Epilogue : Sunday

ONE YEAR AND

ONE DAY LATER.

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY

14th, A.K.A.

VALENTINE'S DAY.

TOLD BY

JASON CROWE.

Felix is beautiful when he's sleeping. In the moments before I wake him up, a soft smile is on his face, giving him an angelic sort of look.

Normally, I don't wake him up. It was quite the hassle to get out of bed early and make a breakfast for him, but it's our second Valentine's Day together. Last year definitely did not make the mark; we spent the morning figuring out the details of his move back to his own room, and then watched a questionable cartoon movie. And, although I didn't mind spending all that time with him—I relished every moment, in fact—the endless droning on became very boring after a while.

"Hey, baby," I whisper, pushing his shoulder gently in the hopes of a peaceful awakening. "Wakey wakey, Lixie Pixie..."

I brush a few bangs away from my fairy's forehead, loving the way his hair feels between my fingers. Felix truly is a wonder; how can such a person exist?

He whines while reluctantly opening his eyes. "Jason?" Felix's morning voice is groggy and relaxing, deeper and more beautiful than the oceans. I press my lips to his, knowing that he'll protest his air supply being cut off when we draw away. All the better. I get to hear him speak more.

"Yeah, Lix. I made you breakfast, if you want," I say after pulling away. "Pancakes with mango and peanut butter, just the way you've somehow started liking them."

A loopy, lazy smile slowly spreads, reaching the corners of his ears in no time. "Thank you," Felix whispers.

"Anything for you, my dear..."

Felix pushes me away, sitting up. "What did I say about your pet names for me, Jason?"

"Stick to one?" I ask, already sighing with the knowledge. "It's hard, though, when you mean so much to me."

"Stop being so cheesy."

"I know you like it," I tease, subconsciously running my fingers through Felix's hair again. He leans into the touch, his eyes closing for a brief, tranquil moment. Felix's smile doesn't fade, even when I step out of the room to allow him enough privacy to change into 'normal people clothes.' The boy has something against eating breakfast in pajamas, which is one of his few flaws. I'm working on fixing it, though.

Felix comes out, wearing the turtleneck I replaced his old one with nearly a year ago. He knows what that does to my heart, and flicks my red ear as a way of showing his awareness. "Let's go eat some peanut-butter-and-mango pancakes!"

I lead him to my car, which is where I stored them earlier. Yay me, finally getting a car! Congrats, Jason. It's a good thing that Felix changed into street clothes, actually, because this will be an on-the-go breakfast.

"So, where're we headed?" I don't answer Felix's question, my eyes firmly fixated on the road. "Ah, be that way. I suppose I'll see eventually." Felix is quiet for a moment. "Or... I could call Blake, and ask him what Russell told you to do for me today."

"I came up with this myself," I say, pouting and only slightly miffed.

Felix grins and turns back to his on-the-go meal, the smell of which makes me shudder. I focus on driving to my destination, somewhere special, somewhere worth being. Ever since last year's boring Valentine's Day, I've been so excited for this one. There's a bit of unexpected traffic, so we find ourselves arriving at our destination an hour after the originally planned ETA.

Parking the car is also harder than I thought it would be; the spot I find is tight and I am still just getting the hang of driving. My hands tremble with nerves, and a film of sweat thinly coats the bag of my neck. "You're good, Crowe," I mumble to myself, knowing that the parking isn't what has me in a doozy. It's what I have planned for today.

A doozy. Why'd I even think that?

I put my hand to my pants pocket and sigh with relief. It's still there. I know Felix likes clichés, and I know he loves romantic gestures. I know that I'm probably the love of his (short, so far) life; he's certainly the love of mine. We're seventeen, but I know that my relationship with Felix is special. If he couldn't be my first love... he can be my last one. In the least ominous way possible.

"Why are we at an amusement park?" Felix asks, mock-wrinkling his nose in distaste. I don't miss the flash of excitement in his gorgeous eyes, eyes that hold the sun and the moon and all the stars within them. "Do we have entry tickets?"

"Do we?" I pull the two out and hand him one, gauging his reaction. My heart melts when he beams, excited by the eight hours that our tickets permit. "I think we do."

"J—"

"No, no. Come on, Felix. Let's go!"

~~~~~~~~

"This is the longest line I've ever stood on," I grumble. We can't miss the Ferris Wheel; we simply can't. My stomach also grumbles, so I add, "I'm gonna go get us something to eat, okay?"

"Yeah, I'll hold our spots." Felix pulls out his phone and waves it vaguely in my direction. "Let me know if something happens, Jason."

"Alright," I say. He begins typing furiously. Probably talking to Blake, as he always is. The two are inseparable.

"Hey, how may I help—oh! Hi, Jason," Felix's friend, Haven, says. "Fancy seeing you here," she snorts. "Not like I work here."

"No, not like that at all." I see why Felix likes her; she's playful and fun. I've had girlfriends before—both girlfriends and girl-friends. I got along with them really well, and at the time, I never thought I would end up with another guy. Though I'll admit I was curious about relationships with guys, starting around the end of middle school. Once high school started, it became more than a bit of curiosity. I was longing for a relationship like that. When I met Felix, I just felt completely drawn to him, like a magnet, as if nothing else mattered. It all made sense to me, and I knew for sure.

"Is your order coming in the form of a Haiku, or should I leave the poetry to Blake and Felix?"

"Blake also does poetry?"

She nods and waits for my order—orders, plural, because Felix probably also wants his not-kids, kids quesadillas—before continuing. I tell her in plain, vanilla prose... no tricks, rhyme schemes, nor rhythms. As she puts them together, she answers.

"Yeah, Blake whips acrostic poems and sonnets out of his left nostril like it's nothing. Low-key really impressive. Most of them relate back to Russell, somehow."

"Oh, yeah. I remember something like that from a school project, I think. He's clever."

Haven and I chatter for a few minutes, and I glance back to see that the line has moved considerably since I left. I thank her and pay, saying a quick "See you later!" as I leave.

Felix is insanely smiley today; he's grinning so widely when I return that I think his cheeks might be permanently pushed up against his ears.

"What's up, dear? You seem really excited," I point out, handing him his food. "Is the Ferris Wheel that exciting to you?" It is to me, but I can't tell him that. It's exciting, sure, I think, but also insanely nerve-wracking.

Felix bounces on the balls of his feet, rocking back and forth with pent up energy. He—a bit aggressively—bites into a quesadilla and chews more dramatically than a guy should. I sincerely hope his hyperactivity quiets down before we get on the ride. "You called me 'dear'! I thought I said not to do the silly names anymore." He pouts for a solid two seconds before refocusing. "And yeah, I was talking to Blake over the phone until my earbuds fell out, and I didn't want to bother the people around us, so then he was just texting me, and he said that Russell said that you told Russell you had something planned for today, but Russell couldn't tell him what you told him that you were going to do today, because you told Russell that the thing you told him that you were going to do today that Blake doesn't know about specifically but he knows about it generally is a secret and will only be discovered by me when it happens." He inhales deeply, and I can practically see how quickly his heart is beating through the vein popping on his neck. Felix is great, but it's very easy to make him hyper. "So," he continues, in a quieter voice, "now I'm excited."

"Oh," I say as mildly as I can. I clear my throat. "Yeah."

We eat throughout an easy conversation, waiting for our turn on the Wheel. After nearly half an hour more, our group is allowed up.

I touch my pocket again, feeling the outline of a small box. This is it. Felix and I climb on, and we're told to pull the bar down.

Felix reaches over me, taking advantage of the small amount of height he has over me. He grunts as he pulls it down, then gives me a shy smile. He's very smiley today, and that makes me feel very smiley. I love that about him. We end up staring at each other, stupid grins plastered across our faces as the ride hauls itself into motion.

We go up and down, up and down. A nearby sign informs us that we'll reach the top five times before having to get off, and I will either do what I have planned on the fifth time, or not at all. Depends on if my cowardice will disappear.

My eyes light up, taking in the grand view. For once, I'm able to tear my eyes away from Felix and look at the world around us. Everyone is growing smaller now that I'm way up here, and my focus starts to narrow, tunneling around the task ahead.

"Oh, this is the end of the ride," Felix mumbles, disappointed, as we begin the fifth ascent.

I nod, silent. My arms tremble, and my tongue suddenly feels like it's become bloated. My throat constricts, and I hear a toneless roaring behind my eyes. Stomach knotted, I nod again. I don't know what else to do.

I fidget with the small box as we approach the top of the Ferris Wheel. It stops. Now's my chance; people are getting off at the bottom.

Slowly, I pull the box out.

"Felix, look at me."

My breath is choppy, my voice wobbling. I force my nerves to quit their jittering and earnestly look him in the eyes.

"You and I have been together barely more than a year. We click in a way that I think most people don't, and balance each other out perfectly. I'm in love with you, Felix Gray, and I think you know that. I also think you know what's coming next."

Uninvited tears well in his eyes, and in mine too. When Felix smiles, I smile. When Felix cries, I cry. It's as simple and frustrating as that. Frustrating, because I still have a couple more sentences to get through. But now I have both nerves and tears choking me up. If I make it through this, it'll be a miracle.

"Felix, I'm not... asking you to marry me. That's a lot of commitment for two guys in their teens, and we have only been together for a year. I'm only asking that you wear this bracelet as a promise to stay with me the same way I want to stay with you."

I open the box as the ride moves back into motion, revealing two delicate bracelets from the local mall. I'm not made of money, and I know that Felix cares more about the gesture than the gift itself.

"Oh, Jason, I love you too," he chokes out. "Give me the dang bracelet already." The people waiting to get on next couldn't be more surprised seeing two guys wiping tears of joy. Felix and I grin, holding hands as we run off to some other ride.

Our arms come in contact as we run. I feel my bracelet against his, and this connection finally unspools the nervous tension inside of me, letting me finally relax and feel smiley again.

I've done it. We're linked in a special way, and we've got the jewelry to prove it.

And I wouldn't want to have this relationship with anyone other than Felix Gray, the most precious guy in the universe.

Felix Gray, the boy I love.

THE END.