9. Echo

"What?"

My voice came out in a whisper, the shock of his words rendering me almost speechless.

Liam's eyes seemed to have widened after I spoke up.

"I'm sorry that kind of just came out. It wasn't meant to come out like. Shit, Liam. You idiot," he cursed at himself.

I watched as he ran his hands through his hair and I just couldn't keep my eyes off of him.

I so desperately wanted and waited for him to tell me this was some kind of joke, a really cruel joke...but he doesn't.

"I'm confused," I muttered, my voice still barely audible.

Liam then sighed and looked at me. "Rena, the new girl you were with in Calc, Julie, I like her. I saw her and I don't know what happened, I just really can't stop thinking about her. The whole day I tried and I can't..."

"You like..."

Please don't say it.

"Julie. Yes," he nodded.

I didn't know what to say, but Liam carried on talking. "Rena, I've been such a dick to you and we live right next to each other and I haven't spoken to you. But please, Rena, I'm being honest. I like her."

He then took my hands within his hold, resting both of our joined hands on my my lap.

"You and I. That's what I said and I stand by it. You were my friend and you will always be. I haven't acted like you were, but you are. Rena, you're my friend and I don't care if people know that. I'll shout it from the rooftops if you want me to," he said.

Not once did Liam lose eye contact with me. No, he held me locked in this gaze. Meanwhile, I searched his face, his eyes, still waiting for this not be true.

"Friend..." I reiterate.

I thought that I wouldn't mind that before, but now, it leave a bitter taste in my mouth just saying the word.

As soon as I spoke, Liam raised one of his hands and cupped my face.

"Yes, friend. My friend. My first friend that I made here. What you think about me matters. You're the only one I can come to help me with Julie, but I want you to know that what I'm feeling is genuine, I'm not gonna use her. I want to be with her. I need you to help me, Rena. Please," Liam pleads his case.

I didn't even know what I was meant to say at this point...to anything he said.

"I..." I began to say, and he squeezes my hand.

"I know I'm a prick. I talk to you after so long and already I ask you to help me. But you're the only one, Rena," he said.

But I'm not.

I can't look away from his eyes.

"Julie," I said her name in a whisper.

It's finally registering that this isn't a joke. Maybe a cruel joke fate is playing with me, but he isn't joking. No, he's serious.

"I know it's weird. I've only just looked at the girl and I'm talking as if I've fallen for her, but I feel like I have. She looks like an angel, and there's just something about her, I can't explain it," he rambled on and then looked at me once again. "Will you help me, Rena?" He asked.

This is too much.

"I need you to leave," I tell him, my voice sounding so soft, even to me.

"What?" Liam looked at me confused.

I then cleared my throat. "Please, leave." I ask once again.

"Rena, I..." he began to say, but I can't let him continue. Not now.

"I really need you to leave right now," I told him, my voice becoming more stern.

Brushing off his hand from my, I got up from my seat.

"Rena, please listen..." Liam started once more.

He got up off the floor at the same time as I stood up, and then tried to reach for my hand, but I snatched it back and turned to face him.

"No, Liam, you listen. We haven't spoken properly in forever. You left me when you found new friends. You acted as if you didn't even know me anymore, and never even acknowledged me in class. I don't even get a simple 'hi' when you walk past me. Suddenly, as if you've had some kind of epiphany, you want to make things right between us, and say things, I'm not even sure you mean. You were right, you're a dick. You like, Julie? Okay, fine. Then go confess your feelings to her. Using me like this is sick and you know it. If you don't, then I honestly don't know what's wrong with you," I rant, ending up slightly breathless.

Liam looked shocked at my outburst.

I've never really spoken to him like this, never having a reason to before. But I'm not going to be timid right now either.

"I'm sorry, Rena." Liam began to apologise , but I held up my hand before he could continue and instead walked towards the door.

"No, Liam. No more. Please, leave," I asked, my voice beginning to crack.

I just needed to hold on a little more longer, just until he leaves.

Opening the door, I faced the outside and waited for Liam to leave, basically leaving him no choice.

Liam walked towards me, but I refused to look at him.

"Okay, I'll leave," he then said, his voice sounding low. "But I truly am sorry, Rena. What I said before, I was being honest. You mean something to me and I do care about you. I know I haven't shown you that explicitly, but I really do care. Please trust me on that," he pleaded.

However, I can't take anymore of this.

"Leave." I told him once more, leaving no room for argument.

With that last word, Liam stepped out and I closed the door behind him.

***

After a few minutes, I am still standing at the door with my back resting against it. Liam's words were stuck in my brain, running like a broken record.

"I like Julie."

The more I think about the statement, the more I think I'm slowly losing control of my mind.

Sliding down onto the floor, I remind myself to breathe, but it doesn't seem to be working.

I feel like like I'm drowning. My head seems like it's under water and I can't seem to come up for air.

Do I even want to? Maybe just staying underwater is better. Staying afloat just seems to be more of a struggle, and I don't know if I even have the strength left in me anymore.

I feel a vibration in my back pocket pulling me out of my thoughts.

Taking my phone out, I see a message from my Mum.

Sorry, honey. Dad and I are going to be late today. I have things to finish at the office and Dad has a late shift. There's leftovers in the fridge. Please eat something for dinner. Love you xx

I stare at the screen, before finding the little bit of strength left within me and typing a quick reply.

Barely able to move, I shakily picked myself off the floor using the door for support to keep me upright.

Slowing moving, as if in a haze, I found myself walking up to my room.

With each step I take, I'm reminded of Liam's confession. Three words, that have seemed to shaken the ground beneath me.

I like Julie.

Finally making it to my room, I closed the door. Once again, slipping down onto the floor beside my bed, I just stared at the wall.

Numb.

I don't even feel anything. Why? Why am I not feeling anything? Not even a tear?

I can tell my mind is screaming at me, that I should feel something. Sad, lost, angry, devastated, or at the very least, hurt. But nothing. A moment ago I was feeling everything, a mix of emotions and now...

What's wrong with me?

"What's wrong with me?" I said it in a whisper.

That's when I felt the warmth of the first tear run down my face.

I wiped the tear away furiously. I refuse to cry over some boy, that's not me. I won't do it. But doing that, only seems to make it worse.

"Stop. Stop. Stop it." I begged myself, carrying on to wipe away the tears that fall.

"You are not that weak, to cry over some boy," I told myself.

But he wasn't just any boy.

"No, Rena. Stop it. You're strong. Sure, you've had a crush on him for years, that may have developed into something more than a crush, but that's no reason to cry. Especially since..."

I like Julie.

"Shut up," I shout at the echo in my mind.

I like Julie.

"No. Stop." I covered my ears, hoping it doesn't continue, but doing this didn't stop it.

I like Julie.

"Shut up!"

Julie.

"Why!?" I shouted out loud, no longer being able to contain myself.

This only seems to bring another wave of tears.

I feel my heart breaking piece by piece, the pain is too much. I can't. I'm gasping for air, like I've been holding my breath for years but I still can't seem to breathe.

I don't want this anymore. I don't want the pain. Please, someone take it away. Please.

I was waiting for him to catch me but he just let me fall.

Turning myself around, I buried my head into the covers, gripping it as my knuckles turn white, like I'm clinging on for dear life.

Sitting on the floor of my room, I just cry.

This is what happens when you finally feel your heart shattering.

It makes you numb at first, unable to register anything, and then it brings pain, so much that you feel you can't cope with it anymore and then slowly, just when you think you're left with your last breath, you're left numb again.

There was no sound that day when my heart broke...but I still carry its echo with me.

***

Bit of a sad chapter.

At this point, Serena is 16. From experience, I think that things are so much more dramatic and feel like the end of the world, when it's really not.

I was so dramatic at that age, it was hilarious. So glad I've matured...kinda.