CHAPTER 30 **Cutely Confusing**

Uh? What about it?

Matthew put the nucleus into his sleeve, without asking, and said, “Where’d you get it from?”

It was sort of like a myth now, he was sure it was from a beast, but how to go about defeating the beast and getting it, was quite a mystery.

You’re kidding?

Sahara was flabbergasted at this news!

If I didn’t say where I’d gotten it from, would this mean they are worth something!? Ohmigod, have I made it rich!?

Sahara couldn’t help but get…Absolutely excited!

Who knew that reading cultivation books in a previous life would help me so much! Well…Actually, I knew that…Hang on!

“Hey, give it back!”

The man covered his mouth and gave a cough, “…I will trade information about them, for one in return.”

Uh? Hey, I can get information on my own buster!

“No deal!” Sahara did the works and even put her hands in an x…Just like on an old show…

This lass! Such words and actions!

“They are well sought after, by those who want to rank up quickly. These nucleuses have concentrated spiritual essence that need to be put into a pill, that us people can use. The problem is, not many know how to do that now, because of how rare these nucleuses are. The pills sell for quite an extreme sum, but that’s not all, the people who meditate on ‘Dispersion’ and exchange the spiritual essence from the nucleus and into the pills, are able to rank up through doing this!”

Not wanting to return the nucleus, Matthew had started to talk about it.

Sahara already somewhat forgot about his stealing, as she wandered about this meditation.

I see, it’s like hitting two birds with one stone…If I learnt how to do this…Shame that the Rolland Estate didn’t seem to have books about this meditation at all.

Watching, as she was thinking, Matthew couldn’t help but smile.

So, this little lass was defeating beasts, that’s great! She needs to be strong…

“Do you know much of this meditation?” Sahara asked.

“I don’t have much on it in my estate, but the Academy, in the capital, most certainly will.”

The Academy…School…

Rolling my eyes, I patted Naruto absentmindedly.

Wait! If the Academy had a bed for me…Why not! I won’t be going back to Rolland Estate, and if I’m going back, then I’ll need somewhere to stay. I can’t afford something straight away. The Academy will be perfect! I could learn this ‘Dispersion’ meditation and be able to sleep comfortably! Ranking up and getting money, sounds like the perfect plan! Do they do that though? I mean, book are books, this isn’t a book so I just can’t assume that they take in people! A book is a book, of course of course…Ha, I can’t believe I remember that!

Yeah, the real saying is of a horse that can speak…So, once again, Sahara lost her train of thought…

The man continued to watch her, then put his head down to her hand, which was patting the fox, that was only the size of two hands.

Breathing out and making a strange face, he stared at the lass beside him.

This little fox gets more attention than I do!

The fox felt something strange and opened its eyes, to stare at the man beside it. Naruto’s ears pointed straight up, and he swished his three tails slightly.

Low grunting could be heard coming from the fox’s throat, as the man looked back at it.

The fox put its head into her hand, to show its dominance over this being, but when he looked back at the man, he saw something so scary that the little fox suddenly ran off with a tail between its legs, startling Sahara out of her thoughts.

“Hey, shithead! What the hell?”

It had been strange, because Sahara thought something was happening to her for a short moment, but then she guessed it was just Naruto running away.

And not being around people for so long, Sahara had converted to talk the way she did before she had transmigrated. So, when she had said these…Strange words, the man had gone from possessiveness, to confusion.

Shit…Head…Is that a name? I've never heard of it before...Shithead…The sounding isn’t bad…

After another moment of silence, Matthew smiled and said, “When are we leaving?”

Sahara was stunned to his sudden, strange question, “Leaving?”

Did we talk about something while I was dreaming?

She blinked and put her head to the side, trying to wonder if she had been side-tracked while looking at his handsome face.

Nah, it was probably the time I was thinking about the meditation…

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His happy laughter went through her ears, and he said, “Yes, let’s go!”

I really did miss something! Where would we be going!

Sahara was…Really confused!

Matthew wanted to continue to play with her, as she looked really cute, being so confused!

“It’s a long trip, maybe we should sleep first.”

“…What are you talking about!” Sahara said in a raised voice.

Matthew tried to look like he was serious, holding in his laughter, “That’s a great idea, let’s sleep and leave tomorrow.”

She blinked again and looked up at the sky, it was still afternoon, “Uh? It’s still early?”

Matthew followed her gaze and nodded, “Yeah, but I don’t want to leave till tomorrow.”

“Where are you going tomorrow?” Sahara asked. It’d been a while since she’s had company besides Naruto...Who had run off.

He was going to leave already?

“I’m going back, I have people to see and things to finish!” Matthew hadn’t meant to sound so serious when he had said that, but it did stop his playful tone.

Sighing, he continued, “Your father…Has been ill in bed, just like your brother…”

Sahara stayed silent, as the words sunk in.

Did he mean that Talon and Samuel were ill…Or that ‘stupid father’ and Talon were ill…

“Don’t you want revenge?” He asked.

He thought she cared about Talon, yet her face seemed to say nothing at all.

Is she really surprised? I thought she knew of her eldest brother having plans…

When Sahara finally took his words in, she looked at him and shook her head, “They…They are ill in bed? Talon and…”

“Mmm, Talon and the Right Minister…But, for what happened to you. Haven’t you thought of revenge? I’d thought you’d have come back by now and…”

Sahara shook her head, “I don’t…”

She didn’t finish her sentence because she didn’t want to explain herself.

“You don’t want revenge? Do you already forgive them?” The man was very interested, even though he could see that she put up walls, to stop him from getting closer.

Sahara didn’t nod or shake her head. After a minute of silence, and sighing to having to explain, she looked at him, “My forgiveness isn’t worth much.”

The man begged to differ and scoffed, “You…Why do you lower yourself so much? Was it because of how they had treated you?”

She let out a laugh, “You misunderstand.”

Without her telling him how he misunderstood, the man sighed, “How did I misunderstand?”

“I don’t think I’m worthless at all. Granted, I have flaws, but I accept my flaws wholeheartedly. My forgiveness wouldn’t mean much, because that would be all it is. I can’t turn back time, I can’t change someone’s thoughts…What will my forgiveness be…Especially if they don’t want it to begin with! If I wanted my mother died, I mean…I mean Celeste, through some kind of revenge…My words to her, when I last saw her, wouldn’t have been ‘why?’.”

Sahara understood her own words, knowing that if she did feel something like revenge, it was probably something that had attracted the ‘other’ side within her, but at the moment, she was still ‘good’ and she honestly didn’t feel like she needed to get revenge. She’d much rather stay here where nothing bad to her happens. This was life, she was doing things and experiencing things here, she was teaching herself and staying active…She even had a dependent! Why would she leave this to just get back at those who just don’t give a shit in the first place?

But the man didn’t quite understand her and said, “Then why was your first word ‘why’?”

Sahara laughed to the obvious question, “Obviously because I didn’t understand!”

Truly, why would someone use a poison that you get beheaded for?

Why didn’t she just use another method…Or just deal with it!? Normally, you have to build a bridge and walk over it…Did she realize that she had walked into the mud? Sahara honestly didn’t understand!

The man frowned, remembering that she didn’t know, “She had said that you were the reason why her daughter had to rush to leave her side.”

With his words, Sahara fell into contemplation. Blinking and putting her head to the side, looking even more charming to the man beside her.

Her red, sinister eyes couldn’t look as innocent and sweet as the rest of her, making him chuckle.

With this sudden thought, he finally got curious and wanted to ask about her red eyes, but she interrupted his thoughts.

“Uh!”

Now I understand! Geez, to attempt to kill someone for that reason…Was it worth it? It really amazed me that this kind of era was so prone to people killing others…Was everyone short sighted? Did they have nothing better to do then to get themselves into trouble? Was that their ‘fun’?

Having been ‘living’ here, in the wilderness, for quite some time and without anything going wrong, Sahara sighed.

What’d I say, this era is doom!

The man thought her response was lacking, especially if she just found out why someone had wanted to kill her, and nearly succeeded. “Don’t you desire revenge for that? Even now, I’m not sure how you survived from her evil deed!”

Ask me to help you…Let me tell you what I’ve done, my girl!

Sahara looked at him and frowned back, “If something is to blame…Mmm…” She picked at the dirt on the ground, while in thought, “It’s probably herself, for not bringing her daughter up probably…Yeah…And, what’s that got to do with me?”

The man sat up straighter.

Wait, what is she saying? I talk about revenge, and she talks about blame…

“What do you mean?” He asked, completely confused.

Sahara sighed, “The reason why she did what she did, was because her daughter was leaving earlier?” she asked, making sure she had the real point.

“Yes, she had to leave because your father and grandfather wanted to protect you but didn’t want to hurt Gabriella.”

Protect me? Father…

Sahara nodded her head, she wasn’t a hundred percent sure before, but hearing this, she decided to finish what she was talking about first, “My point!”

After finishing her very short sentence, Sahara thought about Talon…

Didn’t the man say that Talon was sick? Was it like a sickness that he would get over in just a day or two or a bad sickness? Don’t tell me he’s been in bed for ages or something…

The man looked at her with wide, puzzled eyes, “What is your point!?”

Sahara was startled.

My point? About what? Now I’ve forgotten what we were talking about…

With her oblivious eyes, Matthew fell into a strange silence.

Did she…Lose focus, or the point that she was trying to make? What in the world is going on? Wait…Is she playing with me?

Before Sahara could remember to ask about Talon, Matthew interrupted the strange, and confused silence, “You were saying that you blamed Celeste, after I told you why she tried to kill you.”

Sahara nodded again, “Yeah! That’s right! Why should I seek revenge on her attempting to take my life? If I did that…I might as well get the person who gave her the poison, get my grandfather who made the decision of making Gabriella leave, and also Gabriella, for putting her own mother in this predicament! Doesn’t that sound like too much work!? Wouldn’t it be better to come here? Nothing has happened to me while I’ve been here…”

It wasn’t like Gabriella was her daughter and that it was Sahara’s fault for her behavior, it wasn’t like…Like before, where she got revenge, this was…This was different…

It was ludicrous thinking! This lass didn’t want to get revenge because…It was too much work!?

Sahara continued then, “Instead I’d prefer to think that if Gabriella was brought up better, my mother poisoning me would have never had happened…So, my mother only has herself the blame for her fate.”

Shaking his head, he had no idea whatsoever, on how this lass’s mind worked! She didn’t think of revenge…Because of the work…And blamed the past? What does she get out of that?

…Oh…She’s thinking of the solution of the problem, before it arises. But that doesn’t help, since it’s already happened…

Honestly, it wasn’t his fault. Sahara’s mind seemed to shut down any kind of revenge and anger issues and seemed to ‘store’ them up inside.

Through this, she would find a solution to any kind of issue in a basic, simple way instead. Her mind came to the conclusion that if Gabriella hadn’t tried to kill her, she wouldn’t have been forced out of the Rolland Estate early. Meaning, to Sahara’s own conclusion, it was a failure of parenting, for letting Gabriella get so totally out of control. This outcome was obviously something that Sahara couldn’t change, but since it wasn’t connected to her, due to bad parenting, Sahara felt nothing. It wasn’t the first time she’d seen this problem, nor she dares to say, would it be the last.