11. Okay

The next morning I woke up, I felt like I was broken.

As if I was one of those porcelain dolls, that had been shattered, then put back together, but wasn't quite the same.

At some point in the night, I finally ran out of tears and got into bed before my parents made it home, covering my face with the blanket. I couldn't let my parents see me like this, this wasn't the girl they raised.

I was stronger than this.

Putting on some skinny jeans and a simple hoodie, I got ready for school. Tying up my curly hair, since I don't have it in me to stress over hair today.

Making my way downstairs and then into the kitchen, I saw Mum already there by the counter.

"Morning, honey. Breakfast?" Mum asked with her usual smile.

I then tried to force a smile on my face and nodded, since I don't want her to worry over me. Mum just has a way of knowing if something was wrong with me - she'd call it maternal instinct, but I'm pretty sure I had some kind of tell.

I grabbed my breakfast and sat at the counter next to my Dad, whilst smiled at me too.

"Rena, I noticed the leftovers weren't touched in the fridge yesterday. You didn't sleep on an empty stomach did you?" Mum asked with a frown.

I shook my head. "I bought something on the way home from school and ate that. I was too full to eat leftovers as well. I went to bed early too, didn't even notice when you guys came."

I felt bad lying to her, but after yesterday I lost my appetite and the ability to sleep. At least my lie would give my Mum some comfort.

"Okay, but next time please eat something proper, or at least order takeout," Dad then told me, before Mum could lecture me on the importance of eating proper meals.

I smiled at my Dad for the little save and he winked at me slyly.

***

I walked out and went towards my bike, not even glancing to check if Liam's car was there or not.

It's bad enough that I have to see him at school, I don't want to start the day with his face. I don't know if I'll be able to keep the control I have now - or resist the urge to punch him in the throat.

Suddenly, I heard a beep and I looked towards the source of the noise.

To my surprise, it's Danny.

He rolled down his window. "Get in cupcake," he yelled.

I smiled and left my bike, instead walking towards his car and getting in.

Danny would sometimes give me random lifts to school anyway, wasn't really a surprise. But usually he calls?

"Danny? Why are picking me up?" I questioned him as soon as I sat down.

I don't mean to sound unappreciative, but it's just that I'm confused.

"Have you even looked at your phone since last night?" He asked me, a frown on his face.

I carried on giving him a confused look, and then took my phone out of my bag. When I glanced at it, I winched.

15 missed calls. 5 voicemails. 20 messages.

I looked at Danny with a guilty expression, but his eyes were just staring at the road ahead.

I realised that after I messaged Mum last evening, I must not have even looked at my phone till now.

"Rena, I'm not gonna ask what's wrong, because I already know you well enough to know that you'll tell me it's nothing," he sighed.

I felt guilty, but he's not done just yet.

"You had me so worried. I usually message stupid things but you always reply, and then when I sent you a serious message, I still got nothing. After trying your phone multiple times, I called your home phone. Your Dad was not happy about me calling so late but told me you're sleeping. If it wasn't for that, I would've been at your doorstep," Danny told me and I wince inwardly at his words.

He finally turned to look at me and I have no words to say.

Instead, I shifted in my seat, moving to hug him instead. He wrapped his arms around me and breathed in deeply.

"Never do that again, Serena," he said and kissed the top of my head before letting me go, and I sat back on my seat.

"I'm sorry, Danny. Never again." I promised him with a smile, and that's all it took for him to smile.

With that, we're off to school.

***

I've spent all day basically avoiding Liam.

Julie has been by side, however, since she's still nw at this school and I did tell her that I was her friend. Which I am and I intend to keep that promise.

But it's not actually the easiest being around her though. She hasn't done anything wrong, but every time that I look at her, I think of Liam and his words, and it bugs me.

I've clearly been a little off today, since my friends have been questioning my silent behaviour, but luckily for me, Danny is there to change the topic.

He told me in the car he wouldn't ask me what's wrong but if he sees even a teardrop, I will have no choice but to tell him.

He really takes the brother role seriously and I could not be more thankful.

At the end of the day, after the my last class, I was walking down the hallway, when suddenly I feel a hand grip my wrist and pull me into an empty classroom.

What the hell?

I stumbled in to the classroom and then I heard the door close with a slam.

Frightened, I turned around and saw Liam standing in front of me with an apologetic look. Is he stupid?

"Liam? What the hell are you doing? Let me leave!" I yelled at him.

He can't just do this.

"No, Rena, please. I don't like how we left things and I want to resolve it," he said, and took a step forward as I took one back.

I shook my head at him. "There is nothing to resolve. We weren't exactly friends before, we aren't now. It's all the same as it was before yesterday. Nothing has changed as far as I'm concerned."

He looked at me as if I've slapped him. "No, Rena. It's not the same. We both know it, because if it were you wouldn't be avoiding me."

Well, I guess he's not that stupid.

"Why do you need to involve me? Just tell Julie you like her. I can't help you. I don't even know how I can help with you this," I tell him.

You can practically see the exasperation in my voice, it's just that noticeable.

"Please, Rena. I'm really sorry. I hope you don't hate me. I'm begging you. I will get on my knees if you want..." he said.

I saw him begin to bend down, and I quickly stopped him.

He must really like her.

"Liam, stop!" I shouted and he controlled himself, standing up straight quickly, but then he walked towards me.

He looked at me with an expression, I can only describe as desperate. "I really need your help," he pleaded.

"Why should I help you?" I questioned him.

If I'm even going to think about this, I needed a reason. A good reason. A fucking great reason.

"I know I haven't been there for you when you actually needed it, but that doesn't mean that I don't care," he said, as he lifted my hand from by my side, giving it squeeze.

I let out the scoff that I'm unable to suppress.

"Sure, okay." I told him, rolling my eyes.

"No, Rena, please." Liam said again, which I'm pretty sure were turning out to be his favourite words.

He gripped my hand a little tighter when I tried to remove my hand from his hold.

"I shut people up on the first day of high school, when they would make mean comments about your Dad being a police officer," Liam said, and I stood there stunned at his confession, but it doesn't just stop there...

"When someone called you a snitch or your Dad a pig, and made you cry, I punched him. When I saw Amy being nasty to you, I called her out on it and told her to stop. When you felt uncomfortable with the way that guy was staring at you on that class trip, I came to stand next to you and glared at him till he stopped. When you stay back in the library, I stay back, so I know you'll get home safe and..."

He stopped to take a breath and then let my hand go, turning away from me.

Running his hand through his hair, I heard him take another deep breath, before turning back to me.

"I'm not saying these things just to throw it in your face, nor do I want you to think I was doing you some kind of favour and you have to pay me back. I just want you to know I care, I've always cared," he told me.

Speechless. That's what I am right now.

He did all those things without me knowing and I never knew.

I can't help but think how I had feelings for Liam and thought I knew everything there was to know about him, always knowing when he was around me, yet somehow I was so oblivious to all the things he did for me.

"You actually did those things?" I asked him.

A small part of me doesn't quite believe him, yet the honesty in his eyes is something I can no longer deny.

"Yes. And I would do it all again. You're my friend, Rena. You always were. I was just a coward who was scared to show it in front of his friends," I noticed the smile now on his face now.

"Was?" I asked him.

He nods at me. "Yes was, Rena. Not anymore," he said with a grin on his face.

That grin, I'm reminded of the boy who crashed his bike outside my house. The one who I spoiled my bead design for. The one thought my kiss on his knee worked like magic.

My Liam...but not really.

"So, now what?" I questioned him.

He sighed. "Now, I am hoping that you see the sincerity in my eyes and the honesty in my voice. I hope you know now that I do truly value you. I also hope that you understand that what I feel towards you and Julie is genuine."

I actually forgot about Julie in all of this.

The Liam in front of me isn't really mine. He never was. I've just kind of been forced to realise it now.

Mine was a fantasy I made up in my head, living in moments that only I held special in my heart. Only they weren't special moments, just occurrences, that wouldn't mean anything to another person. Or in my case, Liam.

"Say something?" Liam pleaded, when the silence between us went on.

Raising my head. I stared into his eyes.

They still give me this warm feeling when I look into them, and I realise whilst I may have feelings for him, he doesn't feel the same way.

He never had to feel the same way. Just because I felt something for him, it didn't mean he had to as well. He is his own person, with his own feelings. I can't really be mad at him for that.

Sure, I'll be miserable, but he doesn't deserve it. If happiness is something I can give him, I will.

"Okay," I then said.

"Okay?" Liam repeated, his eyebrows raised and shock plastered across his face and his tone of voice.

I nodded. "Yes, I will try to help you with Julie. Emphasis on the try. I'm not some kind of pro at playing cupid and my arrow may miss, so don't get your hopes up."

It's not everyday that I help the guy I like, to then be in a relationship with someone else.

"Thank you Rena. Truly," he said.

"It's no-" I began to say, but Liam cuts me off.

"Everyone needs a friend like you. How did I get so lucky? Who cares!? I promise, Rena, I won't ever let you down," he said, kissing my cheek and pulled me into a hug and I hugged him back.

"You're the best. I love you," he then said.

I froze at those words.

Finally realising that all these years, maybe it wasn't just a crush, or mere feelings...

Maybe, I'm in love with Liam