Chapter 17: Nicotine

I lay in my bed, looking up at the bunk above me, but not really seeing anything. I haven't really seen anything since I got back from that mission yesterday. My thoughts have been pretty scattered since I left Simon in his little bunker.

No one really seemed to notice how out of it I was when I returned. Paula was too happy over the fact that I found those notes on Comansys. It was only after a few moments that people around started to realize I wasn't reacting normally. I wasn't as excited-as happy.

I fabricated a lie about how I escaped the Deadlocks and stumbled upon Van Ark's lab while trying to find a place to hide. I told them it was there I found his notes, and in my rush to get to them I slipped and cut my cheek on a piece of glass. They believed it because it had an embarrassing detail about me scaring myself when I looked in the mirror because I thought it was one of Van Ark's experiments and not my reflection. No one is going to think twice about a story that makes you look like the idiot.

Dr. Lobatse said the way I was acting was because of shock. Sam didn't believe that though. He knows being shot at isn't enough to scare me. He knows there's something else.

He ended up asking me about what I was talking about before he was cut off. I told another white lie, saying I had a dream and thought it was like the other ones in the past, but I was wrong. It was a Deadlock coming towards me, and I shot him.

I don't know if he believed me, but he's not raised anymore questions on it.

It seems that I've gotten good at telling these little lies. I just hope it doesn't come crashing down on me.

But I cannot tell the truth. I promised Simon I wouldn't, so I won't. Besides, what good would it be for them to know? I'm the only one who's really forgiven him. Telling anyone wouldn't do anything really. I doubt anyone actually cares if he's dead or alive. Janine might, but it's not like she'd ever tell you if she did. She's too stiff to talk about feelings.

It would be a waste of breath to tell anyone he's alive. The only person who might care is Caleb, since he and Simon were friends. They used to have contests on who could tell the cheesiest jokes; Si always won. Always.

But Caleb's gone. He's somewhere unknown, and the only hope we have right now is those notes. Hopefully they'll lead to something. Hopefully they'll let us find Caleb.

Maybe that's why Simon gave my those notes, because he wants to help find Caleb. He just won't admit it... I want to believe he still cares, even if it's just a little bit, because I care. I care about them both.

I miss them both too. I wish things could go back to the way it was-we were all friends. We all had some burden, but we handled it well enough. We weren't perfect, but we had some happiness.

Now we're all alone somewhere with with a void in us. I know that's true for two of us, and I'm almost positive it's that way for the third. I know I'm not alone in a way. I know I have all these people here around me, but there's always those friends who can never be replaced-those friends who, being without them feels like you're going through withdrawals.

It was worse when it first started, but it's still there. I guess it always will be though.

I sit up and swing my legs over the bed, knowing that sitting around feeling sorry for myself isn't going to help anything. All it's doing is making me feel worse, and that's not how I need seeing that I do have a good amount of things to be grateful for. I might as well try to do something that'll make me happy rather than sit around here sulking.

I don't have kitchen duty until tonight, so that's out of the picture for now. Not that I mind. I hate working in the kitchens. Washing dishes is one of the worst chores I could be given, and for some reason every time I have kitchen duty, I am given that task.

Kefilwe is most likely busy, since she is a doctor, after all. The kids haven't gotten out of school just yet, and Sam is supposed to be operating a run right now.

So the main people I talk to are busy... Lovely.

I shake my head, figuring I will find something to do as I go along the township. Shouldn't be too hard. I mean, I have friends. Might as well see what others do for fun since all I do is talk, read, eat peanut butter and watch children.

Leaving the sleeping quarters, I see quite a lot of people bustling about, probably all going to do their job for the day. Some of them must be, at least. Others are probably like me, trying to find some way to stay entertained. Morale hasn't been too low lately, but everyone gets bored at some point.

We have built a few new things to help keep people entertained, like an archery range and gaming area, as well as a swimming pool. But sadly, it's a bit too cool to swim in my opinion, and I'm terrible at archery. I've played more games of monopoly than I can count with the kids, so that's out too.

I huff, trying to think of what else has been built that I haven't really been to lately. I know there's been a few more things, but I can't remember any of them. That's when I decide I can just find something as I go. If I find nothing interesting for me to do, then at least I'll have been walking around instead of staying inside, thinking about the people who aren't with me.

It's cool outside, but that's no surprise. I'm wearing that sweater Jody gave me for Christmas last year, and it helps in keeping the cold away. I get a few raised brows, since it's not that cold out-not to them anyway.

But I pay them no mind as I keep walking, listening to the voices of people as they converse to one another. It's only snippets about normal things-like how it would be nice to have some fruit for lunch today or about the newest book a runner brought in. It's normal, nice.

Eavesdropping helps distract me from my own thought, and the mention of books remind me how long it's been since I went to the library. I'm sure there's a lot more books there now than there was before.

So off to the library I go, knowing that something with an interesting plot should keep my mind off things. Yes, it should... it might...

I sigh heavily.

It probably won't, but it's worth a shot to try.

I have to weave through the small crowds of people as I go. Abel's surprisingly grown, even with our missing people. Some have come in from New Canton to help out, like Dr. Lobatse, some are new additions to a family, and others were just wanderers looking for a place to stay. I think some of Milo's friends were like that.

I'm not sure how I feel about them-Polly and Zach. I remember last week when I gave Milo three colored pencils I'd found on a run. Polly asked why I didn't actually run to the craft store and get him brand new pencils, and why I didn't get anything else that could be entertaining or fun. It's funny really. I'm actually only two years older than her and we act so differently.

I was able to shut that attitude she was giving me down real quick though, and she didn't like that at all. I think it embarrassed Milo too, but honestly I didn't and still don't care.

Lil' shit tries to bitch at me when I risk my life to get them food. She would've been eaten alive in the A.M.T.B. I know that much.

I close my eyes for a short second in attempt to get rid of that anger before I enter the library. Since the library is quite peaceful, I find that goal a bit easier to accomplish.

Plus I have to remind myself that Polly is the normal teenager. I'm the one that's different. I'm the one who doesn't act my age. She's fourteen, and she's acting like a fourteen-year-old. A bratty fourteen-year-old, but a fourteen-year-old nonetheless. I'm sixteen and I act like an adult because I was forced to grow up too quickly.

The library's a lot bigger than it was before. There are more tables and chairs, and another two rooms added to make space for all the books. If I'd known all this had been done, I would've come and checked out a few books a long time ago. The only thing I've been reading lately is the Bible, and while I do enjoy getting wisdom from the scripture, sometimes I just want to read a good amount of fiction with lovable side characters that will probably end up dying.

And so I browse the shelves, searching for something that might peak my interest. Pretty covers used to do the trick, but a lot of these are used and worn besides the ones I stole from that manor sometime last year. Belonged to someone who was related to one of my doppelgängers-Cameron. That was when Simon and I went searching for missing Abel residents.

And yet another reminder... It's like I don't even have to try and I find a way to bring myself back into these sad, depressing thoughts.

I look over the shelf, seeing Jody sitting in a corner, a book in her hand while chewing on the end of her pair of glasses. The blonde doesn't seem too interested in her book as she keeps looking over it to frown at Owen, who's trying to looking inconspicuous in his staring, and failing miserably. She groans before stands and walking over to another corner, leaving the Australian man alone to watch her with sad eyes.

Poor Owen. But, to be fair, they did argue a lot before he developed a crush on her. I mean, they argued over stupid stuff like which flavored lollipops were the best or if 'The Avengers' movie was overrated or not, but I've never seen Jody get so agitated with anyone other than him. Eh, maybe it'll work out.

I pick out a small green book with a French bulldog on the cover. The thing looks a bit cross-eyed, which is a little weird, but maybe that's what the book is about-the life of a cross-eyed French bulldog. 'Cornelia and the Audacious Escapades of the Somerset Sisters' reads the title. Quite a mouthful, but it sounds interesting enough.

I take the book and head over to the newly added room where no one seems to be, and I take a spot near the wall. I would take a seat on a chair, but no one ever sits upright like that while reading unless they're studying for a final. And if I tried to take one of my odd reading positions on the chair I'd most likely break it or a bone... and the bone might not even be mine if Owen or Jody decided to walk past me during the incident that would surely happen.

Janine wouldn't be too happy about that, and I don't think Amelia would either.

So I take a seat on the floor, leaning against the wall in such a way I know without a doubt that my back will be hurting in a few hours. Then I open up the book that seems surprisingly not all that worn. The first chapter title reads 'Cornelia'. Fitting, I guess.

My eyes start to scan the words written on the paper. By the size of the font, it's to be assumed that this is a book written for middle schoolers. But, seeing as I was in middle school when the apocalypse happened, I think it's fair to say that I am allowed to read this book.

As I read though, I see how simple the world used to be. This girl-the dog is not the main character apparently-has the problem of being compared to her mother and father, who are both famous pianists. She feels like she's in their shadow, her mother's especially, since her father isn't in the picture...

The problem, when facing it, seems like a rather large deal... but here, in a world where most people don't even know if their parents are alive... I'd live in my mother's shadow for the rest of my life if it meant I'd get to see her again.

I stop reading when I hear harsh whispering near by, then panicked whispering. Then-

Crash!

I flinch and jump up, rushing over to find out what happened as I hear obnoxious laughter along with angry cursing. The laughter gets louder the closer I get, and I come screeching to a stop when I see one of the bookcases fallen over. Books are scattered everywhere, and under it is Sam, trying to get the bookcase off of him while Tony stands by, laughing so hard he looks as if he might fall over.

"You are so stupid, mate," He laughs, and Sam angrily glares at him.

"Thanks for pointing that out. Now would you help me with this?"

"What happened here?" I question, gaining both of their attention. Tony grins widely at seeing me, although Sam looks a bit embarrassed.

"Five, hi. You were wondering what happened here?" Tony questions, trying to keep from snickering. "Well, it's a pretty funny-"

"What the hell happened?" Owen questions, rushing toward us with Jody not too far behind him.

"It doesn't matter. Just help get this thing off me," Sam groans. We all hastily grab the bookcase and lift it up so he can shimmy out from under there. Then we push it upright, making sure it's stable so it won't fall on anyone else.

"Are you okay?" I ask Sam, and he nods.

"Yeah, I'll be alright."

"So what happened?"

He rubs the back of his neck and laughs sheepishly. "It was uh, Tony and I were-"

"We made a bet to see who could grab the most books on the top shelf without fallin' or droppin' any," Tony says, and Jody facepalms.

"You two are idiots."

This. This is why girls live longer than boys.

"Boredom got to you too, huh?" I sigh, and Tony nods.

"Couldn't find much that seemed interesting."

"We're in a library," Owen says with an eye roll. "There are books in here you could, I don't know, maybe read."

"No offense, but reading," Tony squints at the book in my hand, "'Cornelia and the Audacious Escapades of the Somerset Sisters' doesn't sound all that great."

"Eh," I shrug. "It's not that bad." I look at the bookcase and snicker. "You know, if Caleb were here, he totally would've taken this challenge."

"How do yo know?" Tony questions.

"Because for Christmas he asked for one of those large toy dump trucks so he could sit in and ride down a hill. I remember he nearly broke his arm after it tipped over on him... I'm pretty Milo would've taken this challenge too. As would Penelope, since her brother was doing it." I pause, my smile at the thought fading. And as my smile fades, as does the others'.

"But I guess we'll have something to do now that we have to put these books back on the shelf."

I set my book down on a nearby chair and grab a couple of books to place them back on the shelf. We don't have much of a system in here like a normal library would. Well, at least, I don't think we do. I hope we don't, or else the people who volunteer to be the librarians are going to murder us. But I place the books on the shelf before grabbing more. The others soon start to do the same.

"I thought you had a run to guide today," I say, and Sam gives me a raised brow.

"Oh, I did, but it ended a bit early since a group of zoms were starting to head towards grocery store the runners were at. Still got some good food though."

"That's good, but why would you decide to come here and make bets with Tony over how many books you can grab while climbing up to the top shelf?"

He shrugs. "He said he was bored. Would've invited you along, but you weren't in the dorms when I went to check. Thought you were doing something important."

"What important thing could I be doing on my off days?" I scoff. "I do my job and help my kids with homework. Mission days are the only days I do something important."

"Like finding those notes on Comansys," Owen says. "I was surprised. When Sam said he lost you on coms, I thought for sure you were a goner."

"Thanks for belief and support," I say with an eye roll. "But I just got lucky on finding those notes. I'm lucky I didn't get myself following some stupid dream."

Owen and Jody both look confused, and Sam nods, and I can see that flash of suspicion in his eyes... But Tony perks up at my words.

"Actually, Five, that reminds something I need to tell you," He says, and I raise a brow in interest.

"Really? What is it?"

He hesitates and looks around at the others, who look confused but intrigued. Even Sam's brows are furrowing together, wondering how the heck Tony would know about my dreams-although I know it's not mine he's speaking of.

"Uh, later. Let's just finish picking these up."

I receive some odd looks from the others, but I ignore them. This has nothing to do with them. Besides, they know how I am with secrets. This is something they're probably very used to in all honesty.

I am glad I asked Tony to tell me if he remembered Chrysalis telling about  him any other dreams she had. He was confused, but agreed, saying Chrysalis and I were alike-very weird but also very smart. We knew things...

Which is true. I know quite a bit, although piecing it all together is a bitch. But Chrysalis has had multiple dreams all surrounding my injuries, all surrounding me, just like how my dreams were about her. Knowing any of these events that haven't happened yet could at least give me a heads up, and maybe I can think of a way to evade any serious injuries... hopefully.

We continue to pick up the books in silence. Thankfully no one brings up yesterday's mission again or what Tony said to me. Good. I don't need them asking any questions. I'm a good liar, but these people know me enough to know my tells. I can't tell them about Simon, so the less we talk about yesterday, the better.

We'll all sometime bump into each other or grab at the same book while trying to pick up. I try to ignore the jittery feeling I get when Sam's hand brushes against mine every now and again. Now's not the time for such thoughts, I remind myself, but I still can't stop the blush that appears on my cheeks.

Sam doesn't notice, thankfully. He never does.

It doesn't take us much longer to finish putting everything back into its place-maybe about ten minutes, and I think this is close enough to being in its right place. I pick up my book and send everyone a small smile.

"Now that that's done, I'm gonna go back to reading my book with its ridiculously long title. I guess you two will do the same," I nod towards Jody and Owen before turning my attention to the other two. "And guys, either read a book or go do something else, because I really don't want anything to break because then Janine would kill us all."

Sam laughs and rubs the back of his neck again, the look in his eyes telling me he knows I'm speaking the truth. "Yeah. Yeah, that's probably a good id-is that dog crosseyed?"

I look down at the cover. "Yeah. I haven't gotten to the part of the crosseyed dog yet. Hopefully soon though. It's the only reason I picked up the book. I guess that's what gets twelve-year-olds' attention, because this book is obviously written for middle schoolers."

"Then why are you still reading it?"

"I told you. I want to read about the crosseyed dog. There has to be some reason he's on the cover."

A silly grin crosses over his face, and I can't seem to help myself from mirroring the look. We stay that way for a couple of seconds until Jody rolls her eyes.

"Are you two gonna just stand there smilin' at each other?" She questions with a raised brow.

"Huh?" Sam blinks. "Uh, right. Right. Sorry. Uh, what do you want to do now?"

I raise up my book with an amused smile, and I can see him trying not to slap himself.

"Right. Right..." He trails off, and I shift from one foot to another as an awkward silence fills the room. I can see Jody looking at me with a raised brow and a knowing look, and because of it I begin to feel quite flustered. But the glare I send her doesn't show my awkwardness.

"Well, since you two have run out of things to talk about, Five, I need to talk to you." Tony grabs my hand and pulls me away, nearly causing me to trip and fall on my face. I drop my book.

"Hey!"

"Where are you going?" Sam calls.

"Away from here," He replies.

He leads me outside, going around the building to make sure we're not seen. He looks both nervous and excited when he comes to a stop. "Okay, I remember how ya told me you wanted to know if I could remember any other dreams Chrys told me about. Well, I did, and I wanted to let you know before I leave next week-"

"Leave?" I interrupt. "Where-where are you going?"

He blinks. "Back to London."

"Why?" I ask, tensing up. "You know what's out there-Diana, mind controlled soldiers, possibly other Comansys people."

He nods. "I know. That's why they're sendin' me back. I can report to Abel what's happened there. They said they're gonna give me a device so I can communicate-tell 'em what's happening' out there. I'm the only one who knows the tunnels well enough to stay hidden, so I have to go."

"But that device-the one that repels zoms-it messes up of you look at it funny. You can't take that to help you get back."

"I know how to evade zoms, Five. But anyway, I need to tell you about some of the dream stories I remember."

I straighten. "I'm listening."

"Okay, well, I remember her saying one time she was around an explosion."

I blink. "Did this happen to be a helicopter exploding? Or a plane?"

He shakes his head. "No, it was a car. She said she opened the door and it exploded. Said she got a bad burn on her chest."

I gulp. Oh... lovely.

"She said another time she nearly drowned. Got hit in the head while trying to get on a inflatable boat 'cause the ship she was in was sinkin'."

"O-oh," I say nervously. I'm going to get on a boat again? Why would I do that? "Anything else?"

He nods. "Yeah, I remember the last one she told me about before she died. Chrys said she was runnin' in some weird like, obstacle course. Said she could hear Abel's radio operator on her headset, but Nadia was there too, and some little girl who was really, really smart. There was a woman, and a crazy little man with an annoying voice. They were all on a platform, watching her-not Sam. He was somewhere else, apparently. But the others, they had a zom chasin' after her."

My brows scrunch together as a sinking feeling settles in my chest.

"She said she was climbing a fence, and doing so was extremely painful, like she got struck by lightning, then the fence drops into the ground, and she lands face first."

"Oh," I say. "Well, I mean, that must've hurt, but that's not as bad as the others."

Tony purses his lips. "I wasn't done. She said she could hear Sam telling her to get up, but as she tried, the zom grabbed her ankle."

My heart stops in my chest, and my eyes widen. Is he saying-no. No! No! No!

"It bit her..."

A/N: Bet you weren't expecting that, were you? Sorry it took so long to post this. I was having some serious writer's block. Anyway, please be sure to vote and comment. Thank you and have a blessed day!