Chapter 23

THIS CAN'T BE HAPPENING!

My thoughts echoed repeatedly, but my body went numb, and I lost all sensation.

Please, not my mom!

The events that followed were a blur of fleeting images. Scenes played out before my eyes without my control. It felt like watching my life crumble before me in reflection.

Sitting outside the emergency room, my eyes were fixed on the massive door. It brought back memories from when I was eight years old.

Tears were everywhere, and my mom held me tightly as she cried silently. Despite feeling a profound sense of emptiness in my heart, I couldn't comprehend why. Sadly, no one had the opportunity to explain the situation to me at that time.

My mom and I were surrounded by the elders in our Brooklyn neighborhood, who offered warm hugs and tears of comfort. The moments after the big white door opened were etched in my memory. The expression on the doctor's face conveyed the news that changed our lives forever.

Today's events brought back the same fear, but I must remain strong. So, rather than dwelling on the fear, I recall my last conversation with my mom.

My mother was always vibrant, optimistic, and graceful. Even if she sensed that I was going through a tough time, she never mentioned it. However, her daily calls and constant messages filled with care and love made me feel genuinely fortunate.

I have been fortunate to have someone who never judges my decisions or despises my mistakes. Instead, she offers me understanding and inspiration whenever I need it. Through her, I have learned that home is not defined by a physical location but rather by the feeling of being enough for the people you care about and love.

"We can be happy anywhere! We create  our happiness!"

My mother is my sanctuary, my source of comfort and joy.

When I glanced around, I saw my extended family gathered, including Avery, her parents, and Art's mother. Their love has helped us through everything, and today was no exception.

Avery gently grasped my hand and whispered, "Art is on the phone with his mother."

I nodded, unable to find the right words to say. While I knew I needed to have a crucial discussion with Art, it could wait. However, their genuine concern for us was truly touching.

Memories of the moments I shared with my mom keep flooding my mind. I feel regretful for the times I missed her calls and guilty for not calling her first.

I shook my head and silently wept, regretful for all the missed opportunities to be the daughter my mom deserved.

I've been struggling with selfishness lately. I've been so preoccupied with hiding my situation that I haven't been able to spend quality time with my loved ones. Instead of checking in on them regularly, I've isolated myself and avoided social interactions. Keeping the truth to myself has caused me to miss precious moments with those who care about me and whom I treasure.

As Avery's hand tightly grasped mine, my attention returned to the large white door ahead. Unlike when my father passed away, I was fully aware of what was transpiring behind the door. With silent desperation, I fervently prayed for a positive outcome.

There is nothing I wouldn't do to see a smile on the face of someone who comes out of the ER. But, unfortunately, sometimes prayers alone aren't enough. When the door finally opened, my fellow waiting room companions and I immediately stood up. Art's mother and Avery held one of my hands as we approached the doctor.

As the doctor took off his mask, my body began to tremble. His face was not smiling, but rather the same one I remembered from when I was eight years old.

"I'm sorry, we could not save her despite all our efforts.

I couldn't breathe—an intense unbearable pain pressed on my chest. In a few seconds, my legs were boneless. And my vision turned pitch black.

***

"Are you aware of this?"

"No, Mom. I just learned of it today before you called me."

"Art needs to know. But I know my son. So he will take the next flight back to Boston."

"Ladies, let us divide the tasks. The three of us take care of the funeral services. Avery, you stay here with Shelly. Call us once she wakes up."

"Yes, Dad. I will stay here."

I woke up to the whispering voices around me. Knowing Avery and her parents and Art's mom were talking about me, I kept my eyes closed. Sadness and emptiness filled my heart. I felt my body lying in a bed.

The doctor's words outside the ER echoed in my ears. Reality dawned on me. My mom is gone. She was never coming back. I missed the opportunity of telling her about her grandchild. Pain and loneliness filled me.

I am alone now. I don't have any of my parents anymore.

The moment I heard the door shut, I let my tears fall.

"Oh, Shells!"

I felt my best friend's grip on my hand. When Avery's fingers started wiping my tears, I lost control. The floodgates opened at the same time I opened my eyes. My body shook uncontrollably.

"My mom is gone. I don't have a family anymore!"

Avery cupped my face and looked me in the eye. "Your mom may be gone, but you're not alone. You will never be. You have us. We are your family!"

I lifted my body from the bed and sat up, facing her. I took her hands and held onto them.

"Tell me this is just a dream, Ave. Tell me I'm just losing my mind...."

Avery squeezed my hands. Her eyes were glistening.  "Shells, I wish the same. But, as devastating as it may be, Aunt Sheryl is not with us anymore."

Hearing my mom's name added loud sobs to the never-ending tears falling. Maybe this was how my mom felt when Dad died. So alone and helpless. There were no words to describe the unimaginable pain and longingness that enveloped my body. The pain was excruciating. It felt like hitting the depths of my soul.

In the hospital room, we sobbed aloud as we embraced each other. I knew in my heart my best friend was crying as hard as I was. It wasn't just me who lost my mom. She was like a second mom to her. Avery lost her too.

While we were comforting each other, Avery's mom and Auntie Jenny returned. No words were spoken; they hugged us tightly and warmly. Our cries and sobs were heard in the room's four corners.

As if it was planned by the two mothers, after an hour, Auntie Beth asked Avery to go with her outside. The moment they left, Auntie Jenny didn't waste a second.

"How are you feeling?" Auntie Jenny asked as she handed me a glass of water.

Instead of saying a word, my tears fell again. Immediately Auntie Jenny took the glass from my hand and held it for me as I took a sip. Once done, she placed the glass on the side table and rushed to embrace me.

"Rest your eyes, my dear. I know it's easier said than done, but please, calm yourself. The doctor said less stress is needed in your condition."

Her words reminded me of the baby. I pulled away from her embrace. I placed my hand on my belly and met Auntie Jenny's gaze.

"What did the doctor say? Is the baby okay?" My voice trembled.

Auntie Jenny smiled as she nodded. She placed her hand on top of mine. "The baby is fine. My grandchild is perfect!"

I took a deep breath of relief. They're right. I should calm myself for the baby. I placed both hands around my stomach, realizing the baby inside me was the only family I had. But Auntie Jenny, the good and intuitive mother she was, took my hands and clasped them with hers.

"You are not alone, Shelly. We are all here for you and the baby. Your mom will be our angel in heaven. And you and Art will have your own happy family."

"Does Art know? Did you guys tell him?"

Auntie Jenny's fingers cleared the crease on my forehead. "Relax, sweetie. No one had told him about the baby yet. I just called to inform him your mom was in the ER while we were waiting hours ago."

"Thank you. I don't want to bother him. You know how he is."

Auntie Jenny nodded. "Informing him about the baby is your call to make." She gently removed strands of hair from my face and looked me in the eye. "When he calls me, I will tell him the news about Sheryl. And when he asks to talk to you, I'll pass you the phone."

I quietly nodded. Thoughts of how I will break the news on Art started in my mind.

"Tell him the good news and let him decide for himself. He's a grown man. Trust his judgment."

***