Chapter 11: Life's A Happy Song

"Better notice next time, mate," Jaime snaps as he runs beside me. "I got dressed so quickly I put my boxers on back to front, and Five's T-shirt is inside out. I can see the label."

My face burns, and my shoulders scrunch up to my ears. Sam and I slept in the coms shack last night, and I wasn't actually supposed to have a run today, but this morning the shack was invaded by a woman who practically threw my running clothes at me and demanded I get changed right there and prepare to leave. She said it was important. She wouldn't even let me go somewhere private to change since she said that would waste time, so I had to get dressed while Sam called Jaime to the gates.

Let's just say it was embarrassing for both of us.

"Sorry. Sorry," He says, and I can hear the embarrassment in his voice. "It was uh... short notice for me too. Isabel here-oh, I guess you don't know who she is, Jaime. Um, the woman running beside you is Isabel Marriet from the Ministry of Recovery. Not to, you know, point any fingers of blame, but Isabel only briefed me and Five five minutes ago."

I huff at the brunette, who has a neutral look on her face. I'm beginning to notice that Ministry people believe they can come and have any of us at their disposal at any time and not have to feel any sympathy for any chaos they may cause.

"I did arrive in Abel last night," She replies. "Hoped to brief you then, but I couldn't find you."

"Um, I was busy."

"Playing Demons and Darkness with the Radio Cable posse before runnin' off with Runner Five at curfew," Jaime scoffs with an eye roll.

"We spent half an hour patrolling the perimeter fence looking for the Phantom of Abel. We did something useful," He says. "And-and do you see that bruise on Five's face? She wouldn't tell me who hit her in front of everyone in the dorms, so we went to the coms shack so she'd tell me."

"Did she?"

He sighs. "No, not-not really."

Jaime huffs. "I thought you thought that Phantom of Abel stuff was rubbish, 'cause it is."

"It's down right stupid, that's what it is," I say with a nod. "Really, Sam, why on earth do you think this might actually be real? It's just Santa Claus or the Boogyman-a myth people make up in attempt to scare children."

"But Santa Claus wasn't meant to scare children."

"An old fat man breaks into your house when everyone is sleeping, eats your food, and depending on what he thinks you are, leaves you coal or presents-presents which are made by tons of elves who have basically no choice in what they can do because they're taught that their entire self worth is based on how well they help the old fat man who never dies."

"Wow... you-you've put a lot of thought into this, haven't you? Anyway, Eugene swears blind he saw a masked man going through the bins on Friday night," Sam says, and I can see Jaime struggling not to facepalm.

"Friday night?" Jaime scoffs. "'Moonshine Friday Night'? 'Moonshine and Strip Poker Friday Night'? That's when he reckons he saw it? Was it before or after he told Janine she was his best mate and he really loves her and if he was gonna go straight for anyone, it'd be her?"

I cover my mouth to keep my laughter from being heard. I never go to any gatherings like that, but I do like to hear the stories of what happened on those nights. It's pretty amusing.

"Anyway," Sam says quickly, and I giggle harder, "the important thing is we're all here now, and we've got a new lead on Comansys."

"Yeah? As good as the giant robot? What're you sendin' us after this time? Godzilla?"

"Good one," I snicker, and it actually gets a smile out of him.

"No, really. This one's couture-well, couture-ish. Non-pork based anyway. See that stand up poppers up ahead? The road you want cuts left behind them."

"We're heading for an old abandoned lighthouse on the coast," Isabel tells us. I raise a brow.

"Is that a Comansys base?"

She shakes her head. "No, former home of a BBC producer."

I blink. "I'm sorry, what?"

"That'll be dead useful," Jaime says, a frown on his face and sarcasm dripping from his voice.

"It should be," She says with a small smile. "She made a radio documentary about Comansys back in the 70's. Several of our people remember it, me included, but no one has a copy. We're hoping she might've kept one. It was notorious at the time; People thought she'd dived off the deep end."

I shrug, tucking a stray piece of hair behind my ear. "Well, that's how it is, right? Big, evil company that everyone believes is good, one person tries to shed light on the truth and everyone believes that person is crazy. That's how it is in all the movies."

"Yeah," Sam agrees. "It's supposed to be like, red conspiracy nut stuff. Apparently, locals who lived near the Comansys land were convinced they were doing something that gave people dementia. Ten people in the local village developed it within the span of a year. Weird, right?"

"Uh... yeah," I answer.

"And get this, locals reported hearing a strange tone coming from the offices at night. Like a mind controlled tone." He tries to imitate the sound of the tones, but he doesn't do all that great. Really, he sounds less like the mind control tones and more like a dying walrus. I think he's trying to hum a theme song or something, but he's failing at that too.

"That ain't what control tones sound like," Jaime says.

He sighs. "Never mind. You're coming up on the coast road now. Time to get your heads down."

It's quiet out here, but Sam's right. We do need to be quick and try to keep out of sight. Last time we were around the ocean, there weren't many zombies about, but that was only because the Ministry and New Canton helped keep them off our tail while we had the funeral for Sarah.

It's not safe around these areas, mostly because everyone thinks going to the water is a good way to escape the zombies... And what they don't think of is that there were others before them who thought the same thing and ended up getting bit, and are now roaming zombies waiting for their next meal to arrive.

But so far, everything is alright. At least, it looks that way... for now. I'm still expecting something to go wrong, like it always does.

Hopefully this will actually be legit and give us another clue as to where Caleb might be... I really, really miss him.

I can see the sand just up ahead, and I cringe, knowing it's going to get all into my shoes and feel very uncomfortable. I realized my first time going to the beach why my parents never wanted to take me to one. It's windy and gross and honestly, the ocean doesn't smell like those nice smelling candles that were always labeled things like 'oceanic breeze'.

"Oh, sand dunes!" Sam squeals. "I used to love rolling down those when I was a kid."

"Not so great when you're runnin' up 'em, right, Five?" Jaime huffs, and I nod.

"You know, this reminds me of something," He continues, and Runner Ten raises a brow.

"Rollin' down sand dunes when you were a kid?"

"No, no. I mean... something television.... puppets, uh... magic, really daft. Oh, it's on the tip of my mind."

"'The Muppets'?" I guess. "And it's 'tip of my tongue'."

"No, I mean, yes for the second part, but it wasn't... Oh! 'Jimmy's Jaunts'. Remember? That old kid's show from the 70's."

What is up with everyone bringing up things from the 70's?

"You're right," Isabel says. "It's just like the tidal sequence of 'Jimmy's Jaunts'."

A smile appears on Jaime's face. "Yeah, all those kids rollin' down the sand. That was wicked. Use to watch it with my mum."

"Really?" Sam questions in surprise. "I wouldn't have thought it was your kind of thing. It was a bit, you know, silly."

"Silly?" Isabel scoffs. "It was ground breaking."

"Yeah," Jaime says, "had that black girl, didn't it? Elizabeth-always rescuin' the other kids. Mind you, she was the poshest black woman in England. Mum said it didn't matter though. She said I didn't know how it was, grownin' up and never seein' yourself on telly. Like you weren't really part of the world. Know what I'm sayin'? Like you didn't matter."

I frown. That's really sad that Jaime's mother actually felt like that.

"Mum said Elizabeth was the first time she saw someone look like her on a box. That's why she called me James." He laughs lightly. "Think she was disappointed she didn't have a daughter so she could call her Elizabeth."

"It's a pretty name," I comment. My great aunt was named that. She was born paralyzed from the waist down, and she died before I was born. She was sweet, or at least that's what I was told. Maybe that's why my middle initial is an 'E'.

"She used to sing the theme song when I was goin' to sleep," He continues. "Join Jimmy and Lizzie and their chums. It's time for their adventure and have some fun."

"That's exactly right." Isabel grins.

A sad gleam flashes across his eyes. "Me and Archie-that was my girlfriend-used to sing that song sometimes. I taught it to her. Always wanted to show her 'Jimmy's Jaunts'... Never got the chance."

A stab of guilt hits me right in the heart, but I'm distracted from it when I see Isabel pull out a notebook to write down that song.

"No offense, but shouldn't we save the paper for when we learn more about that Comansys broadcast thing?"

She blinks. "Um..."

"Guys," Sam cuts in, "I enjoy a children's T.V. reminiscence as much as the next man. To be honest, quite a bit more than the next man, especially if the next man's Janine, but um, yeah. Zoms at your six o'clock. There-there was a storm late last night. I think they must've washed ashore."

Suddenly something shoots out of the sand dune and grabs my foot. I scream, and Jaime grabs my arm and yanks me forward, away from the hand holding onto my ankle and the head that soon pops out of the sand dune as well.

"Oh, my word," Jaime gasps.

"They probably heard Five's scream," Isabel says. "Run!"

It's hard to run on the sand, but we manage. More heads pop out from the sand dunes, and I don't want to think of how they got there. The zombies near the shore are staggering toward us as well, and I wonder if it would be better to shoot some of them down right now. I did bring a gun with me today, and I have my axe on my back, but these ones are only stragglers. No need to waste any bullets.

Sand keeps getting into the crevices of my shoes, but I ignore the uncomfortable feeling for now and pray it doesn't cause a rash from irritating the skin so much. The zoms aren't in too big of numbers right now, and they seem to have trouble keeping their balance on the sand. Lucky for us, I guess.

I wrinkle my nose at the combined scent of sea salt and death. It's a horrid smell, really. I glance back, and grimace. A lot of these zombies look very decomposed. Most of them have places that are simply bone, like an arm or leg that hangs limp because there's no muscle to pull it up. Some of these must've been here for a long time, while others are just wet from being in the ocean.

I'm surprised we didn't smell them before, but then I remember all those crime shows I watched as a kid. Apparently you can hide bodies in the sand for months, even years before someone finds it. I guess it's no different here except that the dead bodies can walk and they want to eat you.

That would've made for an interesting crime show. CSI: Zombie.

But the moans that are coming from behind us are beginning to fade, like I knew they would. Shamblers are easy to outrun. The only time we should be worried is if one of us can't move at a pace quicker than the stumble-walk they do.

Welp, I just jinxed us, didn't I?

"Well, you've lost them for now," Sam says. "Thank goodness they weren't fast zoms. Haven't seen a horde of slow zoms for a while now."

Jaime hums, taking a glance around him. "I don't know what it is, but this place makes me feel a bit cheerful."

He starts singing that little theme song again under his breath, and I'm almost beginning to wonder if we found Jaime's doppelgänger this time instead of my own. But then he shuts up when he looks over at the ocean.

"See that, Five? Bobbin' about on the waves?"

I squint, and cringe at the sight. Corpses, all floating along, coming in from sea-probably after they got bit and couldn't stand to end it themselves, so they thought they'd swim out to the ocean and die.

I sigh. Do people know nothing about the tides?

"Looks like rotting corpses," Isabel says, and I roll my eyes.

"Way to point out the obvious," I say as a seagull lands on one of the corpses, plucking its eye out. "Ew."

"Let's hope they're just corpses-" Jaime starts.

"They're totally not. That would make it too easy for us," I sigh, and just as predicted, one of them stands up, its eye missing and its nose bitten off. Whether by a fish or a zombie when it was human, I don't know, and frankly, I don't care.

"I know we need this Comansys intel," Sam says, sounding a bit nervous, "but do you think maybe coming back another day-"

"We're boxed in on all three sides," Isabel argues, her brown eyes holding a 'no nonsense' gleam to it. "Our best bet is to keep heading for that lighthouse. At least we'll have the upper ground there. Come on, Jaime. Time to show the Bliders what we're made of."

He grins. "That's what Elizabeth used to say."

She nods. "Elizabeth wouldn't have been scared of a few zoms."

It's nice, I notice, seeing Jaime smile. He doesn't smile all that often, so seeing him happy is both surprising and pleasant.

Too bad the moment doesn't last.

One second he's running beside me, the next he's hitting the sand, gasping in pain.

"Jaime?" Sam questions worriedly. "Jaime, are you alright? What've you done?"

"Tripped on a rock, didn't I?" He winces, grabbing his left ankle. "Idiot. Man, that hurts."

I bend over and move his hand, seeing his ankle swelling up a bit. "It's sprained. I know because I hurt myself all the time as a kid."

"Guys, those zoms are-" Sam starts.

"They're nearly on us. You'd better go." He pushes me back gently. "I can fight them off."

"No, you can't," Isabel snaps. "They're too many now. Give me your arm. Five, take the other one."

I grab his arm, pulling him up as best I can. It's a little awkward since he's so much taller than I am, but I make it work.

"I'll slow you down. Leave me."

She shakes her head. "I don't think so. What did Elizabeth do when Jimmy twisted his ankle running away from the Great Hortweiny?"

He sighs. "She gave him a piggyback ride."

"And so, if you want to avoid that, get hobbling."

"Plus, I have a gun," I add. "And an axe, and a knife. I can take a few off our tails if it comes to that."

"How were you able to get all that in such a short time?" Sam asks. "How were you able to get all that and yet you put your shirt on inside out?"

"I keep stashes of weapons hidden in little crevices and corners, since every time I go out without a weapon, something goes majorly wrong," I scowl.

"Well... you're not wrong, I suppose."

"Can't believe I did that," Jaime groans, and I awkwardly pat him on the back.

"No sweat. Everybody has those days."

"But I've had loads of practice runnin' on sand."

Isabel looks at him with interest. "Did you? Was it because of your family?"

He nods. "Yeah. My grandma Victoria owned an oyster shack up in Scotland. Used to go stay with her when I was a kid. Don't know how she stood me, with her bein' so posh."

"Victoria, you say? What sort of posh?"

"Posh, posh. Proper posh. She had a double barreled surname and all that before she got married. Second cousin to the queen-that's what me mum said, but her family disowned her when she married a black man."

Isabel's eyes are as wide as saucers now. "Do you remember what her surname was before she married?"

He shrugs as best he can while limping. "She died two years before Day Zero. Glad she never saw it."

"Okay, guys, the good news is you're pulling ahead of those floaters," Sam says.

"And the bad news?" I question.

"Just-just... well, don't look behind you and keep hobbling. Only uh, you know, maybe a bit faster?"

•

Jaime hisses in pain, and I do my best help him keep his weight off his sprained ankle.

"Just a little further," Isabel says. "That's the lighthouse up ahead."

"Yes. Wait, hang on a minute," Sam says. "Is that the-"

"Yeah," Jaime gapes in astonishment. "Looks just like where Jimmy and Elizabeth used to live."

"It does. That's the lighthouse they flashed to send an S.O.S. when Catherine the Horrible had them surrounded by flying squirrel assassins."

"Oh, my word. I totally forgot about those. That episode was amazing."

"Elizabeth used hazelnuts filled with sleeping potion to knock them all out," Isabel comments.

"Yeah," Jaime laughs.

"My maps show the sea's pretty shallow here. Mud flats for miles," He says. "You can wade out further in the water to get around to it."

Jaime nods, still wearing a grin on his face despite the pain he's feeling. "I can't believe that's the exact same lighthouse from 'Jimmy's Jaunts'."

"I can't believe you're so excited about it."

He rolls his eyes. "What? 'Cause normally I'm such a miserable so-and-so?"

"No. No, that's not-"

"It's alright. I know what everyone in Abel thinks about me. Ever since I moved all those kids in, I've seen the way they act. Yesterday, Eugene and Jack went through the laundry room just so they wouldn't have to talk to me."

"Well, it's um," Sam stammers. "I mean, you did-with-with-with Runner Three, you did sort of beat him to death with a baseball bat."

I flinch at the mention of Simon, but no one else seems to notice. Jaime scoffs.

"He was alive when I left him. He probably ran off, didn't he?"

"Yeah... yeah, that's probably what happened."

No one believes that. No one. I don't... I can't. I can't allow myself to believe that. Simon's dead, as he should be.

I shake my head and keep going onward, ignoring the feeling of wet sand getting in my shoes as we wade in the shallow water.

"You gave someone a beating, Jaime?" Isabel asks with wide eyes.

"He tried to hurt one of my kids; He tried to hurt a lot of people." He jerks his head towards me. "He shot Five and she was supposed to be one of his close friends."

She nods. "Then you did the right thing. Now, come on. We're almost there."

I struggle to keep holding Jaime's weight, but Isabel helps me out. She's only about two inches taller than I am, but she does hold up more of his weight than I do. We keep hobbling, trying to keep ahead of the zombies. My hand itches to grab my pistol, but I don't. They're too far away as of right now, thankfully, and I can't waste any bullets.

"That's it," Sam encourages. "One last burst of speed and you're there."

Isabel and I keep helping Jaime limp over to the lighthouse door. Thankfully it's unlocked, but the loud creaking noise it makes when it opens isn't very assuring.

"Thanks, Izzy," Jaime says. "Wouldn't have made it without you."

"Feelin' the love on my end," I mutter, and he sends me a raised brow.

"Those windows are a bit big for my liking," Sam points out. "Not exactly zombie proof."

"They've got shutters," Isabel says, leaving Jaime's side and heading over to the windows. "I'll do the ones downstairs. Runner Five, can you do the ones upstairs?"

I nod, letting Jaime hop away from me and lean against one of the desks before heading upstairs. I can still hear them talking downstairs when I reach the second floor.

"Oh, my word! It's gotta be!" Jaime exclaims happily, and I smile as I reach out to close one of the shutters.

"It is," She answers. "This place belonged to Annie Monenefe, the creator of 'Jimmy's Jaunts'. She's the producer I was talking about."

I close the second shutter as Sam hums. "So this entire mission was a rouse to allow you to indulge in your obsessive love of a 1970's T.V. show? I mean, not that I don't sympathize, but you risked Five's life-Jaime's life."

I close the last shutter, before taking a look around, finding odd little props here and there, but no documentaries.

"The mission's real, Sam. She made that documentary and we need to hear it." I can hear the deadpan in her voice. "Five?"

"Yeah?" I yell back.

"See what you can find up there. Anything that looks like archive tapes, hard drives.... The mission is real. I volunteered when I heard just where this place was."

"I'm not seein' much up here besides props," I say, treading lightly around, looking around the desks and under some of these... interesting props. The large puppet.. thing-a-magig that looks like a large squirrel is creepy to say the least.

But then I see something simply lying in the corner. It's hidden in the shadows, but I slink toward it, reaching down to pick up what I now see is a hard drive, and just beside it, under a dusty wooden chair, is a tape.

I grin, grabbing it as well before rushing downstairs, holding up the hard drive with glee. Jaime is looking at all the different props in awe, not even noticing me stomping down the stairs.

"Guys, look," I say, gaining their attention. Isabel smiles at the sight.

"Looks like you found the motherload." She marches over to me and snatches the tape out of my hands. "Yes! It says Comansys."

"That's great!" Sam exclaims. "Now you need to get out of here as quick as you can."

"But all this other stuff." Jaime frowns. "Elizabeth's teleport bracelet."

"We'll send someone back for it. The zombies from the sand dunes have reached the jetty. If you don't get out of here, right now, you'll be cut off."

•

"Okay, guys, looks like you're clear. How's your ankle, Jaime?" Sam asks.

"I'll live," He answers. "But, man, all that stuff in the lighthouse... We're goin' back for that later. Can't believe you picked me for this one, Izzy. Imagine if you had Runner Fourteen. He wouldn't have appreciated this at all."

"Yeah. Runner Fourteen's never been what you call a laugh riot. Evan used to say he was mission oriented. Amelia loves him."

"Too many people are like that," Isabel hums. "The apocalypse has taken away so much from us. I'd hate it to steal this too."

"What? Our obsessive love for camp old kids T.V. shows?"

"Yes, and the 10,000 other stupid, meaningless things that make up the fabric of our lives. The big stuff's easy to hold onto, but honestly, I think it's the trivial things that we'll really come to miss."

"That's what Elizabeth said, innit?" Jaime asks with a small smile. "Only people with little hearts say little things."

She nods. "That's exactly right."

"Archie used to say that too. She thought that... 'You've got to enjoy the little stuff,' She said. 'The important stuff, 'cause the big stuff will come and get you by itself.' She was really clever, and really silly too-both. She was a bit like Lizzy-always faced up to stuff, never let fear get in her way."

Isabel looks around nervously, and I notice her fingers fiddling with the end of her shirt. "Jaime, it wasn't a complete coincidence I asked for you to accompany me on this mission."

He raises a brow. "What? You knew I liked 'Jimmy's Jaunts'?"

"No, that was a coincidence, but... the Ministry of Recovery set another task for me-another lost thing they wanted recovered. You see, you've got Roufflenet here, haven't you? Did you ever hear about the Blood Bath of Balmoral?"

"The story that the Queen got bitten and no one shot her 'cause they thought it might be treason?" Sam asks. "And because of it the whole Royal Family ended up going gray? I thought that was a myth."

She sighs. "Entirely true, unfortunately... But not every member of the Royal Family was turned. We knew of one estranged cousin."

My jaw drops, and I glance up at Jaime, who looks absolutely petrified at what she is insinuating.

"No. No. Tell me you're joking."

"I'm not," She answers curtly. "This terrible apocalypse has taken so much from us. It's robbed us of so many people that... you, Jaime Skeet, are the legal King Of England."

A/N: Well, that was unexpected, wasn't it? Anyway, I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. Please remember to vote and comment. Thank you and have a blessed day!