Chapter 40

DIMITRI

When Blake realizes I need more information, he swallows. “I…uh…I was leaving.”

“For?”

“Ontario.”

His response sends a chill through my veins.

He avoids eye contact, looking at the floor, and the strong emotions I saw in him this morning have left him completely. He looks calmer and more mature, and I struggle to get used to this new side of him.

“You’re flying out of the country, and you didn’t think to inform me?” I ask, exchanging a glance with Anya, who is just as puzzled. “Why are you leaving? When will you be back?”

“It was a”—Blake catches Anya’s gaze, looking at her for way too long, and Anya turns a shade paler—“~spontaneous~ decision.”

A thousand emotions cross Anya’s features, none that I understand. She keeps her eyes locked on Blake.

“What happened?” I nudge her with my elbow.

She jerks out of whatever thought she was stuck in and looks at me. “Nothing.” The soft smile that accompanies her reply is dishonest, and it twists my stomach with an ugly feeling.

~Did Blake do something to her? Did he threaten her?~

I turn my attention to my son, whose bag is a reminder of the news he just shared. “Why are you leaving? Why Ontario?”

“One of my friends lives there. He found a job for me.”

I am close to having a heart attack with the speed at which he is announcing stuff. “You can’t go. You’ve never been out of the country alone, and you’re not in a condition to be alone.”

He is aware that I am referring to his mental well-being. It is not a recent development; he has been exhibiting more noticeable behavior changes lately, becoming easily triggered.

“I won’t be alone. I’ll have my friends there.”

“I don’t trust your choice of friends.”

Blake stares at me before smiling a little. “Hey, Dad? Can we backtrack a bit?” he asks. “I’m an adult, in case you’re forgetting. I can go out of the country without informing you.”

My walls crack a little; the truth in his words is not something I am ready to accept yet. “But why?” I persist, hoping he will change his mind. He won’t survive out there alone. He will drown.

“’Cause I need space, Dad. I just…need to sort things out here.” He taps a finger on his temple, and my doubts prove to be true. His mind is spiraling out of control.

He is crazy if he thinks I would allow him to leave me like this. Every time he goes far, he comes back, and I have to clean his messes. But this time, I don’t want him to make a mess of himself, not after everything that just went down.

“You can’t go. What about college? Did you just quit everything? You quit football?”

“My grades have slipped. I ain’t qualifying for finals,” he says. “There’s no stopping me. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have listened to Miss Winslow. I…I didn’t know she had ulterior motives.”

“Blake—”

“Dad, I’m not good with speaking truths when I’m not drunk, but there’s something you should know.” He works his jaw, scratching his thumb along his forehead as once again he fails to meet my gaze. “I love you. You don’t mean less to me than Mom. You never did.

“You’re just too controlling at times, and I got something from that. I’m messed up, but you never gave up on me.” He finally manages to look at me, his eyes gentle behind the curtain of emotions clouding his features. “I’m sorry I couldn’t do the same.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

He juts his chin to point at Anya. “You deserve to be with her. She’s perfect for you.” Anya blushes at his words, stepping behind me. “And Anya, I’m sorry that I couldn’t be a better boyfriend. I swear, I tried. There’s no excuse for what I did, but, I hope you’ll forgive me.”

“Blake, it’s okay,” Anya whispers. “I…I wronged you too.”

I am once again left in the dark as to what they are talking about. Is it mine and Anya’s relationship? But it started after their breakup; it shouldn’t have anything to do with Blake.

“You didn’t. I deserved what you did.” Blake glances at his watch. “Anyways, my flight is leaving soon. I should go.”

He walks past us, and I grab his arm to stop him. “Blake, don’t—”

My words are cut off abruptly when my son turns and for the first time in years engulfs me in a hug that reminds me of all his hugs from childhood. I go still, my heart thudding inside my chest as he tightens his grip.

“Take care, Dad,” he murmurs near my ear. “Just don’t get her pregnant, okay? I’m not ready for that yet.” He releases me just as quickly, nodding and going out the door.

For a while, a wave of shock holds me immobile—my legs appear to have been morphed to stone. When I can finally follow him, I step out just in time to see him head into the elevator.

“Blake!” I shout as the doors shut and his face disappears. Panic then replaces everything for me. I don’t realize how hard I am breathing until my ears grow hot and the hollow feeling in my chest grows. I spot Anya looking at me with a blank expression. “Anya—”

“You should go,” she says, halting my speech.

I furrow my brow at her, my ears ringing with my heartbeats. “What?”

“He needs you. That’s what he didn’t say,” she says softly. “He isn’t going anywhere. He’s waiting outside to see whether you’ll follow him or stay with me.”

“How do you know?”

“I know him better than you do, Dimitri.” The smile she gives me is the smallest, most hurtful one ever. “He wants his father, and I can see that his father can’t let him go either.”

“Anya?”

“You should go with him. I know we both mean the same to you, but I’d rather you leave with the crappy memories of a breakup than lose your son.”

My heart skips a beat as the suggestion of a breakup hangs heavy in the air. ~Weren’t we just thinking of a future together? Or was it just me?~ A threatening sense of loss engulfs me. The tips of my fingers itch to reach for her, but I am too frozen to move.

“Anya…”

Anya closes the distance between us with slow steps, her eyes filling with tears. She cups my face and rises on her toes, brushing a chaste kiss against my lips. “I love you, Dimitri.” She sobs between the words. “But I can survive without you. He can’t.

“You need to let him know that he’s worth living for, too. He’s your mirror. You need to pull him back before he drowns himself.”

I trace the look of her face, embedding it into my memory.

“You’ll choose him anyways, right?” she asks, her smile still warm on her lips.

My silence lingers, speaking for itself as Anya withdraws her hands from my face as though scorched.

She sighs. “You don’t have to feel guilty. He deserves you to choose him. You’re his last hope. Go and save him from whatever hell he is walking into.”

“Anya…I…I’m sorry,” I stammer out, collapsing on my knees before her. I release a strangled sob, bowing at her feet.

She drops down to me, touching two fingers to my lips. “Hush. I’ll be okay,” she rasps, her voice strained. “I’ll be right here. If you ever choose to return.”

“Forgive me, please.”

She places a kiss on my forehead, closing her eyes and inhaling. We stay like that—like a picture frozen in time—before she parts with a deep breath, rising to her feet.

“Goodbye, Dimitri,” she says. “I hope we meet again someday—probably when we’re a bit less broken.”

Then, she is gone.