XVIII | Little Flame

◢✥◣

PREVIOUSLY...

◥✥◤

With Palmira suspicious of Suri's recovery from her sickness, Azura knew she'd have to do more to show Suri's worth and prevent Palmira from exiling her from the Order. To do this, they had a sparring session where Azura demanded Suri use her magic on her. Reluctant and scared, Suri refused and Azura gave her no choice but to use her sygil, the same sygil that Erasmus had used previously to harm Azura. Azura was severely injured and knocked unconscious.

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

"Az."

The sound of clinking glass tickles my ears as I slide my hand along the ground, the jagged edges pricking at my exposed skin. I moan something incoherent as I come to, a deep throb beating in the back of my head. But it's distant, like I'm only half in my own body.

"Az, get up."

"I'm up," I grumble as I peel my eyes open, feeling like a film of wax coats them.

"No, you're not. You're still on the ground."

I press my cheek against the marble, the hard ground cool against my inflamed skin. "I think I'll stay here."

"I didn't raise you to be like this, little flame."

"You haven't raised me," I hiss back as shards of glass prick my cheek. "You just tortured me then left me alone." I lift my head to glare at my brother, his unruly, pale auburn locks falling into the ocean blue of his eyes.

He tilts his head, his hooded eyes glimmering with a deadly sheen that's always present. "But didn't you learn so much?"

I snort as I get my hands and knees under me, huffing with every shift. "Pain is a valuable teacher."

He crouches beside me, the alabaster skin of his hands flecked with scars. "I'm glad you remember that considering everything else you've seemed to forget in the last two years."

"I've forgotten nothing," I spit at him, tossing him a glare, but he pays my anger no mind. Instead he glances around the empty ballroom, devoid of a single soul, filled with only glittering glass from the shattered window.

"Really? Because I seem to remember teaching you to hide yourself better. Yet you still displayed your abilities in Warroll so recklessly." He looks at me, a curl to his thin lips. "And now look where you are; in the hands of the Order, right where I told you not to end up. I told you to find answers, little flame, but not here."

I shrug, slumping against the wall. "I did what I had to do to survive."

His hand darts out and then I can't breathe, his slender fingers wrapped around my throat as he drags me towards him. I grip his wrist, gasping for air, but find none as he squeezes harder. "You did what you had to do to save your friend. Love gets you killed, Az. Or in your case; captured and used by people who would see you as nothing more than their slave."

"I protected," I wheeze, clawing at his wrist, "my allies."

He lets go of my throat with a sigh and I suck in air, scrambling away from him as I rub my neck. The hurt fades until it's nothing more than a phantom ache. The fear of him is what lingers longer.

"I know you have nothing to live for right now, Az, that you've never really had much."

I narrow my eyes at him as he stands, planting his hands on his hips and glaring at the glass under his boots.

"Hell, you don't even have any family." A bitter smile curves his lips as he looks at me. "You only call me your brother because I'm the closest thing you have to one."

"Why are you saying this?" I breathe, his words trickling ice into my heart, even though I thought it couldn't get any more frozen. I don't want to think about this, I don't want to be faced with the fact that everything I tell myself is a lie.

My life is built around fables and I'm content to keep it that way.

"To wake you up, little flame. You do have something to live for." He gestures at my gloved hand, the one with the markings, the one that's cursed. "Find out what you're capable of. Do what you need to do to get those answers. But don't let them use you like they are."

I shake my head, frustration pricking at my eyes. That's what I've been trying to do, that's why I'm at the Order, but I seem to be failing at every step I take. "I can't do this without you."

"You've been without me for two years now, little flame." He turns away from me, taking in the expanse of the barren ballroom. "It's time you learnt how to go on without me. Otherwise the world will eat you whole and there'll be nothing left of you to spit out."

I stumble to my feet, the throbbing in my skull beating like a drum, but I push through it and trudge towards him. "Tell me what to do."

"It's up to you now." He looks down at me, his blue eyes stern.

"Please," I beg. "Just say something. There's so much I want to ask you about. You never even told me you were part of the Order."

His brows pinch. "There's a lot I didn't tell you, little flame."

I look at him. Really look at him. He's a sinister sort of man, always has been, and taught me the same things. But I never asked him so much out of fear of him. Why was he training me? How did he know people would hunt me down? And why—when I first met him with the stench of smoke and blood still in my nose—was he dressed as a soldier of the Sharlik Empire?

After all the years I spent with my so-called brother, I never did know him in the slightest.

Secrets are in his eyes, like hidden treasures in the depths of the ocean. And I never got to uncover them, never got to see them brought to the surface.

"I hate you, you know," I tell him, crossing my arms over my chest, letting my eyes wander over the glass arches with spiteful gods and vicious demons depicted in them. "I hate you for giving me this burden when I never asked for it. I was happy pretending I had no sort of 'destiny' or whatever the fuck you call it."

He barks out a laugh. "I know. But sometimes we're called to higher things. Why else do you think I abandoned the Order and betrayed Palmira?"

My gaze flicks to where she was standing before, watching over me, trying to find the pieces of me she can break off and mould to her own liking. "Palmira has a fascination with the gods that goes beyond fanatic. Do you think she believes she's called to higher things?"

"Don't we all in one way or another?"

I glance at him. "You're not answering my questions."

"Because I can't answer them, little flame." He meets my gaze, bending a little to put us eye to eye. "After all, this isn't real."

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

I open my eyes to see the crystal green gaze of Suri above me. I blink, my vision blurred, like I look through a thick sheet of fog. There are voices, too many voices as I peer into the teary gaze of Suri. Then I'm on my side, blood splattering the marble and glass beneath me as I cough and splutter, choking on the thick liquid that fills my lungs.

"Heal her," someone is demanding as I shudder and choke, pain overcoming me, hurt is the only thing I know. It's a familiar home, one my brother taught me to endure, to relish. The pain of his blade was easier to bear than the suffering of the unknowing.

He's a liar. He lied to you.

We do what we must to survive.

There's a flash of light, blinding and hot. It sears into me and I scream, my back arching as lines are cut into my side, sinking deep into my skin like the talons of a demon. The fire spreads, clawing under my skin, raging through my chest and across my cracked ribs.

"The sygil is doing its work," I hear through the roar in my ears.

I slump on the marble, choking on air as I look up at the stained glass above me. I see Lucifer there, his wings black, like they've been dipped in tar. He's glorious and vibrant, but at his feet lays a dead god, her wings in tatters, her golden hair drenched in her blood. By her side lay a limp wolf, the creature mangled and broken. Emera, the Goddess of Wolves. But she sided with Lucifer in the Great Rebellion. And stranger still; gods can't be killed, which is why Lucifer was imprisoned instead of killed for his treachery.

I close my eyes as I remember the stories, their familiarity bringing me some sort of peace amongst this chaos as they once did when I was younger. Without those stories, my brother surely would have broken me.

Maybe he did.

In some way, he's still trying to.

༛༛ ༛ ༛༺༻༛ ༛ ༛༛

I wake to the cloying stench of herbs stuffed in my nose, nearly making me choke. It's a gradual thing, everything coming to me in bits and pieces. I begin to hear chatter, low murmurings that I can't make out. Then my fingers curl in soft linen, embracing me like I lay in a cloud. I open my eyes, the light dimmed. There's a hearth at the end of the bed, crackling with flames that make the room glow a soft orange.

"You're awake." I turn my head at the whisper at my side and am met with Suri's watery eyes, the emotion that swells within them squeezing my heart. I've never seen someone so... concerned for me.

I hum in response, my throat far too parched to possibly form words.

"Here," she says, bringing a cup of water to my lips. She cradles the back of my head, her touch gentle as she helps me sip the water. I lay back down, pressing my lips together to note that not a single part of me aches.

"How long have I been here?" I rasp.

Suri looks down at her hands as she smooths her navy tunic, avoiding my eye. "Only a day. The healer says you're recovering remarkably well considering your injuries, but that's probably because of the sygil I used to heal you."

I let out a breath and nod, relieved to know my healing abilities haven't been discovered. But it was another close call, one my brother would admonish me for, all because I'm helping my allies.

"I'm so sorry—" she begins but I reach out and settle my hand over her clenched fist, the bare touch of our skin shocking at first as I realise my gloves aren't on.

"None of that," I tell her before removing my hand. I lift my right hand, the low light of the room showing the faint shine of my golden markings. Suri's eyes travel towards them, but no shock sparks within them.

"I've been looking at them all day," she admits. "Palmira also studied them."

Bile rises in my throat and I lower my hand, tucking it under the sheets. "Great," I mutter.

"She also reassured me I'm not being exiled, so that's good. I guess."

"You guess?" I question, choosing to concern myself with the headache that is Palmira later.

"I can't help but wonder whether it was worth it. Hurting you, I mean. Using my magic for harm." Suri brushes her arm where the sygil was.

"It was worth it, Suri," I tell her, my voice steady as I look her in the eye. "I wouldn't take it back. It was worth keeping you safe."

Love gets you killed.

It's not love. I'm protecting my assets. Suri is a worthy asset to have, considering she appears to be more powerful than even Erasmus.

"Where did you learn to wield sygils so well?" I ask, and the question feels like it's been burning under my tongue for weeks.

Suri lets out a breath and slumps in her chair. "Before Lilja and I came here, we needed to use everything we had at our disposal to survive. So, I learnt how to use sygils. It took a lot of trial and error, some burnt down barns and angry cooks with Lilja covering for me, but eventually I was able to use them well enough to get across part of the Midland."

"Erasmus mentioned you were in the Midland once before."

She lowers her chin, shadows sinking into the scar across her face. "It's not something I wish to repeat, and we were only in the land for a week at most before we reached Sharlikire. So, yes, I feel guilty about hurting you but..." She lifts her head again and smiles. "Thank you for helping me. It means a lot to both Lilja and I and we don't know how we're ever going to repay you."

See? An asset.

Shut up.

"Well, you can start by getting me out of this room. I'm starving."

Suri's lopsided smile widens and she flashes me her teeth. "That, Azura, I planned to do anyway because we have a ball to prepare for and only a day to do it."

Dread fills my stomach and it must be clear on my face because she laughs. No, cackles. I suddenly wish my healing abilities would disappear.