Chapter 32

Gabe went to sleep without any trouble but she was a great baby to put down for nap times. Thank God. There was this one family who I liked watching and their pay was even better than the Watson's. However, putting their son down for a nap was hell. He would kick and scream the whole time and when he was placed inside his crib he'd scream and cry for over ten minutes. He was twenty months old. You would think by now they would have a method for putting him to sleep because listening to him cry for over ten minutes was not a good way to live day in and day out.

I watched season two of You on Netflix till the Watson's return. They even came home a whole hore early now that's what I call a pleasant night. They showed me pictures of their food and explained how the restaurant operated. Tiny, little dishes of food were brought to the table in five, seven or ten courses. They told me what foods tasted good and some not so good. They even had time after their dinner to take a night stroll.

The more I listened the more I realized maybe it wasn't then I was attracted to not that they weren't attractive but maybe it was what they had that I liked so much. A drama-free relationship, based on differing personalities that didn't collide but blended. A beautiful, sweet daughter that was easy to soothe and a nice house in a nicer neighborhood with jobs they loved.

I went to bed that night with a lot on my mind. No different than how I slept every other night but tonight felt even more lonesome. I was missing something from my life. A lot of things and it turned out money didn't solve everything. I didn't have much of it to be able to confirm that but I had enough and I was still unhappy. I was still empty inside and longing for something I didn't know I wanted.

Rain sounds hitting the grass were playing on my phone. I imagined clear droplets bouncing off of green grass and leaves of many colors. Red, yellow, and orange. Rain that went on and on harder and harder as gray clouds cried. A strong wind blew the trees that knocked loudly at my window. Knock. Knock. Knock.

"Why can't you just keep your money? You give it all to them and then you come to me wanting help. Can't you just worry about yourself or better yet ask them?" I pull on my hair on the car ride from IHOP. My grandma and I had just come back from eating and laughing and like always we ended a lovely evening with an argument about her spoiling her grandsons who were too grown to be spoiled.

"Don't worry about what I do for them. If I need help they'll give it to me." Grandma growled at me. Her chest was rising and her breathing became heavier. I didn't have time for this. I just wanted to leave her and be done with this entire family.

What did I have to feel guilty about? If Trick and Brayden just helped her out more I wouldn't be telling her not to help them so much. Why did I care what she was doing with her money because I was the one that cared? I didn't want her to work forever and yet here she was in her seventies working to the bone. It made me sick, mad, and sad.

"Whatever grandma," And yet I wasn't making the situation any better for her by arguing with her.

I awoke from my dream with a startle. My niece was standing over me. "I'm hungry." She said with pleading eyes.

Yeah. The sun alone brightly through my blinds and I yawned. I wanted to go off on my own. I wiped the crust from my eyes and went to use the bathroom.

"Mi'a." Amarah whined as she followed me to the bathroom.

But when my grandma passed she left all of us a little bit of money and we went in on a house together. No of us was sure how long we stayed together or if we could even tolerate one another. "Can't I have some privacy!" I said rubbing my still tired eyes.

"Whatever." Amarah chimed.

Funny how life works out.

"I filled out the paperwork and now I have to wait for a court date." Brayden explained to everybody at the breakfast table.

"That's good. Hopefully it won't take too long." I replied.

"Yeah," Talia added.

Trick was busy entertaining Amarah who was pinching him and stealing bits of his food. I watched the playful encounter with glee. It wasn't all bad, this family. If I made it sound like it was I didn't mean to. Talia threw a smile my way as she texted on her phone. I loved these guys and they loved me. We were ride-or-die all the way for one another. Brayden and Courtney say side by side sharing a bacon and cheese omelet.

If my dream was any indication I had a lot of issues to go through about how I treated my grandma and my struggle with how she lived her life. She was gone though and she wasn't the kind of person to live in the past. She took each day one at a time with a positive attitude. It's what she would want me to do. It's what I was trying to tell Lillian to do with Mr.Anderson. Move on and be happy. It sounds easy enough. I dipped my pork bacon into the leftover syrup from my French toast. Perhaps it was that easy.