80 - Our life together

Can

It was a wonderful evening, I had made contact with Layla before leaving the Galapagos to ask her to help me organise everything and she, Medvike and Mihriban had thought about setting up the banquet for the special evening I had wanted for Sanem on our return to Istanbul.

I was aware that our story, and especially our marriage, was as far removed from the customs and traditions in which she had grown up.

Our marriage had been anything but traditional and I was very sorry to have deprived her of all those steps, those rituals that had been planned during the engagement and then in anticipation of the wedding.

I had tried to give her a ceremony to remember with that simple renewal of wedding vows on the beach in San Diego and, now that we were back in Istanbul, a wedding reception in the presence of all our loved ones.

I knew she would be a bit embarrassed to meet everyone as husband and wife without a proper ceremony to ratify this union, I wanted her to experience these moments and cherish them forever.

In the end, however, I discovered that I myself was happy to have shared them with her. I had always thought that they were rituals without any meaning or value, but instead I found myself living them with an enormous emotional participation because they had in some way sealed something great, a unique love that I wanted to share and show with pride to the whole world.

It was nice to have all our loved ones around us, the same ones who had virtually participated in the ceremony that had seen us promise eternal love, and it was moving to see the emotion in the eyes of Sanem's parents who, for her sake, were able to accept this unique union without reservation.

With the recovered memory, the deep affection I feel for both of them came back to me. They are the best example of conjugal love we could have, Sanem grew up surrounded by that strong feeling, while for me it was a precious discovery, a guide and an ideal to aim at to make our union as happy and long-lasting as theirs.

I found out from Emre that my mother has been abroad for several months, he hasn't told her anything about my relationship with Sanem and I have no desire to hear from her but I realise that I have to somehow make her aware of what has been happening in my life over the last few months.

I finally decided to send her a message when I got home.

- I'm in Istanbul, let me know when you get back so we can meet up -

He replied with a simple - Ok -

Not a word more, not a question about how I am or how I feel, this is Huma, completely self-centred and incapable of love.

Even children have never been of any importance to her, if that had been the case she would never have left me with my father for years when I was little more than a child.

Now what has been has been, her absence has greatly influenced my life up to adulthood, I have realised over time that I have learnt to run away from any serious relationship for fear of being abandoned and I have done this with Sanem on more than one occasion.

My deep-rooted fears have caused her so much pain in the past but in the end her love and my love for her helped me to understand many things about myself and above all I learned that you have to risk, to put your whole heart on the line if you want to conquer the greatest treasure: true love, the one with a capital L.

Our life together, with the passing of time, has taken the form of a routine made up of a serene and fulfilling daily routine, I have resumed working in the agency with my father and Emre while Sanem enjoys the quiet of the estate to continue writing his third book.

I can't believe how this life fits me like a glove, how happy I feel every day to wake up with her beside me and then lay my head on the pillow at night and see her beautiful face as the last thing I see when I close my eyes.

I took her for all the necessary check-ups at this stage of her pregnancy and it was an indescribable thrill to hear the rushing heartbeat of our new baby.

According to the doctor's calculations Sanem is now in her third month of pregnancy and I like to think that it was conceived during those first idyllic days on the boat, those unions of body, mind and soul that followed my total recovery of memory, when somehow I felt I had her totally for the first time.

The two Can's she had known and loved so deeply came together and merged into one man who possessed and loved her with every fibre of his body and heart.

I want to think that this child is the fruit of that unique and special feeling, of that awareness of mutual belonging and total abandonment in the intimacy of our boat with only the sea and the boundless sky to witness our great love.

Every day I reluctantly leave her in the morning to go to the agency, after all the time we have spent side by side without ever leaving each other, it seems strange to me to spend endless days away from her, I count the minutes and hours until I can hold her in my arms again, feel her warmth and her perfume on my own skin.

Will this constant need I feel for her ever diminish?

It seems impossible because it's too intense, too visceral not to have become an integral part of me and our relationship, I think I'm looking at a lifetime of lust for the woman I feel more than ever as my life partner and I can't help but be enraptured by her.

Today I left the agency a little earlier than usual because I want to pick up a surprise for her, I like to surprise her every day with a thought: flowers, books, sweets or simply a note left on the bedside table in the morning, while she is still asleep.

"I have chosen you.

And I will choose you again, again and again.

Without pause, without doubt, in the blink of an eye.

I will continue to choose you."

Tonight I want to surprise her with something different and special to keep both of them always on my heart, I stop in the centre just long enough for my purchase and hurry home impatient to see my wife.

MY WIFE.

I still can hardly believe that she is mine, how incredible the effect it has on me to know that I have a home to go back to, to have a heart waiting for me with the same nostalgia that I felt every single moment of the day for her.

I park my off-road vehicle, retrieve the package I picked up downtown from the back seat and hurry down the driveway, heading for the front door when I hear someone talking from the side of the house that faces the pool.

I immediately recognise the voice as the words I hear spoken freeze the blood in my veins:

"You'll never be enough to stand by my son."

A blind rage takes hold of me as I move determinedly towards where I hear the voices coming from, enough is enough, I will never again allow anyone to hurt the woman I love more than my life.