FortyTwo - Kyle

Almost everyone was inside, after dinner, visiting and talking or however they spent their evenings. Squirrel and Bambi had walked out past the well where someone, I'd guess Atlas, had set up a target for them to practice on. It hadn't been there before. Had to give it to the girls, they were dedicated. I'd watched for a few minutes and was impressed, especially with the younger girl as she practiced throwing knives. I assumed it was something Hunter taught her because she was a tiny little bad ass. Squirrel wasn't as confident or skilled, but she held her own. Gremlin wasn't anywhere to be seen, she'd been moping around all day, sad that Atlas left with the others.

I could understand that.

"It's quiet," Miles said, meeting me out behind the chapel.

"Didn't even see a zombie," I said.

He shook his head. He hadn't seen one either. It wasn't all that weird. The church was miles away from any big city and the community inside was quiet, so I knew it wasn't uncommon to go a few days here and there with no zombie action. But it made for a boring day, boring patrol.

"Maybe two days," he said. "We head back to base."

I nodded. "I was thinking tomorrow. There's nothing here. It was good to stay and be careful - lookout for these people. But if they were here waiting, we would have seen some sign by now."

"We'll have to find someone to replace Joel," Miles said not bothering to hide the disappointment. Joel had made his decision and he was done. He felt like he needed to stay with his sister and I respected that. Miles was a little less understanding, but he got it. Mostly, he just didn't want to have to replace anyone. The three of us - four when we had Hunter - worked together for years and that created a trust that couldn't be replicated over night. "Where is he?"

"He was out with the younger girls at the target. I think he was trying to show Jamie—"

It didn't happen in slow motion. Closer to super speed.

Miles was there, standing in front of me. And then he wasn't.

Like he'd teleported, or somehow turned invisible. Those were the first explanations my brain came up with. They made more sense than the reality.

I stood there, confused.

And then the pops started. Not just one. Not just two. Not even just ten. Over and over again. Distant, but not enough.

I lost balance, my left leg buckling out from under me as something that felt like a hammer slammed into my thigh. My eyes drew down to my leg but stopped short. Miles hadn't disappeared. Pain forgotten, I collapsed down beside my friend.

"Miles," I said desperate for a response. My throat swollen with panic. "Miles."

I shook his shoulders.

"Come on, Miles."

I lightly smacked his cheek once, twice, three times. Get up. Get. Up. We have to go. We have to get up. But it was all wrong. Everything was so wrong. More pops filled my ears. Closer. But they didn't register. All that registered as my eyes focused was Miles' eyes. They weren't closed in a state of unconsciousness. They were parted, lifeless.

"No." Tears pricked my eyes. I grabbed his head in my hands, lifting him up. I just have to wake him up. I pulled Miles over, closer to inspect his body. My fingers found the base of his throat, but my hands were shaking and couldn't make out a pulse. It means nothing, I told myself. It wasn't uncommon in a state of high adrenaline that finding a pulse was difficult, especially if he was injured and it was weak... Find the injury. I moved down. His chest. His stomach. I couldn't find it, where he'd been injured. There was nothing. No wound. No explanation for the blood covering my hands.

Why was blood covering my hands?

"No." My head shook. But I forced my shaking hands to brush aside the hair on his forehead. It was sticky, but not with sweat. Blood, I realized as read streaked across his forehead as I moved his hair. I choked on my own breath and fell back. "No, no, no."

A sob wracked through my body and my vision blurred.

Miles.

My best friend. My brother.

Screams and yelling sounded distant, muffled. I was a solider. I knew how to focus in these moments. I took a breath and forced away all thoughts of Miles. I dragged my attention away from my friend and saw a pair of guys walking toward us.

I looked again at the body of my friend. This wasn't supposed to happen. I couldn't leave him but I had to.

Hand on my own gun, I took Miles' as well, knowing he would expect me to. Every cell in my body screamed to kill these people. One of them, I knew, fired the shot that... But they weren't close, taking their time walking to us. And people were screaming inside the church. Wailing. I started to stand, knowing I had to move, but when I put weight on my left leg, I collapsed as sudden pain shot through my body. Remembering, I looked down, to inspect my leg. The dark color of the pants hid the bright red blood, but it wasn't difficult to know the wet look on my jeans wasn't water.

"Shit," I muttered, finding the hole in my pants on the inside of my thigh, a few inches above my knee.

I paused for a second, but there was no time. I had to move. Careful to put my weight on my right leg, I stood and hobbled away. Every step killing me. Because I knew, I knew that Miles deserved better than being left behind. Than whatever they would do to his body. I found a spot better hidden in the shadow against the back of the church, and tried to gather my thoughts and focus on the people I might be able to save instead of the one I'd already lost.

I inched down the wall to a window and shifted to look inside so that when I went in, I wasn't going in blind.

A handful of people, stood in the church, but I didn't know any of them. They weren't the people who belonged here.

It took a moment before I noticed the bodies. Lying on the floor, unmoving. At least a dozen, but I knew there would be more. At the front of the chapel, the altar where Rev held his service weekly, he was now kneeling. His hands were clasped in front of him, the tips of his fingers just below his moving lips.

We had done this. We had brought this on.

Next to Rev was his wife, kneeling in a similar position. Her lips were moving too. Praying, I realized. Tears rolled down her cheeks.

Six of them knelt in a line. Shaking, terrified. One of Zero and Hunter's girls, Gremlin. One that I'd promised to protect. To keep safe. Colby. Toby and Alex, two of the younger boys. I don't think they'd even learned to drive a car before they learned to pick up a rifle and shoot at zombies. They followed us around, wanting to learn to protect their people and hear any stories we had to tell every time we passed through.

I pulled away from the window when I heard a whistling, I sound I knew. Relief beat through me, just the smallest amount as I turned to see Joel peeking out from around the corner. He nodded and I moved toward him, pausing when a bullet hit the wall in front of me. Eye level. Then I ran, not even aware of the pain in my leg.

"Jamie?" I asked him when I rounded the corner and leaned against the building to catch my breath.

"Safe. Hiding. She's with Bambi and Squirrel." He paused, a shadowed expression crossing his features. "Miles?"

I shook my head and Joel's expression hardened.

"How many you got?"

"Killed two on my way up here after hiding the girls."

"Two more that way." I gestured to where I came from. "At least five inside..." I paused. "It's bad in there." That was putting it lightly. Inside the chapel was a massacre.

His mouth drew into a hard line. "So we got at least seven alive. Fuck." He shook his head. "We should have killed that bitch. Should have fucking killed her." He paused, squeezing his eyes shut. This wasn't the time to be thinking about all the shit we did wrong... "There might be people in the annex, in their rooms. Let's check it out."

I shook my head. "They got people lined up in there. Execution style... Rev and his wife. One of Hunter and Zero's girls, Gremlin. A few others."

"How many rounds you got?"

"Twelve in mine." I pulled out Miles' pistol and checked the clip. "Twenty-four. More if we can get to our shit. Extra mags and I got my rifle."

He nodded. "Eight." His laugh was without humor. "We're so fuckin' screwed."

Outmanned. Outgunned. I was injured. And they were expecting us, they had to be. Yeah. We were fucking screwed.

"Get these two assholes first," I said.

"One of them do it?" I nodded. "Man, I wish we had time to make this one last."

I did too. But we needed to take them out fast if we wanted any chance of saving anyone left inside. The line of people must still be alive because I hadn't heard anymore gunshots.

We went quiet, listening and then, with a look between us, we moved. The guys were closer now, close enough to see their faces. Smiles. They were fucking smiling. I aimed, knowing Joel next to me was doing the same and without hesitation, fired two shots into the chest of one. I saw his eyes focus on us. Smile dropped and fear entered his eyes. He fell. The other fell with him, Joel having taken him down. It was over too quick.

"Let's move."

Sticking to the wall, we stepped around the church. In front of the church, by the gate that lead people out, a couple more men stood, as if waiting for someone to come up the road. We ignored them for now, knowing the pressing issue was saving those inside. It was unlikely they could see us from there anyway, we had cover.

Joel looked through the window next to the entrance. His breath caught and I knew he was seeing the bodies. This... it wasn't the kind of war we were used to. We didn't often see fallen bodies of dozens of civilians - people that we actually knew. It was insurgents. Enemies. And not dozens of them, not usually. This kind of massacre was not just another day at the office. I looked through, purposefully keeping my eyes off the ground. There was no way we would make it to them in time. The chapel wasn't big, but it was big enough. The aisle long enough that they will have killed every single one of living people before we can get to them.

"Through the kitchen."

Joel nodded and we kept moving to the other side of the building. There was an entrance on the side in an attached annex, most of which was the kitchen but there was also some storage space and an office. We'd pulled open the windowless door, just a crack. Just enough to peek through— a piercing scream came from the opposite direction.

We straightened. Any calm that Joel had retained vanished.

"Jamie."

He looked at the empty kitchen and then out, in the direction from which we heard the blood curdling scream, indecision clear on his face.

"What do we do man?" He asked, desperate for an answer. Try to get to his sister and the girls or save the people inside - the ones just a few feet from where we were standing. "Come on, Kyle," he pleaded. "You gotta tell me what's right here. Because I'd let all these people die for her and she could already be..."

I didn't know. I didn't know anything.

Try to save the person you love who's not here, or save the people who are in front of your face. The the fuck kind of decision was that? I closed my eyes tight, and for the first time since I can remember, I said a prayer. I begged whatever higher power might exist for forgiveness. I begged for help living with what I was about to do because I wasn't sure I could handle it alone.

Nausea rolled my stomach when I opened my eyes.

Because it wasn't a choice. Not if it was someone I loved. It wasn't a choice.

There was no choice.

There was only the horrible wave of guilt. The awful feeling of knowing we were going to let all of those people die.

"Come on." I slapped his shoulder and we took off, Joel leading the way to where the scream had come from. To where he had told the girls to hide.

A shot fired behind us. Another and another and another. Another. Another. Six.

Six shots. Six more dead.

Rev.

Mrs. Allen.

They were good people. Some of the only honestly, truly, completely good people I'd ever known. They welcomed in everyone. They managed to keep - to spread - faith in a world that lost it. They loved each person as though they were family. They loved me. They loved Joel. They loved Miles. They were dead now. Dead because we didn't save them.

Gremlin.

Colby.

Alex.

Toby.

Dead. Murdered.

We couldn't have saved them. We couldn't have saved them.

The thought looped in my head, but I don't know if it was the truth or it I just wanted it to be. We kept running, past the well, past the target. My leg threatening to give out with each step, but somehow not.

"There," Joel pointed. It was an old deer blind on the property, hidden several feet into the tree line. I doubted it had been used in years, but it was still standing. We slowed, squinting to see into the woods in the fading light. One person it looked like, but that didn't mean there weren't more nearby. Within sight or shouting distance. He had someone, I couldn't tell who, trapped in his arms. She, at least, was alive. Kicking and screaming and struggling to get away.

We had to make sure she stayed alive.

"I only see one," Joel said. "It's not Jamie." But he didn't sound relieved because he didn't know if that meant Jamie was still hiding, alive. Or already dead.

"I can't get a clean shot from here. We have to get closer."

Inching closer, we entered the trees. Better hidden now, we moved closer still. I could get a shot from here.

"I see them," Joel whispered.

"I'll cover you. Go to them."

Joel moved forward, quiet at first and then less so. He was doing it on purpose to draw attention away from Bambi, who was being restrained, a gun pointed at her head. It worked, the man holding Bambi loosened his grip on her - he was still holding her, but her feet were on the ground which gave me a clear shot. He aimed at Joel, unaware that I aimed at him. I squeezed the trigger first.

"Was there anyone else?" Joel asked the girls.

Bambi shook her head, but the little girl had already moved on. "We have to help her." She rushed to where the other girls were, Joel and I following.

"Jamie. Jamie," Joel called pulling her up and then into a hug. "Are you okay? Are you hurt?"

"Not me," she said.

"We have to help her," Bambi said, sitting by her friend. She grabbed Squirrel's hand. "Joel and Kyle are here now," she said, much calmer than you'd ever expect such a young kid to be. "It's all okay. We just have to get you back to the building. Mrs. Allen will know what to do."

She turned to me, blue eyes wide and scared, suddenly looking like the kid she was.

"What happened?" Joel asked gently.

"He f-found us," Bambi said, her bottom lip starting to quiver. "He shot her. Please help her. Please don't let her die."

I was there first, easily spotting the source of the blood, a bullet wound to her stomach. I pressed my hands down onto the wound hard in attempt to stop the bleeding. Squirrel didn't flinch, she didn't even groan as I pressed down on her abdomen.

"We need something to stop the bleeding," I said, looking around. We didn't have anything with us. Joel whipped off his shirt and folded it up and I released the pressure long enough to put the cloth between my hands and her stomach. He met my eyes, frowning. There wasn't much we could do.

"I-I'm c-c-cold," Squirrel said in a faint voice. "Am...I...dying?"

"No," I said with confidence I didn't feel. "Just a flesh wound, you're going to be fine."

Bambi was sitting next to me, tears rolling down her cheeks as she held onto Squirrel's hand. The little redhead forced a smile that was part grimace at the younger girl.

"I was pretty bad ass though, right?"

"You were like a ninja," Jamie said assured her.

"Zero is going to be so impressed," Bambi said, striving for a conversational tone. "I bet she'll let you do runs with her once she hears about this."

Squirrel smiled again.

"And Atlas," Bambi choked out.

"Yeah," Jamie said when it was clear Bambi couldn't. "He's going to be so jealous that he missed you flying out of the tree like that. He'll probably make you reenact for him."

"Flew out of a tree?" Joel asked, sounding impressed.

"You should have seen her. We heard them coming and Squirrel climbed up the tree and then jumped down on that guy." She pointed to where a body lied on the ground several feet off. One that we hadn't noticed because it was dead by the time we showed up.

"That's pretty amazing," Joel said.

"Maybe you should join up with us," I said. "They should call you Xena instead of Squirrel."

Squirrel's hands started trembling harder. Her whole body, really. Shivering. Her eyes flashed between each of us, scared of what she no doubt knew was happening. Her eye's watered and a tear rolled down her cheek.

"I... I love you Bam," she said so softly, we almost couldn't hear. "I'm s-sorr-ry for every... time I was a jerk."

"I love you too, Squirrel. You're the be—" she cut off, sniffling, "best sister."

"T-tell Atlas too. Okay? And Hunter."

"No," Bambi said leaning down closer to hear Squirrel. "No. You can just tell them when they get back."

With a lot of effort, Squirrel shook her head the barest bit from side to side. "I... I... wish Zee were here." She gripped Bambi's hand as tightly as she could, which wasn't very tight, but the little girl held on as tight she could. "I'm s-so scared. I jus...wish..." She pulled her eyes away from Bambi's and met met mine. "You have to tell her... tell her that I was really brave."

"I'll tell her," I swore.

Her breathing increased, fast, shallow breathes. Like every one of them hurt, though as this point, I thought she was past feeling any pain. She gasped for breath after breath, each more difficult to pull in than the last.

"Squirrel, you can't..." Bambi cried. "Please. Please don't die," she begged. "Please."

Squirrel's breathes stopped then. Her hands, each held onto dearly by Jamie and Bambi, relaxed. And her lids relaxed. Not quite open. Not quite closed. The spark in them that had made them so uniquely hers faded away. I let my hands relaxed, no longer pressing down onto her wounds. Bambi collapsed onto Squirrel, holding on to her, begging her not to die.

I rubbed my hands through my hair and sat back.

"Kyle," Joel said. "We need to go."

I nodded. There was no one else to save. I rubbed the little girl's back.

"Bambi," I said gently. "We need to go."

"I can't leave her. I can't."

"I know." I thought of Miles' body not far from here. Deserving so much more than to be left behind. And the body of this girl... little girl really... with her silly giggles and carrot colored hair. She deserved not to be left behind. "I know," I repeated. "But you have to anyway."

I stood, getting ready to pick Bambi up and carry her along. But the second I was standing, the world spun, my head too light.

"Ah, shit," I muttered, reaching to brace onto a tree as my vision clouded.

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A/N - I am a little nervous posting this chapter, you guys.I don't usually do a lot of plotting, but with this book I've done more than usual and this chapter had been in my mind from darn close to the start. It was one of the most stressful/sad scenes I've written in a long time. So... I'm hoping this chapter made you feel something.