Wishes

Life fell into a pattern. I wasn't sure how I felt about that. How was it possible to find a new normal in the middle of all this craziness? Everywhere I went, I was watched and not subtly. Mrs. Rose jerked me inside the Merrow Cafe one afternoon because she didn't like how long I talked to Branna Goode. The Goodes were persona non grata after their attempt to help me escape. I'd only stopped to ask Branna why she hadn't told everyone about Molly yet, but Mrs. Rose acted like she'd caught the woman slipping me keys to a boat.

At school and the Steaming Sailor, the other students would pretend to study while darting what I'm sure they thought were surreptitious looks in my direction. Without Kieran, and even Tara and Niko, I would've gone off the deep end within a few days. As it was, I imagined throwing sharp objects at their eyeballs whenever I caught one of them staring.

I went to school to get out of the house, not to learn. What did Algebra matter when I wouldn't be around to use it? But Dylan made it a requirement- either I go to school or I spend my days glued to his side. After the first week without any mishaps, he relaxed and allowed me to roam the Island as long as I was with friends.

Those were my favorite times. I closed my eyes and tried to relive each moment. Each laugh. Each touch. Each kiss. My fingers went to my mouth and traced the outline. Kieran had spent enough time tasting and exploring those edges and curves, he could probably draw them in his sleep. Just as I could draw his.

I especially loved how his top lip was lopsided. There was a little freckle in the middle of his cupid's bow, and when he was really turned on, he would roll his bottom lip under his teeth. A thrill shot through me. He did that a lot lately.

Which made me think about taking the next step in our relationship. Deep down, I knew if I wasn't facing death in three days, I wouldn't be even close to considering sex with Kieran. Not that I didn't think we wouldn't end up there eventually, but we would take things slow. Now, the only thing holding me back was the fairness of it all. Kieran didn't strike me as a love em and leave em type. It would make my betrayal even worse in the end.

"What's got you all in yer head?"

I had my chin on my knees, watching the surf crash into the sand while Niko and Tara frolicked in the waves. Kieran sat at my side, and there was so much longing in his eyes as he watched the girls swimming, I knew I was making the right choice.

"Just enjoying the beautiful day," I said, suppressing a shiver as a gust of icy wind tried to cut through my coat. The chilly fall days were giving way to winter-like temperatures. October was not bowing out gracefully, but it fit my mood, so I didn't complain.

"Yer gonna have to do better than that," he said, hooking his arms around my waist and dragging me across his lap.

We toppled sideways. The sand was packed by recent rains so it didn't scatter beneath the impact, but I could feel the cool wetness seeping through my clothes.

"Ugh, you creep," I squealed. The giggle in my voice took the sting from my words as I tried to squirm free. "It's wet."

"I'll let you up when you talk."

He used his upper body to pin me down while he whistled a tune I didn't recognize. A slight brush along my side sent a tremor down my spine, but he doused the flames of desire when he dug his fingers in and started tickling.

"Kieran," I shrieked.

"Confess."

"I give in! I give in!"

"You best not be lying," he warned, lifting himself off me so I could draw in a ragged breath. Mirth sparkled in his hazel eyes, and as much as I wanted to be mad, I just couldn't when he looked at me that way.

I decided to go with the PG version of my thoughts. "I was just thinking about how surprised I've been by the last few weeks."

"What do you mean?"

"Just, they've been nice."

"Only nice?" he teased, running his hand through his hair to try and tame the flyaways our struggle had created. The effort resulted in hair sticking up every which away.

"There have been some really nice things."

"Don't worry. There's going to be a lot of nice moments in our future. Yer party is in three days, and after that, yer gonna be free."

And so will you. I turned my face back to the sea so he couldn't read the truth in my expression.

"Kieran, can I ask you something?"

"Anything," he said, twisting the hand he was holding so he could place a kiss on the back of it. God, I loved when he did that. Sweet. Innocent. It made me want to jump him.

"Are you... I mean, have you," I stumbled through the words, surprised it was so hard to ask, "have you ever been with anyone? Sexually?"

Gales of laughter reached our ears, and Kieran turned the same shade as a boiled lobster. Damn the Merrow and their sensitive hearing.

"Go on, Kieran," Niko shouted. She was lounging on her back, her purple tail spraying water as she slapped it on the surface. "Tara and I actually have a bet, and I would love to collect my money."

"Niko! You weren't supposed to say anything." Even from this far away, I could see the flush spread across Tara's face before she disappeared below the waves.

"You don't have to answer that here," I whispered. "I'm so sorry. I forgot they could hear."

"Not fair! No whispering," Niko fussed.

"It's fine," he grunted, rubbing the back of his neck.

"I haven't. Been with anyone that is. There was one time. It was close, but well, I had to ask like ten times for him to slow down. Figured if he couldn't get something like that right, he certainly couldn't get the rest of it right."

I had his attention now, and anger replaced the embarrassment shining in his eyes. "Did he hurt you?"

"No. He stopped. Eventually. I broke things off after that."

Kieran relaxed like a balloon deflated. "Good. I'd hate to make a deal with the devil to be able to swim across the world to beat the crap out of him."

I rolled my eyes even as his words warmed me inside. I really thought he might sell out to Lorelei if it meant keeping me safe.

"So," I said, drawing out the o.

"So, um," he began, leaning in close and lowering his voice so I just barely caught the single word, "no."

"I hate you both," Niko shouted before joining Tara underwater.

"Really?"

"Why does that surprise you?"

"I don't know. Guys always talk a big game, and when I got here, I was warned by everyone that I was going to be enemy number one if I tried to get with you. Apparently, you had some admirers."

The smirk I equal parts loved and hated blossomed on his lips. Smugness radiated from his pores. "I am quite the catch."

"I see now."

"What?"

"There's not enough room for you and your ego in the bedroom."

"I assure you, we could make it work," he said, winking at me even as he blushed. "But to tell you the truth. There's never been a girl who caught my attention enough to complicate things that way. Before you, I'd only ever kissed one girl- Jenny."

"Jenny. Why does that name seem so familiar?"

"Ewan's sister."

"Oh, wow."

"Yeah, we were pretty close for awhile, but after things with her brother, I couldn't handle being over there. Lorna was a good friend of mine, and Jenny started calling her all sorts of names. I can't say I blame her for taking her brother's side, but I wasn't going to put up with it. Haven't dated another girl until you."

"You know, I think this is the most normal conversation we've ever had," I mused, snuggling into his side in an attempt to get warm. The bright sunshine was being devoured by incoming clouds, and I hoped hot chocolate and a roaring fire was in our future.

"I'd go with the most awkward," he replied.

"More awkward than tell me everyone around here has tails."

"Definitely more awkward. Can I ask you a question now?" he asked while working his hands through the tangles in my hair. The gentle tugs on my scalp made me sleepy, and I had to fight back the moan I knew Tara and Niko would misinterpret if they heard.

"Mmhmm."

"What made you ask that now?"

Shifting in his arms, I looked up at him. Be bold. "I want you to be my first."

The look he gave me set my blood ablaze, and if we were alone, I might've gone for home plate then and there. He caught my mouth in a lingering kiss. It was slow and simple. But its effects reached deeper than any of our other kisses. Stirring something in my soul.

"I want you to be my last," he whispered.

Don't cry. Don't cry. I repeated the words over and over again as I threw my arms around his neck and went back for another kiss. This one tasted of desperation, and I was afraid it would give away my plans, but I couldn't stop.

"Soon," I begged, "maybe my birthday?"

"We don't have to rush," he insisted, breaking away and dragging air into his lungs. "I'd rather not do something just because we're scared."

"But I'm not scared. I know I want you."

"And I want you, but I'm not going to make that choice because we're being pushed into a corner. It shouldn't have a timeline. When we take that step, it's going to because we're ready. Okay?"

He accepted my short nod, and I buried my face into his chest to stop myself from bursting into hysterics. After all, he was right. It would be better this way in the long run. My ghost wouldn't haunt that moment for him. It would be clean and unsullied for a woman who would be able to walk-and swim- every mile with him.

And as badly as I wished for it, that woman wasn't going to be me.