7 - A new meeting

Sanem

- Excuse me, but who are you?

No, this can't be true, I can't believe something like this is happening, I shake my head in disbelief, I lower my gaze to my hand holding his and with heartbreak in my heart I let it go, it seems inappropriate to force him into such an intimate gesture with someone who is looking at this moment with a completely foreign gaze.

- Can, I'm Sanem, your Sanem, don't you remember me? -

He shakes his head obviously confused, he is about to say something when he hears the door open and his doctor enters the room.

- Günaydın, good morning Can, welcome back among us, how are you feeling? -

He looks at the doctor and looks at me shaking his head - Apparently not perfectly doctor.

- What's going on? - The doctor who by now has got to know me gives me a puzzled look.

- He doesn't remember me doctor, he doesn't know who I am - I reply with tears in my eyes and my heart once again in a vice of despair.

She looks at him thoughtfully - I have to examine the patient carefully, can you leave us alone please Miss Sanem? -

I nod and after casting one last heartfelt glance at him, I pick up my bag and leave the room. In the corridor I can do nothing but sit on a small armchair and bring my hands to my eyes to cover a liberating cry that I definitely need. I couldn't stop for a long time, after the accident, in those first terrible moments when he lost consciousness and his heart stopped, I didn't cry any more. I tried to stem the anguish with a good dose of hope, I had to try to be optimistic, tell myself that we just had to wait, that in time he would get better and we would go back to living our lives together.

Now it all seems so difficult again, I feel like I have to start all over again, after this month of torturing anguish I feel like I don't have the strength to face this ordeal either. I need to cry right now to untie the knot that oppresses my heart, I need it to release the terrible tension accumulated over all this time not knowing what was waiting for us.

Never could I have thought that this was waiting for me, I can't believe that he has forgotten me.

I can't tell how long I stayed in that corridor lost in a sea of self-pity and desperate crying, the touch of a hand on my knee suddenly brings me back to reality. I take my hands away from my eyes and try to dry them with my fingers, I see in front of me the kind face of Ayfer, the nurse who has been taking care of Can from the very beginning and with whom I have established a sincere friendship during this month.

- What's going on Sanem? They told me that the doctor is at Can's who woke up, why are you crying? -

- Ayfer doesn't remember me, he doesn't know who I am, you know? I can't accept it, I can't, I can't! -

- Sakin ol, take it easy Sanem, it can happen in these cases but it might be a passing thing, don't despair so much, it might be over soon. Now dry those eyes, I'll tell you what, go to the bathroom and freshen up your face, you don't want to meet the new Mr Divit with swollen and red eyes for the first time do you? Haidy, come on, hurry up, the doctor's gonna be out in a minute -

She's right, I don't have to be so pessimistic, I run to the bathroom to rinse my face and go straight back outside Can's door to wait to talk to the doctor, it was just a moment of discouragement, I have to think everything will be alright.

As I wait I call Emre to let him know the news, I hear him shouting with joy at the news that Can has woken up, he assures me that he will let his people know and they will join me as soon as possible.

I sit back down on the small armchair in the corridor and lean my head against the wall, I'm exhausted, that's what led me to such an emotional reaction, Ayfer is right I have to stay calm and think for the best.

The door of Can's room opening brings me back to reality, I get up suddenly - Doctor? -

-Miss Sanem, all his vital signs are in order, at a neurological and motor level I can't find any kind of problem, the only thing to note seems to be a temporary retrograde amnesia, that is, Mr. Divit doesn't remember what happened in his life before the accident, as far as I have been able to ascertain this amnesia concerns precisely two years. He is convinced that he is in March 2019.

I wince and take a step back, as if I had been physically affected by this tremendous news, we met in March 2019 during that fantastic, romantic meeting, in the dark of that lodge at the 40th anniversary of Fikri Harika.

I collect myself and try to understand - But how long can this amnesia last doctor? What are the chances of my coming back to remember these two forgotten years?

-Bak, look Miss Sanem memory recovery can be total, partial or none, only time will tell which of these will be there for Mr Divit, I'm sorry it's not possible to predict it, now I have to go I hope everything works out for the best, görüşürüz goodbye -

I stand there for a few minutes trying to breathe deeply, the tears are threatening to come back again but I have to stop them, I have to hold back and try my best to help him remember. I let out a deep sigh, squared my shoulders and lifted my chin to gain confidence and courage, then entered the room.

I approach his bed, he has his eyes closed again, one arm folded with the hand resting on his forehead, he must have heard me enter because he opens his eyes and looks at me curiously, uncertain of what is going to happen.

I hold out my hand to him trying to show the best of my smiles.

- Pleased to meet you Can Divit, I am Sanem Aydin and, if you want, I will tell you who I have been to you and you to me during the two years that, apparently, you no longer remember at this moment -