76 - Us

Sanem

It's strange to know that I have in front of me both souls of the man I love, I have always perceived them as different even if that wonderful man has always been the one and only love of my life. It is strange to rediscover the complicity of so many moments lived in the past with the old Can and to live with him that intimacy that I had only known with the new Can.

Our first dinner on the deck of the boat that evening was precious. Can had made sure that everything was ready for a romantic evening under the stars, lulled by the slow rocking of the boat and the only background noise was the shaking of the sails in the wind.

We ate and talked about the past we had rediscovered, about the events that had led us to realise we loved each other deeply, about the fears and misunderstandings that had come between us and the emotions we had felt during our estrangements and then during our rediscoveries.

- I fell in love with the image of the adventurer who travelled the world to portray beauty and truth but deep down I always had a terrible fear that you would decide to leave, I couldn't bear the idea of you leaving me to go to the Balkans after our break-up because of the sale of my perfume to Fabri and I couldn't accept your loss when you left on a boat after the incident with Yigit. My insecurities have always guided my actions Can, I always thought I wasn't enough to keep you here in Istanbul near me. Knowing that I lied to you, that I kept uncomfortable truths from you terrified me, thinking that you could abandon me once you found out what happened was my worst nightmare and when it happened I wasn't able to handle it and accept it -

- It's also my fault that you felt so insecure Sanem, I constantly tested your love, at every problem instead of talking and trying to understand your point of view I decided it was over and told you that you weren't special to me, that you were like everyone else.

I repeatedly threatened to leave because I wanted to run away from the problems, I was not able to accept that you could really and deeply love me as you said because in life no one, not even my mother, had ever loved me like that or put me before her needs. You were the first to do so, you had confessed to me that night in the garden of my house that you loved me more than yourself and over time you showed it to me several times, and I was convinced that I was incapable of loving in the same way, I'm so sorry for the way I behaved Sanem -

We embraced and forgave each other once again for the doubts and uncertainties that had hindered our love over time and the tenderness of that gesture soon turned into passion, I felt something different in his touch, a new amazement and delicacy, a feeling of rediscovery, it was as if the two Can that I had lived and known until then were finally reconciled in the wonderful man who took me in his arms and made me his under a sky quilted with millions of stars.

From that night on, our life was strange and wonderful, with a completely new daily routine in the narrow spaces below deck, the intimacy of sharing the berth that for a whole year had welcomed only him away from me, and being constantly rocked by the waves of the sea. It was strange but wonderful to be just us, the sea, the wind, the sky and our inexhaustible passion finally free to express itself under the scorching sun as in the moonlight under the starry sky.

Can preferred to sail close to the coasts of lower California and then along those of Mexico, Guatemala, Nicaragua and Costa Rica, breaking up the sailing days and stopping every now and then to visit the small coastal villages.

Each stop has been an adventure in discovering places so different from those with which I am familiar. I have savoured every shade of colour in the landscape, the peculiarity of the houses and the smiles of the people.

My albatross is once again keeping his promise, he is taking me to discover the world with him, this time and forever together.

The days passed slowly, as if we were out of time, immersed in the peace of the silence of the open sea and the colourful scenery that we stop to visit from time to time while the nights are just for us, for unforgettable romantic moments of intense passion as our destination gets closer and closer.

We arrive at sunset in the small port of Sàmara, Costa Rica, and head straight for the local emporium where we need to stock up on groceries before taking to the open sea to the Galapagos Islands. Can is looking for some hardware items needed for some maintenance work on the boat and I alert him:

- Can I go away for a few minutes, I go back along the street because I have seen some very beautiful scarves on display outside a little shop which I would like to buy as a gift for my sister and my mother - It doesn't take me long and I am back with him, we take all our purchases back to the boat and we set off, hand in hand, to discover the colourful streets of this corner of paradise between golden beaches and luxuriant palms, deciding to have dinner in one of the typical restaurants with a thatched roof set up directly on the beach.

It is a beautiful evening illuminated by a spectacular full moon that reflects on the sea and while the sea breeze brings us exotic and inebriating smells, we go back to the boat hand in hand enchanted by the beauty of this tropical night.

Once on board, we lie down on a towel in the bow to admire the spectacle offered by the biggest moon I have ever seen in my life, the perfect setting for what I have in mind.

I tell Can to wait for me for a moment, go down on deck and quickly return to him, handing him a small package wrapped in coloured paper.

He looks at me astonished and curious, unwraps the small box and lifts the lid staying for endless moments to look at the contents, I am definitely anxious to see his reaction, he raises an excited look at me and gives me the most beautiful of his smiles.

He takes both my hands and brings them to his lips, he holds me tightly in his arms, looking into my eyes for a long time, shining with emotion and exultation.

-Oh Sanem, how do you manage to make me the happiest man on earth every day and every moment? Every time I think I can't be any happier since you've finally become my wife, you manage to shock my heart again and make it adore you even more.

- I understand you because that's exactly what you do with me, you manage to make me love you a little bit more and now you've given me the most beautiful gift any woman could wish for Can, you have no idea how I feel, you said you want to do everything to make me happy and it seems you're definitely succeeding.

We have just come to be WE, now and forever, soon it seems it will be us and the fruit of our great love, we will be mum and dad, we will be a family, tell me, are you ready for a little one or a little Divit? -