Shock

I stood paralyzed under the bleachers watching Nate continue to speak to the very people who were seeking to spread more lies and gossip about me. My palms began to sweat as I stood protected under the metal stands wondering why he seemed so comfortable in front of the camera. More questions than answers knocked on the door to my heart. As I stared at him from afar, I literally did not know what to do until his eyes locked on mine across the field.

Panic set in, my adrenaline kicked into overdrive as Nate's face completely changed at the sight of me. The crowd around him noticed the change in demeanor and began to quickly turn in my direction. I sensed movement, like he had started to run towards me, but I didn't have time to look back.

One thing was certain, I needed to get out of there. Within seconds, I sprinted down the hill and out of sight. I continued to run all the way back to Nate's house. I replayed over and over the events that had just happened. My heart raced as I made my way down Nate's street and discovered vans parked along the sidewalk and reporters mulling around his front yard. I hopped a nearby neighbor's fence and ran through a couple other backyards to end up at Nate's backdoor. Luckily, Nate never bothered to lock it.

I burst through the door and shut it as fast as I could. As I breathed heavy from running all the way back to his house, I stopped to catch my breath for a few seconds. Then, I composed myself to the best of my abilities and slowly walked towards the front of the house. I carefully pulled the curtain back to assess the chaos that settled on the front lawn.

My worst nightmare was playing out. My safe place was no longer safe, and I was no longer in hiding. Again, I found myself in a public spectacle with all eyes watching for my next move. I stepped away from the window and paced back and forth completely freaking out until I heard a rustling noise coming from the backdoor.

I stood in silence not knowing if someone was breaking into the house or if Nate himself had actually run all the way back to the house.

"Nicky, are you here?" a familiar voice said, coming from the kitchen.

"Lily?" I asked softly.

Lily walked into the living room, not looking like her fashionable self. Her appearance led me to believe she was on high alert and quite panicked, probably throwing on anything she could grab before abruptly leaving her house.

I started to lose it. I ran over to her and hugged her tightly, the sight of a familiar, trusting face was what I needed at that exact moment. Our embrace quickly ended as Lily pulled away from me.

"We need to get you out of here," she said with authority.

"I don't know what's happening. I just saw Nate with reporters..." I said frazzled as Lily interrupted me.

"I don't know anything about that. I just know we have to get out of here now."

"What's going on, Lily? Just tell me," I demanded as tears developed in my eyes.

"I tried calling you all day, but you were MIA. I don't know, someone outed you. I'm working on finding out who," she revealed as she pointed to her phone like she was waiting for an important call.

"I can't leave. I need to talk to Nate," I said, trying to make sense of all the chaos.

"You can talk to him later and figure out whatever. Right now, the jet's waiting."

I stared at Lily, paralyzed not knowing what to do, feeling emotionally tugged in all directions.

"Now, GO," she said, raising her voice and emphasizing with her hands that I needed to get a move on.

I rushed towards the bedroom and began to quickly grab my things as I wiped tears off my face with my hand. I glanced at the guitar that lay on the bed, a reminder of how I felt hours before, optimistic and hopeful about the new song and my relationship. At that moment, all I felt was sick to my stomach as I threw the notebook that contained such promising lyrics into my bag.

Suddenly, all that work meant nothing.

After I felt like I'd packed everything I needed, I spent a second reliving the last time I saw Nate that morning in the bedroom. My heart slowly broke at the thought that our time together in that house had come to an abrupt ending.

I shuffled my way back to the living room with bags in hand and looked around for Lily who was obviously missing from where I last left her. All of a sudden, my best friend appeared from the kitchen. She was on the phone, speaking to someone for a second or two more until she quickly ended the call and reluctantly made eye contact with me.

I will never forget the look on her face, it was like someone had just broken the news her dog had died, but Lily didn't have a dog.

"What?" I asked.

Lily paused before speaking, like she was searching for the right words.

"JUST TELL ME," I shouted.

"The tabloids were offering big money for tips about where you were. I have a source inside, they were trying to get the name for me," she explained.

"Tell me," I said in a softer tone, sensing the worst was yet to come.

"I'm sorry, Nicky," Lily said compassionately, looking down at the ground.

Every inch of my body became numb. Lily didn't have to elaborate, I knew what she was telling me. Nate was the one who outed me. I thought I was going to pass out from the lack of food that day and from the emotional toll that brewed in my soul.

I stood in silence trying to fully process the information she had just put forth to me. Lily grabbed my bags from my hands as I still remained in a catatonic, like state. She treated me with kid gloves, explaining every detail like a teacher would do with their student. I would follow her out the backdoor and a car would be waiting for us two streets over to take us to the airport.

"I know it's a lot," she said, touching my arm trying to comfort me, "but we really need to go. Can you do that?"

I simply nodded my head as my eyes peered over at the mantel. I could barely look at the displayed wood piece, the supposed symbol of our entire relationship, past, present, and future. This entire time it was all just a lie, a mirage for Nate's benefit. My emotions were slowly taking me hostage as I followed Lily's lead out the backdoor.

I sat quietly on the jet ride home, staring out the window, still dazed and with many tears streaming down my face. Lily sat across from me, head down in her phone checking social media and catching up on her overwhelming amount of texts, emails, and voicemails.

"Did he call you?" I said as my voice cracked, barely getting out the words.

Lily simply nodded.

In my mind, I just couldn't wrap my head around the fact that he sold me out to the highest bidder. Was this entire reunion all about the money and the fame for him? After a few minutes passed, I gathered up my strength and tried to get my emotions in check.

"Aren't those tip lines anonymous?" I asked, searching for answers and hoping Lily had made a mistake.

Lily looked up from her phone.

"I'm sorry. I thought you would want to know. It was anonymous, but they looked into the phone records. They specifically said Nate Stanton," she said with a regretful tone.

I felt a chill cover my entire body as I laid my head back against the seat and returned to staring aimlessly out the window. There were no more words spoken between us the rest of the flight home.

As the black Suburban pulled up to the farmhouse, my father was waiting anxiously in the driveway. I opened the car door and ran into his arms, needing the comfort from the only person who loved me unconditionally.

After another sob fest, my father intentionally gave me some space, kindly leaving me some tea and a sandwich for me up in my room allowing me to decompress by myself. When I entered my room, all I wanted to do was sleep. As I slid in my bed and nestled under the covers, I noticed my cell phone, the one that I hadn't seen for some time, on top of the nightstand.

There was no way I could not look at that phone. Hours went by as I caught up on all my messages, the good, bad and ugly. Then, Nate sent me a text in real time that read:

Why did you leave?

Reading his words angered me so much I threw the phone across the room, which ended up hitting the tray my father left me, sending the mug filled with tea to the ground. In the aftermath, my cell phone and broken pieces of the cup were left scattered all over the hardwood floor.

"Are you ok, honey?" my dad said concerned as he stood right outside my closed bedroom door.

"Yes, sorry. It was an accident, but I'm fine," I responded back. A few seconds later, I heard his footsteps faintly disappear as he walked away from the door.

I didn't bother to clean up the mess or check to see if my phone was working. Instead, I cried myself to sleep. When I woke up, it was dark outside. I had only slept a few hours, and when I tried to fall back to sleep, I tossed and turned. I finally sat up and got out of bed, assessing the real damage that I had done before I fell asleep.

After picking up the small, jagged pieces from the broken mug and placing them in the trash, I stared at my phone. I secretly wished I had broken the phone so I wouldn't be tempted to check anymore messages. No such luck, just the screen protector shattered, but the phone still worked.

Since the last time I had checked, I received even more messages, too many to count, let alone read, but one text stood out from Lily that read:

I found this. Wanted you to see it from me before you saw it all over the news.

Within the message, there was a link to a video and a headline that read, "Nicky's Secret Boyfriend Speaks."

I closed my eyes, trying to regroup and not throw my phone across the room again. I took a deep breath and played the video.

The scene mirrored the one I saw on the football field, but with the added bonus of knowing the conversation behind all the smiles and laughter.

Nate stood with confidence as the tabloids asked him a few questions.

The first question was, "How does it feel to date the hottest country star in the country?"

He responded, "It feels pretty great."

The next question was, "Did you know Nicky was dating you and Reed at the same time?"

He responded, "Yeah, I knew," as he nonchalantly laughed.

The last question was, "How did you and Nicky meet?"

He responded, "Well, we were friends many years ago. You know the song, Honestly? That's all about me."

The video ended with a screenshot of Nate's face, happy and content without any remorse or regret at all for speaking with the enemy. Instead, it appeared to me, as it did when I stood under the bleachers, he was having fun and loving the attention.

Rage formed throughout every bone in my body at the sight of my old, best friend and the love of my life completely disregarding our past and the trust we had fought to preserve.

Yes, I cried. Yes, I was devastated. Yes, I felt upset, but I wasn't going to run or hide from him, or a write a song about it. The anger festered deep within. I was angry with Nate and with myself. I unfortunately learned the instincts I relied on and the gut feeling that I had, steered me in the complete wrong direction. That cold, hard truth was a tough one to swallow.

I decided to call Nate and confront him with everything I knew. My heart felt like it was in my throat as I listened to each ring come and go. I sat anxiously on the bed awaiting the inevitable, hearing Nate's voice for the first time knowing he was a complete liar.