By Frenzy I Ruin: Chapter 4

A week had passed since the disastrous wedding. I relived the car chase every night, the panic and fear, but my nightmare always ended with Nevio sweeping in like a dark knight and saving us. Well, in my dreams he saved me, carried me off in his arms and then kissed me.

Carlotta gave me an amused look. “You’re daydreaming again. Only you can turn a nightmarish event into an anti-hero tale.”

“Anti-hero?” I said. My cheeks burned as I once again regretted telling Carlotta about my dream even if we usually shared everything. Carlotta didn’t have a crush on anyone, and she’d never really had one. Maybe that was why she couldn’t understand my inability to act like a capable human being the moment Nevio was around.

She opened her eyes wide, as if her big green doll eyes weren’t already striking enough. “He’s not the hero in this story, or any story, Rory, even if your dreams say otherwise.”

“Shhh,” I hissed, glancing over my back at the guys. Nevio, Alessio and Massimo perched on the banister at the top of the half pipe and watched how my brother raced down the pipe with a howl. Then Giulio followed, as usually doing a stunt that was still too hard for him and slammed into the pipe. He seemed to see Davide as his role model, often forgetting that my brother was much older than him.

Giulio’s knee and elbow were burst but he got up with a grin as if nothing had happened. Nevio gave him a thumbs-up. Then our gazes met, and he rolled his eyes at his own brother. I grinned and shrugged then quickly looked back to Carlotta.

She pressed her lips together and sent me a look that said “get-a-grip”. Being around Nevio used to be easier. I’m not exactly sure when it became a major effort for me not to make a fool out of myself. The first time it really hit home that I was hopelessly and embarrassingly in love with him was in the night of Greta and Nevio’s eighteenth birthday when she snuck into my bathroom and Nevio later followed. Even Greta noticed it that night and that said a lot about my inability to chill around him considering Greta wasn’t overly perceptive when it came to emotions.

Since then, I had to pay extra attention to act normal around Nevio and I’d obviously failed once more judging by Carlotta’s expression.

I grabbed my skateboard and climbed up the pipe. Skating always cleared my head. And no matter how stupid I acted around Nevio, it never affected my skateboarding. I was cool as a cucumber when I threw myself down the ramp.

I reached up for my necklace, then realized that it was no longer there. Today was the first time I skated since I’d left it in New York. The first day that had felt almost normal since war had become our new normal. I lowered my hand and released a small sigh. Normal had never been harder to achieve.

I made a mental note to talk to Greta today. I’d been caught up in my own trauma and knowing her tendency to deal with problems herself, I hadn’t wanted to push her into a girl-talk she probably didn’t even want.

I briefly caught Nevio’s gaze who was no longer in deep conversation with the other guys but watching me intently. This was the first time we hung out together since that day. He too seemed oddly normal.

I gave him a brief nod then focused on my skateboard and the ramp. I let myself drop, my feet firmly on the board. The air tore at my ponytail and T-shirt, tugging it from my dungarees. I raced up the other end of the ramp and did one of my favorite tricks, one I always got right no matter how bad of a day I’ve had, a backside nosepick.

I did a few other tricks I was really good at. Today was a day for my comfort tricks. I preferred to work on the more advanced tricks on feel-good days or with less people around, especially the noseblunt slide was still giving me major problems so I needed to be in the right mindset for it. I had a feeling it would take a few weeks for me to reach that mindset again.

When I finished my routine without a hiccup, Nevio let out a whistle and applauded.

“Show off,” Davide muttered, but his expression told me he was actually proud of me.

I gave a small shrug. I hadn’t meant to brag. This wasn’t a difficult routine for me but I couldn’t help but grin at their praise.

It had taken a long time for me to feel comfortable on a skateboard but more importantly in a skate park. I had been the first girl in our circles with an interest in skating and always felt like the odd one out when I’d joined the boys. Many had made teasing remarks, as if me being a girl made it impossible to be good at skating. Boys in our circles were often caught up in the Middle Age with their thoughts. Nevio, however, had never made a big deal out of me skateboarding. He treated men and women the same way, from what I heard even when it came to his kills. It was a thought I didn’t like to dwell on.

Maybe Nevio had that opinion because his dad always said “women should stop thinking and acting like the weaker sex if they don’t want to be treated that way”.

Carlotta smiled broadly. She joined me at the skate park most days, even if she didn’t skate herself. Her brother Diego considered it too risky because of her heart condition, though she hadn’t had any troubles in a long time. I thought Carlotta wasn’t too sad about it anyway. She was a girly girl, who preferred art, dancing and music to most sports.

I perched on the rail beside her again.

“This is how you impress a man,” she murmured and nudged my shoulder.

“Because you know so much about men,” I muttered with a small laugh.

But she had a guy watching her with rapt attention all the time. Like now. Massimo’s gaze was attached to her. He didn’t look like he was fawning over her or madly in love, but really I doubted Massimo was even capable of that expression, but his intent observation spoke volumes. Carlotta had never even flirted with him. They talked a lot, or rather argued about pretty much every topic under the sun because their viewpoints were on opposite ends of the spectrum, but that seemed to have done the trick.

Maybe showing Nevio the cold shoulder or even fighting with him on occasion would do the trick for me too, but so far I hadn’t managed the necessary composure around him. It wasn’t even that I was throwing myself at him or flirting, I was just being an embarrassing klutz.

It wasn’t really surprising that Nevio wasn’t into that. Few people were attracted by clumsiness I assumed.

I wasn’t sure what Nevio’s type was. I’d never seen him with a girl, but word of mouth said he hooked up with them frequently at parties. Carlotta and I hadn’t been to one yet. Nothing had really made me want to go.

It was a warm summer evening about two weeks after the attack in New York and war had broken out between the Camorra and the Famiglia.

The atmosphere was strange at home and it was even worse at the Falcone mansion.

I packed my sunglasses and a spare bathing suit into my beach bag. I’d spend the evening at the pool with the Falcones. Davide had already gone over there an hour ago to hang out with Giulio. Except for Greta I’d be the only girl there today, and she and I had never been close friends. Now that things with Amo had gone downhill, she was even more closed off. I hadn’t even managed to talk to her yet. Not to mention that she wasn’t fond of water.

When I entered the kitchen, Mom ate sushi with a fork, still not having gotten the hang of sticks yet, spearing every roll as if it had offended her while she read over a police report about the arrest of one of her clients. Dad would be working all evening and I would eat pizza over at the Falcones so she had the evening to herself, which usually involved work if she wasn’t having a girls’ night with Serafina, Gemma and Kiara.

A perpetual worry line had taken habitat on Mom’s forehead since the war declaration.

I sank down across from her and put my bag on the ground. I’d overheard Mom and Dad talking in hushed voices in the living room almost every evening in the last two weeks, but neither of them had shared their concerns with me.

Maybe I wasn’t an adult but I was a good listener.

Mom looked up from the report and glanced at her watch, a beautiful Cartier piece Dad had gifted her for Christmas. “Aren’t you meeting the other kids?”

“They won’t care if I’m late.” I cringed inwardly at how bitter I sounded. I loved hanging out with the Unholy Trinity and the other Falcones, but I always felt a bit like the fifth wheel if Carlotta didn’t join me. Giulio and Davide hung out together even if they weren’t the same age, and the Unholy Trinity was a tight unit anyway. Then there was Greta. We chatted when I was over there but I could feel that she felt comfortable on her own and so I always worried she only hung with me because I’d be lonely otherwise.

Mom pursed her lips. “Do you want me to call your Dad and ask him to talk to Diego about allowing Carlotta to come?” Dad was Diego’s boss, who worked as an Enforcer under him.

“No, don’t. Diego is having an overprotective streak because of the war. He’ll calm down in a week or two. I’m fine.”

Mom nodded slowly but I could see her concern. I hadn’t sat down to talk about myself and so I quickly changed the subject. “What about Dad, is it hard for him that he won’t be able to see his sisters again?”

When Dad had first joined the Camorra, he hadn’t been on speaking terms with his sisters, because all three had married into the Famiglia. The rest of his family, the Scuderis, were still in Chicago where Dad had been born but he never spoke of them. It made me sad that our family was so tiny, even if the Falcones felt a bit like an extended family. It was different. I’d always loved seeing my aunts and cousins in New York. Now that wouldn’t be possible anymore.

“Your father is very focused on guaranteeing our safety at the moment. He and the Falcones have to put new security measures in place now that attacks could happen at any time.”

I didn’t feel in danger. Las Vegas had always been a fort, the ultimate safe place, and I still couldn’t imagine that the Famiglia would attack us here. “He doesn’t have time to think about what that means for him and his sisters.”

I gave her a doubtful look.

She smiled. “I always forget how grown up you are. Your father has high guards around his heart, like most men in this world, and he has never fully lowered them for his sisters after their reunion. I think that makes it easier for him to handle the situation but it’s still not easy.”

I nodded. “Sometimes I wish I was like Dad in that regard, that I could shield my heart so easily.”

“It’s not just bad if you have a big heart, Aurora. You’re a very loving person, don’t let anyone take that from you. I love that about you.”

I rolled my eyes but at the same time my heart swelled.

Mom watched me closely. “Are you sad because you can’t see your aunts and cousins anymore?”

I gave a one shoulder shrug, suddenly emotional. “Are you?”

Mom had gotten along really well with my aunts Aria, Liliana and Gianna, and considering she had no more family of her own, I could only imagine how hard this must be for her.

“I’ll miss them,” she said softly, giving me a sad smile. “I know it was hard for you when Grandma died, and now you’re losing even more people you care about.”

I looked down at my feet. Dad had never liked Grandma because of her drug problems and how poor of a mother she’d been for Mom, but I’d mostly felt pity for her and enjoyed spending time with her on good days. “It’s okay. I’m going to be fine. We have the Falcones. It’s almost like having a big family.”

Mom nodded but I could see the hesitation in her eyes. “Your dad sees them as family, well sort of, but I think you and I have a more nuanced look. Or do you think of Nevio as something like your cousin or brother?”

My eyes widened in alarm. “No,” I said, disgusted by the mere idea. My feelings definitely weren’t anywhere close to being sisterly.

Mom smiled knowingly and I flushed. I rose to my feet. I didn’t want to discuss Nevio with Mom or anyone except for Carlotta for that matter.

“Crushing on guys who are unattainable is a safe and good way to discover your emotions,” Mom said.

My mouth fell open, and my face burned even hotter. “I know I’m not Nevio’s type, Mom. Thanks for rubbing it in.”

Mom took my hand. “That’s not how I meant it, Sweetheart, but you and Nevio obviously won’t happen. I think you know that, right? You’re sweet and caring and have a huge heart, but Nevio…” Mom trailed off. “Let’s just say your dad and I would be terribly concerned if there was the possibility of you and Nevio seeing each other.”

I tugged my hand from her grip. “Like you said, it’s just a silly crush. Nevio sees me as a little, stupid sister, not more, so don’t worry.”

I grabbed my bag and quickly left before Mom could say more that would upset me.

“What’s up? You look like you’re going to bawl,” Davide said the moment I arrived at the pool.

I glared at him and sank down on a vacant sunchair. Nevio floated on an airbed, sunglasses over his eyes while Alessio and Massimo played waterball.

Luckily none of them paid attention to my brother’s comment or me. The only person who seemed to notice my distress was Greta. She sat on a chair under an umbrella over to the left, and was reading a book. Or had been. Now her dark eyes were locked on mine.

She gave me a tight, little smile before she returned her gaze to the book, but it was obvious that she wasn’t actually reading.

I pushed to my feet and walked over to her. “Is it okay if I sit here?” I motioned at the vacant chair across from her.

She put down her book on the table and nodded. Her dog Momo, a white fluff ball, was curled up on her lap. Her Rottweiler Bear wasn’t around. “Where’s Bear?”

“He’s been even more protective of me lately so I’m keeping him up in my room when others are in the garden.”

“You mean when Nevio is around,” Alessio added as he walked past us.

“He doesn’t like any of you,” Greta said gently, but firmly.

“I once read that dominant dogs have trouble with other alphas. He sees them as rivaling predators in his territory,” Davide piped in.

I pursed my lips, then turned back to Greta. “Dogs are sensitive to emotions. He probably senses your distress,” I made sure to say this in a bare whisper so the nosy guys wouldn’t overhear this part of the conversation too.

Greta stroked Momo’s fur, her dark eyes flashing with wistfulness, even pain. So far I’d only dealt with unrequited love, which was already difficult, but Greta’s love to Amo had been returned and then ripped away. I imagined that was a thousand times harder, especially if you had to watch the person you loved marry someone else.

“Nevio sees this whole situation as confirmation of something he’s always believed: that love is stupidity. An emotion that weakens you, while hatred makes you stronger,” Greta whispered. The way she looked at me tightened my throat.

I shrugged as if it didn’t matter.

“So even if Nevio had feelings for you, which I don’t know because it’s not something he’d admit even to me, he’d fight them as a weakness.”

I bit my lip, my eyes slanting to Nevio, who kept throwing glances our way despite being in a match against Massimo.

Greta went to bed early, without eating pizza but the rest of us settled on the grass across from the huge trees where Massimo and Nino had attached a canvas so we could watch a movie outside. I shivered. It was chilly tonight and my still damp hair only intensified the sensation.

“Rory,” Nevio called, pulling his sweater over his head and tossing it at me.

I caught it before it could hit me in the face. I put it on without protest, trying not to smell the fabric.

“Gross,” Giulio commented. “I wouldn’t want Nevio’s sweat all over me.”

“You’re lucky I’m too old to rub your face all over my axle,” Nevio said, baring his teeth.

I stifled laughter at the disgusted look on Giulio’s face. “Alessio did that once.”

“Because you were sniffing in my personal stuff.”

I grinned. Huddled in Nevio’s sweater, I watched the movie. It was past midnight when Davide and I finally headed home.

“Wait,” Nevio called.

I stopped and turned to see him jogging after us. He probably wanted his sweatshirt back, which I was still wearing. Davide hovered close to me like my personal bodyguard and I almost rolled my eyes. I couldn’t help but wonder if Dad had given him a secret mission to watch Nevio and me.

Nevio stopped beside us and gave Davide a questioning look. “Go ahead. I don’t think Rory needs a bodyguard on our premises.”

“She’s not supposed to be alone with boys.”

Nevio scoffed. “Get lost.”

“Go,” I said firmly. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

Davide made a face but he finally walked off. At thirteen, he still often switched between utterly childish and surprisingly adult behavior.

“Sorry,” I said with an embarrassing laugh.

Nevio stared at the spot where Davide had been with a dark look then he shook his head and gave me a sardonic smile. “I bet your mom told him to keep an eye on me.”

“No way.” My voice came out completely false sounding.

Nevio’s smile broadened. “I know I’m the ticking bomb here. They all want to make sure you aren’t in my vicinity when I go off.”

“That’s not true.” I motioned at his sweater. “I forgot to give this back to you.” I began to pull it over my head but felt my shirt being dragged up with it. Of course I’d manage to get tangled in a sweater. A warm hand brushed my skin and tugged at my T-shirt, keeping it in place while I pulled the sweater over my head. My cheeks burned from the time inside the sweater and embarrassment when I met Nevio’s gaze. He was still holding my T-shirt. I stared down at his hand. He released the fabric. I handed him his sweater to break the silence. “Here.”

“That’s not why I ran after you,” he said with a smirk.

“No?”

He reached into his pants and pulled something out, which I couldn’t make out because it was hidden in his fist. He held it out to me and uncurled his fingers.

My eyes widened in surprise. It was a skateboard necklace, very similar to the one I’d lost.

“You must have left it in New York.”

I swallowed. “Yeah. Everything went so fast…I left it on my nightstand.” I cleared my throat as the events of that night flooded my memories. “I didn’t think you paid attention to my jewelry.”

“It was a strange piece of jewelry, hard not to notice,” he said with a chuckle.

I nodded. Wearing a skateboard around your neck and loving the sport had given me the tomboy stamp, though I loved “girly” things just as much as throwing myself down a halfpipe.

“Eventually the events from that night won’t bother you anymore,” Nevio said.

“Do they bother you?”

Nevio smiled a ghost-smile. “Chaos and destruction run in my veins. I don’t mind bloodshed and fighting.”

“I know,” I said. “But that fight was different. Greta was there. She jumped into the ocean.”

Something dark passed Nevio’s eyes. “Yeah, that put a damper on the night.”

I rubbed my arms. This time the outside chill wasn’t responsible for the shivers raking my body. My heartbeat picked up as I remembered the fear I’d felt that day.

“You are safe in Las Vegas. War won’t reach us here. And remember, I’ll always be there to save the day with a crazy stunt.”

I couldn’t help but smile.

Nevio pushed his hand with the necklace over to me. “Take it. It’s for you if that wasn’t obvious before. I see you trying to grab the thing all the time. You’re obviously attached to inanimate objects.”

I swallowed and took it gingerly. “Why?”

“I don’t know why you’re attached to things. I’m not emotionally attached to jewelry.”

“That’s not what I mean. Why—”

Why did you buy it? This was such a sweet thing to do that my heart wanted to put more meaning into the gesture than it probably deserved.

“I know what you mean.” Nevio shrugged. “It’s odd. You’re not you without it.”

I bit my lip. So he found me odd? “Thanks. That’s really nice of you.”

Nevio clucked his tongue. “Don’t spread any false tales. Nobody will believe you if you say I’m being nice.”

I tilted my head, regarded his face in the dark. “Can you put it on?”

Nevio took the necklace and reached around my neck. Goose bumps rippled across my body when his fingers touched my skin. We stood really close. This was the perfect moment to kiss. It was almost too perfect, like in my fantasies, and really romantic. Nevio dropped his hands and leaned down to my ear. “This is a gift between friends, Rory. Remember the warnings your mother tells you about me. A mother’s instinct rarely lies.”

He stepped back and turned around without another word, stalking away.

I stood there for several minutes dumb founded.