Chapter 34

Jake climbs into bed minutes after I do. I’m lying awake, staring at the semi-dark ceiling, lost in thought when he comes in.

He strips off without looking over and climbs into bed, sliding up against me and pulling me into his arm. I can’t help but smile that he did come swiftly along when Arrick intervened in the drama with his father.

“I’m awake,” I utter quietly, turning toward him so I can face him. I melt into his body heat and feel glorious against him. It’s dim here, but not pitch dark, so I can see him.

“You okay?” he asks, leaning in and kissing me soundly, his mouth molding to mine, his hand running up my spine delicately. I can’t help the tingles he ignites or how my inner thighs tense at his touch.

“Surprisingly fine,” I say when we finally break apart. I’m starting to forget why we’re not having sex anymore. My desire is aching to strip off the rest of his clothes and start licking every inch of that taut, smooth tattooed skin.

“Really? We should talk about what happened. I want to know how you’re feeling, baby.” Jake sounds concerned, but I’m distracted by all that flesh on show. Maybe fighting with that woman has upped my adrenaline, or maybe those naughty hormones are acting up again. But at this very moment, I am glued to his muscular pecs, and a slight masculine scatter of hair at his chest, tickling my nose.

I slowly run my fingers across Jake’s naked torso and along his body up to his throat. Without saying anything, I inch myself up so we’re at eye level and move in for a more seductive kiss, letting my tongue slip into his mouth. I move my body so I mold against him in every way. An inner surge of satisfaction comes when a hardness starts to grow between us, and he pushes me back. Jake certainly has no problem with getting turned on. I think it’s time we explored the next step to forgiveness.

“Emma, we…” I silence him with my fingers on his lips.

“Jake, I’m ready. Don’t keep this from me anymore, please. I need you so badly it hurts.” My body is yearning for more, and this is the kind of more I need. Somehow facing her, marriage proposals, and acceptance of the baby coming has kick-started a stubbornness in me that we’re going to fix us fully and finally.

I move back against him and sense the hesitation rippling through him as he contemplates whether we should do this. I don’t give him any choice and slide my hand into the waistband of his boxers, moving down to encircle him with my fingers, feeling that jolt of surprise come through him. He wasn’t expecting me to start forcefully seducing him so readily, especially after seeing that woman and everything she said.

I push my mouth to his and kiss him as passionately as possible, using my hand to arouse him in the best way I can. Jake catches me around the throat, loosely pushing my face back so he can stare intensely into my eyes in the almost pitch-black room.

Without warning, he flips me on my back and is instantly over the top of me, caging me in. His arms are straining at either side of my head. He leans in and kisses me, slowly and softly, my hands still pleasuring him with even strokes and getting impatient. I bite his lip, nipping it hard enough to get a smile from him before he devours me again. His kiss sends searing pleasure through every nerve ending in my body, notching up the fire within me a hundredfold.

He comes down low enough to rub against me and leaves me no choice but to remove my hand from between us. He pushes himself between my legs, now no longer obstructed, opening me up to him fully as he grinds into me seductively. Our bodies connect to match the way our mouths are, passion rising, and Jake is fully immersed in the action. His hands trail over my breasts and downwards. I groan at his touch, at the feelings and sensations I have been crying out for, and now that I’m finally getting what I need, I’m soaring with desire.

Passion ignites inside of me, heat pouring through me at an alarming rate, and I push Jake off me aggressively with much more strength than I knew I was capable of. I flip on top of him, straddling him fully, peeling off my nightdress and bra, and grinding down on top of him. His hands slide up my body across my abdomen, fingers grazing and exploring me sexually. His hands are itching to trace every part of me that has been denied him, and I can feel it in the way he caresses me, biting his lip, eyes locked on me with unadulterated lust. He covers my breasts, tweaking my nipples with harsh grasps, making me throw my head back and gyrate on top of him a little harder.

No shame or embarrassment because this is his body. He’s seen every single inch of me before now, tasted every single piece of me. His hands skim my ribs and move to my hips, pulling me back and forth to get the routine of my grinding into him more fluidly, his hardness below me trying to force its way through the fabric between us. His hands skim upwards and come to a slow halt as they cover my abdomen. Jake’s face changes from sex-crazed to frowning in almost a second, and every part of that body physically recoils.

“Fuck.” The instant change in him as his hands drop by his side, catching my legs, lifting me effortlessly off him gently. “Emma, I can’t.”

“What?” I don’t understand. My body is brimming with desire and longing. I’m seconds away from self-combusting, and he’s putting the brakes on?! He sits up, so his back is turned slightly toward me.

~What the hell, Jake?~

“I can’t do this! Shit!” Jake slides away and gets out of bed, adjusting himself in his boxers and walking off toward the en suite at a fast pace.

“Jake, what the hell?!” I snap after him, suddenly self-conscious, hauling the bed sheets over my naked upper half, the shame of rejection coursing through me. A sob hits my throat as I’m filled with self-doubt, but Jake spins at the bathroom door.

“It’s the baby, Emma… It’s weird. As soon as I touched your stomach, it was all I could think about, and I’d be fucking you while it was in there. Not to mention it can’t be safe!” He sounds angry, tense, and annoyed at himself mostly. He switches on the bathroom light and flops back against the door frame, running an agitated hand through his hair, looking completely devastated. I gape at him in shock.

“You’re kidding, right? You haven’t touched me in a month, and now you don’t want to because I’m pregnant?” I can’t contain the hurt in my voice or the complete disbelief, and he stalks back to me immediately.

“Jesus, Emma. I want to have sex with you right now so badly. I just can’t.” He holds up despairing hands. That perfect muscular body is so ripe to be devoured by me, yet denying me what I really want and need. The anger inside of me spikes.

“Yes, you can.” I grab his hand and haul it back to my breast, forcing him to cup it loosely, but he makes no effort to try and lets his arm flop back down. No effort whatsoever.

“I can’t,” he repeats in deflation, eyes downcast, and he looks miserable.

~Well, that makes two of us!~

“I’m sure pregnant women have sex every day, Jake. You’re being ridiculous. It’s not in the same place, and it’s sure as hell not going to hurt something that’s barely the size of a bean right now. We were having sex before we knew about it.” I pout, close to frustrated tears and burning up with need, almost painfully. That inner crazy hormonal me, being denied sex, is back with a vengeance.

Jake leans in and kisses my temple slowly and surely. He’s trying to smooth my ruffled feathers and balm my feelings, but it’s not going to work.

“I can’t touch you until we see your doctor, Emma, and hear it straight from her. All I can think about right now is how much I just can’t.” He frowns at me apologetically and tries to embrace me with a soft cuddle instead.

I pick up the cushion from the bed and shove it into his chest angrily so he moves away.

“You’re an ass,” I snap, sexual frustration hitting me hard, aware of how completely unreasonable I’m being. I don’t care, though. I want him, I need him that way, and he isn’t even trying to give it to me. After everything, this is like getting a massive slap in the face.

“Jesus, stroppy. Hormones so bad you’re that pissed at me right now?” He tries to sound jokey and lighthearted, but I scowl at him.

“You have no fucking idea!” I turn away angrily, throwing myself down on the bed and slinging an arm across my face in complete frustration. Jake stills on the bed, then slides off and saunters to turn off the bathroom light.

~Probably trying to figure out how to make this up to me without any fucking sex!~

~Unbelievable. Where the hell is the sex-crazed Jake that I’m crazy over? A whole month of nothing, and now I’m offering it on a plate, and he just can’t?~

He slides into bed while I try to get my wild mood under control. Disappointment surges through me at an alarming rate.

“Did we really get engaged tonight, Emma?” Jake’s husky voice comes close in the dark, and my anger dissipates a little at his question. I sigh and push the traces of my mood deep down.

He’s trying misdirection. His favorite maneuver. I guess he’s good at it because it’s working. I blow out an agitated breath and slide my arm down, so I can stare at the ceiling for a few agonizing minutes to calm down.

~I can’t be mad at him over this.~

“I know it wasn’t exactly some romantic blow-your-mind moment, but I meant it. Something inside me stopped running and decided to stand and fight… To fight for you.” I turn on my side and watch him in the dark. His hand trails down my shoulder and arm, slowly and tenderly. I flinch because my skin is still burning with desire, and his touch isn’t exactly helping right now, but I stay where I am and don’t pull away.

“You know it was probably the best moment of my life, but I still want to ask you properly, Emma… Can I do that? My way? I don’t know. Somehow, it just doesn’t feel official.” He’s watching his fingers trail my skin hypnotically. I can’t help but give up on the rest of my anger when watching him. So still and beautiful and wholly irresistible, with that little boy lost look, asking me for permission. I sigh.

“You mean fireworks and a floor show?” I smirk, reaching out to run my nails across his chest lightly, the ache to have his body still coursing through me despite knowing there is nothing I can do about it.

“You’d expect nothing less from Jake Carrero, CEO, commandeering, bossy, cocky asshole! I need to put a ring on your finger anyway, might as well make the most of the moment I do.” He beams at me, and I know I’m completely beaten.

Something changed within me tonight, some shift of the axis, some inner defining moment that I’m still not sure of, but I know one thing, this is it for me. No matter what he did, it doesn’t matter anymore. I know he’ll never hurt me like that again, and I need to stop hurting him. We have done this to each other, and it’s time to stop. We have someone else to think about now, and it’s growing inside of me, slowly but surely, already starting to affect our life and relationship with its mere presence.

Our relationship has changed somehow. No more sexy games or misunderstandings, no more pandering around what we mean or feel. We are growing as a couple.

The other stuff will come back naturally. Maybe he needs that peace of mind that won’t harm our child. I can’t exactly be mad at the gentle, caring, protective side of Jake that most people don’t even know exists.

~How can I stay angry when at the heart of his inability to touch me is love for our unborn child?~

I sigh and cuddle closer, resigning myself to the idea of this being temporary. He better damn well give me some crazy, hot, kinky sex as soon as someone puts his mind at ease.