The Reluctant Wife: Chapter 35

Touché, Princess. I don’t blame her for using this opportunity to find out the parts I would not have willingly shared with her otherwise.

I turn away, needing to retreat into that part of myself deep inside where I can shield myself from the hurt in recounting what happened.

‘You already know that Jane was pregnant when her platoon was taken out.’

She nods, then sets her glass aside without touching the drink.

I draw in a breath, then steel myself. Best to rip off the Band-Aid and lay it all out there; there’s no easy way to say it.

‘The child wasn’t mine. It couldn’t have been because we hadn’t slept together in over a year. We’d been having trouble with our marriage.’

‘What?’ She presses her knuckles into her mouth. ‘The child was⁠—’

‘Likely, the father was her platoon captain. It emerged later that they’d been having an affair.’

She pales. ‘I’m so sorry. You must have felt so betrayed by her. Add to that, I didn’t tell you about my engagement. That must have made you feel duped all over again.”

I roll my shoulders. She’s right. And yet, hearing the anguish in her voice, that tightness in my chest which I’ve been carrying around since that tosser of her now ex-fiancé turned up, eases.

“It’s true, I was pissed off, but now that I’m thinking about it calmly, I realize you were under no obligation to tell me about your engagement. Not when I’d made it clear I couldn’t have a relationship of any kind with you. It’s not like we’d made any promises to each other before we slept together.”

Unfortunately, it’s not as easy to forget what Jane did to me. Time, they say, heals, but my guilt around Jane’s death continues to eat away at me.

As if she’s read my mind, she rises to her feet and walks over to stand next to me. ‘What happened with Jane wasn’t your fault. You can’t hold yourself responsible for her death, Ryot.’

‘If only that were true.’ I move away because being that close to her, smelling her scent, and feeling the heat of her body is doing crazy things to my libido, clouding my mind, and turning my brain to mush. And I need my wits about me to complete this sorry story of my past. ‘You don’t know what you’re saying.’ I begin to pace.

‘Then, explain it to me,’ she says in a soft voice.

I sense the empathy in her tone, and that makes me angry. I don’t deserve her understanding. Not when I know I’m to blame for what happened. ‘When we first met, I thought the chemistry between Jane and me was explosive.’

She winces, visibly enough that I notice.

“I know, now, it’s nothing compared to this attraction between you and me,” I murmur.

She shakes her head. ‘This is not about me. Please continue.’

I blow out a breath. It is about her. It’s very much about her. But I don’t say that aloud. ‘In retrospect, I put it down to the fact that we met on tour. Fighting for a cause, confronting your enemies, and going to sleep not knowing if you’ll live to see another day, can have an unusual effect on people.’

She stays quiet, letting me speak.

‘When we returned from the first mission we served on together, both of us thought we’d found someone we might want to spend our life with. We thought we had so much in common. Especially our responsibility to the Marines and to our country. We were married within three months of meeting.’

‘That is quick.’

Not as quickly as us discussing getting hitched within weeks of meeting, but I hold that comment back too. ‘We got married at City Hall between deployments, and it was all fine. Until we returned and set up house and found we couldn’t get along.’ I laugh. ‘Both of us signed up on the next tour. We ended up meeting again while in service, this time on a peace-keeping tour in Cyprus. The sparks flew again. We thought we were over the worst. But when we returned and tried to function as a couple without the stress of war, it turned out, we weren’t compatible.’

Understanding flits across her features. ‘It only worked when your relationship was under the kind of pressure that life and death situations imposed on it?’

‘Seemed like it.’ I hesitate.

She regards me closely. ‘There’s more, isn’t there?’

Yep, my woman’s smart. She read between my words and sensed I’m not telling her everything. I walk over to the bar, pour myself another finger of whiskey, and take a healthy swig.

‘Did it have to do with…your, uh… Need to be in control?’ She approaches me and comes to a stop next to me.

I laugh, the sound bitter. ‘If by that you mean, my need to be dominant, then yes.’

She flushes a little. I glance at her face to find her pupils dilated. And when she squeezes her thighs together, I realize she welcomes the prospect. The fact that she enjoyed being spanked and orgasmed so quickly is also a giveaway. But that we’re able to talk about it openly is an unexpected bonus.

I toss back the whiskey in my tumbler and place it on the counter. ‘Jane wasn’t into the power exchange part of our relationship. She said she took enough orders at work and didn’t want to do that at home, too.’ I’d known it and disregarded it.

I tried to fit myself into a box for her and look how that had turned out. It’s one more reason I need to be upfront with Aura about it. Best to not go into this relationship—even if I am presenting it as one of convenience—without being open about my expectations.

‘Right,’ she says in a low voice.

I return to stand in front of her. ‘I take it you don’t feel that way?’ Now seems the right time to ask about it, given we opened the doors to this conversation.

She shakes her head.

A tendril of hair is stuck to her cheek, and I reach down and tuck it behind her ear. An electric current runs up my arm at the contact. A corresponding shiver grips her.

‘It’s been more than two years since her platoon was taken out. And when I received her personal effects, there was a picture of a sonogram, and correspondence with her gynecologist that showed that she was pregnant.’

‘I’m so sorry.’ This time, when she reaches for my hand, I don’t shake it off. She twines her fingers with mine.

‘The worst thing is, I didn’t feel anything when I got the news. No grief. No regret. Just relief that we wouldn’t have to pretend to be married when I returned from my mission.’ I crack my neck, knowing I’ve never made myself this vulnerable before to anyone else.

‘Before she left on that last mission, we had a big fight. One which ended with her signing up for that tour, despite the fact that she’d just gotten home. It was one of the few times we happened to be home at the same time. And what a disaster that was.’

I squeeze the bridge of my nose.

‘You can argue, she might have signed up for that operation anyway, but the fact is, our argument tipped her over. It also caused me to pull out of my next mission ’cause I didn’t want to risk running into her while on duty.’

I half laugh.

‘So, I lived, and she didn’t. And logically, it doesn’t mean I’m responsible for what happened, but tell that to my sense of fair play.’

‘It’s understandable.’ She leans toward me. Her scent intensifies—richer, sweeter, deeper—and it goes to my head.

‘You can see why I wasn’t rushing to get married again.” I roll my shoulders. “That is, until I met you and wanted to make you mine.”

She bites the inside of her cheek, as if my being open with her about my feelings makes her uncomfortable. Her next words confirm it to me, “But this would be a marriage of convenience. It means you don’t need to have feelings involved.” She peers at me from under her eyelashes.

“Maybe I don’t need to, but I do have feelings for you,” I point out.

She releases my hand. Her brow furrows, a crease forming at the bridge of her nose.

Apparently, she doesn’t believe me. I firm my lips.

Seems my insistence on not crossing the professional line between us has left her unable to understand how much I want her.

There have been too many instances these past few weeks when I thought I’d lost her. I can’t let that happen again. Once we’re married, I’ll win her over. I’ll use my charisma—and sexual prowess—to ensure she’s addicted to me. I’ll ensure she’ll never want to leave.

All I have to do is get her to say yes.

“It’s a good deal, Princess.” I infuse confidence into my voice. “You get to bail your country out of the problems it’s mired in. I satisfy my grandfather’s wish to see me married off and have the satisfaction of bringing the despots who’re after you to heel. Not to mention”—I allow myself a small smile—“the sex would be a bonus for both of us. It’s a win-win situation, all around. So, what do you say?”