with him. He looks at me, then draws a bit on the paper. He looks up at me again, then back at the paper to draw a bit more. He keeps repeating this process while I stare forward, trying not to think of what Milo said, and failing at doing so.

Am I really like this? Do I really wear my emotions on my sleeves now? I thought I was better at hiding them. I guess being in Abel has broken down my defenses more than I thought.

But, Milo is right about one thing; The Ministry was pleased about our small discovery. That's what Amelia told us anyway. The only problem is, Simpson's Corner Shop is nothing but dust now, and we have no idea where any of the workers there might be. They're probably dead or working with Diana, so while we now have the clue that Comansys may have had some hand in starting the apocalypse, we have nowhere else to go that could prove that.

At least, not yet. We were told the Ministry would talk to some people-whatever that means. I'm not completely sure I want to know-and see if they kind find anymore leads on it.

But we were also told it might take a while-maybe even weeks, and even then there's a possibility these 'people' and 'contacts' might not even find anything.

I'm not all that sure I trust the Ministry. Blame it on the dystopian books I read as a child-the ones with the government always being evil?-yeah, those. They might be to blame, or it might be because the most they've given us is supplies, and while they are appreciated, it's not information in helping us find the missing residents.

Or it might be because they gave us Amelia. I'm really trying to like her, but it's so hard because she's so, so annoying. She's not even evil or anything, just annoying, and nosy.

"And you like to lie and take things, Five. You both have faults. Don't we all?"

I tense at hearing that voice in my head. I don't know why it still frightens me. I've heard her voice ever since she died. I think it's a weird prophetess thing, or maybe it's just because I'm going crazy. I mean, if I'm going crazy, I shouldn't be that crazy, right? I've only heard her voice a few times, really. But it's happening more now as tomorrow approaches.

"And you know why, don't you, Five?" Sarah asks. "You remember what I told you in that prison. You know what's going to happen tomorrow-what I need you to do."

I don't reply. I never do. Well, I haven't yet. Because there's one thing I will never forget. It's something my grandfather told me.

'You're crazy when you hear voices in your head, but you're not insane until you talk back to them.'

Then he'd always smile, even though he had only one tooth and say, 'I'm insane.'

This is the first time I've ever heard a dead person's voice in my head actually talk to me. Usually it's just phrases and words I remember them saying, dreams of their deaths and the usual ways on my brain finding ways to torture me because mourning and moving on is simply not an option apparently.

But... this is odd. Weird. It's only happened a few times. Mostly Sarah's voice, sometimes Archie's right after I wake up, or when I see a chicken... but never my mom's or my sister's, but Katelyn isn't dead, so that might make sense. But I don't even hear Simon's, and I really, really did care about him, even though he did what he did.

This scares me. I hear voices in my head and they're not my own. I don't like it... I try to belief it's like the Chrysalis dreams, that somehow this is a message, but I wonder if this is just the stress of everything that's happened slowly weighing down on me and driving me mad.

"You moved!" Milo groans, and I flinch so hard I hit my shoulder on the near wall.

"Sorry. Sorry," I apologize quickly. "I-I didn't mean to. I'll sit still again for you."

"No, that's okay," He sighs, putting the paper and pencils down. "We can do it later."

"I... alright. Um, anything you want to do? It's not... well, it is cold outside, but it's not snowing yet, so we could go kick the soccer ball."

"It's a football."

"No, it's not."

"Yes, it is-"

"Don't argue with your mother."

Milo frowns, and I shrug, raising my hands in a sarcastic manner while giving him one of those 'sorry, not sorry' smiles.

"No, I'd rather not right now."

"Alright. Is there anything you want to do? I have today off. No missions. No chores. We can-"

"What did you find there?" He interrupts, refusing to meet my gaze. "How will it... how will it help you find the people that are missing?"

"I..." I sigh. "To be honest, kid, I don't know. It connects the dots, in a way, but it doesn't connect us to enough dots. The Ministry is supposed to be looking into it-"

"They won't find anything." There's a scowl on his face, and I raise a brow in confusion.

"How do you know that?"

"Because Tony said that Amelia said that the Ministry people have looked in bases for Comansys and didn't find anything. And they searched everything on the Scottish Islands. You found something on your second try. They should have us looking for them, not the Ministry."

I tense at that words. Us... implying him and me running.

No. No. I do not have time for this. Not again.

"We're doing everything we can, Milo," I say, running my hand through my hair. It's gotten longer, I've noticed. It's just at the middle of my ribs. I probably need to cut it soon.

"Are you?"

"Yes, but we still have things that we have to do here. We still have to go on supply runs, especially since someone keeps taking things and not putting it into the log book."

His eyes go wide with wonder. "You mean the Phantom of Abel?"

"Yes. I-I mean, no. It's not a phantom. There is no such thing."

"Oh, come now, Five," Sarah chuckles. "We both know that you shouldn't say something isn't real-not in this day and age."

Shut up, will you?

"Don't get angry just because I'm telling you the truth."

You're not real.

"Are you sure about that? Why would you be talking to me if I wasn't?" There's a small pause. "Or have you gone insane?"

I tense.

"You know why this is happening, Five. I'll leave you be soon enough. At least, I won't talk to you as much as I do now."

"How do you know it's not real?" Milo crosses his arms and looks at me expectantly.

"Because I just know things. I'm like a Disney princess, you know? The animals tell me the stuff that's going on."

He rolls his eyes. "Very funny."

"Yeah. I'm hilarious. That's why I have so many friends."

He doesn't say anything in reply. There's a frown tugging at his lips and sad look in his eye. It nearly kills me. I want to keep him and his sister safe. I want to keep them from becoming like me, or maybe not even that. I just don't want them to feel pain like this at such a young age.

But we all know I can't protect them, no matter how hard I try. I can protect them from zombies, and I protected them from Van Ark, but I might not be able to protect them from the pain of losing Caleb...

Just like I wasn't able to protect them from the pain of losing Willis.

"If you can't go out and try to find them, what if I go out and do it?" Milo asks suddenly, his eyes beaming, and I freeze. I can almost feel the ice traveling through my blood towards my heart.

"No."

"But-"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because I said so. And even if I said yes, Janine wouldn't allow it. 'No person under the age of sixteen can be a runner.'"

She made this rule when she was told about the Ministry sending someone to be the new boss. She had to, since if she didn't say this rule was already established before a Ministry agent came, I would not be allowed to be a runner, since the Ministry doesn't have any runners under the age of eighteen and they would want us to abide by their rules if certain specific rules weren't already in place.

I think if I was just a regular runner, and not the person who took down Van Ark, I would've gotten fired from the runner's position anyway, just because Amelia doesn't like me. She doesn't hate me, I don't think, but she most certainly doesn't like me since I have had a smart mouth with her a few times.

If it wasn't for the fact that I'm good at my job...

"So are you saying you'll let me be a runner when I turn sixteen?" Milo asks, smiling widely.

I deadpan. "Absolutely not."

"Why?" He gasps.

"You know exactly why."

"Well, if I knew what to do as a runner, then you wouldn't have to worry about me dying."

"Hun, I worry about you dying when you get a cold, and when that happens you're here, safe in Abel. You could have all the training there is, but that still wouldn't make a difference. If I let you out there, which I will never do, there's still a chance of you dying." I grit my teeth. "I mean-God, Milo, how much training do you think Sarah had? Or the Major, or-or me? I was put through unimaginable things to make me good at what I do. I would never want any of that to happen to you.

"Just let it go, alright? Find something else you want to do. Please."

He's silent for a long moment. "This is because of that thing you guys are having for Runner Eight, isn't it?"

I scowl. It's not getting through to him.

"When I was your age, I shot my best friend."

That gets through to him. I can tell by the way he flinches back.

"That's why I don't want you to be a runner." I sigh and dust off my shirt. "Now that that conversation is over, why don't you tell me what you want to do. And if you don't want to do anything with me, I'll leave."

•

I groan as I fall onto the cot in the coms shack. Sam spins around in his chair, a raised brow on his face.

"What's the matter with you?"

"Children."

"What about them?"

"Why do they have to be so stubborn?" I look up at him. "Well, why does one of them have to be so stubborn?"

He shifts in his chair giddily, as if this is the most exciting thing for him today. "Which one is it?"

"Milo. He keeps insisting on being a runner even though I've told him no a hundred times."

"Why'd you tell him no?" He asks. I send him a certain look, and he nods. "Good point. But he's still got around three years or something like that before he's allowed to be a runner, so maybe-"

"No."

"Right... are you ready for tomorrow?"

I stay quiet for a second or two. "No."

He sighs. "Yeah. Me neither. It's weird, isn't it? Like, we know she's gone, of course, since she's not here... but it's weird. I guess because her request was different."

"Yeah, but we've avoided it for this long. It... needs to be done."

The quicker this is done... the quicker I am to getting her to leave me alone.

And I hope she'll leave me alone forever, but she's already said she wouldn't; She'll just visit fewer times, as if making room for someone else.

I shudder. Why? Why? Why did I think that?

"It's not going to make it any easier, is it? Even though it's been so long?"

I shake my head. "No, it's not."

Not with what I'm going to have to do. I mean, it's not a hard task, but Sarah's literally having me use her funeral as a way for me to get something.

Sam stands up slowly before walking over and plopping down beside me. "You know, tonight we're playing Demons and Darkness. You in? Might take your mind off... things."

"That's a good way to put it-things," I laugh. "But you know I don't understand one thing about that game."

"Only because you fall asleep every time we play."

"I do not."

"Yeah, you do. I know because I'm the person who you always use as a pillow."

I wrinkle up my nose. "Not true. There are times you've sat on the opposite side of the circle from me."

"Yeah, but when you fall asleep, everyone takes a vote on who you get to lean on, and they always vote on me."

"Of course, they would," I grumble, since I know exactly who is in this circle. Maxine likes to match people up. There was a ton of not-so-subtle hints she tried to give to Jody about Owen before she... left.

I think everyone else just goes along with it because they're-well, them.

"Well, I'll try not to fall asleep this time. Can't promise it, but I'll try."

His eyes light up like stars. "So you'll go?"

I shrug. "Sure. Why not? It'll be nice to have some fun for once."

"Oh, like you weren't having fun with Tony in that Comansys base. I didn't know you liked toys that much."

"Toys are fun. But there was no way I was climbing up that bear."

"Yeah, I know. Fear of heights. It's kinda funny, though. You've literally ran into an army of zombies... twice, and you're afraid of heights and Target."

"It's not the heights itself I'm afraid of," I explain. "It's really the fall and sudden stop at the bottom. And we don't talk about Target. Target is evil."

"Why? What happened at Target?" He's trying to keep from laughing at just how serious I am about the store, but he's failing. I roll my eyes.

"It's not something I like to talk about. I mean, it's one of the few memories I have as a kid, but it's not one I wish to talk about."

"Why not?"

I put on a grim face. "Because I saw someone die there."

He chokes. "Oh, my God. Really?"

I hesitate in answering, before I shake my head, laughing at the look on his face. "No, not really. I was kidnapped though."

It takes a second for him to register what I've said. "You were kidnapped?"

"Yeah. I think I was around three or something. Maybe younger. I'm surprised I remember it since I don't remember anything from kindergarten or first grade, and I have very vague memories of preschool. But yeah, I was kidnapped at Target."

"How?"

"Well, I was with my dad-"

"Wait, hold on a minute," He says, holding a hand up. "Are you talking about the same dad that nearly got you hit by a train?"

I nod. "That's the one."

"Oh, my-alright. Continue."

"Well, he had me and my sister for the day since my mom was sick or something like that and she didn't want to be around us. Katelyn was maybe... one? I think. Well, she started throwing a fit for no apparent reason so my dad tried to calm her down. I wandered off into a nearby isle, and then suddenly I see a guy running towards me. Then the next thing I know, I'm being carried away.

"I scream, obviously, and my dad yells out my name and looks out of the nearby isle he was in. He sees me being carried away by this guy, so he runs after the guy and tackles 'em. I got a pretty nasty bruise from the fall, but otherwise I was fine. But it still scared the hell out of me. I never went into another Target since."

"Wow... you really didn't have the best luck as a child, did you?"

I scoff. "Like I have good luck now."

A small laugh leaves his lips. "Yeah, I guess you're right."

"Actually, I think I am pretty lucky," I say, laying my head on his shoulder. "I mean, I'm still alive. I haven't died yet even though things seem to go terribly wrong for almost any plans we have. We're getting a small bit closer to finding our friends. We've found a bit more out about Comansys. I'm lucky I'm here, instead of the A.M.T.B."

"And you're staying here too."

I purse my lips. "I never said that."

"Yeah, but you said you'd consider it. Have you come up with an answer yet? I mean, it's been a few months."

"Haven't really had time to think about it."

"But on a guess?"

I sigh. "It's a probably."

I look up and see him grinning. "That's progress! Before it was a maybe. Now I just have to get it to a certainly."

"You're going to have to do quite a bit to get it to a certainly, and there's a chance you might not be able to."

There's a smug gleam in his eyes. "I'm sure I can do it. After all, you've become one of my runners. Do you honestly think I'd just let you leave?"

I chuckle. "You know, if we weren't close friends, that would've sounded really creepy."

Sam wraps his arm around my shoulders. "Then I guess it's a good thing we're close friends then."

I smile, looking ahead. "Yeah. I guess so... By the way, don't tell Milo or Penelope about the three of us probably staying after all of this ends, alright?"

"Why?"

"Because they don't even know about the fact that there was a maybe chance of me staying. And until I make the final decision, I want it to stay that way."

"What? Why?" The surprise in his voice is clear as day.

"Because if they think there's a maybe, they'll do anything and everything to make me stay. And I can only imagine what they'll think if they hear a probably."

"Can't blame them, since I've been trying to do the same thing. Also, how has no one mentioned this to them?"

"After Caleb and the others left, no one really thought about it. It's best this way. I don't want to get their hopes up. I didn't want to get your hopes up either, or anyone else's."

"Well, my hopes are already pretty high, so..." He gives a half shrug, and I smile.

"Well, it seems I have no choice but to stay. I can't go crushing my friend's hopes when they're already so high," I say jokingly.

He laughs. "Exactly."

There's a small moment of silence, before Sam takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly.

"You know, Five, you say that you're lucky to be here in Abel, but I think Abel's actually lucky to have you." He shrugs a bit stiffly. "I mean, we've found more about the zombie apocalypse with you here than we have in the first three years when you weren't. You killed the man who helped in starting the apocalypse, and you actually knew about Tony before we met him."

My eyes widen, and he smirks.

"Don't think I forgot about that... I mean, things do go wrong when you go on missions, but they always turn out right in the end. I don't actually think you have bad luck. If anything, you're like Abel's good luck charm."

I blink a few times, speechless, and Sam can't look me in the eye. Still I smile. "Is that why you want me to stay here? Because apparently I'm good luck?"

He chuckles. "It is one of the reasons. One of many."

"Well, Sam," I sigh, letting my head rest on his shoulder once again, "depending on how things go, I just might decide to stay after all of this."

"I'm... I'm glad."

A/N: Here you go, guys! Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please be sure to vote and comment! Thank you and have a blessed day!