34 - Forgiveness

A/N: for this chapter, you're going to need to know some of the girls' backstory from before the first chapter, since in this fanfic, which is more lighthearted than the show itself, the events that had transpired in the girls' lives are different.

1. As for Aria, Ella Montgomery had found out about Byron's affair the previous year, and the two had fought a great deal and had even considered divorce, but the woman ended up forgiving him like she eventually did on the show, mostly for the sake of their children.

2. As for Spencer, Ian had dated Melissa for a while, trying to seduce Spencer behind her back and eventually kissing her (which Alison had walked in on), but Melissa soon found out and dumped him. She and Spencer had fought about it, Melissa even icing her sister out for a long time, but lastly, buried the hatchet. *Contrary to the show, Ian had also never kissed Alison, and Spencer's drug problem was a lot more minor and was quickly handled by her parents, so that Spencer never developed an addiction.

3. Hanna had begun developing an eating disorder after her father left her mom for Isabelle, but differently from the show, Alison hadn't been the one to teach her how to throw up. Alison had obliviously made jokes about Hanna's weight, without knowing just to what extent the bubbly blonde was really struggling with it. Luckily, Ashley Marin found out about the disorder soon enough and convinced Hanna to stop.

Now, onto the chapter;

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"Han, this is the last one you're getting, right?"

"It's okay, Han, buy as many as you want," Caleb assured, turning to Emily and flashing her his best attempt at a glare.

Alison quickly jumped to Emily's rescue. "I think what Em meant is that we need to leave soon so we can use as much time as possible, and that's why this is the last croissant Hanna's buying," she reasoned calmly, grabbing her girlfriend's hand gently. The old her would've fed on the tasty drama but the 'new' her simply didn't want Emily and Caleb to fight.

Emily and Caleb glanced at each other, then burst into amused laughter along with Hanna.

"What?" Alison frowned, clearly confused.

"We were just kidding," Caleb informed Alison with another chuckle. "I wasn't really mad at Em, and she didn't mean what she said. But... I do think that we need to get going, sorry, babe," he said to Hanna, who pouted but then nodded understandably.

"You all suck," Alison shook her head in disbelief at the so-called prank.

"I think you suck," Hanna teased with a fit of laughter, wiggling her eyebrows at Alison as she nodded her towards Emily. Alison quickly caught up to her naughty joke, gasping and slapping her on the arm playfully, making Hanna burst into harder laughter. The people around them at the small, authentic French cafe gave them weird glances.

"But seriously, I just wanted to eat as much French food as possible because this is our last day in Paris," Hanna said with a mournful face, giving the members of the group a meaningful look.

"There aren't enough days in the year for this city to run out of things to do. I wish we could stay longer," Aria mumbled in a remorseful manner, giving Ezra a small smile as he squeezed her hand.

"We should come back here someday. Together." Spencer added before taking a large sip of her black coffee.

"I agree," Toby nodded, giving Spencer a doubtful look when she turned to order yet another coffee.

"Spence, take that to-go. We should leave, guys. This is our last day, after all," Caleb said decidedly.

"Yeah, Caleb's right, let's go," Ezra agreed.

Alison asked the waiter for their check and they all forsake the coffee shop in favor of Disneyland Paris, their last day starting off on a right foot.

XXXXX

The group spent the day making the most out of their tickets. They rode rollercoasters, took pictures with people in costumes of well-known characters, went into gift shops and enjoyed several more attractions inside the park throughout the whole day. They were having such a blast with each other that Alison just knew that if she were ever to seek excitement, this group was where she would get it.

It was only when Aria offered to sit down at the small diner around the corner from their latest ride that they decided to take a small break. Emily walked up to their table with a spring in her step and pulled out the chair for her girlfriend, exasperatedly pushing Hanna away when the bubbly blonde playfully feigned surprise and made a move to sit in Alison's pulled chair.

Alison just rolled her eyes at Hanna who was snickering with Caleb, but kissed Emily on the cheek in thanks, giving her a shy smile that the brunette rarely got to see.

"I think this last ride was my favorite," Spencer shared enthusiastically.

"The Indiana Jones one?" Aria asked. Spencer nodded with a small grin in response.

"Yeah, I think that one was my favorite, too," Emily agreed wholeheartedly, smiling at her brainiac friend.

As the group entered a conversation about their favorite areas and rides in the park, Alison couldn't help but sit back and relax as she drank from her cup. They all looked so content, and were all so smiley, that she jokingly started wondering if strangers around them thought they were shooting a commercial for beer or something. A nudge to her shoulder brought her back to reality. She turned her head to face Caleb and gave him a small smile.

"What are you thinking about?" he asked, a kind smile displaying simply on his face.

"Nothing, just how we all probably look so happy to strangers who see us from the outside. None of those people know any of the hard parts of it all," Alison shrugged, her smile faltering a bit.

"What hard parts? Is everything okay with Emily?" he asked, frowing slightly.

"What? Oh, yes, don't worry," she calmed him down. "Everything's great right now, but those same strangers that I was talking about don't know that I was once such a cold-hearted bitch and treated Emily and the rest of the girls like crap. I just wish I was always the person that I am now, you know?" Alison explained to him as he listened intently.

"Well, Emily forgave you for that. The rest of the girls clearly did, too. So, why won't you forgive yourself?" he questioned.

"Do you always do that?" she asked, chuckling softly and raising her eyebrow.

"Do what?"

"Answer everything with a question," she smiled at him. Caleb was really starting to become one of her favorite people. Thank God he was a part of this amazing group.

Caleb laughed wholeheartedly. "No," he shook his head, "it's just interesting." He looked at her with a serious expression, "And you're just clearly avoiding my question."

"No, I'm not," Alison said in a teasing voice, stifling a laugh because she knew her childish comment would annoy him, which it did.

He rolled his eyes playfully at her. "See? Still avoiding."

"Okay, fine," she sighed. "I don't know why I can't forgive myself, okay? I want to, but I don't know how. I mean, I've said how sorry I am to Emily many times already," Alison admitted, glancing at the brunette who was now sipping her drink and laughing about something with Ezra.

"Did you apologize to the girls, too?"

Alison had to stop to think for a second. She couldn't remember a time when she'd profoundly apologized to the girls for what she'd done, not really, and with everything that had been going on, she didn't exactly have time to. But that was not an excuse.

"Not officially," she stated in regret.

"Well, there you go. I honestly think that's what you have to do in order to forgive yourself and stop feeling so guilty," he answered.

She couldn't help but giggle a bit at his somber expression, unconsciously breaking the tense atmosphere. "Are you a secret therapist or something?" she teased.

"Nope," he chuckled. "But growing up the way I did, you get to learn how people act and it quickly becomes a skill," he paused for a second, looking into Alison's eyes. "I hope you do forgive yourself, Ali. You don't deserve to live in regret like that."

"Thank you," Alison gave him a gratified smile and he nodded, smiling back.

"There's a bug in my bra, I'm not kidding!"

Aria's sudden panic-filled shouting invaded the air as the short girl quickly stood up and started running around like a maniac, pulling at her shirt in order to get the bug out. While Hanna was dying of laughter, Alison rolled her eyes and sprung into action, stopping the frantic girl in her tracks and pulling the bug from Aria's bra. She grimaced as she did it, but it was worth the grateful bear hug she received in thanks from Aria. Their friendship was so different than it used to be, and even that small, humorous moment proved that to her.

That was how Alison knew that this would be a great way to end this epic vacation. Apologizing to the girls was the first thing she was going to do, she decided. And nothing was going to stop her from doing just that.

XXXXX

"Okay, Ali, you're seriously creeping me out. What's going on?" Spencer asked the nervous blonde who's biggest desire at the moment was to run off and never come back. Alison felt like a water balloon had been thrown at her nerves, spreading the water on every single nerve and making her want to cry and punch somebody in the face at the same time. She was an emotional wreck by anyone's definition.

The five girls were gathered in Emily and Alison's suite, the two girls standing in front of the sofa in the lounge cautiously, on which the three other girls were seated upon.

"Okay, um... I don't really know how to start," Alison pleadingly turned to Emily for help. Luckily, the brunette quickly took the hint.

"So, Ali's brought you here because she wants to tell you something important," Emily squeezed Alison's hand a little harder in encouragement. "Ali, I think it's best if you just spit it out," she quietly murmured in the blonde's ear.

"Are you pregnant?" Hanna asked jokingly with a grimace.

"Shut up, Hanna," Emily, Spencer and Aria said all at once, making the bubbly blonde lean back in her seat with a huff.

Alison nodded softly at Emily's previous statement, but before she could get a word out of her mouth, her eyes suddenly brimmed with tears.

"Ali-"

"Oh, my God-"

"Are you okay-"

"What's wrong-"

Alison raised her hand to shut all of their simultaneous statements up. Emily, who stood closest to Alison, edged closer to the blonde, wanting to soothe her more than anything, but the blonde stopped her.

"Wait, Em, I need to do this on my own."

Emily nodded silently and returned to her previous spot while Hanna, Aria and Spencer watched on curiously, waiting for Alison to say what was so important.

Alison took a deep breath and looked at her three best friends, glancing momentarily at Emily who gave her a reassuring nod.

"It's not a secret that I haven't always been the best friend to you guys. This," she gestured between all of them, "wasn't always the case. I treated you all so horribly, and I'm not gonna sugarcoat it. I lied to you, manipulated you," she paused to look at Hanna, "insulted you."

Hanna felt a knot forming in her throat all of a sudden at the memories of all the past insults the Queen Bee had slammed in her face.

"And I regret every single bit of it. Believe me, if I could take it all back, I would. But I can't. And I understand if you never fully forgive me, but-"

"Ali-" Spencer started only to be cut off by Alison.

"Spence, please." Alison felt the tears now running down her cheeks gently. It was almost as if god or some other extraordinary force had made her cry so that her vision would get blury and she wouldn't be able to see her friends' faces when they didn't forgive her. "Aria," she turned to the petite girl who had deep compassion in her eyes. "I'm sorry for teasing you when I knew that your parents had problems. I'm really glad they've worked it out and are now together, but it wasn't fair to you at all to have to go through all of these difficulties at home and then have to deal with my judgment about everything, when I had no right in the say. I mean, my family is far from perfect. You deserve so much better than that. So, I'm sorry."

Aria simply nodded slowly, still in shock with her mouth slightly agape, not knowing what else to do.

"Spencer," the brainiac perked up at the sound of her name. "I'm sorry for calling you a skank when Ian kissed you. I know it wasn't your fault, and that he was just a pig. And I'm sorry that I'd threatened to tell Melissa, I know how much that whole thing had really affected you, and that's why I'm glad Toby's around. You deserve to be happy after all of the crap you've been through. Really, really happy," she finished, giving the witty brunette a shaky smile. "But just so you know, I'm not gonna stop butting heads with you." They both chuckled weakly and Spencer nodded.

"I look forward to it," Spencer said quietly, a small smile displaying playfully on her lips. Alison subtly grinned back at her best friend.

"And Hanna," Alison knew this one was going to be the hardest out of the three. She couldn't help but sink to her knees to be in eye level with the usually-bubbly blonde, who looked at her in awe and confusion.

"Hanna, I am so, so sorry that I let you believe you weren't beautiful to the point where you had risked your life like that. Bulimia is a very serious condition and nobody should go through it, especially not alone. I'm glad your mom found out and stopped it before it got too out of control, but I feel like I'd abandoned you at your worst time and," she heard her voice crack and the tears sliding clear on her cheeks as she began to sob. No, she had to finish this right. For her sake and for Hanna's. She grabbed Hanna's warm hand and looked at her straight in the eye. "I apologize from the bottom of my heart, Hanna. I will never stop regretting the fact that I didn't pick up on the hints until it was all over, because watching from the side and not doing anything but judging harshly, is sometimes worse than doing it. I called you names, and, god..." she shook her head in self-disappointment. "But I want you to know, Han, you are beautiful, don't let anybody tell you differently."

The rest group was on the verge of tears at this time, except for Hanna and Emily, who were already actually tearing up. Alison stood up, gently letting go of Hanna's hand and looked at her friends and her girlfriend, waiting for any sort of sign.

Finally, Aria opened her mouth tentatively. "Ali, where is this coming from?" she asked slowly.

Alison released a small sigh. "Someone very wise told me that in order to forgive myself completely and stop punishing myself for everything, I need to apologize to you all. And I should've done it a long time ago, really, it was just never the right time or I didn't have the guts to do it. And that is not nearly an excuse. But we're in Paris for god's sake, and I promised myself that no matter what, I'll apologize to you girls before we left this amazing city back to our tiny town," the blonde explained, her voice scratchy and hoarse from the crying.

An uneasy silence filled the room as Alison paused for any sort of response. Emily just hoped her friends could forgive Alison the way she had done. Yes, most of why she forgave Alison was because she was in love with her, but Hanna, Aria and Spencer loved her just as much, so they would forgive her at some point, although to her, it seemed that they already had forgiven her.

"I forgive you, Ali," Spencer's voice came out as barely a whisper. Alison's head immediately picked up from the ground and she felt her heartbeat somewhat returning to normal. One down, two to go.

"I forgive you, too," Aria nodded in agreement. The petite brunette had known this apology was bound to come at some point, but she had been ready to forgive Alison long ago. When she saw the honesty in Alison's eyes just now, she knew that the blonde really meant it.

"Han?" Emily called desperately to the blonde who was sitting on the sofa and looked at the marbled floor, her tears not being kept in bay as they traveled down her face like water out of a sprinkler. The blonde in question faced Alison, her eyes bloodshot.

"I..." Hanna trailed off.

Before anyone could blink, Hanna stood and walked up to Alison. Alison was scared for a second that Hanna was going to punch her in the face - she wouldn't have blamed her - but Hanna simply reached out to embrace Alison strongly in her arms. The two blondes rocked each other as they sobbed in one another's arms.

"I forgive you, Ali," Hanna whispered so that the other girls barely heard it, but Alison felt her heart swell due to all of her friends' forgiveness. She'd never realized how satisfying it sounded in her ears until she truly heard it. She felt as though her face was going to explode from the smile she produced the moment Hanna said those four damned words.

Aria and Emily then quickly joined the hug, sharing a very close, bonding moment that they couldn't have had with anyone else. "Get over here, Hastings," Alison signaled the witty brunette to come, and Spencer shook her head fondly, joining their hug.

Alison, for once, felt relieved. And with Hanna holding her on her front, Emily on her back, and Spencer and Aria shielding her from the sides, she felt extremely safe. She had been really scared that her friends wanted some sort of revenge, or to at least beat her up, but they were all so understanding and sweet and damn, what Alison would've done without them was beyond her.

Finally, they parted away from each other with watery smiles, looking at Alison meaningfully. They were all proud of her for apologizing, even though they'd somewhat forgiven her already.

"I love you guys," she said caringly to them, her eyes lingering on Emily.

"Love you, too," the four of them said in unison. Emily wrapped her arm around Alison's shoulders and kissed her temple longingly. The blonde snuggled into her mermaid, feeling like she'd just won the lottery, but that was how good friends made you feel, she thought.

For the first time in many years, Alison felt complete. She didn't know this, but the rest of the girls felt the exact same way.

XXXXX

"Flight number 326 to Philadelphia International Airport will be taking off shortly," the authoritative voice boomed through the airport's loudspeakers and the group's heads picked up, because it was indeed their flight back home. Not too long ago, they had passed all of the normal airport security checkups and were ready to go to their gate, but were currently standing in a souvenir shop so Aria could buy what she'd picked out. They still had thirty five more minutes until the gate would be closed which was "shortly" in airport terminology, apparently. Emily took her time to stroll around the shop, looking at the mini Eiffel Tower sculptures and France-themed keychains.

"Em, are you coming?" Aria asked from next to the register as the cashier handed her her bag.

"Yeah, one second!" she called back. "Ali, come on," she urged. Alison turned the corner of the aisle to Emily's right and came into view. She was holding a snow globe with a miniature Eiffel Tower statue inside of it, one of the many in the store.

"Mona had asked me to get her one," Alison explained as Emily examined the beautiful item in her hands. "I thought it was the least I could do after she had introduced us to Cece."

"That's very sweet of you, Ali," Emily smiled. "I'm sure she'll love it."

"She better," Alison warned playfully, "I had to fight off some stuck up trophy wife to get it." The blonde paused before adding, "I really do want to make it up to her. I had hurt her a lot, and just like I'm earning you guys' trust slowly, I want to do the same with her. She's been a victim in this too." She glanced up with a determined look in her eye that only made Emily love her more.

"And you will. She will forgive you and everything you used to do will be soon forgotten," Emily promised her with a familiar look of compassion as she grabbed Alison's warm hand.

"Em?"

"Yeah?"

"Has anyone ever told you you do great pep talks?" Alison cracked a smile despite herself. Emily's thumb drew random patterns on the back of the blonde's hand lovingly.

The brunette turned sheepish, shyly tucking a strand of hair behind her ear as she mumbled, "The coach sometimes lets me do the pep talks before the meets."

"Of course she does," Alison shook her head with a cheeky chuckle. She looked down, her voice turning solemn for a moment, "I just really hope Mona will forgive me."

"Hey," Emily said softly, and Alison picked up her head, watching as the brunette took the snow globe from her shaking grip and placed it down on a nearby shelf. Emily took hold of both of Alison's hands this time. "It's gonna be okay. I can finally promise you that."

Emily pressed her forehead to the blonde's, listening to Alison's slow breaths. The blonde brought her head up until her lips were inches away from Emily's. "You make me so happy, Em. You always know the right thing to say," she whispered.

Emily took a deep breath and allowed her lips to Alison's.

"Guys, our gate is closing soon, come on!" Spencer's voice echoed throughout the shop from where she stood at the entrance.

Alison parted away from Emily, "To be continued, I guess." She gave the brunette a vulnerable smile and let go of her hand to grab the snow globe from the shelf and hastily head over to the register, leaving Emily to join a few steps behind.