10. Apology

Liam

I have no idea where the rest of the day went. It was pretty much a whole blur after that Calc lesson.

The entire time, I just could not get my mind off of Julie. I didn't understand it or why she had this effect on me, but she is all I can think about.

Also, it really didn't help that my mates would not stop taking the piss out of me regarding her. It was apparently obvious that I was stunned seeing her and they would not let it go. Absolute pricks. All of them.

After school, I hung out with the guys for a bit, then headed home. Just as I got out my car and headed towards the front door, I heard that angelic voice again.

Turning around, to my surprise, I see Rena and Julie. They seem to be saying bye to each other, and I couldn't help but stare. I watched them,  as Julie left Rena's doorstep and headed to a car.

What the hell is wrong with me today? The entire day all I could think about is her, now that I see her, I just want to keep seeing her? This isn't normal.

Maybe if I spoke to her? But then again, she looked incredibly shy when Holden spoke to her. I'd probably just scare her if I said anything, or most likely embarrass myself.

But I really want to talk to her. Maybe the only to do that without scaring her is...

No. I can't. I shouldn't.

This is probably the most stupid and selfish thing I'm about to do, but I'll try and make up for it as much as I can, but I just have to...

I looked over the face and saw Rena standing there, she looked ready to go back into her house.

And just like that, the words left my mouth.

"Hey Neighbour."

As soon as I spoke up, I saw Rena halt in her movements. She looked a little frozen, maybe she didn't hear me or didn't want to hear me.

Of course, she wouldn't want to hear from me, she's probably forgotten about me and my voice.

"Um, Rena?" I called out her name again a little hesitantly.

I really hope that won't yell at me. I mean our parents are friends and we're usually civil, but I bet she's thinking it's a little suspicious that I'm the one who is calling her.

Finally, I saw her turn her head a little and look my way.

"Um, hi?" She said with a little confusion. Her words sounded more like a question, rather than her greeting me.

'Why the hell would she greet you, idiot?' My mind chided me. I haven't actually been a lot for her recently, other than a neighbour.

At least she spoke though. That's something. More than I thought I was going to get to be honest.

"Are you doing anything right now?" I asked her, hoping that I could possibly talk to her now.

I know that I'm being a dick. I'm only being brave enough now to talk to her now, because of another girl, but I don't see another way, at least not in this moment.

The incentive may not be so great, however there's going to be one amazing thing that will come out of this - well if I succeed. I need to fix my friendship with Rena, that's the most important thing right now.

I just hope she'll accept my apology.

"Not really," I heard Rena say and I smiled, mainly because she said with the funniest expression on her face, her brows furrowed.

"Do you mind if I come over?" I then asked her.

I nearly laughed this time, the way her eyes widened so much and her brows shot up.

But then I internally panicked when she took the longest time to answer. She was definitely contemplating it, but the more silence there was between us, the more I felt like I should get back into my car and drive off somewhere.

"If you want?" She then said, with that confused expression on her face once again. "But my parents aren't home if you wanted something," she added.

Did she think I wanted to see her parents?

"I actually wanted to speak to you," I told her, walking around the fence between our houses.

This was getting a bit weird talking to her over a fence. Seemed like a better idea to just be in front of her. Although as I came closer to her, I was a little worried that I was voluntarily bringing myself into a situation where she was near enough to punch me.

I really hope she doesn't punch me.

I stood in front her and waited, but it seemed a little more like she was in daze. She mainly got like this when in front of red velvet cupcakes if I remember correctly. Maybe she was thinking of them?

"You gonna let me in?" I asked her, which I think broke her out of her daze.

Before I could internally panic again and think she would refuse, Rena spoke up. "Uhh, yeah sure. Come in," she said.

I walked in and was really not sure on what to do. I put my hands in my pockets, because suddenly I had no clue what I usually did with my hands. Do I talk with them and do hand gestures?

I wasn't able to look into her eyes for some reason and I just looked around her house.

"Liam? Are you okay? Nothing hit you? Hurt you? You didn't fall?" Rena then suddenly bombarded me with all these questions.

Why was she asking me all of that?

"What? No. I'm fine. I-I just wanted to talk to you," I then said. Did that sound confident enough? Did she notice the stutter?

"Okay well, you know where the living room is, let's go and talk," Rena then said, why did she said talk like that?

I walked into her living room and sat on the sofa.

Shit, this is nerve-racking.

I don't even know how to look at her and I'm pretty sure I'm sweating right now. I hope she doesn't notice that.

"I-I uh.." I tried to talk, but all words and my voice then failed me.

'Great, somehow I've developed a stutter as well.'

"Liam really is everything okay? I mean we don't really talk and suddenly you're in my house being really weird" Rena said, looking at me weirdly.

Crap, I'm weirding her out.

Of course, I am. I'm just sitting in her house, not saying anything and also acting like a total weirdo.

I looked at Rena again, seeing the nervous look she was giving me and I realised that before again, I have to apologise to her. She deserves an apology, for everything I've ever done.

"I'm sorry," I finally said - or rather blurted out.

Seeing her eyes widen, I realised that she didn't expect that. I mean why would she, it's been pending for so long and I only just said it now.

I don't blame her, but she needs more than just one sorry to make it all okay, that's the least she deserves.

I took a deep breath and spoke up again.

"Rena, I'm sorry. For years now, I've been acting like a jerk. You were the first friend I made when I moved here, and somehow I seemed to have forgotten that. I got new friends, and I forgot the first one I made here. We only sent to make conversation when our parents are in the room and I know that's my fault. I don't know if you'll actually accept this apology and I can't make up for all the years I've acted like a jerk, but I'm hoping we can make a fresh start. You and I," I said, taking another breath.

That was all improvised, but I think I covered all the areas I wanted to apologise for. Or rather needed to.

"My words probably don't mean anything to you and I know that. But I promise I'll be different, you'll see a change. I don't care if people know about us, that we even live next to each other. Rena, despite what you make think about me, I actually do care about you. So, you think you'll give me a chance," I then asked her.

I don't know how or why I even got swept up into this whole wave of popularity. That wave swept me away from Rena and I'll forever regret getting caught up in that.

She just looked at me, but didn't say anything. Why wasn't she saying anything? Did I mess up? Did I say the wrong thing? Ah crap, did I make a mess of things, more than I had before?

I kneeled in front of her, taking her hands in mine.

"Say something?" I pleaded.

She chuckled a little. "That's a lot to take in to be honest," she said. Pretty sure that wasn't an amused chuckle.

But yay, she spoke!

And then she spoke some more...

"We haven't spoken in so long, but that doesn't mean I've forgotten you. You're still the idiot that crashed his bike on my front lawn and I won't ever forget that. If you're being genuine and this isn't some kind of cruel joke, then I forgive you. I can move past it all and we can have a clean slate. You and I," she said.

Not being able to help myself, I pulled her into a hug.

"Thank you, Rena. You won't regret it," I told her.

I'm so happy I've finally apologised to her. It was long pending and I've done it. She accepted my apology, I feel relived.

Now, is the hard part.

I need to ask her about Julie, but I can't just say it. I should wait. No but what if someone else gets to her.

"There's also something that I wanted to ask you," I then said.

Oh fück. Why'd I say that? Now she's probably expecting me to talk. Abort, abort. My mind was screaming at me.

Stupidly, I didn't.

"Sure," Rena grinned at me.

Her smile was comforting and reassuring. She'd always had this kind of smile when we were kids, one that reached her eyes.

I held her hands in my own, giving a little squeeze.

"We've known each other for years and you know that I'm a good guy. I've been a dick in the past years, but in reality I'm good, you know that right?" I asked her.

Rena continued smile. "Yeah, I do."

I gulped nervously. "Well, there's a girl I like and I want to ask her out," I said.

She didn't say anything but gave me that smile of her and looked at me.

And just like that, the words came out.

"I like Julie," I blurted out.

Shit. Shit. Shit. What did I just say? I mean sure I'm attracted to her, she's beautiful and all but do I like her? It just wasn't supposed to come out like that.

"What?" Rena then asked me.

"I'm sorry that kind of just came out. It wasn't meant to come out like. Shit, Liam. You idiot," I cursed at myself.

"I'm confused," she said. Of course, she is. Because it wasn't meant to come out like that.

Running my hand through my hair, I just curse. I should explain myself.

I then tried to talk to her and explain what I meant and that I just could not stop thinking about her and that my feelings were honest.

I've been talking forever and she's barely saying sentences, I don't know if thats good or bad until I heard her...

"I need you to leave," she said. Did I hear that right?

"What?" I asked her.

"Please, leave," Rena then said again. Oh crap, I've screwed up.

"Rena, I..." But she didn't let me continue.

"I really need you to leave right now," she told and then suddenly brushed her hand off of mine and got up from her seat.

I stood up and tried to hold her hand, but she wasn't having it. "Rena, please listen..."

"No, Liam. You listen. We haven't spoken properly in forever. You left me when you found new friends. You acted as if you didn't even know me anymore, never even acknowledge me in class not even a simple 'hi' when you walk past me. Suddenly as if you've had some kind of epiphany you want to make things right between us, and say things I'm now not sure you mean. You were right, you're a dick. You like Julie? Okay fine, then go confess your feelings to her. Using me like this is sick and you know it. If you don't, then I honestly don't know whats wrong with you."

She looked out of breath by the time she finished talked and I was left feeling like a massive twat.

I didn't even realise how bad I must've hurt her.

"I'm sorry, Rena," I apologised once again and just when I wanted to say more, Rena held up her hand and she walked towards the door.

"No, Liam. No more. Please, leave," she said, her voice sounded a little off.

She wasn't ready for me to talk. She didn't want to hear from me. I hadn't even got the chance to tell her that it didn't matter if she didn't want to help me, I still wanted to be her friend. I'm scared that I've lost that chance now.

I walked to the door, which she now has left open for me.

She doesn't even want to look at me, and that hurts more.

"Okay I'll leave. But I truly am sorry, Rena. What I said before, I was being honest. You mean something to me and I do care about you. I haven't shown you in anyway that I care, but please trust me on that," I told her, but she didn't acknowledge any of it.

"Leave," Rena basically orders me.

She must hate me more now.

Walking out the door, I take a deep breath.

"Fuck," I let out the curse, rubbing my head.

I didn't want to hurt her.