35. For Him

The summer had officially began. Day after day, we were having such great weather, the sun kept on shining so beautifully, with the days lasting longer than the nights. White cotton clouds were barely visible in the sky, instead there was a strong blue casted over, making everything seem so peaceful.

After that talk I had with Mum and realising just how much it meant to her to move away, I didn't have the heart to make her stay.

I wasn't going to be around that much for the next three years, since I'd be moving away for further studies. It wouldn't be completely uprooting my life if we were to move now.

It was clear that Mum needed to leave, more than I wanted to stay.

After I had told Mum that I was okay with moving, she looked almost grateful and thanked me, which just showed how much this meant to her. She had really meant it when she said that she was going to leave the decision up to me.

Once I had told Mum, my next worry was how to tell everyone else.

Over the last couple of weeks, I had tried to tell them, but every time that I thought it was the right time, I would chicken out. I would just change my mind and then felt like it was better to tell them after, but really that was me just ultimately delaying everything.

At the actual start of summer I had already sort brought everyone's celebrations to a halt, with the news of my Dad. I did't want to then be the bearer of more bad news.

I sort of already knew what everyone's reactions would be, but I still dreaded telling them.

But then again, we were all at this point of our lives where things were going to be changing anyway. With us all going to different places to study, we wouldn't be seeing each other as much as we were used to, my move was probably going to emphasis that.

Well, not for all of us. Sara and I were going to be attending the same university, along with Chris. So, I would still have them with me.

One of the biggest changes would probably be not living next door to Liam. I was really not looking forward to telling him. He'd just always been my neighbour, even thinking about living next door to someone else would just be weird.

Yeah, none of this was going to be easy.

***

Despite knowing I had other priorities - such as telling my friends about the move and packing - I chose to ignore all of them and instead enjoy myself a little.

It'd had been a while since I had gone out to eat, I though it would be nice to grab a bite and maybe have a picnic.

I hadn't had a chance to catch up with Julie, not since she came over to my house with a care package for Dad. It was the sweetest thing ever and my Dad loved that a lot of it was treats that he wasn't allowed in hospital. I thought it would be nice to surprise her and chill with her today.

Ringing the bell, I waited for someone to open the door, hoping that Julie was at home.

A few seconds later and Julie's Mum opened the door.

"Hello, Serena," she greeted me.

"Hi, Mrs Morris. Is Julie in? I thought we could go for lunch?" I said.

She smiled. "Oh, you're the sweetest. Come on in. She'll be in her room."

"Thank you," I replied and headed inside.

I walked up the stairs and straight to her room. When I knocked and heard a faint 'come in' I opened the door.

"Hey, Julie." I greeted her. "Do you...Have you been crying?" I faltered in my words seeing the saddened expression on her face.

She immediately shook her head.

My headed tilted towards the side, as I raised a brow at her.

"Oh, you have some other kind of condition where your eyes, nose and cheek redden and streaks of tears appear on your face?" I asked.

Again, she shook her head.

I sighed and took a seat on her bed, opposite her.

"What's wrong?" I asked her.

She looked at me for a second, before it looked like her eyes were welling up with tears once again, and then she bowed her head down.

"I broke up with Liam," she said.

I nodded at her words. "Oh, well that's-..." I began to say, until I had to do a double-take. "You what?" I questioned.

Julie glanced up at me. "I broke-"

"No, no, I heard," I said, to stop her from repeating the words. "I'm just incredibly confused on why you'd do that. The last I knew, you loved him."

My mind was still at the stage of processing her words, to be honest. I couldn't quite understand or believe what she was saying.

"I do," Julie replied, sniffing slightly.

"Then?" I asked.

She wiped her cheeks, the faint traces of tears still there and more threatening to trail down.

"It's for the best," she told me.

Julie sounded like she was forcing herself to accept those words.

"For who exactly? You look miserable right now and I doubt Liam's in a cheery mood," I responded.

I hadn't spoke to Liam since yesterday afternoon, but at that time he was laughing and smiling, so I could only guess that this break up must've have happened last night.

"Long distance relationships don't last. You know that. Holden and you broke up because of that as well," Julie said.

This caused me to frown.

"Julie, please don't tell me you're making your decision based on my relationship?" I asked her.

When she didn't respond and just bowed her head slightly, that immediately gave me my answer.

"Julie," I sighed, shaking my head.

"Didn't you break up because of long distance too?" She looked at me, her eyes a little red now.

"It's not the same," I told her.

Our situations may seem similar, but they weren't the same. If anything, they were quite different.

Julie shook her head, using the back of her hand to wipe away a tear or two, that had managed to escape past the barrier in which they were held.

"It'll pain more to break up later," she stated. "At least if I do it now, he can find someone else when he goes away too. I won't be holding him back," she said.

It seemed like she'd had this debate already, probably with herself, and this was what she had possibly been saying to herself to rationalise this.

"Is this really what you want?" I asked.

My question looked like it caught her off guard, the facade that she was trying to keep up with, because she seemed to have frozen.

"I don't know," Julie whispered.

"Long distance was a factor in my breakup with Holden, but that wasn't solely the reason," I told her.

She didn't say anything, but just looked at me to continue.

"Julie, Holden wasn't going to be coming back here. It wasn't going to be the case where after term time, we'd all come back here for the holidays. He was going to still be in Chicago. I also know that Holden wanted to study abroad. He wasn't going to stay," I said.

My hand unconsciously went towards my neck, but then instantly remembered that I stopped wearing that 's' pendant.

"I didn't know that. I'm sorry," Julie said but I smiled at her.

"Yes, there is the chance that if we really wanted it, we could've made it work. But Holden and I had this conversation. We knew the strain it would put on each other, not to mention it could break the bank. He want me to go through it either and if I could let him do it either," I said, remembering how awful that talk was.

"Before he told me he was leaving, I told him I felt like I was falling for him. It wasn't that I was madly in love with him, but I knew I could really be with him. But then this happened. It didn't change my feelings, but I also couldn't help but think about in all of this if we stayed together, the travelling, the time zones, the money, the other people in our lives. It would be taking time out of all of that," I told her.

We both has really thought about this and Holden and I sort of made this mutual decision. We hated it, but knew that it would probably hurt less.

I understood what Julie meant, in that she didn't want to hold Liam back and that breaking up now would pain less, since essentially that's what Holden and I had done too. But there were a lot more things in play for us.

"This is totally up to you and I'm really not trying to sway you or anything but I felt you should know my side of the breakup, especially if you're solely basing your decision on how my relationship went. However, if you've truly thought about this, it's what you want and you've made your decision, then that's fair," I said.

I had no place to tell her what to do and I wouldn't but I was her friend and I wanted to just make sure that she was okay with the decision she had made.

"What if it just hurts more later?" Julie asked.

I smiled. "Then you call me, I'll bring over the ice cream and we'll eat through our feelings."

A small laugh escaped and she finally looked a little more happier than when I first walked into the room.

"Thank you, Rena." She said.

"You're welcome," I grinned. "Now, wipe those tears away."

Julie looked at me for a second, before she moved forward and hugged me tightly. I laughed and just hugged her back, assuming she was just feeling a ray of emotions right now.

"What was that for?" I asked when she pulled away.

Julie smiled. "For being you."

"No more crying now," I playfully glared at her. "We'll go for lunch tomorrow, yeah?"

She smiled and nodded. "Yes."

***

After making sure she was okay, I left Julie's place. I thought to just go home and eat, only to receive a call on my way.

I saw that it was Emma calling me, which was a surprise.

"Hi, Emma," I greeted.

"Hi, Rena. Darling, are you busy?" She asked.

"Not at all. I'm actually on my way back home," I told her, after which I heard a little relived-sounding sigh.

"I'm so sorry to bother you, dear. But you wouldn't happen to know what's wrong with Liam? He seems upset and refuses to talk to or eat anything. It's been like this since last night. I even heard some yelling," Emma told me.

I almost wanted to laugh - not in a mean way, but because I knew exactly what was wrong with him.

"I'll be right over, Emma," I told her.

"Oh, thank you. You're a dear," she said and I could hear the relief in her voice. She was clearly concerned, which made sense.

As soon as we ended the call, I couldn't help but let out a small laugh that just bubbled out of me.

I just shook my head at the amusing situation and continued with my walk back.

It didn't take too long to get to Liam's and as soon as I knocked on the door, Emma opened it, as if she were waiting by the door.

"Rena," she greeted me with a hug.

I smiled and hugged her back. "Hi, Emma," I greeted her, before pulling away from the hug.

"Rena, I just don't know what's wrong with him. He got a phone call last night and then just seemed to be shouting and yelling. He threw stuff around. I've been in his room and it doesn't look great. I've tried talking to him, but he won't say anything, he's been in there and he won't come out, not even to eat. Could you please try talking to him?" She then says quickly, without taking a breath.

"Don't worry, Emma. I've got this," I smiled. This wasn't going to be hard at all - since I knew the problem already.

Emma hugged me once more, thanking me, before she let go.

I made my way up to Liam's room and knocked on the door. My plan was just to smack him upside the head and tell her to go and convince her, but maybe I could tease him a little instead?

After knocking once, I got no response, so I knocked again. "Liam? You in there?"

I couldn't hear him response, but heard the sound of something falling. I assumed he was alive in here, so instead of knocking again, I opened the door - luckily it was unlocked.

As I walked into the room, I could see him lying face down on the bed, his faced buried into his pillow.

"Liam?" I said.

"Go away," I heard his voice. Well, at least I know he's not sleeping.

"I would, but I was called over to check on you, because you're being very anti-social right now and it's quite rude," I said.

I walked into the room further and pulled the curtains open, letting in the much needed light. I even opened the windows, since it felt a bit stuffy.

"Serena, I'm not in the mood," Liam said, his voice slightly groggy, shifting his body and but still not looking at me.

"Wow, you used my proper name. This can't be good," I said rather dramatically.

"It's not," he replied.

"I'm not going to be talking to your back, Liam. Get up," I said.

When he didn't move an inch, I decided to take a more drastic approach and took one of the pillows next to him and began to smack him.

"Ow, ow, ow, stop. Rena, stop it," Liam winced and tried to deflect my hits, before grabbing the pillow out of my hands.

Thankfully my grip on the pillow was loose enough that I didn't fall on him, when he took it away.

"See? Now you're up," I grinned.

"You're not funny," Liam scowled at me, before running his hadn't through his messy bed hair.

I then took a seat on the bed next to him, noticing the look on his face. He looked in pain, the dark circled around his eyes and the overall saddened expression.

"Julie broke up with me," he then said.

I was surprised, not at his words, since I knew that, but because I didn't have to pry it out of him.

I didn't utter a word, but instead let him do the talking.

"She texted me last night, saying we needed to talking. I didn't think that was good, since those words ever lead to something nice. I called her immediately. She told me, we'll talk about it the next day, but I kept pushing. She said she wanted to break up."

As he said the word, Liam looked like he was in pain. I'll be honest, I've never actually seen a guy's side of a break up. This was actually quite side.

"I thought she was joking, but she was serious. She said it was the distance," he said and let out a chuckle, but not one in amusement. "Since we're both going away to different colleges, she doesn't think a long-distance relationship is something we can do, or rather something she can do."

When he looked at me, I could see he was hurting. "She didn't even ask me what I wanted. She was going on about how relationships don't last long distance, it'll probably end up in heartache and that she was saving us both the pain by ending it now."

"What do you want, Liam?" I asked him.

He closed his eyes. "I don't want to break up."

"Then don't," I said.

He glanced at me as if I had lost my mind. "You don't think I tried to tell her that?"

"Well then, try harder," I told him. "Try to think about it from her perspective, Liam. She's afraid of what the distance might do to you guys. She'd allowed to be worried about this, because it's her relationship too."

Liam shook his head. "I'd never hurt her."

"It's not about that. Besides, sometimes hurt can be caused unintentionally," I said, giving him a sad smile.

When he didn't say anything, I was a little concerned, until I was abruptly pulled into a hug.

He rested his head in the crook of my neck, where it would meet the shoulder. His breaths leaving goosebumps on my skin. His arms were wrapped tightly around me and winding itself around my waist.

I felt like I was a teddy bear, providing that comfort and security, for when you're afraid and need something to hold on to.

Wrapped my arms around him, I gently hugged him back, resting my chin on this shoulder.

"If you want her, you have to tell her. Unfortunately the reality we live in, you can never be with someone if you don't say it. So, don't just let it be. Don't hold it in. Don't wait for later. If you want to be with her, you have to let her know," I told him, closing my eyes.

These were words that made so much sense now, but something that didn't occur to me before. I waited for later and...well, I'm in the arms of the guy I had deep feelings for, telling him to fight for the one he loves.

Leaving everything till later, it doesn't always work out.

"Thank you, Serena," he mumbled.

"You're welcome, Liam," I smiled.

***

"Why'd you do that? She was leaving, Rena," Danny said, as we ate burgers, sitting on the hood of his car.

I was quite hungry after Liam's, since I still didn't have lunch. So, I called Danny. He already knew pretty much everyone about my situation, so I told him about my day today. He thought I was an idiot - no surprise there.

I let out a snort at his words. "And you wanted me to what? Pack her bags and put her on a flight?"

Danny shook his head. "No, but-"

"I'm her friend too, Danny." I sighed. "I'm going to give her the advice I'd give to you or Sara."

Whether or not I had feelings for Liam, I wasn't going to treat Julie differently because of it. I did slightly, at the start, but that wasn't right. But now, it's been a few years and I found an amazing friend in her.

"You stopped her, for him," Danny stated and I looked at him with a frown. "As much as you want to tell me otherwise, this was the truth of it."

"Okay, so maybe it wasn't completely as a friend, but my intentions were still good," I replied.

When Danny shook his head again, I could tell he didn't think I did the right thing.

"Say if I did push her towards leaving, then what?" I asked him, before taking a bite of my burger.

"Then..." Danny hesitated for a second. "Then she leaves, Liam's hurt for a bit, but that's when you tell him how you feel."

"Felt," I corrected him.

Danny let out a snort. "Bullshit," he said. "You still have feelings for him."

I opened my mouth to reply, Danny glared at me as if warning me to deny it, to which I could only let out a sigh.

"Those are just because he was the first guy I ever liked. I always used to think I'd be with him, but that's not going to happen. I've accepted that," I told him.

There was a time that I thought that I was in love with Liam but now...I don't know. It's not like nothing is there, but it's not as intense. Maybe it's because I know he's ever going to be mine and I've just accepted that.

"You're insane," Danny said.

"If I told him how I felt after Julie left, he'd hate me. He'd think I'm the worst, I'd think I'm the worst, not to mention I'd be betraying Julie," I told him.

I could never and didn't ever want to be that person. I felt horrible having feelings for Liam, whilst he was with Julie. But to go after him now, it wouldn't be right. If I said anything now, I'd lost both my friends and cause so much hurt.

"He could fall for you," Danny told me.

I looked at him and smiled. "Or he might like me, but not enough."

I think that was one of the things I feared most.

Danny let out a breath, shaking his head. "I don't get you."

"What am I meant to do, Danny? Hate Julie for being nice?" I asked.

"You could hate her a little," he chuckled and I couldn't help but join in, when he pinched his index finger and thumb together, leaving a slight gap in between. "Why couldn't you just like a 'bad boy' and be cliche?"

I scoffed in return. "Would you even be okay if I dated a 'badboy'?" I raised a brow at hm and Danny's face scrunched up, knowing he hated that idea. "Besides, the label has the word bad in it. I don't want someone like that. Liam's not a bad person, he just gets it wrong sometimes."

"If only you'd told him, Rena," Danny smiled sadly, turning away from me and looked out at the view of the park.

I smiled and leaned my head on his shoulder. "It doesn't matter now."

Some things just weren't meant to be.