unwanted apathy - 7:45 PM

I spend my hours loathing the days where I no longer have the luxury of feeling devoid of emotion. empty. where all the stress, anger, frustration, melancholy wash over me. but at the same time, I appreciate its presence cause it reminds me that I am still alive.

I just wish the transition from being a desolate cavern to being a lush rainforest full of all kinds of beautiful and ravenous life ran smoother.

because this metamorphosis is not leaving much of me left. no matter how many times this damned cycle repeats itself, my sorry heart is never quite prepared.

I desire to be a quiet pond, but instead I turn into an unforgiving tsunami at the slightest disturbance.

quietly nightmarish, I fool those who are ethereal beings into entering my disastrous life and become accustomed to my horrid existence.

I destroy, I thrive. but soon, it will all be over.

for the tsunami will fade away after obliterating all forms of life, and I will return to a state of lifeless existence.

walking through my days of glory with glassy eyes and blank stares - disregarding those I hurt.