THIRTY-ONE

A.N: For anyone rereading, this is probably an entirely new chapter for you! I added it in the recent edit

Hugo usually had dinner with his father once a month. Sometimes if it was more often, if he felt like getting out of the house and felt as if he could handle whatever his father had to say to him. Almost two months after he had moved out, Hugo returned to his old home for yet another awkward dinner.

It was the same as it ever was, dull red bricks and a well-manicured yard. As always, there was something about it that made him feel nervous and a heavy feeling bore down upon him as he walked towards the front door. Eventually, he would be able to return home without feeling as if it were a chore or something to be afraid of.

His father gave him a tight smile when he opened the door and moved to let him pass. "How was the train?" he asked as he closed the door, not looking to Hugo for the reply.

"I didn't take it. Robert gave me a lift again," he answered when he was finally given the chance. His boss was far too kind to him, but Hugo wasn't one to decline someone's generosity, especially when it saved him from taking the packed train.

"'Course he did," his father muttered, but Hugo had no idea what it was supposed to mean. "How's school, then?"

Hugo made a soft noise in the back of his throat, barely audible. "Stressful," he signed and shrugged. "I need a break."

"The semester ends soon doesn't it?" his father asked as he led him into the dining room. Something cooked in the kitchen nearby, the familiar smell of roast lamb reaching his nostrils and making his stomach grumble loudly.

He shook his head as he sat down at the table. "Not for a little while, but I was planning on doing something with Stefan once it is," he replied.

"You spend a lot of time with him, don't you?" his father said, pulling out plates for dinner.

That was why he was so nervous about the dinner. After almost a month of being together, Hugo was finally going to tell his father that he was dating Stefan.

He frowned down at the table for a while as his father served them dinner, drumming his fingers against the dark wood. A plate heaped with food clattered down before him and he jumped staring up at his father with wide eyes. Just looking at the tired face of the man who had raised, pressured him into doing so many things and treated his depression like it was nothing, Hugo didn't want to say a word.

Dinner was as silent as it ever was. Both of them knew that it was done out of obligation, but that didn't help them force the conversation along. After a while, his father sighed and leaned back in his chair. "How's that editing thing going?"

That, at least, Hugo could answer. "Good. I have two new clients now. Tomas recommended me to them," he answered.

"Tomas?"

"Stefan's brother. He was my first client."

His father nodded in understanding but didn't say a word. At least he had asked, that was better than nothing. Editing was Hugo's dream, after all, the one thing he had gone to university for, it made sense that his dad actually tried to take an interest in it, considering everything he'd said and done.

Sitting there at the dining room table, Hugo felt sick to his stomach. He could just sit, have dinner, talk awkwardly with his father and leave without saying a word about Stefan, but it didn't feel fair to be so close with Stefan's family while his own knew nothing of his boyfriend.

If things hadn't gone the way they had, if his mother hadn't died, he would have told them. But if his mother hadn't died, would he have even met Stefan? It was too much to think about and dwelling on it was pointless. He had decided to have dinner with his father for one thing and one thing only, he had to tell him.

Of course, he'd never actually say the words. Knowing him, he wouldn't ever speak to his father again, or not for a long, long time. Signing was all well and good for the moment. Until his father finally accepted the fact that for the rest of his life, most of his interactions will be through sign language, he wouldn't properly speak to his dad.

But when he lifted his hands to finally tell him the most important thing in his life since he moved out, his father spoke instead. "There's something I have to tell you, kiddo," he said, and Hugo dropped his hands immediately.

"Is everything alright?" he asked, frowning in concern.

"For the most part," his father replied and leaned back in his chair with a sigh. "I'm seeing a therapist. Not the most shocking revelation, I know, but I thought I would let you know."

Back when his mother had died, both of them had been to see therapists, Hugo more than his father, who had shunned the only one he'd had. After starting university, even he'd decided not to see one anymore, convinced he could get through it on his own. And while he had, it had been stupid of him to think like that. Talking to someone was far more helpful than he had realised.

Hugo frowned down at the table. "Why?" he asked, but the answer felt obvious even as he asked.

"Finally realised that they might actually be able to help me," he answered. "I talked to them about you, about why you don't speak, and they explained it to me. I know the doctors tried to when you were younger, but I don't think I completely understood. I still don't."

"What are you trying to say?"

His father sighed again and ran a hand through his thinning hair. "I don't know. I just... I'm sorry that I didn't understand before or that I put too much pressure on you," he explained, but from the look on his face, he had no idea what he was trying to say. "I just wanted what was best for you, but I didn't really think about whether or not you were ready for what I wanted of you."

It took a moment for Hugo to think before he tried replying. He didn't want to get the words wrong, but there was only one thing he could think of to say. "Was that something your therapist told you to say?"

"Kind of," his father replied and chewed at his lip. "We worked through it together, but I meant every word."

"I don't... I don't know what I'm supposed to say, dad," he signed, still staring at the uneaten plate of food on the table before him. "I'm glad you're seeing someone and working through this, but I don't know if I can..."

"Forgive me?" his father interrupted and let out a short laugh that didn't sound at all amused. "I'm not surprised, kiddo. But it's alright, I didn't think you would yet. I just wanted to get it out in the air, you know?"

All he could think of to do was smile. "I know. Thank you for saying it though, dad, it means a lot," he replied. Over and over again, the last sentence his father said rang through his mind. Getting things out in the air, that was why he had come, wasn't it?

But even after the little confession, he still couldn't bring himself to sign the words. He finally picked at his food again, but the awkward air had disappeared, even just a little bit. It was good that one of them was talking to someone. They could both get better, slowly but surely and maybe, just maybe, he could have the relationship with his father that he had once had.

"Dad," he signed, knocking on the table to get his attention. "I have to tell you something too."

"What's up, Hugo? Is everything alright?" he asked.

He nodded and took a deep breath. "Just something I should have told you a long time ago," he answered, swallowing the lump in his throat. "You know Stefan? We've... We've been together for the last month or so."

There was silence and for a moment, Hugo wanted nothing more than to get up and run. But he couldn't, he had to see the reaction. "Together? He's your boyfriend?" his father asked, eyebrows furrowed in confusion. All Hugo could do was nod and look anywhere but at the other side of the table. "For a month? Why didn't you tell me?"

He had to be honest, even though it scared him. "I didn't feel comfortable. I didn't want to have to defend myself again," he signed, ignoring the way his hands shook.

His father cursed and stood from the table. "That... You shouldn't have felt that way. You should be able to tell me anything, Hugo. I..." he stopped, trailing off and staring at the floor. "We have a lot to work on, don't we?"

"We do," Hugo agreed. But at least it was a start to something better. For years, he had wanted nothing more than to be away from his father, but if he was trying to better himself, maybe Hugo could let him in.

Of course, he would have to be careful. He didn't to be stupid about it, to trust when there was nothing to trust in, but he could at least give his father the benefit of the doubt. It was a start. But if anything changed, if it turned out to be a lie, then Hugo would be gone again, maybe permanently.

"Why not, next time you come for dinner, you bring him along?" his father suggested, pulling him out of his thoughts. "It would be good for me to meet him properly."

"I'll ask him," he said. It all depended on whether or not Stefan wanted to meet him. He might not and both of them would have to respect that decision. Any dinner the three of them had would be awkward and unpleasant, but it could be a good idea.

If his father truly was trying to improve, then maybe his earlier words at the shopping centre could be taken back. He hadn't wanted to bring Stefan into the messy relationship he had with his father, but if things changed, then there was a chance he might. It was something he had to think about and keep an eye on.

They spent the rest of their dinner in silence. It wasn't awkward or uncomfortable, but it wasn't exactly pleasant either. Considering their earlier conversations, he couldn't exactly complain. It was better than the last few years he had spent living under his father's roof.

In the end, the food was nice and the lack of conversation wasn't awful. He'd finally told his father the truth about who Stefan was to him and learned something new about the man in turn. There was still a long way to go before they were anything close to normal, but at least he could sit at the dinner table in peace.

"How are you getting home?" his father asked when they were done eating. "I can give you a lift if you need it."

Hugo shook his head and smiled at him. "Renee said she would come by and pick me up. She should be here soon," he answered. "I'll talk to Stefan about dinner when I see him next."

"Alright, kiddo. Stay safe," his father replied and clamped a hand down on his shoulder. A small smile and a few minutes of awkward silence later and Hugo was out in the driveway, waiting for Renee to pull up.

She beamed at him with her usual grin as she stopped next to the house, waving at him. He couldn't help but smile back as he walked towards the car. Her pop music was the first thing to meet him when he sat in the front seat, loud and obnoxious, but it wasn't his place to speak out against it.

He sighed when they pulled away from the curb, his old home lost to the dark horizon. Renee turned down her music and cleared her throat. "How did it go?" she asked, concern in her voice.

"Better than I thought," he answered, signing slowly so that she could see him while she drove. "He wants to have dinner with us soon."

"That's good! It's a start, at least. He wasn't angry about you keeping it for so long?"

"No. He said he understood and that he'd been seeing a therapist about stuff," he explained and ran a hand through his hair.

A hand patted his knee. "I'm proud of you," she whispered, quiet over the music between them.

"Thank you for being there," he signed.

"Of course, Hugo, I'll always be there for you," she said. With a smile, he relaxed in his seat and stared out the window. Like everything, it would take time before he and his father had a working relationship again, but there was happiness within him, blooming like a new flower. A new start.