47 - Only her in my future

Can

Third month - Future

Finding out that I am married should have terrified the Can that I thought I was, the one free from all ties and obligations, but instead I find myself feeling an exultation that can only belong to the Can that I have been in these two years, a man in love with his woman.

The days never seem to go by, the last part of the trip, the one that was supposed to be less tiring drags on for me as if time had stopped, I am impatient and can't wait to finish to go back to her and apologize once again for leaving her.

I didn't regain memories of what became of me in the year away but one flash in particular made me realise that I had done nothing but pine for her absence.

I saw myself sitting on the bow of my boat on a night illuminated by a spectacular moon, I let myself be lulled by the movement of the waves and all I did was stare at the moon holding his bandana close to my nose in search of that scent, I felt anguished because it seemed to me that it was fading away. Thoughts of that moment flashed through my mind clear and vivid, I couldn't lose that too, her scent was the only thing of her I had left, I couldn't lose it like I had lost her.

Apparently missing her had forced me to come back and the certainty that I loved her above all else drove me to do anything to get her back, I realised in a flash that's exactly how I feel right now.

Today's Can is falling in love with her again, more and more each day and I feel that I must return, I must return to her, I must have her back or there will never be happiness for me again.

I relive every action she has taken towards me since I met her for the second time after the accident, that gentle caress as soon as I opened my eyes after the coma, which had upset me so much:

- Welcome back aşkım, my love, you don't know how much I have missed you!-.

I don't remember anyone before her ever looking at me and talking to me with such sweetness, taking care of me and worrying about my wellbeing as Sanem had done from the very first moment, it warmed my heart that she was there for me with love and care.

The gentleness with which she spoke to me, telling me about us even though she suffered terribly from my coldness, that kiss on the pier which had upset me so much, an explosion of passion but also the overwhelming feeling of belonging to each other.

Finally that night, I had never felt such violent sensations before, with her it was perfect, intense, exciting, powerful only because, I now realise, somehow my heart had recognised her as the one for me.

To these recent images of us are now added the small pieces of images that I am remembering as I go, the deep love that I saw in her every glance towards me, her bright smile, that energy that I found only in her, she is unique, she is different, she is Sanem, my Sanem.

I came here to search for my past and decide what I want for myself and for my future and I have come to only one conclusion: I WANT HER.

Always and forever I want only her, she is mine as I am hers, I feel it deep inside, I recognise the feeling of the Can that I was and the one I am today, they coincide and amplify to the nth degree.

Now I realise it, it has taken me three months in which I have dug deep into my heart and soul, I am aware that it is only her that I desire and want for myself: her perfume, her smile, her touch, her loving gaze, I want everything of her and I want it forever.

She is my wife, we belong to each other and I can't live without her, I feel I can't breathe without her, she is mine as I am hers, I have always been and I will be forever.

Just another love song by a simple man

I searched for chords under these hands

So I can try to tell you that I love you

You know I need you

Like your oxygen

Be my atmosphere

Let me breathe you in

So can I try to tell you that I love you

I was lost, I was found

But now I know I am, I am yours

I am yours

Now and always

I wouldn't dream of being anything more

You take my breath away every night

Still can't believe it when you say you're mine

I'm yours, I'm yours, I'm yours

I was free falling through the open sky

Till you smiled and saved my life and I

I knew I was put here to love you

You have the universe swimming in your eyes

I'm an open book when you look into mine

You will find that I was put here to love you

I was lost, I was found

But now I know I am, I am yours...