A Sinner’s Truth: Chapter 17

I fucked up. I tasted her, and now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know what came over me this morning. I woke up with her body pressed up against mine. Her shirt had ridden up, and I could feel her naked ass pressing against me. I could also feel her thighs tighten.

She was turned on, and when she moved to try to get out of bed, her wetness pressed against my thigh. It did something to me. I’m not proud of what happened. I left the house and went straight to the park. To Shelli’s statue. I couldn’t even face her grave. So much fucking guilt is consuming me. I don’t know what to do with it.

The worst part? As shitty as I feel over betraying Shelli, I still want Aria.

I had a taste, and I want more. So much fucking more. Which is fucked up, because the last thing I need is more of Aria. I need less. So much fucking less. The sooner Eloise finds us a house so we can have separate bedrooms, the better.

Which is why I came here. To talk to Aria. To lay down some ground rules again. Maybe cement them in place. I can’t let her think this is anything but what it is. I’ll never be able to give her a real marriage, a real relationship beyond friendship.

What I didn’t expect to find when I walked through her door was another man. Drew Ambrose. I had Marcel get me every bit of information on the asshole best friend. He and Aria met in school, and as far as I can tell, they’ve never dated. I don’t for one second believe the little prick doesn’t want to fuck her, though. I mean, I want to and I haven’t wanted to fuck anyone since Shelli.

Aria is drop-dead gorgeous. I don’t even think she knows it, and that just intensifies how beautiful she is. I ignored Drew’s presence, and lucky for him, he didn’t try to stop me from walking straight into Aria’s bedroom when Vin told me where she was.

Now, I’m sitting on the edge of her bed, trying and failing to get my cock under control as I watch tiny water droplets run down her shoulder and along her chest. I want to lick them off her. She just walked out of her bathroom. In a fucking towel.

I could have her naked and underneath me within seconds. I’ve already calculated how many steps it would take to close the distance. Three. And just as many seconds to remove the towel from her body.

Her hand rests on her chest. I want to replace it with mine. “I didn’t mean to,” I huff out. Scaring her is the last thing I want to do.

“Where’d you go this morning?” she asks.

“We should talk,” I say, instead of answering. I don’t think telling her I went to talk to my dead fiancée is something that she needs to hear right now. Or ever really.

“Okay. So talk.” Aria walks over to a chest of drawers and starts rummaging through it. I can only assume she’s looking for clothes.

“Maybe you should get dressed first.”

“I can talk and get dressed at the same time.” With a pile of clothes in one hand, she walks back into the bathroom, leaving the door open enough that I can see her reflection in the mirror. Does she know she’s giving me a full show? “What do you want to talk about?” she prompts.

“This morning. What happened… what I did,” I say, forcing my eyes onto a picture hanging on her wall instead of that mirror.

Aria walks back out of the bathroom wearing a pair of denim shorts and some boy band t-shirt. “What we did. You didn’t do that alone, Santo,” she says.

“I shouldn’t have done it. To you… or to her.” I whisper that last part.

“Who is her?” Aria asks.

“Shelli.”

Aria doesn’t say anything at first, and the silence is killing me. “You really haven’t been with anyone else since she died?”

I shake my head. “We were supposed to be married.” I know most people move on after their spouse dies. I just can’t do it.

“Okay, but we actually are married, Santo. And it didn’t mean anything anyway, right?”

“Right,” I repeat.

“You didn’t do anything I didn’t like. You didn’t do anything wrong,” Aria says.

“I know,” I tell her, even though I feel like all of this is wrong.

“I know this arrangement is to help me, but maybe it can help you too.” Aria sits next to me on the bed.

“How so?”

“I know this is going to end in a year. I accept that. I’m not going to become some weird stage-five clinger or anything. I don’t expect you to fall in love with me, nor do I want you to.” Aria’s face reddens a little when she says this. “But I think we could use this year to… explore… with each other.”

“Explore?” I raise an eyebrow, despite having a pretty solid idea as to what she’s suggesting.

“Sexually,” she says quietly. “It’s okay if you don’t want to. I get it. I just thought maybe we could work on that guilt that’s eating you alive. And maybe when the year is up, you’ll be able to move on and find love again.”

The thing is, I don’t want to find love again. I’ve had it. I don’t fucking want to feel that kind of loss a second time around. “You want to explore sex? You don’t like sex.”

“I don’t, but I’ve also never had a guy give me an orgasm before either. Maybe you were right and I just haven’t had sex with the right person.” Aria shakes her head. “It’s a stupid idea. Forget I said anything.” She moves to stand up, and I reach out and grab hold of her wrist to stop her.

“It’s not a stupid idea.”

“It’s not?”

I shake my head. “It’s not.” I push off the bed and stand in front of her, my eyes focused on her lips. My heart races. I’ve never kissed anyone other than Shelli. Can I really do this? I guess I’m about to find out. “I met Shelli when I was thirteen. I haven’t… done this with anyone other than her,” I admit.

Aria’s eyes widen. “You really are a nice guy under that tough exterior, aren’t you?”

“The things in my head right now—the things I want to do to you—are not nice, Aria,” I tell her.

“Show me,” she says.

My lips slam onto hers. My hand cups the back of her head and my fingers pull on the wet strands of her hair as I tip her back. Pushing my tongue into her mouth and swirling it around. She tastes like toothpaste. Minty and something that is uniquely her. It’s intoxicating. I pull her body harder against mine.

Aria’s arms wrap around my neck, and she tugs me closer. I swallow her moan before I pull back. Reluctantly. I don’t want to stop kissing her. My gaze drops to her now-swollen lips. And, damn it, I want more.

“Wow,” she whispers.

Wow, exactly. I’m so confused. “What are you doing to me?” I ask before I realise I’m speaking aloud.

“I don’t know,” she replies.

I wait for the guilt to kick in. And as if on cue, it hits me. But before I can drown in it, Aria smiles at me.

“It’s okay,” she says, stepping back.

It’s not okay. None of this is okay. “How much stuff do you want to bring home?” I ask her.

“We could stay here,” she suggests for a second time. “I mean, you don’t need to buy a place just for us to play house. We can just stay here.”

“It’s not safe enough here. Remember? Besides, it’s about time I buy a place of my own. El has some listings she wants to show us tomorrow. Choose whatever you want, and I’ll make a cash offer so we can get the property quicker.”

“It’s your house, Santo. You choose it,” Aria tells me.

“It’s our house. And, honestly, I’ll probably just sell it after the twelve months are up anyway.” I don’t intend to keep a house I bought with another woman.

“Did you meet Drew?” Aria asks, throwing the conversation in a different direction.

“No,” I grunt. More like stepped around him. Truth is I can live without properly meeting him. She cares about the guy and that really just doesn’t sit well with me.

“Come on. Just… he’s my best friend, Santo, so please try to be nice,” Aria says.

“Nice isn’t in my vocabulary.” I chuckle, letting her take hold of my hand.

“It is. You just don’t want people to see it,” Aria says as she drags me back out into the living room. “Drew, I want you to meet my husband—Santo. Santo, Drew—my best friend.” Aria waves an arm between us.

“Hey, mate. It’s good to meet you.” I hold out a palm.

After a glance at Aria, Drew returns the gesture. I might squeeze a little too hard. But the fucker needs to know I’m not his friend, and the second he gives me a reason, I will erase him from Aria’s life.

“Perfect. I’m going to need you to water my plants, Drew,” Aria says.

I look around the living room. There are two potted plants by the balcony door. Both look like they’re already dead. “I’m not sure water is what they need, sweetheart,” I mutter as I walk over and stop in front of them.

“They’re fine. They just do that. Now and then, they go brown, then suddenly they come back. Those plants are like cats. I think they have nine lives,” she says.

“Right.” I shake my head.

“We’re heading out, bro. You guys good here?” Vin chimes in, interrupting my thoughts about how fucking adorable my wife is.

“Yeah. We’re good,” I tell him.

“I’ll see you both back at the house.” Cammi hugs me. “FYI: Gio’s planning a reception for you,” she whispers against my ear.

“Good to know,” I whisper back.

Vin and Cammi leave, and an awkward silence falls over those of us left standing in the living room.

“Aria said you own this apartment?” I look at Drew, who turns and looks at Aria.

“Did she? It’s hers. She just won’t let me sign the deed over to her,” he says.

“I’ll have my lawyer draw up a contract of sale. I’ll buy it from you,” I tell him, then add, “For her.”

I have no intention of buying the place for myself, but I won’t have my wife being taken care of by another man. I know Aria isn’t going to let go of her apartment anytime soon. She’d be mad to. Our arrangement has an expiration date, and if she won’t keep the house I plan to buy for us, she’ll need somewhere to go afterwards.

“Ah, no, you won’t,” Aria says.

“Aria, you’re my wife. This is your apartment. We’re buying it.” I’m not negotiating on this.

“Drew, I think I hear your phone ringing.” Aria glares at her friend.

“No, it’s not,” Drew says, sounding confused.

“Yes, it is. In your apartment. Thin walls and all,” she tells him.

“Oh, right, yeah. I can hear it now.” His eyes widen. “It was good knowing you,” he says to me, laughing as he walks out the door.

Aria spins around, and it doesn’t take a genius to see that she’s pissed. I do my best to school my features, as much as I want to smile right now, because a pissed-off Aria is fucking hilarious and maybe slightly intimidating.