A Sinner’s Truth: Chapter 21

“Get your drunk fucking ass in my car now before I do it for you,” Gio snarls in my direction.

Someone clearly has their panties in a twist this morning.

“One sec. I forgot something.” I hold up two fingers, turn, and run back towards the house.

Eloise and Aria are walking out. I meet them at the bottom of the stairs. I take hold of Aria’s face and slam my lips down on hers. Her body goes rigid for a moment. Then I feel her hands curl around my shirt and her mouth opens for me. My tongue delves in, circling around hers.

I fucking love kissing Aria. I’m not supposed to like it as much as I do, and that’s the problem. I pull back and smile down at her shocked expression, placing a gentle kiss on her nose before stepping aside again.

“See you at home, darling.” I wink at her. Gio and El are staring at me like I’m some kind of alien from outer space. “What?” I ask as I pass my brother. He shakes his head and rounds his car.

“Straight back to the house, Ellie,” he calls out before jumping in.

Gio revs the engine as he screeches out of the driveway. Oh, he’s pissed all right. Mr Always-Cool-Calm-and-Collected only drives like this when he’s pissed. I don’t say anything. I don’t need to. Instead, I count down from ten in my head. And, sure enough, just as I get to one, he starts in on me.

“What the fuck are you doing, Santo?” he yells.

“Sitting in your car?” I turn and watch his jaw tighten. It’s not really smart to poke the bear, but I’ve never claimed to be the smartest one in the bunch.

“You wasted Ellie’s time. You turned up drunk to a house she went out of her way to show you. And don’t even get me started on what you’re doing to your own wife,” he growls.

“I didn’t plan to show up drunk, and I’m not that drunk. As for my wife, she’s none of your concern.”

“Yes, she is. The day you married her, you also made her my sister. Which very much makes her my fucking concern. What the fuck is going on with you?” Gio’s hands grip the steering wheel; his knuckles turn white.

“I don’t know,” I admit. Because I don’t fucking know how this fake marriage morphed into… more… in a matter of a few days.

“You don’t know? Well, you need to figure it out real fucking fast, little brother. Because you’re spiralling again, and if it’s because of that girl, I will remove her from the equation,” he says.

“You’re not touching her. What the fuck?” My back straightens and my fists clench. Brother or not, no one is fucking laying a hand on my wife. Or taking her away from me.

“Really? Why do you care? This marriage of yours is fake, isn’t it?” He lifts a questioning brow.

“It’s temporary. But fake or not, she’s mine for the year and I’m not giving her up,” I tell him.

“Where were you all night?” He knows where I was. He just wants to hear me say it.

“Out.” I turn my face towards the window and look at the street passing by.

“Why did you need to talk to her? Why are you spending all night at your ex-fiancée’s fucking gravesite when you have a living, breathing wife at home in your bed?” he asks me.

My hand runs through my hair. “I had to apologise to her.”

“What the fuck for?” he hisses.

“I’m not supposed to like her this much. Aria. It wasn’t meant to be like this,” I tell him.

“Why can’t you like her?”

“Because that would be cheating on Shelli.”

“Cheating on Shelli? That’s not…” Gio shakes his head. “You deserve to move on, Santo. You’re allowed to be happy again.”

“I love Shelli,” I tell him. “But with Aria, it’s different. I want her more than I’ve ever wanted anyone.” My words are low, almost a whisper. “The guilt is killing me. I love Shelli. I shouldn’t want another woman like this.”

“Fuck me,” Gio curses under his breath. “I have to show you something.”

Neither of us fills the silence for the rest of the drive. When we get back to the house, Gio yanks me into his office.

“Look, whatever you feel, whatever you’re thinking after I give this to you… you come and get me before you do anything stupid.” He reaches a hand into the safe on the wall and pulls out a little notebook. “I found this at the beach house. I didn’t want to show you. Ever. I didn’t want your view of her to change,” he says before handing it to me.

I open it and stare down at the first page. At Shelli’s handwriting scrawled across reams of paper. “What is this?” I ask Gio.

“It’s her journal. I don’t know why she wrote all this shit down. I didn’t read past the first few pages,” he says. “But she’s not who we thought she was. And this guilt that’s eating you up, well, it’s not fucking warranted. She doesn’t deserve it.”

I’ve never heard my brother talk about Shelli like this. They all loved her. We basically grew up together. What could she have possibly written in this book that would change my brother’s opinion of her?

“What did she do?” I slam the book shut. I don’t want to read it. Is this journal what she kept telling me to find?

“You should hear it from her,” he says while nodding towards the book. “Santo, when you do read it, don’t forget you have a wife who needs you—fake or not.” He sighs and shakes his head. “I need you.”

“Good thing I’m not going anywhere then, bro. This place would fall apart without me,” I joke before turning and walking out of his office.

I contemplate throwing the journal in the fucking bin. I don’t know what’s in it, but I do know it’s bad if Gio has kept it from me all this time.

I make my way towards the front of the house. I can’t fucking drive but I need to get out of here. I spot Cammi pulling up the driveway. Vin bought her a brand-new Bentley as a wedding gift.

Showy fucker.

“Hey, I need you to give me a lift.” I jump through her passenger-side door before she turns the car off.

“Okay. Where to?” she asks me.

“The park,” I tell her. She knows what park I’m talking about. She’s found me there a couple of times when the family has had to search for my drunk ass.

“What’s wrong?”

“I don’t know yet,” I admit.

As soon as she pulls into the car park, Cammi turns in her seat to look at me. “Want me to stay? I don’t mind.”

“Nah, I got this. Thanks for the ride.” I open the door.

“Santo.” Cammi reaches for my hand. “You really do deserve Aria. I like her. She makes you smile. Don’t fuck it up,” she says.

“I already married her. How can I possibly fuck it up?”

“Do you know that most marriages end in divorce?” Cammi asks.

“Not in our family. They end in a body bag,” I tell her before climbing out of the car. Divorce doesn’t happen in our world. But death sure as fuck does.

Then again, I guess Aria and I will be the first. In a year’s time. Am I really going to be able to let her walk away? I’m addicted to her now. An addiction that’s only going to get worse, the more time I spend with her. The more I have her.

Maybe that’s the problem. I shouldn’t be having her at all.

Shaking thoughts of Aria from my mind, I walk through the park, stopping when I get to Shelli’s statue. “What did you do?” I ask her.

She doesn’t answer. I’m not drunk enough to see her anymore. So I open the journal and start reading. I can almost hear her voice as my eyes scan over each word on the page.

If you’re reading this, chances are I’m not around anymore. I didn’t want this to happen. I love you, S. I really do. But how can I sit by and do nothing when you’re going to destroy not only your life but mine too? I can’t live in the shadows with you. And I know you will never leave them. I know you’ll never leave your family.

When I met him, he was just a nice guy who bought me a coffee. We spent hours talking. He was… normal. Not from the same world you’re stuck in. And for the first time since we were kids, I could picture a different future for myself.

That’s when it started. The fantasies, the white-picket fence, the husband with a nine to five. The safe life. I didn’t mean for those fantasies to turn into anything more than that. But the more I talked to him, the more I fell in love. Not the kind of love I feel for you, S. No, it was different. It was… safer.

I’m a coward. I wanted safe, when my whole life all I knew was danger. I wanted security. I wanted normal. All the things I’ll never have with you. No matter how much I love you and I know you love me too, your love for your family will always come first. And I’ll always be second choice.

James was different from anyone I’ve ever met. He was patient, kind. He never lost his temper or raised his voice. He was always calm and would listen to me talk for hours and hours. I should have known that he was too good to be true. No one is perfect.

By the time I found out who he was, it was too late. I’d already sealed my fate and his. And, well, yours too, I guess. Everything that’s happened is my fault. That one fantasy I wanted so desperately to believe in led me down a path I couldn’t find a way out of. You will never know how sorry I am. I didn’t know what to do. So I tried to forget about James, but then I found out I was pregnant. With his child.

I was forever tied to someone I didn’t even know. I was scared, and you so easily believed that it was yours. Why wouldn’t you? You loved me. I wanted to take it all back. I wanted the baby to be yours, S, more than anything.

I confronted James. Told him I was pregnant, told him I knew who he was and what he was using me for. I threatened to tell you everything while knowing it’d ruin my life. Knowing what you’d do to him. I wanted him gone, but I was a coward. And I couldn’t tell you.

I slam the journal closed and stare at the statue above me. I feel the first tear run down my face. “What the fuck did you do, Shelli?” I whisper. “What the fuck did you do?”

But I don’t need her to answer me, because I already know.

She… had an affair? How? I would have known. I was always with her. Except I wasn’t. I was busy working, building a fucking life for us.

I push to my feet and kick at the statue. It doesn’t budge. My fist slams into the concrete, over and over again while tears stream down my face. Anger, grief, regret, so many fucking emotions take hold of me all at once. Until a pair of arms wraps around me and tugs me back.

“Stop.” Gio’s voice sounds from behind me.

“Let me the fuck go.” I shove at him. “You kept this from me. You knew all this time and didn’t fucking tell me? Fuck you, Gio.” I push at him again.

“I did it for you,” he says, his tone so irritatingly calm.

“For me?” I laugh. “This wasn’t for me. It was for you. You didn’t want to see what I’d do if I found out. What I was capable of doing.”

“Maybe.” He shrugs.

“She… How could she do this to us?” I fall to the ground. I feel like I’ve just lost her all over again. Except that’s not true. Because I never really fucking had her in the first place.