Seventeen - Ella

I was vaguely aware of my name being said, but too asleep to care. Not wanting to get up, I groaned and wiggled further into my pillow when my name was called again. Wait. Not my pillow, I realized about the same time I became aware of fingers rubbing my head. Kyle's lap. The realization should have had me popping up embarrassed, but I wasn't. I kept my eyes closed while his fingers ran through my hair, massaging my scalp.

"Come on, baby," his quiet voice melted over me like butter. Baby? Did he just call me that or was I more asleep than I thought. "I know you're awake."

Rolling on to my back, I pried my eyes open and looked up at Kyle. My lips curved into a sleepy smile that matched his and though his hand stopped moving, he didn't remove his fingers from my hair. I blinked as it struck me that the sun was rising.

"You let me sleep all night?" Had he slept at all? I eyed him. Kyle looked okay. Not overly tired like he'd stayed up all night. He must have slept leaning against the tree which... could not have been comfortable. "Well, thank you," I said when he nodded. Hoping he had some inkling of how grateful I was, but not able to form the words for some reason. We stayed like that for a moment, not speaking. Unsaid words hanging between us. He took a breath and I thought maybe he was going to say something, but instead he shifted and pulled his hand from my hair. That was that. Back to reality. Terrible, awful reality.

I sat up and then took his proffered hand and stood up. Everyone was mostly awake, packing up camp or eating breakfast. I helped where I could, but the men were efficient in their work - like they had done it a thousand times before. They probably had.

"We cut a lot of time down with the truck," Miles said, grinning as we began our walk. "We should get you to your lab tonight. And then you're running the show."

"We should?" I asked quickly, unable to believe.

When Miles grinned in answer, I could not have put into words the amount of relief that washed over me. In two days, three if we were slow we'd be back at the truck. The truck that I was pretty sure could take us at least back to the church. However far it got us, I didn't care. I just wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. We were almost there. We were almost done. It wouldn't be long before life went back to normal. Or at least my version of normal which didn't include traipsing through zombie-ridden, psychopath-filled lands... or the three men who'd been keeping me alive. I tried to ignore the disappointment that settled in my gut at the realization that in a couple of days I'd likely not see them again. They'd - even Joel - grown on me. So had Hunter and Zero, honestly. But the need to be back in my safe zone ranked higher than my need to spend time with these people. At least I was pretty sure it did.

"As long as we don't run into trouble," Joel added.

I didn't think that zombies were the type of trouble that had him concerned. To be honest, they weren't my biggest fear anymore either. Yesterday I thought they were the worst thing left in the world. I knew better now.

"Joel," Kyle warned.

"Just being realistic." Joel lifted one shoulder carelessly and then glanced back at me. "I'm not trying to scare you, Ella."

"I know." I really didn't think he was. Joel was just being honest and it wasn't like he was saying things I didn't already know. I couldn't get what I'd seen yesterday out of my mind... or the worry that the zombies hanging on those crosses could be us instead. I wasn't operating under the illusion that it was going to be an easy day, though I hoped we'd avoid all trouble. I looked to Kyle who was watching me warily. "It's okay," I assured him. "I'm not going to lose it or anything."

His eyes stayed on mine as he tried to decide how honest I was being and finally he nodded and turned back to the path ahead of him.

Miles shoulder bumped into mine. "Well, you sure have him wrapped around your finger," he commented, a crooked smile on his lips and amusement in his eyes. Looking away, I shook my head and let my hair curtain my face, hiding a smile. Other than a chortle, Miles let it go. I didn't think I had him wrapped around my finger. But the way he let me sleep on him last night, protecting me, running his fingers through my hair or letting them slip under the hem of my shirt providing contact and reassurance that I didn't know I needed filled my mind and made it hard to deny that he cared.

Maybe, if I survived the day I'd be able to admit that I did too.

We moved quickly and though I was arguably the slowest of the group, I like to think I did okay keeping up. The realization that we'd make it to the labs by the end of the day had given me more energy and confidence than I'd had since we left. I pushed all fears aside and focused on the goal, on our destination. On the reminder that this was all for something.

Since leaving the church it had been easy to forget that I had a real reason for coming out here. One that meant everything to me. One that was worth all of this. I was a giant whimp. And I knew it. So I could admit to myself that more than once I'd lost sight of what we were doing and wanted to crawl into a hole and never, ever leave it. I could admit that I hadn't been at all prepared to face the fallout of something I was responsible for. But now, with the end in sight, I forced myself to swallow my fear and and crush the whimpiness inside of me.

It wasn't like I was going to turn into a fearless badass that instant, but I didn't want Kyle - or any of them - to keep looking at me like he was worried I might break at any second. I needed to be stronger than that. I had to be.

As morning turned into afternoon, the frequency of zombie encounters increased. Two here... three there... They weren't large hordes that presented a problem for anyone. And I thankfully never even had to pull out the knife Kyle had given me. Because, yeah, I was turning a new page and not letting myself kowtow to my fears and all, but that didn't mean I was really ready to attempt holding my own against another zombie. Especially not when four men and one girl were ready to take care of them in my stead.

When we sat down for a break I chugged down a bottle of water and listened to the guys talk about routes to take as we were finally withing a few miles of our destination. Feeling eyes on me, I turned to see Zero staring at me thoughtfully. Uncomfortable under the intense stare, I gave a tight lipped smile.

"I need to talk to you," she said and glanced at the guys.

"Okay," I couldn't keep the question from my tone as I waited for her to go on.

"Not here," She amended. "Ella and I are gonna check out the area," she said louder.

All four guys looked up, confused by that.

"You sure?" Kyle asked.

"I'd go with you sweetheart," Hunter said starting to stand.

Zero rolled her eyes. "We'll be fine. Won't we?" She asked looking at me and I because I wanted to know what she could have possible wanted to speak with me about privately, I quickly agreed. "I'm not gonna freak out if we see a zombie."

The men gave in and Zero started off without a word and I skipped a step to catch up. She walked without saying a word for nearly ten minutes. We seemed to wander aimlessly and after a couple minutes I gave up trying to keep track of where we were in relation to the camp. Zero would know how to get back, I was sure. And since Zero didn't seem at all concerned with how far we'd walked from our travel companions, I tried not to worry either.

"Should we be this far?" I asked.

A small smile softened her features. "Hunter is probably not far behind us, anyway. Which is why I need to talk fast." I nodded but didn't understand. I'd only known her for a few days but it only took a few minutes to realize how close she and Hunter were. I couldn't imagine what secret she could be keeping from him. "He doesn't believe me, which is fine because it's sort of unbelievable but also not because I think it might be important information for you to know and he doesn't want me to share. He's a tad protective."

I smiled. I couldn't help it, she seemed so normal at that moment as she rambled a little, nervous to say what she was going to. We'd spent more time together and she'd been awesome at teaching me to take down zombies. But as she spoke then, she seemed suddenly so much more human than she had before. Like there was a part of her that was actually likable.

Zero took a deep breath. "My memory is shit, okay? Anything before the outbreak is gone, except one memory and some flashes I get sometimes. Not really important except to explain that I'm not positive about what I'm go—" She cut off, her eyes looking over my shoulder and she made a face. I figured Hunter had caught up to us and we'd be finishing this conversation later but her lips didn't spread into the smile she got around him and her eyes didn't light up. Her expression remained totally neutral, impassive. And Hunter didn't say anything from behind me.

When Zero spoke again her voice was barely a whisper.

"I need you to not freak out, okay?"

"Zero?" I said too scared to glance behind me.

"Swear it, Ella."

"Okay."

"We're being followed."

My stomach dropped. I got the distinct feeling that she didn't mean by someone we know.

"About ten yards back. He doesn't realize I've spotted him yet and he's not approaching which probably means there are more and they're trying to surround us before they move in."

We were like the gazelles that lions separated from the herd and picked off one by one. We were the gazelles.

"You can't panic," Zero stepped forward and reached out, hesitating a second before she grabbed my hand. "When I say, we run. Scream as loud as you can so they can hear. I'm sure Hunter followed us."

"You... you can take them."

"And if they get close, I will. But we need to run." Her blue eyes locked on to mine, saying everything her lips didn't. "Now."

My hand was shaking in Zero's, but I didn't hesitate. I took off, running faster than I ever have, pushing my feet into the ground. I screamed for Kyle while Zero shouted Hunter's name. And somewhere I was aware of the sound of footfalls too close, but I kept my eyes forward, searching for Kyle or Hunter or any of them as we ran.

A zombie that had been blocked from my view by a tree stepped out in front of me. Too late to stop my momentum, I nearly ran into the creature reaching out for me. It's fingers brushed against my collar bone but it failed to get a good grasp on me. Throwing my weight back to avoid the monster I lost balance and landed on the ground, my hand slipping from Zero's. She turned back for me, but her eyes quickly widened and I saw it... she didn't know what to do. I didn't look behind me but I could hear. The shout. The dead leaves crunching as someone ran toward us. She could keep running and give herself a chance. Or she could help me and it was likely that neither of us would make it.

"Go," I told, not even sure where it came from because I wasn't brave or self-sacrificing. I didn't want her to leave me alone. But I couldn't let my mistake be the death of her.

She ran as I stood, pulling the knife from my boot. The zombie had bent down, trying to reach me so I swung my hand out to the side, level with it's temple and stabbed it into the creature. It dropped dead and my mouth dropped open. I had done it. I had really freaking done it. All by myself. I killed one. As it's body fell to the side, I wrenched the knife from it's skull.

Half a second.

That was all the time it took for me to take a breath and push my feet into the ground.

Half a second.

That's like a blink or a snap of your fingers.

I was moving quickly, more so than I ever had before. But it wasn't enough.

Two arms wrapped around my body, pinning my arms to my side and lifted me off my feet. I kicked my feet wildly as he tried to walk, grunting when the heel of my boot made contact with his shin. But I wasn't released. My heart pumped in my chest so quickly that I thought it might give out or explode in my chest. This couldn't be it. I screamed Kyle's name. I screamed for him so loud that my vocal chords burned and my voice cracked. A large, filthy hand clasped over my mouth, grabbing my cheeks so hard that I knew I would bruise. But I didn't care. I shook my head with all I had, trying to wiggle free. I kicked my legs.

I heard a voice and the fight in me was renewed thinking someone had found me.

They hadn't. The voice wasn't familiar in the least.

My body twitched as something sharp pricked into my neck. Ignoring it, I screamed into his hand, biting at his palm without success. Kicking at his shins. But when I moved my leg to kick again it felt like someone had weighed it down. All my limbs did. It took all of my effort to keep up the attempts to wiggle free. I couldn't. I couldn't move anything. All my muscles refused to cooperate and beyond my control, my neck gave way and my head hung awkwardly to the side.

But I was awake. I could see. See the ground move as the man... or men toted me further from the protection my group offered. I could hear. Hear them laugh. Hear them speak to one another. Speak to me.

"Ella!"

That time I did hear my name. Kyle shouting for me. He was close, close enough that I could hear him. If I could have opened my mouth... if I'd had any control over my vocal chords or my body... I just needed to make a sound. A single sound and he would hear me.

I couldn't.

They must have been close enough because the man carrying me picked up his pace, moving through the woods at a jog as though I weighed nothing. The chasm between safety - between Kyle - and me was growing larger by the second and I was helpless to stop it.

When we stopped the men were chuckling. I think they got some twisted sort of high from the idea of being chased down.

One moved to stand in front of me and leaned down so that he was in my line of sight. If I could have moved a muscle, I would have dropped my jaw. The man in front of me was clean cut and didn't even have five o'clock shadow on his cheeks. His eyes were a warm brown color and his hair matched, neatly combed to the side. He looked like he belonged in a suit and tie. Maybe he had. But if I had to guess what the men who were taking me looked like, he was the last thing I expected.

"It's a paralytic," he explained with with a smile. "Let's you see and feel so you won't miss out on all the fun, but it keeps you from squirming so much while we get everything set up. Don't worry, it'll wear off in an hour or two."

Even if my vocal chords worked, I would have stayed silent. My stomach churned as I took in his words. I don't think I could even formulate a real thought. Fear like I'd never imagined pumped through my veins and my brain was screaming at me. Fight or flight. But I couldn't do either.

He chuckled. "You look scared. Good." His face scrunched up and then he added. "You're friend didn't seem so scared, thought maybe you would be a let down too."

My friend. They got her. They got Zero too. Internally, I frowned. I'd hoped she had gotten away. Had they found the guys too? The man who had spoken to me, the same one who gave me whatever drug was currently rendering my body useless, flashed a smile and then was out of my line of sight. The man carrying me shifted and threw me over his shoulder as he trekked on. Tears rolled up my forehead and dripped onto the dirt as we walked.

I almost wanted to laugh. So much for overcoming my fears. So much for saving the race. I didn't know how large this group of people was or if they had all six of us in similar states, but my future wasn't looking so bright.

"Now," the man carrying me said as he flopped me on the ground hard enough to make my vision blur for a moment. "It's clear you all aren't from around here, or you would not have been stupid enough to fuck with our shit." He moved out of my line of sight and I saw across from me Hunter... not Zero. I didn't know how that happened. If he was following us alone... if they'd sneaked up on him, taken him by surprise. Maybe Zero did get away. Or maybe she was laying on the ground on the other side of me as limply as Hunter and I were. Across from me, Hunter didn't look scared, he looked pissed. He also looked to be in worse shape than me. His jaw was bruised and his nose was bloodied and one eye was swollen almost completely shut. Even in that state though, I could see the anger. His green eyes were stormy and dark. I wished I could be the same.

"We aren't unreasonable men," he continued, his voice strained from doing something that I couldn't see. "We let people into the city if. They. Follow. The. Damn. Rules. You come in on the streets. You relieve yourselves of all your weapons. And then you ask what you can do for us. We let you do your shopping in the city as long as you do ours too. We don't let people slide through the cracks." He paused and bent down between Hunter and I once more looking at him and then at me. "We'd let you off as with a warning, but you see, our marks have been fucked up and now we need to replace them." He made a disgruntled noise. "This works out though, those bodies were damn near rotted away they'd been up for so long."

Their marks... understanding hit me like a train. The crucified... Oh dear lord, I was going to be sick.My throat seemed to swell shut and I couldn't breath. Or my lungs weren't working, maybe suddenly paralyzed too. My vision clouded at the same moment water was dumped in my face and his hand slapped my cheeks hard enough that my limp face was jostled from side to side.

"Don't go passing out on me, yet," he said with a sick smile. "Now, someone broke my chains, so I'm afraid all I've got is some barbed wired for the two of you." He stood and shouted something to another in his party. I couldn't get a gauge for how many there were, but I figured at least four. It would have taken two men minimum to carry Hunter.

It wasn't long until I was being picked up and when I was set back down, it was on a plank of wood that dug uncomfortably into my back. Someone pulled at my right arm and then my left, extended them each along either side of the horizontal plank. There was conversation but as they began fastening my arms to the wood, I couldn't hear anything. All my senses were deadened as if they were on a light switch and all I could feel was pain at they wove the barbed wire around my arms. My scream was silent and my cheeks soaked with tears as the metal barbs dug into my skin.

It seemed never ending as the metal wound around my arms, piercing my skin. I prayed I would pass out. I begged a higher power, any and every higher power I could think of to please, please let me pass out. My prayers went unanswered. I stayed painfully conscious as they fastened the wire up to my elbow. I was suddenly lifted, not entirely, but off the ground at an angle and my weight slid down the stake, pulling my arms against the wire.

And then someone lined the wire against my waist, just under my breasts.

As it pressed into my ribs, winding tightly around my waist, my lungs lost their breath again. Taken aback by the pain. I couldn't even scream. I would have given anything to scream, to fight...to... to... anything.

Nothing was happening.

Until it was.

The pole I was now secured to was lifted to a standing position. All my weight settled against the restraints like a hundred knives piercing into my skin. My vision blurred and clouded and I got my wish. My consciousness faded quickly.

"Ella." The strained voice roused me back to reality.

I lifted my head, squinting my eyes at the pounding in my brain. Immediately overcome with pain my lips parted and rusty, tired vocal chords created a pained wail that I couldn't control. Sobs racked through my body, mixing with the screams. The realization that we were up here and it was night and there was no way down... the realization that we were going to die forced another round of sobs to shudder through every inch of me.

"Ella!" Hunter shouted. "Ella, please! You have to shut. Up." Somewhere in the back of my brain I heard his words and I knew he was right, I worked to choke back the sobs and reign in noises. "Look at me, okay? What happens when you make a lot of noise?" I didn't answer aloud because it was taking every ounce of effort not to scream, but I knew what he was getting at. The zombies heard noises. My screaming was going to attract them and we would end up like the people who were here before us. "Focus on my voice."

I looked up, squinting through the dark where his voice was coming from. I could make out his shape, but not much else. Hunter was in a similar position to me, but across the road. We faced one another. Twenty feet or so between the two of us.

"Good," he coaxed. I could tell that he was in every bit as much pain as I was. His voice was strained but he was calm in a way that I wished I could achieve. "Just focus on breathing."

Everything hurt. Breathing hurt. Every time I inhaled the barbs pushed further into my ribs.

"We're going to die aren't we?"

"No," he said with so much conviction I wanted to believe him. But this was unfamiliar, even in the dark, I knew we weren't on the same stretch of road we'd first seen the crucified zombies on. We were somewhere else. God only knew where. "It'll take some time but they'll find us," he said answering the questions I hadn't even asked. I hoped he was right.

After what felt like several hours but was probably only a handful of minutes, the nerves in my arms and and waist deadened. The pain was still there and it was still a lot, but I somehow grew used to it. Enough so that my teeth weren't clamped down on my cheeks to prevent myself from screaming and groaning in pain. And in the absence of that I could take in everything else I was feeling. Weak. Tired. I didn't know what time it was or how long I'd been awake. Dizziness.

"I think..." I started. "I think I'm bleeding a lot."

I tried not to move so that I wouldn't injure myself further or open any new wounds. The barbs can't have hit anything too important or I would have bled out already, I was sure. But I had strained against them. Moved. Tried to pull my arms free. I didn't even want to know what they looked like. I knew I was bleeding though. Maybe not a lot, but for a long time. I wondered how much time I would have before I lost consciousness again. Before my heart slowed. I hoped it would happen before any of the zombies wondered over.

"Ella. Ella, wake up."

I lifted my head, my eyes opening the same way they did the previous morning to the barest hint of a sunrise. But I wasn't safely tucked against Kyle.

"You have to stay awake now, okay?" His voice lacked the determination it held so fiercely the night before. Hunter was tired too. Weak. The fight had left him at some point since we'd last talked.

I didn't remember going to sleep. He'd been keeping me awake since we'd been like that, and I'd been doing the same for him, the couple times he began to doze off.

I couldn't feel my arms anymore, not a single part of them. I had to look to make sure they were still attached to my shoulders.

I wished I hadn't looked.

My eyes went across the street to Hunter and my breath caught. His shirt was soaked in blood from the chest down. His skin was pale and his eyes hollowed out. I could hardly believe he was still alive. I wondered if I looked the same. I imagined I did.

I didn't think anyone was coming. Not in time.

Down the road, a group of forms caught my attention. My heart pumped faster at first, thinking they had found us. But the walks were off. Slow and aimless. Zombies were just down the road. Eventually they'd wonder this way and we would be spotted.

"Do you believe in karma?" I asked quietly. Hunter's eyes met mine in question. "I helped create them — the zombies. I found out that we made a weapon instead of a cure and I had time to... I could have stopped him and prevented this." A fresh wave of tears spilled out of my eyes. "I'm so sorry. You shouldn't be here."

"Sweetheart, I don't care if you were the mastermind behind the whole damn thing. No one deserves this. This isn't karma, it's just a fucked up situation." He paused, making a face that revealed how much pain he was in and guilt slammed into me. I needed to keep it together. He was doing his best to keep positive and calm and I wasn't helping the situation. I needed to do better.

"I never thought I'd be a human scarecrow," I said. "At least there aren't any birds." Hunter let out a laugh that quickly turned into a groan. "Sorry," I grimaced.

He shook his head but his lips were smiling. "You have a fucked up sense of humor."

"Maybe." I glanced down the road. The group of zombies was still far enough away that they couldn't pick up the conversation yet and I couldn't make out any details other than that I was sure they were dead. "You think they'll find us before they do?" I asked, nodding my head down the road.

Hunter didn't give me an answer.

AN - So... sometimes I feel as I'm writing - and pausing to google things like "how to crucify someone" - I feel a little insane and like the NSA might at any moment want to question me on my questionable internet search history. ;] Anywhooo... intense, right?!?!? Hope you enjoyed the chapter!!