The Death of Me

ANNA

I felt a weird sense of freedom after my talk with Gavin. We hadn’t really settled anything, but I was finally honest with him about where I stood.

It made it easier to let go of my insecurities and focus on being myself.

At first, Gavin seemed thrown off by my relaxed attitude. It was his turn to tread carefully as I confidently inserted myself into his family dynamic.

But even he fell into step alongside me after a couple of hours. He was back to the affectionate fiancé that I arrived with.

We and the rest of the Powell clan spent the day talking and playing games together, laughing and telling stories, exploring the outdoors, and hanging out with the farm animals.

For the first time in a long time, I felt like I was part of something bigger than myself.

As evening once again turned to night, my heart was at peace. I looked at Gavin across the firepit, one of his nieces on each of his legs, the glow of the flames dancing on his handsome face.

He threw his head back with a rumbling laugh, and I was reminded of the easy smile he always flashed me on the way to his office.

Chloe stood and told the girls it was time for bed. Begrudgingly, they said their goodnights to the adults.

On their way inside, both of them stopped to wrap their little arms around my neck.

“Goodnight, Auntie Anna!” Penny said.

“Love you!” Ella said.

I squeezed them both tightly. “I love you guys too. More than you know.”

They released me and skipped happily into the house, never the wiser of the effect of their affection. I glanced up to find Gavin looking at me curiously.

I offered him a small smile, and he smirked back before standing and making his way to my side.

“Ready for bed?” he asked, reaching a hand out to me.

It was barely past eight o’clock, so I knew Gavin wasn’t yet tired. I stared at his open palm, knowing it was an invitation to spend time alone with him.

A part of me hesitated.

It was safe here with his family. Their presence protected me from having to face his questions or, worse yet, more admissions.

Still, I knew I couldn’t avoid him forever.

“Okay,” I said, placing my hand in his.

We bid our goodnights as we made our way inside. Gavin led me to the staircase, gently shifting his hand to the small of my back.

His touch was enough to send goosebumps over my skin. Part of me hated the way such simple contact seemed to light a fire in my soul.

The other relished it.

We stared at each other in silence when the guest room door clicked shut. There was a feeling of separation between us.

We were boats lost at sea, trying to navigate a way to one another without either having a proper heading.

“Well, goodnight,” I said, finally.

He frowned. “That’s all you have to say?”

I scoffed. “I’m sorry? What am I supposed to say before bed?”

He shook his head, clearly fighting his frustration. “Never mind. Thank you for today. I know you’re upset with me, but my parents really adore you.”

I nodded and folded my arms. “Well, you asked me to get to know them. I have a role to play, right?”

A muscle in his jaw jumped.

“Can you cut the shit, Annalise?” I recoiled slightly in surprise. “We both know you had just as much fun as I did.”

“Fine.” I threw up my hands. “I had a good time. Happy?”

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered, rubbing his chin. “Is this what you want? To keep arguing? Over what? The pretense of our engagement? What’s the endgame here?”

“No, I—”

“You what? You want to punish me?” he demanded. “Congratulations, Annalise. I feel like a complete asshole. Now what?”

He was getting louder and more animated.

“Gavin, you need to quiet down, or your family is going to hear us.”

“You know what? I don’t care.” He shrugged and rolled his eyes. “I want the Annalise from forty-eight hours ago back. I hate that you look so fucking…~disappointed~ when you see me now.”

“Forty-eight hours ago, I believed you when you said you wanted me for me.” I swallowed the lump in my throat. “Now I don’t know what to believe. At least then, I thought I knew where I stood with you.”

He stared at me for a long minute.

“Have you ever stopped to think that maybe you’re making this more difficult than it needs to be? You’re acting like a victim, but nobody forced you into this.”

“What do you want from me? You want a loveless marriage? This is it, Gavin. You asked me to keep my emotions out of it, so that’s what I’m fucking doing.”

He paused. “I never asked you to keep your emotions out of it.”

I laughed in disbelief. “Oh, so I’m supposed to fall over myself in love with you, but you get to stay in your cozy little corner where there’s no risk of getting hurt? Fuck that.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Yes, it is,” I insisted, still laughing despite the lump in my throat. “You like that I want you so goddamn bad it hurts. You just don’t like the consequences of it.”

He was on me in the next second. Both of his hands held my face as he stared down at me intensely.

“Annalise, I have never in my life wanted anything the way that I want you. I crave your touch, your taste, your body against mine.”

I shook my head. “That’s just sex, Gavin.”

He ignored me. “There is not a moment you are not at the forefront of my mind. I have tried so fucking hard to keep myself from wanting you the way that I do. And yet, even when you push me away, I only need you more.”

“You’re just saying that,” I insisted. “If I walked away, you would find another girl to fill my spot.”

A low growl sounded in his throat. “Annalise Miller, you signed the contract. There is no ‘walking away.’ You are mine.”

Between his menacing glare and the way he was speaking to me, I knew I should be afraid. But as I stared up at a seriously pissed-off Gavin Powell, all I felt was inexplicably turned on.

I pulled him the last couple inches toward me and kissed him hard. He returned it with vigor, fisting his hand in my hair and pulling me close.

The feel of his body against mine was like a salve for my aching heart. I knew then that I would never get over the way it felt to be wrapped in his arms.

He broke our kiss and ran his knuckles over my cheek. “Please, Annalise. Please believe me when I tell you that you are the only woman I want. The only one I will ever choose.”

I stared up at him with wide eyes and nodded.

“Say it, baby,” he murmured.

“I trust you, Gavin,” I told him, and surprisingly, I meant it.

He took my lips in his again before laying me down on the bed. We made love slowly and deliberately. With every touch, I committed the lines of his body to memory.

For the first time in days, I let go.

As the pressure in my abdomen built, I pushed against Gavin’s chest above me. At first, he looked confused, but he quickly realized what I was asking for and settled on his back.

I straddled him and then felt overwhelmingly unsure.

“Gavin?” I said timidly.

“Hmm?” he murmured, reaching up to knead my exposed breasts.

“I’ve, um, never done it…~this~ way before?”

His eyes snapped to mine, and I shrank back at the hungry desire in them.

“You are a wonder, Annalise Miller,” he said huskily, placing his hands on my hips and lifting up.

I hovered over his throbbing cock and watched as it jumped slightly.

“Grab it, baby,” he said.

I did as he said and pulled him to my entrance. Warm liquid pooled between my thighs at his sharp intake of breath.

I slid down his shaft slowly, throwing my head back in ecstasy as his length hit every sensitive nerve perfectly.

Once he was seated to the hilt, I looked down at Gavin, feeling unsure.

He seemed to sense my unease and used the hands still on my hips to guide me along his cock. I moaned as he somehow reached even deeper with each stroke.

“Shhh, baby. Everyone’s asleep,” he murmured.

I clamped my lips shut, but Gavin looked amused before shifting his hips to meet my thrust. A whimper escaped me as I fought to keep from shouting his name.

Gavin hummed in satisfaction at my obvious pleasure.

I placed my hands over his, and he paused to raise an eyebrow.

“Can I try on my own?” I asked.

Gavin could not have looked more pleased if he tried, as he lay back and tucked his arms behind his head. I put my hands on his tight abs to balance and tried to ignore the way my heart was pounding from nerves.

Mustering every ounce of courage I could, I rolled my hips. My confidence grew as I watched his eyes widen and the muscles in his biceps bunch.

It took a couple strokes, but I found my rhythm.

On top of him, I was able to angle myself so that I ground my clit against his pelvis. It wasn’t long before I felt my orgasm start to build.

Suddenly, Gavin’s hands were back on my hips.

“Annalise, I need you to cum, baby,” he said tightly.

I met his gaze and realized he was fighting to hold himself back. It was enough to send me over the edge.

Gavin pulled me to his chest as I pulsed around him. I stifled my scream in his neck as he grunted his own release.

We lay that way, both panting, for what could have been minutes or hours for all I knew. Eventually, Gavin’s arms loosened, and he pulled out of me slowly, but I didn’t move off of him.

Instead, I stretched out and draped my body over his.

He trailed his fingers along my back, sending goosebumps over my skin.

“Was that…good?” I asked awkwardly.

Gavin snorted. “I think we both know that it was.”

I giggled. “I mean, was I, um, okay at it? Or—well—you know, should I do something different?”

He stiffened. “Jesus, Annalise,” he muttered. “How do you manage to sound so fucking innocent after that?”

I looked up at him nervously, but his eyes were soft. He kissed my forehead before settling back.

“You were amazing. You always are,” he assured me. “I have a hard time believing you’ve never been on top like that. What are you going to tell me next? You’ve never given head.”

I blushed. “Uhhh…”

“Annalise,” he said, his tone a warning. “We need to go to bed before I bend you over and fuck you like this house isn’t filled with my closest relatives.”

I laughed, despite my embarrassment. “In my defense, I told you I was inexperienced.”

He swore. “Woman, you will be the death of me.”

“That is arguably one of the easier ways out of your contract.”

He grew quiet. “Do you want out, Annalise?”

“No, I don’t,” I told him honestly and met his gaze square-on. “The difference is, I’m in love with you.”