FortyEight - Kyle

Two thoughts assaulted me the moment I became half-conscious. The first was the unreal amount of pain I was in - seriously did someone shoot me again? The second was the memory of telling Ella that I loved her. It was muddled and the memory felt a bit unreal, like a dream, but I knew it hadn't been. I didn't regret it though. The third, as I blinked open my eyes, was the chaos in the room. Okay, that was three things, not two. I blamed the pain for inhibiting my ability to count to three.

Everyone was moving around the room and if they hadn't been moving so quickly and quietly, I would have assumed it was the commotion that woke me up and not the pain. But as I shifted, propping myself up on my elbows, it was definitely the pain that woke me up. I groaned as the movement caused pain life fire to spread through my leg. Atlas caught my eye, loading up a magazine, a few other already full sat in a pile next to him.

"Feeling better, sleeping beauty?" he asked.

In too much pain to care about hiding it, I shook my head. "What's going on?"

"Your little Mouse, there," he nodded to Ella who was filling up backpacks with waters and what looked to be a small private pharmacy. "Sort of killed her mentor. Destroyed chance for a cure." He shrugged. "You know, regular Tuesday around here."

Well, shit. I looked at Ella who was concentrated on what she was doing. Her face gave nothing away, but I was sure she was hurting over this. Finding a cure was what had driven her and in the last few weeks I knew there were times she wanted to give up, run away, forget about it all... but she hadn't. Because she knew she'd be saving so many more lives by getting everything back to Dr. Summers.

And then she just gave that all up.

I didn't know exactly what had gone down, but I knew no one intended for that to happen. Ella wanted to scare Dr. Summers, just enough to get Zero out of here. She hadn't wanted to kill the woman - the only woman she thought could create a cure.

Feeling my eyes, she looked up meeting my gaze. Concern furrowed her brow even as she tried to smile my way. Forgetting what she was doing, she walked over and sat on the edge of the bed next to me.

"You're in a lot of pain aren't you?"

"Not too bad."

"Liar," she said quietly and then shoved a couple pills into my hand. "It's just motrin, but hopefully it will take the edge off. We have to leave or I would give you something stronger."

"This is fine." I popped the pills in my mouth and finished off the drink everyone had been pushing of me all day. If nothing, I was well hydrated. Reaching out, I touched the side of her face. "Are you okay?"

She sucked on her teeth and blinked rapidly trying to clear her glossy eyes.

"We have to go," she said. "I'm really sorry for how much pain you're going to be in, but you've got to get up."

"Ella," Hunter said. She turned and he held up the same belt she'd worn we I first saw her the night before. "Let's hook you up."

A belt full of grenades. He thought she needed to wear a belt full of grenades.

I sat up, probably quicker than I should have, and twisted my legs over the side of the bed gritting my teeth at the pain. When I stood, Ella was quick to my side, catching me before I crumpled to the floor.

"She's not wearing that," I said. I held out a hand, gesturing for Hunter to give me the fucking belt of explosives.

"We don't have time for this," Ella said. Keeping a hand on my waist to steady me, she twisted away and met my eyes. "Kyle, you can barely walk and it's going to take Hunter and Atlas practically carrying you to get us out of here before we all wind up in Hudson jail. I really appreciate that you're being protective, and I love you for that, but now isn't really the time to go all He-Man on me. Look, I promise not to blow myself up, okay?"

I smiled and she squinted like I missed the point. I had. And I didn't think she realized why, in her rambling, I don't think she caught that she told me she loved me.

"Okay?" She asked again, impatiently. "Just... have a little faith. I got this."

Ella sounded calm and more confident than I expected her to be in the situation. Enough so, that I nodded. Hunter helped her strap on the explosives and I did my best to remain calm. They were an extreme sort of just in case. We hoped we wouldn't have to use them, but we were taking them anyway. We were taking every weapon and bit of ammo we had from the looks of it. And we had quite a bit.

Other runners did too, we weren't the only ones prepared for a worst-case-scenario type of event. Technically, we weren't supposed to keep weapons in our room when we were here, but most of us did. In the event of an outbreak or an attack on the base, we would be ready to fight, to protect, so a blind eye was turned to our stashes.

We were taking it all and it was smart. God only knew what we'd run into outside of here. Or even just getting there. I loaded myself up with a few guns and some knives, but wasn't carrying anything larger since Ella was right, they someone else would be supporting most of my weight to get us out of here quickly.

Joel was helping his sister shoulder a crossbow and holster a gun to her waist. She was shouldering a rifle as well. It looked giant against her small frame. Both were strapped across her body, there just was storage since she couldn't use them. But she had access to the gun and was a surprisingly good shot for such a small girl using only one hand to shoot. Bambi was loaded up too.

Zero was the only one not moving. She stood back watching everyone else, but I don't think she was seeing anyone past the tears in her eyes. She was miles away.

"Sweetheart," Hunter said firmly as he pulled the strap of one of the packs over his shoulder. He grabbed either arm, just below the shoulder. "You have to stay with me."

It hit me that someone must have told her about Squirrel and Gremlin. And she wasn't handling it well.

"Zero," he said. "It really fucking sucks. But focus on Bambi... Atlas.... Sweetheart, we have to go and I need you to move."

She scrubbed her hands over her face, letting out a ragged breath as she combed her fingers through her hair. When she dropped her hands, there was a wetness around her eyes but they were more focused. She looked like she wanted to scream still, or go back to the church and murder every single one of those assholes.

Sure as hell didn't blame her.

Zero grabbed a backpack and shouldered it quickly, before stuffing a couple guns into the waist of her pants. There was a collective almost sigh of relief that she was moving and I wondered how long she'd stood like that, lost to the world.

I couldn't dwell on that though because it was time to go. Zero snapped into action, focused on getting out of here. Joel took the lead, the younger two girls following right behind him. Zero fell into line next, one gun in her hand ready for anything. Hunter and Atlas positioned themselves on either side of me, each grabbing one of my arms. I could hobble along with one of them acting as a crutch, but like this, they wouldn't be slowed by my limping. Ella stayed behind us, which I didn't like. Not at all, but she'd asked me to have some faith and I was trying.

The night gave us cover, and we didn't see anyone at first, though from the sound of it, there was clearly commotion. We moved fast, Joel setting the pace at a jog that Bambi just managed to keep up with, weaving in and out through the train cars and into the main section of base. An alarm was going off, but it was at the clinic which, meant it was probably from the lab since the two were attached.

Most of the commotion was rushing toward the building, no one having figured out just yet that the cause for alarm was where we were. We went unnoticed until we reached the gate. Shane, a buddy of ours who always seemed to have a solid supply of alcohol, was working it. Joel slowed to a stop in front of him, slapping his hand in a shake.

"We need to get out of here, bro," Joel said in a friendly tone.

Shane made a face. It wasn't exactly protocol to be leaving so late in the evening. And that mixed with the alarms set our friend on edge. He wasn't an idiot. Unfortunately.

"What's goin' on?" He asked sounding more concerned for us than suspicious of our motives. "You all look ready for war."

"Kind of a long story," Joel said. It was just plain bad fucking luck that Shane's walkie began to talk at that moment. The voice on the other end, alerting him to us leaving. Well, not all of us, just two girls and two guys. Dr. Summers, I guessed, didn't know the rest of us had arrived and would be leaving with them. Shane pulled a face, conflicted.

"Come on, man," Joel pleaded. "I gotta get my sister outta here. You know how it is."

"Shit," Shane said, scratching his head. He looked at the little girls standing next to Joel and then at the rest of us and sighed. "Fuck, man. Well, you gotta hit me," he said and cringed a little. "Don't mess up my face too much."

"Thanks." Joel clapped a hand on his shoulder. "Ever see you again, I owe you. We all do."

"Yeah." He pinched the bridge of his nose. "Hurry up, they'll be sending back up any second."

Joel pulled back and punched Shane square in the jaw. It was a hard enough hit that even expecting it and bracing himself, Shane lost his balance. He stayed on the ground either to make it more believable or because he was really hurting. Shaking out his hand, Joel jogged over to the gate and unlocking all the mechanisms, he pushed it open just enough for us to squeeze out.

If the guys in the tower saw us running out the gate, they let us go. I didn't know why, maybe they just hadn't seen us, or maybe they saw the kids. Dr. Summers must not have mentioned to them what Zero was or I was sure they would have sent someone after us. And a few more minutes into our escape, it became pretty clear that no one was coming. But, then, I didn't really know what state the woman was in. Atlas had said Ella 'sort of killed' Dr. Summers and I didn't know exactly what that meant.

"That went... smoother than expected," Ella said when we stopped long enough to catch our breath.

"Lucky it was Shane at the gate," Joel said. "Anyone else and people would have died."

I knew what he meant. Shane was a fairly laid back guy and had a similar mindset to us. Using Hudson as long as it was good to him. He didn't feel the same sense of loyalty that many of the other guys had and, more than that, he liked us and knew us well enough to have a good opinion. Someone else might have trusted whatever was said on that radio, but he didn't, or if he did, he knew we wouldn't do anything without reason.

The moment gone and the adrenaline passed, Zero broke down. Crouching to the ground, her shoulders shook with silent sobs. Hunter was quick to her side, cradling her in his arms as he sat on the ground. She seemed to give herself a long moment to feel it and then locked it away. Standing back up, she distanced herself from Hunter, and everyone, and muttered that we should keep walking. Get a little further tonight.

Ella came to my side, when I brushed off Atlas's help not wanting to burden the kid who was already carrying more than his fair share of crap. I shook my head.

"I'm okay," I insisted. In the woods now, there was enough to hold onto and after another ten minutes of hobbling on my leg, the pain went mostly numb anyway.

When we stopped, or more accurately collapsed, a collective sigh was released.

Everything was kind of a mess. Zero was distraught, pissed off, and one piece of bad news away from really losing it. Everyone was exhausted, worn out, and hungry. And I thought my leg might actually just fall right the fuck off, it hurt so bad. Not to mention we were out in the middle of nowhere without a single damn clue as to what our next move was.

I looked at Ella, yawning as she dropped her bag to the ground and managed to smile.

Maybe we didn't have anywhere to go, but we were together and alive. That had to count for something.

"I'll set up some traps," Hunter said. He looked at Zero, pursing his lips in thought. "I can stay out a while, see if I can score bigger game. You going to be okay?"

"You're not going to die are you?" She asked and it would have been comical if it weren't so depressing.

"Nope," he said with a forced cheerfulness.

"I'll be fine."

Atlas was quick to say he'd find some firewood. I think he wanted to keep his mind off of everything he knew. Jamie and Ella quickly offered to help him. Joel was busy setting up a perimeter around our little huddle and I found a spot to sit and gently prodded at my leg, massaging my thigh above the wound where the muscle was sore.

"I want to go back to the church," Zero spoke softly as we all sat close together around the small fire. She must have caught the expressions around the group because she went on. "I don't want to stay there. We can bury them."

"I don't think you really understand," Joel said quietly, shaking his head, "what it is you're asking to see."

"I've seen death before," she said.

"Not like this."

"They deserve more than being left in some pile of bodies."

"They do," I agreed, scooting a little closer to everyone. I waited for Zero to meet my eyes because I wanted herto understand what I was saying. "It's not safe to go back though. I'm not going to speak for the dead, but if it were me, I'd want every one of you to stay far away."

Zero let that sink in, admitting to herself that we were right. To be honest, I didn't know if I could handle seeing that again. I didn't want to tell her that she couldn't cope with that sort of thing, but it was probably true. Seeing that many people dead. Seeing them lined up in a line for execution. Hearing the gunshots one after the other...It would haunt me forever.

"What does that leave us with?" Ella asked, angling her neck to look at me, our shoulders brushing. "Where do we go now?"

I wished I had an answer. I wanted to be able to tell her everything would be just fine, that everything would work out. But I didn't have a clue. We'd keep moving. Or we'd find somewhere to settle for a while. But that wasn't really an answer. Ella was used to permanent and it was what she wanted even if there was a fragility to it. I wasn't sure how to tell her that I didn't know if she'd ever have that again. So I wrapped my arms around and her and pulled her in closer.

"We could go to the farm," Atlas said. "We think it's your aunt's."

Joel ran his tongue over his teeth; his eyes met Zero's. "That's your plan, that's fine. I ain't taking Jamie there. Even less security - less prepared than the church. It's probably safe enough, but it's big. Look, I'm thinking small. People I trust to have my back and that's it." I nodded, agreeing with him one hundred percent.

"I've never done well with too many people." Zero shrugged. She was lost in thought for a long moment before saying, "The Inn. It was big. Water's right there. Fish... we saw a turkey once."

"Yeah," Joel agreed. "It's a solid option."

It was a good option. Actually, probably the best we'd come up with. I started to smile, remembering the time we'd spent there before. There we could have some sense of permanence. But it wasn't close. And if I were fully functioning, that wouldn't bother me in the least. But wouldn't be moving fast and as much as it fucking sucked to admit it, I had to make sure everyone knew.

"Between me and younger girls," I said. "It's probably a week away."

Ella looked at me, a sad smile on her lips. She took a breath like she might say something, probably something to try to make me feel better about being weak. But she stopped herself and instead leaned up to kiss my cheek before wiggling closer to me and wrapping her arms around my waist, careful not to nudge my leg.